The Power of Pain
Pain motivates change. Without it we remain stuck. Motivated by it we adapt.
I’m not talking about transitory physical pain. I’m talking about struggling with meaning at work, career drift, and activity without higher purpose.
In some cases you can fake it till you make it but not with inner pain. For example, waking up grumpy on Monday morning eventually goes away. You can fake it till you make it. Inner angst won’t go away. If you ignore it, it yells louder. Closing your eyes to it magnifies it. Push it away and it gains power. That’s good because it’s demanding your attention.
Listening to Pain
#1. Don’t plug your ears and pretend everything is OK. Don’t fake it till you make it.
#2. Talk it over with trusted friends, mentors, or coaches. Don’t pull any punches.
#3. Do less not more. You may be tempted to work harder. Doing more of the same thing won’t satisfy new dissatisfactions.
#4. Realize that your inner pain is not about others. Don’t blame. Accept personal responsibility.
Your inner pain won’t let you continue on dead-end roads. If you listen it will motivate you to seek counsel and meaningful change.
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What recommendations can you offer to Leadership Freak readers struggling with meaning at work?
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Leadership Freak
Dan Rockwell
Hi Dan,
This does touch the chord right through my heart.
The four months during the transition period between my voluntary separation and finding a new job was the most challenging period of my life.
You try your best and look out for a job, but nothing seems to work.
It comes to a point where you begin to doubt yourself, your worth, your life…it is not easy to wake up in the morning and face the world….your neighbors, your friends, your folks and your family.
The pain of helplessness, low self-esteem cuts right through you.
At this juncture you need to have a focus in life. A ray of hope that things will change for the better. You need to be ready when the Opportunity knocks.
It is a learning curve in your life, makes you stronger, makes you strive harder to succeed. You conquer your inner fears and face challenges ahead with greater zeal.
To reflect, none of us can avoid CHANGE. You have to accept it, adapt to it and move on in life.
As the old saying goes ‘NO PAIN – NO GAIN’.
Ashok,
Thank you for an honest transparent comment. I’m sure it will encourage LF readers.
I apologize that I haven’t been checking the spam filter. Your comment was caught.
Regards,
Dan
Don’t you think it’s a matter of knowing you’re doing what God want you to do. Even if you are struggling with the work, if God is in it He will some day bring you to the right job. There may be things you are supposed to learn through it all.
There were years in my last job I wondered if I was making a difference or was where I was supposed to be. But there seemed to be no way out. Then one day a door opened and I think God honored my patience and trust in Him.
That’s my take on it Dan. It will be interesting to see what others have to say.
Blessings,
Dave
Dave,
My problem is I can’t tell if God is telling me to endure through the pain (closed door) or seek another opportunity (open door)
My personal assessment is I usually endure too long rather than let pain motivate me to change.
Thanks for leaving a useful comment
Dan
I caution all my staff to never let anything fester and that it is always easier to climb a hill than a mountain. Unfortunately some learn the hard way and ignore issues as you say and the crisis just worsens until someone “slams the door” and commits what I like to call “an act of no return” and then we have casualties. Confronting pain head on and dealing with it will not only assuage potential scars but also provide a platform for growth, understanding, and self-healing. We are in the process of creating a Physician Wellness Program and this concept of the power of pain is one of the key ingredients.
Al,
Great comment and application in the workplace. We could hope other organizations follow your example.
I love your comment: “platform for growth …” Nicely said.
Best to you,
Dan
Al is connected with the Harbin Clinic. It is the largest privately owned multi-specialty physician group in Georgia. http://harbinclinic.com/index.html
For some reason, when I push myself physically I find myself most open to the most authentic “inner voice”. When I am at interval training, pushing myself to run shorter distances at greater intensity, I find myself almost in tears as some of the “stuff” about the direction I need to take my goals, vocation, and spirit tries to bubble up. Maybe I need to run more intervals (God forbid). 🙂
Paula,
Your observation makes me think about the connection the physical has with the non-physical.
For example, when we are physically tired we anger more easily. You’ve opened a channel that may help some LF readers.
Regards,
Dan
Paula blogs at: http://www.waytenmom.blogspot.com/
According to Joyce Meyer in her book Beauty for Ashes, there are two kinds of pain:
1. The pain of change.
2. The pain of staying the same.
This can be applied professionally and personally.
Kathy,
Great quote. Thanks for leaving it. I wish I could wiggle my way into middle ground but I can’t.
Regards,
Dan
“Fake it till you make it” is a term used frequently in drug treatment. I don’t buy it! People in treatment have a lot of inner pain, so to expect them to fake it is totally unrealistic, espically because they already figured out a way to fake the fact that they are hurting. Until we can face our inner pain, we will fake our outer demeanor with much more discomfort. Embracing the pain is the only way to heal from it. I do a workshop titled “Stop Blaming and Start Changing” (accepting personal responsibility). Great minds think alike…Dan…Be blessed…:-)
Ruth,
Glad you jumped into this conversation. Embracing your pain is a challenging concept. I’m sure your seminar is “painful” 🙂
Best to you,
DAn
Ruth’s website: http://www.yesicaninc-spiritcare.com/
Great post Dan. I like the fact that you are advocating change in place of simply drowning in your current circumstances. I’ve heard this advice put a couple of ways before:
1 – The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again while expecting different results
2 – If you don’t like the ground you’re standing on – move.
The second piece actually came from a conversation between an Admiral and some of his warship captains – the point being that, as leaders, they had the control necessary to change the organization…
Thanks,
Landon Creasy
http://landoncreasy.wordpress.com
Landon,
I’m glad to see you again. Your comments expand and add to the conversation.
I’m challenged by the idea that there are things in life WE have the power to change because they are under our control. Don’t blame – claim responsibility.
Someone once told me that when the pain of staying where you are now, overcomes the pain of change, you will move forward. So I guess a good question to ask is which is worse, the pain in staying stuck or the pain in change? I don’t know that this will help anyone at work, but it sure helps me to enact needed change in my home (I am an at-home mom who homeschools 2 teens). Thanks for a great blog post.
Heidi,
Your observation is true in my life. I find myself clinging to the status quo until the unknown future is less painful than the known present. Then I let go. Being vision driven is helping me become a bit more proactive.
Thank you,
Dan
LF readers, Heidi blogs at: http://godisdoinganewthing.blogspot.com/
When I find myself “struggling with meaning at work, career drift, and activity without higher purpose,” I sometimes use a method called the “5 Whys.” Ask yourself “why” questions five times. Hint – the first two and even three are relatively easy to answer, it is the fourth and fifth ones that are truly hard and usually surface the true meaning of your purpose. BTW, don’t think you can answer all five “Whys” in one sitting. Also, share your answers with your spouse and friends and seek their opinions. You might be surprised by their responses to your answers. Last, but not least, always have fun.
Jim,
“Give your answers to your friends” oh yeah. It’s funny how something in my head sounds so smart but when its spoken out loud it’s plain stupid.
Great advice,
Dan
Jim is all about enhancing performance and value through systems
http://www.leemanngroup.com/