Vulnerable vs. Needy
Leadership guru’s advocate for vulnerability in leaders. Additionally, high profile leaders believe in vulnerability. Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks believes vulnerability is the most important leadership quality. (Stated on TV interview)
Vulnerable leaders expose themselves to being wounded or criticized by acknowledging their limitations. They say things like, “I don’t know.”
Vulnerability cultivates supportive relationships.
Vulnerability creates environments where others give honest, valuable input.
One reason leaders aren’t vulnerable is they are needy. They need approval, power, respect, honor, control, ________ (you fill in the blank).
Needy leaders create environments where feedback is dishonest.
Needy leaders don’t hear the truth they hear what they need to hear. Subordinates tell them what they need to hear.
Vulnerable leaders are:
#1. Honest
#2. Trusting
#3. Confident
#4. Focused on solutions
Needy leaders are:
#1. Fakers
#2. Fearful
#3. Closed
#4. Self-serving
Inauthentic, needy leaders create walls that make them feel alone and underappreciated. Authentic leaders open windows and doors for honest, supportive relationships.
Three ways to develop authentic vulnerability:
#1. Shift from focusing on leadership skills to life skills. Successful leadership is about the whole you not isolated techniques and strategies. Life skills go beyond listening techniques and motivation strategies to finding fulfillment and joy.
#2. Uncover your values. Vulnerable leaders live values-driven lives. They courageously speak and act in ways that honestly reflect who they are.
#3. Think about what you think rather than what others think. Last night at Colorado State University President, Dr. Tony Frank exhibited vulnerability. He broke protocol by saying he was nervous about trying something new. He spoke directly to a graduating senior and asked them a question. It was unrehearsed. It had never been done before. There were technical glitches. I loved it. The audience responded with applause. He was vulnerable and it drew us to him.
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What other ways can leaders develop authentic vulnerability?
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Leadership Freak
Dan Rockwell
Hi Dan,
This was a really good post. I read it last night and couldn’t sleep after that as so many thoughts popped up!
So my answer to your question: In caring, and showing that you care, about the people and what happens to them and the company leaders can develop vulnerability.
/Ulrika
Hi Ulrika,
Thank you for your positive words. It’s exciting to stimulate thought.
You’ve offered a positive, actionable way to develop vulnerability.
Cheers,
Dan
Hi Dan –
It is important to remember that leaders are people too, with all the wondrous strengths and weaknesses ascribed to the human race. What is different is some combination of professional responsibility and willingness to develop vision, take a stand, and make decisions. This role is complementary to the work done by those around them, not something that makes them “better” or “worse” than the people around them.
Be yourself, be human, and lead naturally.
JB
Jeremy,
Your comment reflects the important idea that leadership is more than technique. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
Best,
Dan
Jeremy’s website: http://brombergllc.com/
Do you think, Dan, that it may be in our genetic make-up (well in most human beings and many other species) to come to support/defense of those who are vulnerable?
At an immediate core level, people become very personally invested in the well being of the person who is perceived as vulnerable.
Rumor has it that is why babies of most species tend to be perceived as cute…and relatively helpless. (Might except the platypus)
Doc,
Interesting idea. Made me thinking about the appeal of an underdog.
As I read your comment, I also thought about how a vulnerable person is not a threat to others.
Thanks for dropping in,
Dan
What a great post. I agree. It takes courage and character to admit vulnerability. It takes a healthy depending on others, versus self reliance. This post is a great reminder to leaders especially called to problem solving–which would be all of us.
“Needy leaders create environments where feedback is dishonest.” –I agree and that’s a quote to remember.
Dear Dan,
I really like your presentaion of two kind of leadership. In fact, one is selfish and other is selfless. Vulnerable leader derives energy from heart and needy leader derives from head. one is In the integrity and other is out of integrity system. Vulnerable leaders are inspired from service and needy leaders are inspired from material gains. So we can say that needy leaders always make cost benefit analysis for their efforts but vulnerable leaders don’t.
Dan, this is my favourite post of yours to date… and you know I am a big fan! This is powerful, I think this should be every leaders mantra. Thanks Dan!
Great post! I think the short of it is that people need to know that leaders (and others with whom they work) are human. The characteristics you list for the needy leader speak to a suppression of everything that makes us human. As a higher education professional, your third point about developing authentic vulnerability rang true. Rarely do higher education presidents exhibit vulnerability. Traditionally, everything about the presidency (and about academe!) is intended to convey inviolability.
In a hostile workplace, if the leader exhibits vulnerability, it will be immediately seized upon as weakness by others. The leader will then be undermined & lose respect. This is wrong but it’s the real world.