Honor opens the door to influence
While sitting in the reception area I wondered what Scott would be like. “Scott” is a business and community leader and the first LF subscriber I’ve met face to face. After a hand shake we made our way to a second floor conference room and engaged in a lively two hour conversation. Time flew. I learned, shared, listened and grew. It was a great experience.
During our talk, I was reminded that leadership is influence and influence is freely received not expected, required, or demanded.
How is the right of influence earned?
Extending honor opens the door to influence.
Even though we hadn’t had time to decide if we liked each other, he expressed respect for the writing I do on LF. He asked where I found the time to write and said he had told others about my blog. I felt humbled and honored.
Extending honor for what I do opened the door to Scott’s influence in my life. I’m not talking about shallow compliments and manipulation. And I’m not saying he respected me as a person. He simply honored what I do. He opened the door to influence.
Here’s one way Scott influenced me. During our conversation, he showed me three diagrams that illustrate relational dynamics. They stick in my mind. I’ve already shared them with my wife. Scott taught me.
If you want to lead others, don’t pressure them,
honor them. Don’t demand influence, extend respect.
It turns out that Scott and I connected on several levels. We’ll get together again. I’ll listen and learn again. He opened the door to influence by extending honor.
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Have you seen this principle working? How do you open the door of influence?
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If you liked this you may like: Changing a life
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Leadership Freak
Dan Rockwell
Dear Dan,
Good tips to win the confidence of all while leading the team to get started. Subsequently, you may have to bring in an adequate pressure for people to perform and contribute. While appreciating the role of respect for others, one needs to lead by example. People follow the leader if they have the necessary faith and trust in him for working towards the desired success in a fair manner.
Dr. Asher,
Thanks for leaving your first comment on LF. I appreciate it. And thanks for expanding to conversation beyond extending honor.
You can honor others all you want but if you don’t have competence you can’t lead.
Best to you,
Dan
Over the years, I’ve watched my son participate in t-ball, basketball, roller hockey, football, wrestling, swimming…. I’ve also watched a wide variety of coaching styles, most of which relied on screaming. But my son’s most accomplished “coach” was called “teacher,” a 5th degree black belt who spoke just above a whisper. He expected greatness. He expected diligence. The students responded accordingly. “If the teacher believes I can do it that must mean I can do it.” He showed them honor and respect. They couldn’t run fast enough to give him the same in return.
AJ,
Great to see you again. You’ve left us a great story.
Thank you,
Dan
Another great post, thanks.
I am consistently amazed by the richness that can be found by truly listening to, valuing, and honoring others.
I recently read something that (for me) hadn’t been intuitive, but it makes so much sense to me now: in order to be influential, you must be influence-able.
Tim,
Thank you for leaving your first comment on LF. I appreciate it. Love the expression “influence-able.” Makes perfect sense. Hope to see you again soon.
Best to you,
Dan
Dan,
It is all about creating Impact through Influence.
Thanks…Jim
Jim,
YOu got it man!
Best,
Dan
One of the reasons I love this blog, Dan, is because so much of what you post applies to parenting (perhaps the ultimate form of leadership!)
Thanks for everything.
C
Crystal,
You are so right. I think we need to teach mom’s and dad’s leadership principles! Good to see you again.
Regards,
Dan
Very helpful ideas. Especially like the notion that in order to influence you have to be influenced. In order to be honored you have to honor others, in order to be respected, have to respect. It’s not just about “building on my strengths” , it’s building on my strengths that strengthen others.
Norm,
Always a privilege to have you drop in to LF. Thanks for your contribution to the discuttion.
Thank you for sending me The Leadership Code and Leadership Brand. I’m just getting into Leadership Brand. It’s great.
For anyone interested, check it out at http://www.amazon.com/Leadership-Brand-Developing-Customer-Focused-Performance/dp/1422110303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269963549&sr=1-1
Cheers,
Dan
Dan,
I like this post a lot. The “honoring” part clearly allowed the “influence me” heart to open up.
How often we start “selling” vs. sharing. This is a real-life example of how mutually respectful relationships begin and, hopefully, grow.
Steve,
Welcome to Leadership Freak. Great application selling vs. sharing.
Thank you for the good word.
Best,
Dan
Great post Dan! It seems this concept has application beyond leadership (Crystal’s comment about parenting) to consistently honoring a person from the start of an interaction and then you have established a connection with that person. A mutuality variation perhaps?
And to riff on it a bit more..transferring that concept to the service sector, public or private, we can/need/should honor the journey and the experiences of those we serve, right from the start and appreciate that they are willing to share their time with us. That might require a mind set shift. Hmm, mind sets, probably a different blog opportunity! How valuable are set minds?
Doc
Doc,
Thank you for stopping in and thank you for expanding the idea of honoring from single events, skill, behaviors to an all inclusive idea. Love the music jargon, “riff.” How valuable are set minds? INdeed.
Best to you,
Dan
If you want to lead others, don’t pressure them,
honor them. Don’t demand influence, extend respect.
Whenever I have done this with my siblings and friends I’ve found my influence to have grown enormously. Whenever I have lost patience and done the reverse, I lost influence and respect.
Great post Mr. Rockwell, hope we meet someday.
Regards,
Deep
Deep,
Thanks for the good word! And sharing your personal experience.
Best to you,
Dan
this is really helpful…especially when what people feels in the organization are all pressures in meeting goals and deadlines. i realize, what people fear, people hates! leadership is always inspired!
WIN-WIN LEADERSHIP! moving people towards the goal having an increasing morale.