Correcting the boss
Recent emails and comments from Leadership Freak readers demonstrate that bad bosses are alive and well. This post is dedicated to those who have endured a bad boss and lived to tell about it.
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The Problem
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone had a great boss that appreciated and lifted them? Wouldn’t it be great if your board of directors loved you like you love you?
You’re unique if there haven’t been times you felt overworked and underappreciated. Sadly, few understand the extent of your efforts and the depth of your contribution. Additionally, you may serve sacrificially while others focus on serving themselves.
You may have a bad boss who pushes you down and lifts him/herself up by taking credit for your work. That’s always frustrating.
To make matters worse, bosses don’t understand how others perceive them. They don’t think of themselves as bad bosses. In addition, leaders seldom understand and appreciate the true impact of their words and behaviors on others. In other words bosses have blind-spots.
A Leadership Freak reader’s question
“If in the workplace, a person works very hard, is loyal, has contributed major suggestions and information to the business, and yet is treated disrespectfully and others take credit for his work, how would he approach the leadership?”
Question for the community
Since “abusive” bosses/leaders exist, how should their bad behavior be addressed?
Responding
Leadership Freak readers don’t know enough about the situation I mentioned to offer specific counsel. However, we can take this opportunity to offer general suggests and principles for dealing with bad bosses.
The LF reader who sent this question is watching and may interact with your responses.
Hi Dan, you pose an interesting dilemma..
The truth is everyone can at times be perceived as a “bad” boss. My feeling is that for relationships to work candor needs to rule. Again it is critical like everything else in life, the setting and approach taken when one decides to step forward. I have found that letting things fester will only make matters worse and the sooner one has the sit down the better everything will turn out for all concerned. The term boss in of itself is an outdated vestige of the command and control management era and no longer viable in today’s world. People don’t leave leaders but they will leave a boss. People don’t leave teams but will leave organizations. My suggestion would be to make an appointment to speak with your boss asap. Afier the usual greeting I would sit down and tell your boss you need advice and that he is the only person that can help you. Again that will diffuse the situation and create some comfort and receptiveness when the “difficult” conversation commences. In my experience when I have approached my superiors in this fashion they tend to be less apprehensive and more receptive and in some cases even relieved that the issue was finally unearthed. True there have been other times when some tension has evolved but without exception the outcome has always been better than suffering in silence and waiting for the boss to”get” it someday. To quote the often repeated aphorism “the truth will set you free” undoubtedly in one way or another. One my favorite quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt which I often repeat to my folks is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Make that appointment today. Regards, Al
Al,
I hear you saying to approach the “boss” as a learner. You suggest saying, “I need advice.” What about, “I need your help with a problem I’m having.”
You also introduce the idea that we can be the root of the disrespect we feel from others. I think the danger is become defensive. I think defensiveness only expresses and exacerbates the issue of feeling disrespected.
It’s always great seeing you. Thanks for sharing you perspective,
Dan
Hi Dan, I hear what you are saying and don’t disagree. Asking for help was the end of the introductory remark: “tell your boss you need advice and that he is the only person that can help you. ” I have found that asking someone for advice sets a different tone to the conversation. People are suggestively placed in a caring, how can I help attitude when approached that way. It has worked for me. Possibly yes defensiveness may always rear its ugly head but one must examine the reasons why we wait so long to address the problem. Sooner is always better than later. I agree with you if an attitude of defense takes place one runs the risk of further incursions into our respect. thank you for your insight. Best, Al
Robert Sutton’s book “The No Asshole Rule” is a great resource on this topicl.
Joe Tye
Joe,
Thanks for the recommendation.
Cheers,
Dan
You are right Joe, that is the book that fits and we certainly don’t have any shortages of those type of folks going around. Best, Al
Dear Dan,
I think when hardworking and loyal people do not get appreciation and credit for their work, they should expand their communications and interactions with the people who give credit and appreciation. Why hardworking people do not credit because they believe in doing work and not telling whereas bosses need information and update about your day to day activities and actions. There are people who do not believe in hard working, instead they take the credit of others by providing informations to their bosses. They believe in personal effectiveness than organizational performance.They seems to be soft spoken people and always look busy. In previous post, you have rightly mentioned, stop back-stabbers to prevent excessive bleeding before it is too late. Hardworking and talented people are often bled. Hard working people should take caution to provide important informations to anyone else than boss. People play when they have informations.So, knock them down by not providing information.
It is very challenging and often difficult to address the bad behavior of bosses. In my experience, I think, you should complete the work in time or before time. Be punctual and follow every rule. In case of any doubt, ask for suggestions. Problems occur when you violate the rules but problem will not occur when you do not violate the rules. There are many practices that are not written and you are supposed to do it. So, when you make mistake, you become responsible because it is not written. So, it is better strategy to ask your boss to give instruction in writing if it is not written. The whole strategy is to hold your boss responsible and involve him when practices followed not written. I have seen in the banks, when your boss doubts everything, you should become more suspicious and ask his consent in every transaction. Even when he says it is ok, then also doubt his decision. It really works.
The whole move behind correcting bad bosses is to involve, engage and make more accountable in different activities. Make his so busy that he does not get time to express his bad behavior. For example if your boss wants to sit late, sit later than him. Even you do not have pending work, create it and Ask him to come on Sunday and holiday pretending pending of work. It means when he tries to disturb your mind, create situation where he engages more. This is the strategy i have seen and it is hundred percent sound and it is tried and tested also.
Dear Ajay,
Nice seeing you this Monday morning.
Here’s what I’m getting from your post.
Don’t use a bad boss as an excuse to slack off. I agree, anger toward a bad boss might turn into bitterness and then we may begin acting in ways that actually hurt ourselves. I’ve seen many people sabotage themselves.
Learn how to sell yourself. I agree, sometimes hard workers aren’t overly concerned about letting others know what is happening. They don’t want to toot their own horn.
I wrote a post that includes 3 ways to “play fair at office politics” It’s about how to toot your own horn. It might apply to this discussion.
Best to you,
Dan
AJay is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. I’ve posted his bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/ajay-gupta
Hi Dan,
I offer a preparation step to all readers here before you make a move to speak to the “bad boss”. Observation and watching will be an invaluable tool.
The “in the dark” approach in my opinion is risky. Talking to the boss will produce a positive outcome if the boss already has self-awareness, is a person of integrity, and seems open to feedback. It can be disastrous otherwise.
Before deciding what to do watch for the following and ask yourself:
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– Does the “bad boss” exhibit this “bad” behavior in public, in meetings, and do it with many people? If yes, this person believes the behavior is acceptable. Unless you are his/her boss, approaching for a solo talk on this behavior is very likely to fail. It may even cause you more trouble.
– Does the “bad boss” ask for creative input on ideas when working on a project or goal and show appreciation for those ideas? If yes, then they may well be open to feedback, said in a positive forward focused manner, on his/her actions and behavior.
– What is the culture in the company between leaders/managers and their team members? In other words, how do other leaders/managers treat their team members? If you see similar behaviors in other leaders/managers, it could be the culture trickling down from the top. If you don’t see it, ask yourself why “this boss” is doing it before proceeding with any solo discussion with the bad boss. Does s/he feel insecure about ability to do the job so s/he is treating you badly or taking credit for your ideas? If this is the case how well will this person react if you speak to him/her — basically giving them more reason to feel threatened and insecure. Going in solo to talk to this boss doesn’t hold much chance for success.
-Lastly, in the case of a boss taking credit for your ideas — if it isn’t the culture of that company overall — one thing you can do is offer your ideas in public (e.g.in meetings) and “do not be the first one to speak.” Wait a bit, hold back, until all in the meeting are listening. After the “bad boss” offers his/her own ideas, offer your idea AND underscore how you would be willing to lead the work on it! It is a subtle way to let the boss know you are “on to him/her” and YET you will be seen as a true giver.
(I also echo Joe’s recommendation on Bob Sutton’s book “The No Asshole Rule” — excellent read.)
Kate
Kate,
Thank you for taking some of your Monday morning time to give back to the LF community.
The first part of your comment reminds me of the idea that unrequested suggestions are almost always perceived as criticism. Great call on asking if the boss is aware of the issue.
Love your explanation/warning on deciding to have a one-on-one or not.
Very practical and useful suggestions.
Best regards,
Dan
Kate is a featured blogger on Leadership Freak. You can read about her and see her contact information at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/kate-nasser
Kate,
I really like how you broke down when it is safe to question the boss versus not. And, alas, there are plenty of people stuck with bad bosses right now who don’t have other options, and if the boss and culture are one’s that are fear-driven and vindictive, well, sometimes all you can do is to wait for a better opportunity to come along. Another variable in larger companies that people have written me about a lot is whether HR can be trusted or not… sometimes they help with such situations, other times — especially when an employee has concerns about someone who is politically powerful (and HR is weak — than complaining to HR can make your life worse. Good topic and comments.
Thanks Bob. Your work has given much thought-filled guidance to me and others. I appreciate your feedback here and love your addition about “fear-driven”.
BTW: I have heard the same concern about HR departments.
Kate
I agree with your ‘right now’ comment Bob which may be a ‘current’ valid perception/reality. If the leader is that ‘bad’ and unsalvageable, then a new reality is needed.
There are always other options (often on the surface they do not look as desirable, pay as well, prestige, etc.), however weigh in the intangible of tyrant and the options may not only be palatable, but long-term lead to less stress and expanded options and longer life expectancy.
My first suggestion is, update your resume. I do that automatically every six months. Be looking actively and go to interviews to get your practice in with that process. Network, network, network in between. This is if you are in an unhealthy environment and do not see short/medium range options for positive change. Life is too short.
Kate did an awesome job covering how to work with bad boss behaviors…keep records, keep things public, network with others internally and see if your perceptions match others.
If the bad boss is workable, meet on neutral turf, for lunch, but be clear that you wish it to be a working lunch. Before the lunch, know what makes your leader tick, what drives her/him and sequence through options. That is where I see al2’s and Dan’s options fitting well. Other options might be to Columbo it, or provide a scenario about a close personal friend who is undergoing some challenges with their superior and you would like some options to offer that friend (nod, nod, wink, wink).
Dependent on the immediate and longer term response of the ‘boss’, decide your next course of action. Did I mention, life’s too short?
I have a loved one who is a hypochondriac. When I dragged this loved one to family therapy (I was an adult child and I am referring to one of my parents), at one point I said something to the effect of, “you know how you frequently exaggerate your medical stuff). His response: But it really does hurt!
I tell this anecdote to point out that some leaders are so entrenched in their “bad leader” behavior that no amount of feedback, from you as the employee, from their peers, or from their leadership, is likely to make any substantial difference in their behaviors. Until they have insight into themselves, nothing is going to change about their behavior — the only thing that can change is your perception of it.
Which leaves you as the employee with a decision to make — if you can reframe this leadership environment and understand that it is not correlated with your achievement and satisfaction, reframe it, stay, and enjoy work you love.
If the leader him/herself is “poison” and no one above him/her is willing to call them on it, it may be time to consider a move to an environment that is healthier.
Dan,
I was about to post this exact post, except you got to it while I was driving to work 🙂
My experience in life echos exactly what you said, that many leaders are so blind to what they are doing that they just keep doing it. You can try to tell them, but they will just brush it off.
Of the several places I’ve worked in my life, the places where the boss and I were able to have a one-on-one conversation and be open were the healthiest. I recently left a location where the boss had to always be right and had to micromanage everything about every department. When this type of observation was brought up, the excuse was that “that’s not what the boss said”. Needless to say, this caused moral issues.
Bosses or, as a better term, leaders need to be willing to listen to their employees, realize they hired the employees because they thought they could do a good job and entrust that the employees will do a good job. (If I can’t do a good job and don’t know what I’m doing – why did you hire me?) Additionally, they need to be willing to hear feedback and realize they are not infallible themselves.
Paula,
Couldn’t agree more that bad bosses, well, most of us don’t really see ourselves very well. And we usually won’t change until the pain gets bad enough to keep us awake at night. Until then, we are sleep-walking… UNLESS… unless we intentionally seek out and listen to legitimate feedback that is tied to personal mission, vision, and objectives.
I see your suggestion is to walk carefully and don’t count on changing the bad boss. Rather, change yourself.
All the best,
Dan
Paula is a featured blogger on Leadership Freak. I’ve posted her bio and contact information at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/paula-kiger
Hi Dan
What an interesting discussion. There is no doubt that dealing with a bad boss can be challenging at times. Trying to do a one-to-one talk with the boss can be difficult if the boss does not posses one of those leadership qualities we mentioned last week (LISTENING abilities). As Kate mentioned this might not work. As an employee, sometimes it can be difficult to arrange such a meeting because of fear of the unknown. I would suggest talking to the next leader who has influential capacity and is not afraid to raise the issue with the concerned boss on your behalf.
Peter,
Reading your comment made me think about the problem of trying to convince someone that what they are doing is wrong when they don’t think it is wrong. Now that is a loser for anyone with lower rank than the person they are speaking with..
Always glad to see you,
Dan
I’ve had my share of good bosses and bad bosses over the years – and both have taught me a lot about what kind of boss I can strive to be. In my experience – fighting or challenging a “bad boss” directly rarely brings the desired result. Sometimes the “bad” behavior is who they are and at other times the behavior we see as bad is tied to a situation that neither of you can change. What has worked for me is learning to focus on what I can change personally and excelling in those areas where I can make a difference. Your bad boss may not notice – but others do. And when they do, things get better due to a new opportunity either inside the organization – or outside of it. This becomes your opportunity to take the lessons you have learned from the “good boss” or the “bad boss” and apply them to the type of boss you want to be.
Joan,
Nicely said.
Doing a great job may not pay off if you have a bad boss…but doing a poor job and blaming it on a bad boss is a double downer.
I hear you saying learn from this experience, keep doing a great job, and if need be look for another opportunity.
THanks for giving your time to share with the community.
Sincere regards,
Dan
Dan,
This is an interesting area that safety and health professionals are beginning to pay more attention to because often what comes along with a “bad boss’s” behavior is work stress. With work stress comes mistakes, which leads to injury or, worse yet, death. Only recently do incident investigations involving injury take into account the possibility of work stress being a contributing factor to the incident. I wonder how many vehicle accidents have occurred as a result of work stress?
I recall doing an incident investigation when the injured person made an off-the-cuff negative comment about his boss while interviewing him at the hospital. In the past, most investigators, including me, would have chalked it up to the guy having a bad day or disgruntled employee and continue with completing the investigation. This particular comment; however, peaked my interest because I knew the boss he was referring to and did not necessarily disagree with his comment.
In closing out the investigation with my boss several days later, I mentioned the comment the injured employee made about his boss and suggested that “work stress” created by his boss contributed to his injury. It would be tough to prove that work stress was the cause. You would have thought I had lite the fuse of a nuclear warhead. My boss went into an immediate state of denial telling me that I needed to remove the comment from the investigation report. I refused and the investigation report and my notes were sent to legal for review. Fortunately, one of our attorneys also knew the boss in question and his reputation. Ultimately, the “bad boss” was told to see a counselor and if he didn’t he would be asked to resign.
The point here is that “bad bosses” think their behavior stops when the confrontation in their mind is over. You and I know, people generally have very long-term memories when it comes to something “bad” that has happened to them at work, or anywhere for that matter. The key is to not let it fester because it could lead to serious physical, not to mention psychological harm. Keep in mind, this isn’t about “manning up,” it is about dealing with a bully that has gotten away with this type of behavior over a period of time. This behavior could lead to the one receiving the abuse to inadvertently harm another person who had nothing to do with the others confrontation.
BTW, abuse in the workplace is against the federal law, at least in the U.S., and it carries serious penalties. If one works for a large company, in all likelihood there is an employee advocate on staff that handles these types of situations. Seek them out, they have dealt with this type of situation before.
Jim,
Your personal experience and wisdom really shine through on this one! I’m delighted you shared a bit of your world with the LF community.
To augment your comment a friend on twitter pointed me to his blog that addresses similar topics to the ones you voice.
http://www.teamsblog.biz/?p=547
I’m always delighted to see that you’ve stopped in and shared your perspective.
All the best,
Dan
Jim is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. I’ve posted his bio and contact information at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/james-leemann
Dan, thanks for the blog reference. David Yamada’s post obliquely refers to safety in the workplace, but in the context of a builder telling the Seattle Chamber of Commerce he opposed more stringent safety rules because “no body wants their people to get hurt,” the reason the builder is whining about safety is purely financial. Tell that to Tony Hayward.
What David Yamada does not do is connect the dots:
Bullying -> Work Stress -> Injury
As I always say, if you think safety is too expensive, just wait until you have to pay for an accident.
Thanks for clarifying the issues! I appreciate it.
Dear Dan,
The bad boss is a one who doesn’t recognize you and your contributions in a positive manner. He at times doesn’t respect you as an individual and treats you unprofessionally. He invariably loses his tamper and misses on a human touch. One needs to be lucky to have a good boss who is supportive and caring to develop you to be successful.
This is possible if one is employed with a right good organization where employees work like a family and put collective efforts for commonly shared goals. Moreover, continuous motivation and encouragement to perform better with freedom inspire people to upgrade themselves with new knowledge and skills.
Bad bosses can’t be changed. If someone tries it, he/she may loose the job or may add to all ill-effects on health. The only solution is to move out deserting the boss to his fate if one is competent and positive contributor.
Bosses can make or break someone’s career. So, look for a progressive organization with professional work culture to march ahead and choose the path of success with good healthy, wealthy, & peaceful life. A small advice that as a boss please remain cautious of not being tagged as a bad boss for your subordinates.
Dr. Asher,
Thank you for taking time to give back to the community.
I hear you saying don’t try to change the boss…better to seek other employment.
If this situation involves an intolerable work environment and a boss who refuses to change (assuming the boss is in the wrong), I couldn’t agree more. I think the big question is, can the person stay if things never change and the receptivity of the boss to correction.
You have my best regards,
Dan
Dr. Asher is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. I’ve posted his bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/dr-asher
I want to address a statement in your original description:
“…leaders seldom understand and appreciate the true impact of their words and behaviors on others.”
It’s my view that leaders rarely get feedback that is meaningful and specific. Assuming this is outside the realm of a truly abusive boss, you should write a VERY specific and concrete script about what you would like to see change: What is your responsibility and part in it? How they can help? Then schedule a candid conversation with your boss. Don’t spring it on them.
Too often, these communication misunderstandings boil down to not being specific enough – on either side – about what you want and need. So people fluff around in vague generalizations that mean very different things to each other.
I have truly never seen someone get fired for being honest about what they want when it’s done in a positive manner. After the discussion, it either changes or it doesn’t. Whether you’ve gained your bosses’ respect or not, you’ve surely enhanced your own self-respect.
If things don’t change, then you know you’ve done your part.
Act accordingly.
Life is too short to be unhappy at work.
Lisa, my sentiments exactly and also corroborates my experience sitting on both of the chairs, leader and associate. Well said especially about the “life is too short to be unhappy at work. Best, Al
It depends.
As an employee, you can fight and win or not fight and win. It depends on what you want to win.
Do you need to be right? Do you need to prove they’re wrong? Do you need to make them stop? I mastered the art of winning in the Army as a lowly Private. Here are a couple of examples:
Me confronting a bully Company Commander and winning: http://bit.ly/9vUPN3
Me confronting a bully Sergeant and winning: http://bit.ly/bij5l1
Or
I learned from an Army coworker the power of submission in the workplace. I didn’t say ‘service’ but ‘submission’. There is a difference and you’re welcome to check out what I view as the difference at http://bit.ly/d6Ww8W
Hope these stories help your reader as they choose their path. No matter what, remember that you are the leader in this situation – not the one with the position.
You are the leader because you choose the outcome you want. They have more to protect, therefore they have more to lose. This means they have less ‘power’ than you.
Dear Dan,
Bosses can be termed bad if they fail to recognize the good efforts of their subordinates and take them as granted at work. It happens when they remain selfish and deliberately keep others down for their own progress by claiming achievements on their side.
No question of staying at the work place where there is no congenial work environment and the bad bosses certainly are responsible for creating such an environment. I still have to come across bosses who have the receptivity of bringing corrections in their work style or behavior on the recommendation of people working under them.
It’s quite hard to change the boss. Efficient people carve out a different path to reach their goals after trying to adapt and adjust to the work culture created by a departmental boss.
Dr. Asher,
Just a quick note. I think you are right that sometimes good employees find ways to work around bad bosses. Sad but true.
Best,
Dan