Ten ways to ask
You’ll inevitably need to ask a leader/manager for: resources, help, decisions, or to adjust to your needs. It may be as simple as adjusting your schedule or as complex as dedicating company resources to accomplish a task.
Crafting an effective ask:
#1. Ask in private. Asking with others present complicates issues and lowers the opportunity for candid discussion.
#2. Be brief and direct. Psychologists know that long explanations frequently indicate the person is covering something or trying to manipulate the listener. Savvy leaders can see through manipulation. In addition, they’ll grow impatient when they see you’re wasting their time.
#3. When possible build on personal relationship. I’ve already suggested you avoid manipulation. However, a connection with the boss frequently opens their ear.
#4. Act respectfully. Anger, pride, or rebellion may intimidate a few leaders but most are put off by it. Let the leader know you respect them and their position.
#5. Align requests with organizational values, mission, and vision. Explain your request in terms that enhance rather than hinder the company.
#6. Explain the good. Clearly explain the benefit of saying yes to your request.
#7. Graciously accept no. Anyone can say yes. Leaders learn to say no. If s/he says no, let them know you respect their decision.
#8. Open the door to discussing it further. If your request is rejected get permission to bring it up another time for reconsideration.
#9. Respect the decision making style of the leader. If they are a “muller” don’t press them. If they make snap decisions help them slow down and carefully consider your request.
#10. See the politics involved. Your request may impact others. In addition it may personally impact the boss. Understand if you get what you want others may want it too.
*****
What “asking techniques” can you add?
Do you have a story where you successfully asked?
Don’t ask. If leaders are feel als strongly about mission command as they say they do, you shouldn’t have to ask at all. Beside that, I’d rather apologize, than be sorry for the things I didn’t do.
BTW: Mission Command is a style of military command, derived from the Prussian-pioneered Mission-type tactics doctrine, promoting relatively decentralised subsidiarity of command, freedom and speed of action, and initiative, within certain constraints. Subordinates, understanding the commander’s intentions, their own missions and the context of those missions, are told what effect they are to achieve and the reason why it needs to be achieved. They then decide within their delegated freedom of action how best to achieve their missions. Mission Command is closely related to civilian management concept of empowerment. It is used by the Chain of command in the United States Army and the British Army. (From WIKIPEDIA).
The use in the US, British (and Dutch) Army is certainly advocated, but not always practised.
Hans,
Welcome back and thanks for your comment.
Don’t as just do! Love it.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Honored by your visit,
Dan
Hi Dan
helpful guide for people – I know this challenges a number of people, and for a number of others they are in a situation where they don’t realise they a have a challenge to do this properly. I think also you could add the Socratic method whereby you find ways to agree and at a minimum acknowledge sincerely anything your boss says. Also people need to give credit where it is due and don’t undermine their boss by thinking they don’t understand or haven’t understood a particular issue. A favourite story of mine is the couple where on there 50th wedding anniversary the wife breaks down crying saying ” for 50 years you haven’t told me you loved me” Stunned the husband looks on and says “If I’d changed my mind I would have let you know!”.
Go well Dan and keep up the great work – and yes I still love you!
Hey Richard,
Love you too man and trust your new job is going well!
You comment is useful especially when the leader says no. If “askers” can remain positive (not undermine) even when they hear NO, it lays the ground work for a future ask.
Great point.
Best regards my friend,
Dan
Good morning Dan,
Interesting post and a topic that many find difficult.
My contribution today is about #2 and #9:
—————-
You mention Be brief/direct and then in #9 you say if they ponder don’t press them yet if they make snap decisions help them to slow down. This might be the first time you and I vigorously disagree.
My perspective is — “Know the leader’s personality and style.” If they are driver types, be brief and direct and respect their fast decision style. “Help them to slow down” would come across as manipulative and patronizing. On the other hand, if they are analytic and ponderous, approach them with the step by step facts and respect their time to ponder.
Pondering vs. fast decision styles — different yet equal. One is not better than the other.
Thanks for this post. Many will value it!
Kate
Kate,
Thanks for taking the time to disagree! Love your comment and appreciate what you bring to the conversation.
***Know the leader’s personality and style****
Next time tell me how you really feel! 😉
Best regards,
Dan
Kate is a featured blogger on Leadership Freak and this comment is one of many that demonstrate her generous contribution to the community.
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Dan: These are 10 very relevant things to consider when going to a leader to ask for support. Here are a few others that I have found useful:
1. Pick the right time. Know what is going on in the leader’s calendar or world. Making the ask right before a big meeting or when something “bigger” in the leader’s world is happening makes it harder to get and keep their full attention.
2. Recruit organizational champions. Few leaders live in a vacuum. They have others that they trust. Find these champions in the oorganization and gain support ahead of time. Then in the discussion you can say – ”
When I spoke to “Charlie” he liked this idea because…” – Be sure Charlie will back you up behind the scenes.
3. Be prepared to discuss both risk AND reward. Leaders must look at both sides of an opportunity. Don’t go in only prepared to discuss the benefits of your request, know the risks and be prepared to answer how they can be managed.
4. Whether you get a yes or a no, getting the time of the leader and an answer has value either way. Offer value for value and ask the leader what you can do to help them.
5. When you get your YES, follow up. Provide progress reports, quick updates, and interim results. Demonstrate that your “YES” was a good decision. You are more likely to get another one the next time you ask.
Joan,
Wonderful additions to the list. I’m so glad you stopped by today to share your insights.
I think your #3 has special relevance because people asking frequent have one perspective – “what’s in it for them.” PUtting yourself in the leaders shoes or embracing an organizational perspective goes a long way to crafting a good ask.
I respect the time it takes you to craft a useful response.
Best Regards,
DAn
Dan – it’s my pleasure. Discussions like these, where we can share tips and experiences with each other, make us all better leaders.
Have a great week. Joan
I have found “being slow to speak and quick to listen” very helpful. By that I mean, when you first approach the leader to ask for anything, assuming that the time is right, the environment and surroundings are comfortable, the leader will give you the platform to speak out everything on your mind. When you’re done, give him time to reflect and when the leader is giving back his feedback, avoid interrupting him and becoming defensive of your ideas. Let the leader finish talking and at the convenient time like you said graciously accept the outcome or if circumstances allow, agree to discuss further.
Peter,
What I hear is … after the ask “shut up and listen.” 😉
Great seeing you again and thanks for sharing your insights.
Best to you,
Dan
Dan – terrific post, with Kate’s build. Let me suggest this leads to influencing the Decider in a broader sense. We all live in ecosystems of competing influences and pressures. Sometimes the most direct approach is to change the ecosystem. If the Decider is resistant to your request or needs, engage others who have influence on him/her.
Caution not to make this a political end run or in any way make the Decider feel threatened. Rather, enlarge the conversation. Get others involved in a quest for the best broadest outcome, and approach as a learner, not a knower – go into to it being willing to be changed. As Joan says in her comment, recruit organizational champions.
This is particularly powerful when your relationship with the Decider is difficult. Arbinger Institute in “Anatomy of Peace” presents a model for driving change in difficult relationships that starts with self, then the Decider’s influencers, and only then with the Decider. Something to think about.
Mark,
Definitely something to think about. Love the idea of getting the ear of those who have the leader’s ear. I appreciate you qualifier regarding the possibility of threatening someone. Nice call.
I’m delighted you gave your time to share your insights.
Success to you in your business,
Dan
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Joan — Kudos to your additions. Top notch!
Kate
Thanks Kate!
Dan,
I would move #2, 5 and 6 to the 1, 2 ,3 place position. I have found these three work the most effectively if you present them with a professional attitude.
It is easier for a leader to see the picture if your request is aligned to the bottom line. Quickly answer what it will cost, what the ROI is, how it saves time or money and/or how it will benefit others in the department.
By presenting in these terms it is easier to get a yes.
Joseph,
Thanks for leaving your first comment on Leadership Freak. I respect the time it takes to read and then craft a useful comment. Love your perspective and what you’ve added by sequencing 2, 5, and 6.
All the best to you,
Dan
This was a useful post about something that many of us find difficult. I would like to add something that is assumed (I think) in all 10 steps, but which I have seen be detrimental when something is being requested of a leader: Do it in person.
Sometimes we start our “asking process” via email – perhaps not presenting the entire request by email but by laying out a rationale for this or that course of action. If it is something that important to you or your organization, it needs to be done face-to-face (unless your leader has expressly identified the fact that they like to receive bits and pieces related to issues via email).
I also think it is important to have a plan, such as knowing your three “bullet points” you plan to emphasize. Carry a cheat sheet if necessary. Time with your leader is scarce; you don’t want to realize you only made it through 1.5 of your 3 points when it is time for the next appointment on your leader’s calendar.
Paula,
Duh, in an email age, how could I forget “do it in person.” Nice!
Love the idea of planning and especially letting the leader see that you’ve planned. Good leaders appreciate preparation. I think it opens their ears. On the other hand coming across like you are flying by the seat of your pants is a sure way to shut them down.
You always add value to others. Thank you.
Best to you,
Dan
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Dear Dan,
I think, creating platform, environment and relation makes strong base for asking successfully. Asking simply does not create value if you do not have platform. So one needs to make good relation with boss or superiors before asking. When you ask only when you require and do not interact or communicate before or after that, it shows your intention that you are concerned about yourself only. So, timely communication, interactions and connecting with people is essentials to make transacton smoothly. It is like customer and custodian type of relationship. You are customer when you frequently transact your account in the bank. By merely opening the account you do not create relationship. Similarly, you need to create relationship before asking. As a leader, your expression should be positive while rejecting at the same time you should provide valid evidence in support of your rejection. The other important things is to appreciapte the effort of asking favour than to criticise it. If the things are not in your control, you should admit and express openly. Skinner.s theory of reinforcement correctly fits here. Punishement for poor performances produces negative result. So, even in case of poor performance, praise the effort made by the person. Similarly, whether the asking is right or wrong, praise either the effort or the expected performance. This approach reinforces relation, builds trust and fosters creativity in the organisation. The techniqe to ask is know respondent opinion before directly asking quesion. This may give you clue about response. Always asking directly without knowing the environment and facts may leads to rejection even you are right. So, know environment, person, make relation and then ask. This might be more effective.
Dear Ajay,
Great to see you again. Thank you for making regular contributions to the conversation.
I hear you saying that we should all be relationship builders, especially when it comes to asking. How true.
The other think I thought as I read your comment is…always – thanks – even if it doesn’t turn out the way you like.
Best regards,
Dan
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Dan,
Great post. Let me tell you of a recent “request” presented to me by one of my team.
I had shared the recent need for continued “belt tightening” as we had not seen revenue rising as we had projected. I had a staff member who was launching a side business (that his wife will run) and he needed some time to work on the project. He suggested that he could work some part-time over the next several weeks, giving him time to complete this outside project, while taking stress out of his life and ultimately reducing some expenses for the company. A win-win.
By tying his request to the current situation of the company it was easy to listen, ask a few clarifying questions and ultimately reach an agreement that worked for us both.
Mike,
Thanks for leaving what appears to be your first comment on Leadership Freak. YOu’ve left us a great illustration of how to ask for something that you want while keeping someone else in mind. Great illustration.
Best Regards,
Dan
Hi Dan.
You make some great points. I think we can safely say that they cover a variety of techniques and that no one “best practice” method works for everyone.
I work with some staff that like to be given instructions in the quickest briefest possible way. Others like to chat through and discuss how this affects them. Others relish the challenge and treat assignments as challenges to be overcome.
Knowing what drives each team member and tapping into that works wonders.
Chairs
mg
That’s a great post Dan. Thanks for sharing 🙂