Good Pride
Pride can be a vice or a virtue.
Pride becomes vice when it centers on your accomplishments. Pride is a virtue when it appreciates others.
Pride is a vice when it reflects an inflated opinion of oneself. Leaders that believe they’ve succeeded without others are proud (vice).
Pride is a virtue when it reflects appreciation for others. Saying, “I’m proud of your efforts,” or, “I’m proud to be part of this organization,” is virtuous. Some prefer to use the term “thankful” for virtuous pride. They say, “I’m thankful for your efforts.”
Hearing someone say, “Are you proud of yourself,” may have negative or positive connotations. As a virtue, being proud of yourself indicates you’re actions and thoughts are noble.
Are you proud of the hopes and aspirations you have for the achievement of others? Or, do your aspirations include stepping on them?
Are you proud of your own personal dream? Can you unashamedly share it with others? If others heard your dream, would it gladden or sadden them. Noble dreams center on contributing. Ignoble dreams focus on getting.
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Are you proud of yourself? Is it a vice or a virtue?
Thank you for always giving us food for thought Dan!
I think telling people we are proud of them can have a patronizing sound to it and yet there are times when I have been on the receiving end of that statement and it feels awfully good. Letting others know we appreciate them and their efforts may sound less solicitous. In any case, I think it’s important that leaders acknowledge others for their efforts and contributions to the team, the work, the mission etc.
As for being proud of ourselves, I don’t think many people celebrate their successes and even small and random gestures of goodness. If it is done with humility, being proud is indeed a virtue. Otherwise, I agree it can sound arrogant – especially if we have a false sense of who we are and what we have to offer. With a last name like I have, I just have to add I am proud of my contributions and I say so with humility and the knowledge that that there is lot more to be done to help people in conflict.
Hi Cinnie,
I can hear the patronizing sound in my mind. “I’m proud of you” can sound like it comes from a superior to an inferior. A dad/mom to a child. Good point. Perhaps thats why it’s more acceptable to say “I’m thankful for you or I’m thankful for your work.
I’ve said, “I’m proud of what you’ve done.” or “I’m proud to part of an organization where people work hard to do a great job.”
I love your well crafted sentence, “If it’s done with humility, being proud is indeed a virtue.”
I’m always delighted to see you in the stream of comments.
Best to you,
Dan
Dear Dan,
Wonderful post.
Indeed the pride can became a vice, only if we don’t understand that being satisfied or with our good lives and decisions impact others around us.
We have impact on others positively if our accomplishments are good, or negatively if we have with us a baggage full with bad things.
Instead of proud- I want to say I am glad, or I am happy about my self for learning from my mistakes, having help from other people that I love.
Wish you all the best, and to fulfill all your noble dreams :).
Regards, Simona
Simona,
Thanks for an encouraging word. Great seeing you again. You are becoming a regular.
I hear you on substituting glad or happy for proud. It sounds a more comfortable.
BAck at you… fulfill all your noble dreams! 🙂
Cheers,
Dan
Hi Dan,
Such an interesting post. Ever since I was young, my mom would NEVER use the phrase, “I’m proud of you”. Like the first responder, Cinnie Noble, she found it patronizing. There were many ways she expressed her “pride” in her children and others without using that particular word. When I asked her about this later in life, she responded much the way you did in your post. To her, using statements like “I’m proud of you” sounded more about her than it did about the person she was complimenting. She also had similar feelings about self pride. However, I would agree and like the remark of using the word with “humility”. I’d never thought of that and find it quite an enlightening remark.
Thanks for another thought provoking post.
Cheers,
Jen
Hi Jen,
Thanks for dropping in.
I wrote this post in the spirit of wondering if it might be useful to begin using the terms pride/proud in a good way… a as Cinne put it a “humble” way.
Love how you shared a bit of your own story.
Best regards,
Dan
Dear Dan,
A great post. I am proud of hopes and aspiration for the achievement of others and for my dream as well. When I am proud for the achievement of others, I appreciate thier efforts more than the achievement pe se. The reason why I do that because, efforts is dynamic and achievement is static. And believing in effort make one to target for higher achievement but when we appreciate result then it shows that is all we wanted. Effort has always higher weight than achievement. Effort with insufficient and lack of resources are of even higher magnitude whereas efforts with a lot of support may not have much value. Achievement is something which is expected from effort but outer world is full of obstacles. So, achievement is not only dependent on effort. Thus sincere effort without much support has more value than result.
I am proud of my pesonal dream. I share it to people whom I trust and think they can guide me. This gives me more determination and dedication towards my dream. I get more focussed and passionate when people believe in me and appreciate my dream. However, I do not share my dream to people whom I do not trust or those who do not have higher dream for themselves. Complacent and security conscious people are not preferred to share dream. They usually do not accept or digest dreams or hopes. So, I feel that sharing dreams with them actually discourages and makes fun of your dream.
Good pride is value creation process. When you appreciate others for their effort, they feel honored,inspired and encouraged and they in turn appreciate others. So, it becomes virtuous cycle. I think, behave with others the way you want others should behave with you. Similarly, treat others as you would like to be treated.
Dear Ajay,
Your comment helps me see that you admire the ability to work hard even when you aren’t supported. I think all leaders learn the important lessons of endurance, patience, working hard when unappreciated or unsupported.
Thanks for sharing some of your personal story. You remind me of something I learned from coach Smith… get feedback from people who are committed to help you succeed.
I’ll add this to your comment. I learned from Kate Nasser, not only treat others as you would like to be treated. Treat them the way They want to be treated. She speaks in the customer service arena and there may be times leaders treat people in ways they don’t like. I still like the idea that Kate suggests.
Best regards to you,
Dan
I’m thankful for Ajay’s regular contribution to Leadership Freak. You can read his short bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/ajay-gupta
Interesting that you should post this today. In my “other life” @dineanddish I recently wrote a blog post about community. That post was sparked by some recent interactions I’ve had with people “stomping” on others successes versus celebrating with them. It is unfortunate. I’m all for everyone rising to the top and celebrating together!
Kristen,
I hear you hitting on proud-pride. I think one of the greatest things leaders can do is NOT compete or try to out do others. Instead, lift them.
Thank you very much for stopping in,
Dan
PS…please feel free to leave link backs to relevant work you have done.
Are you proud of yourself? Is it a vice or a virtue?
I think I’ll try a parenting comparison today. First of all, that graphic image you chose today is SO compelling. Wow. In reading the “are you proud of yourself”? question, I thought of how often I say to my kids (and other kids in my life): I am so proud of you! I mean it, and I know in addition to the words, they comprehend the unconditional positive regard I am attempting to shower on them.
BUT, kids and employees alike can have all of the “I’m proud of you’s” in the world told to them, and if they don’t develop an internal pride (hopefully not a cocky one, but a humble one), then their life experience will be less richly fulfilling than it could be.
As for “proud of myself,” there are things I have done and stands I have taken on “values” type issues that make me very proud. On the other hand, there are mistakes I have made, especially persistent professional ones, that I am not proud of and that I haven’t found a solution/reparation for to pull me out of that place of less-than-proud.
Virtue or vice? The best times I have seen pride manifest itself are when it prods a person or organization on to do good; it is a vice when it blinds us from making changes that need to be made or leads us to do or say hurtful things.
Paula,
What a rich comment.
While reading your second paragraph you reminded me that you can compliment people all the time but they won’t believe you if they don’t think they are worthy of the compliment. YOu can tell a guy he is handsome or a girl she is beautiful all you want, but if they don’t believe in themselves they certainly won’t believe you.
I agree that bad-pride is at the root of so much fear and hurt in the work world.
Best to you,
Dan
I’m thankful to Paula who regularly shares her perspective and frequently includes personal stories in her comments. You can read her short bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/paula-kiger/
Pride may be one of the those border words that tends to get a bad rap, just on the edge of acceptable, however too much and you are boastful, conceited, egotistical and arrogant. It is easily aligned with vanity.
And yet, do we not want to be proud of our children, our work, our organizations? We often encourage our children to be proud of themselves (related to building self-esteem) for a well-deserved effort. Proud to be a Marine.
Doc,
Thanks for some great illustrations of good pride. We may be a bit hypocritical when we say we are proud of our children and we want them to be proud of themselves and then…at some point we grow uncomfortable using the “P” word because its a bad thing.
Best regards,
Dan
Even though Doc is a busy guy out in Oregon he regularly stops in and I appreciate it very much. You can read his bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/doc
Dan,
For me, your sentence “Noble dreams center on contributing. Ignoble dreams focus on getting” frames the underlying definition. When pride focuses on getting more from others than giving or when it stops growth and improvement (egotistical pride), then it’s destined for the vice column.
Yet when given with deep sincerity, I find it to be something quite moving.
I remember saying to one group of customers I had worked with on major org. change: “WOW, I am proud to know each and every one of you. You have tackled this change with courage and action and accomplished what others shrank from. I am very moved.”
Perhaps there are words other than “proud” that could do a better job. Nonetheless, I want to stress that giving positive feedback when it is truly due is something quite powerful. It breeds more confidence and a more positive “can do” culture.
Kate
Kate,
Your comments are always so well written, encouraging, and useful. Thank you.
In particular, thanks for the story of using the term “proud” in a good way. Great illustration.
All the best,
Dan
Kate is a skilled People-Skills Coach who focuses on Customer Service. I’m always delighted to see that she’s left a comment. You can read a short bio and see her contact info at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/kate-nasser
Great post Dan
We need to be careful when using the word pride or proud since in my mind as noted above it can allude to a false sense of being superior or better. I would rather state “I am so happy for you that You did it.” Putting it this way aligns the recognition to the person’s sense of meaning and purpose. Our true ultimate goal is to demonstrate to the individual that we share their joy in the value of their accomplishment. It becomes personal, unique and singular and dismisses any rhetoric about comparisons of superiority. The most audacious wins are the ones we share with the reflection looking at us from the mirror, knowing that a cadre of folks besides ourselves are the real winners. I am so glad and happy that leadership freak is part of my daily life. ( Plus I am also “proud” as well!) 🙂
Great post and insightful comments. It’s important to choose one’s words carefully, but it’s equally important to express what one actually feels – and it may be pride. Why? As al2decho suggests, look in the mirror. It may be, or convey, a false sense of superiority to say “I’m proud of you”. However, it honours the other to say “I’m proud to work with you” or “I’m proud to be part of a unit that produces such great work”
I love the way Jim Collins addresses this in his book Good to Great when he speaks about the Level 5 Leader…………..Professional Will and Personal Humility. Howie
Hi Dan; Have not had a chance to comment in a while but this is a topic that I have thought a lot about over the last few years and I have (for now) come to a few conclusions. Pride was at the root of sin from the start because pride in its essence it’s in the end self centered and self sufficient. Pride I believe is extremely dangerous because of its toxic addictive appeal to our flesh and thus is the most powerful tool in the arsenal of the deceiver. Pride can be easily disguised and thus by slightly poisoning truth he is able to lay pride before us in manners that seem very benign but in the end once it takes hold it festers and metastasizes like a cancer resulting in death. On the other hand, I believe that God created us as dependent beings in our very essence thus never satisfied unless we rest on Him. So then I struggled with how to express “legitimate” positive emotions that are part of our lives while not falling into the pit of “pride” and its clutches. After much prayer and conversation with my lovely wife about these thoughts and conflicts, one day I settled on a different perspective or term that I have used since that day to express those “legitimate” feelings that I did not want to refer to them as a source of pride. The different perspective or term that I am now is very comfortable with is “grateful”! Ever since that day, my wife and I have been working hard at disciplining ourselves and have been using instead “we are so grateful” or “we are so thankful” instead of using the word proud. For us by working diligently on this exercise it helps to keep us in a more continuous state of spiritual dependency reminding ourselves that all that we have and or experience comes from him and none of it comes from us. By speaking thankful and grateful terminology we remind our flesh that we are dependent beings. The way I view it now, pride is man centered and independent where on the other hand gratefulness and thankfulness are dependent and God centered. The great thing about this little exercise is that I am able to still express those “legitimate” emotions but yet keep my flesh submissive to my spirit. Just a few very personal thoughts on the topic. Thank you for your ministry and for keeping us thinking. God bless.