How to prevent negativity?
Are there negative people in your office?
Not everyone who seems negative is. Perhaps they have a high need to succeed. Questions that seem negative are attempts to figure out if the “preferred future” is desirable and achievable. Once questions are adequately addressed, they go like gangbusters.
In other cases, it may take a “slow processor,” a day or two to make sense of an out-of-the-blue proposal. Needing time to process isn’t negativity. For many it’s normal. If you’re a speed demon slow processors may be helpful. Maybe you need them.
Skillful leaders adapt to the information needs of others.
Experience indicates that understanding a person’s need for information or drive to succeed allows leaders to interpret “negativity” in new ways.
Conclusion or process?
For example, you’ve been walking around for two weeks mulling over an important project. Stepping into a manager’s office you unload two weeks of mull-time in fifteen minutes. No wonder they seem negative. Giving others the benefit of your conclusions without including them in the idea-development process creates “negativity.”
Furthermore, you may find one-on-one meetings with slow processors useful to smooth the path for important initiatives. I read somewhere that the meeting before the meeting is the most important meeting.
Skillful leaders prevent negativity
In some cases, leaders cause unnecessary negativity in others. However, skillful leaders deal with root causes of “negativity” rather than visible expressions.
Speak to causes in order to avoid expressions and you’ll have fewer negative people on your team.
*****
Have you seen a negative person transformed into a positive person? What changed them?
Have you been transformed from negativity by a skillful leader?
Dear Dan,
Very useful article like always.
-Have you seen a negative person transformed into a positive person? What changed them?
I have seen sometimes this kind of people, first they changed when they had positive surroundings. Is a process in time , regarding changing a “pattern” like negativity.
I think a kind of negativity in sense of “criticizing some facts and problems occurred” combined with an positive attitude- can lead to improvement.
To be open minded and to listen points of view even when there are negative ones, is a very good skill in helping people to see in a better way a situation, and to improve it.
My kind regards,
Dear Simona,
Thank you for leaving a comment.
You remind us that negativity can have an environmental cause. It may be outside not inside the individual.
Best to you,
Dan
Wow, great question – I have never seen negativity change if the person didn’t want to.
There was one time a very negative co worker complained that the CEO shouldn’t make more than a million dollars (presumably because my coworker didn’t have a million dollars, no one else should either).
Since we all make mistakes at work I asked him if he was willing to have his mistakes published in the local and national press like the CEO. No, he wasn’t. I don’t know if he changed his negativity but I did stop his complaining to me.
I however, did have my negative attitude changed by my Master Sergeant. That was an interesting story, because I learned how much he cared about me. You can read that story here: http://bit.ly/dqmKqK
Alan,
Thanks for jumping into the conversation.
Here’s what I’m taking with me: “I learned how much he cared for me.” Boy there is power in that statement.
Thanks for the link.
Best to you,
Dan
Read Alan’s bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/alan
It has been helpful to discover my strengths and those of my co workers through the Gallup Stengthsfinder Index. I have found that what one or another interprets as negativity often is related to a person working in or out of his/her strengths as well as the co worker being unaware of those and his/her own strengths. I also have discovered as I study the brain and autism and in particular aspergers, that how people process information is rarely respected when a person who needs to rush ahead or achieve is unable to wait for those valuable pieces of input from persons who are slower processors or have a different way of expressing information. Learning to listen and think and respect are very helpful skills.
Have you seen a negative person transformed into a positive person? What changed them?
When a team member who is not normally negative becomes so – I have found that one of the best solutions is to ask them the important question – WHY – and then really listen to the answer. Sometimes the reasons why can be answered and addressed and you see a turn around. Other times, just the act of listening can make a difference.
Then there are the chronically negative. They revel in their negativity – and they can be contagious. In these cases, I have never seen a turn around. They have no desire to be anything but negative. In this case, often the solution is to invite them to revel in their negativity somewhere else.
I will add on to your ‘why’ approach Joan and suggest that a variation is ‘what happened’ Sometimes ‘why’ is almost too direct, too personal and can be perceived as confrontational. ‘What happened’ shifts the focus a bit and opens up environmental influences and may get the other person thinking more reflectively and less reactively.
Maybe the chronically negative could be called terminally negative…too harsh?
I absolutely agree on the “What happened” vs “Why” approach.
I suppose the first thing that comes to mind with me is the corporate mindset that overtook us here at my organization when we went through a maddeningly frustrating transition of third party administrators.
Prior to this transition, we had bad-mouthed previous TPA’s, but in retrospect those quibbles were the equivalent of gnats as compared to jetliners. Two and a half years from the implementation, it is still as common to witness a roll of the eyes in connection with a mention of the TPA as it is to breathe. For me, personally, I have made a conscious effort to stop the pattern of verbalizing my frustrations (even when my thoughts would lead me down that road). In truth, they are not the enemy – they are a contracted “partner” with instructions to perform certain duties.
It wasn’t a skillful leader that got me to start down the path of less negative expressions as they related to the TPA – it was more my understanding of systems theory – they are part of an “organism” whose job is to help kids get subsidized health insurance. The challenge is that their priority on making a profit smashes directly into my organization’s mission of “assuring access to quality health care services for Florida’s children”. When their priority on preserving resources in order to meet the bottom line directly conflicts with our priority of “assuring access,” the issue is not the individual who has told me “no” or provided poor customer service, it is something far deeper at the core. My goal is to not to attack the messenger with a volley of verbal (or emailed) negativity AND not to perpetuate that here at my office – it does no one any good.
Great reflection Paula! I read the grass was even greener before and all of the we/they issues too.
We all seem to have this innate ‘chip’ to create an ‘us versus them’ mindset, when in fact, it is often a systems thing as you noted.
How to meld their priority and your priority which seemed to be at polar opposites had to be an uncomfortable experience over an extended period of time. You seemed to have honed it down to what you had domain over and make it work.
I appreciate the comment, Doc. Making it work is truly “a work in progress”!
Early in my career I was sometimes perceived as negative. I didn’t understand the feedback for a long time. In the end, I found that my way of dealing with new projects – running endless “what-ifs” and “what’s the weakness here, what could go wrong” – pushed others out of their comfort zone. However, it was necessary for me to totally understand the projects.
In the end, I developed a sense of which questions to ask, which ones to work on silently, and when I was crossing others’ borders into “too much!”.
And I was no longer seen as negative, but rather a positive force for change.
In today’s work environment, there is tremendous opportunity for negativity to thrive. One only has to pay attention to what is going on around them to see unfairness and come away with a feeling of helplessness. As far as breaking loose from this funk, I believe it is more a case of dealing with one’s internal demons. Sure a leader can help bring awareness to a negative person, but in the end the person has to figure out how he or she is going to interact within the world she or he lives and works. Is the glass half full or half empty?
We humans are interesting creatures. Throughout my career, I have found it interesting how easily people will gravitate to spouting off negative comments about others, the system, or the Man. Think about it, how many conversations have you been in or listened to over the past years that were negatively inclined versus positively inclined. My bet, the negatives outnumber the positives significantly.
We live in a world where negative news sells. The key is avoiding being sucked up in the negativity of the day.
As a cancer survivor, I have used the metaphor of a negative person being like a single cancer cell in the body; ignore the cell and you run the risk of it metastasizing and potentially killing the host.
Leaders need to master the skill of intervention – ignoring the rantings of a negative person can be fatal.
Thanks Jim, that certainly brings this discussion home to both a personal and professional perspective. The metaphor does work.
So, I like video games. Some might say I am passionate about them…or addicted. “Hi, I’m Doc, I’m a vidiot.” Have been all my life, since the 60s. Games are logical, have ‘hidden’ sequences and Easter eggs that if you glean the flow can discover nuggets in them. These days, the depth and complexity of the sequences can take hours/days to map out and delineate. You now even have the option to be ‘good’ or ‘evil’…’positive’ or negative’ in influencing the game environment and the game characters respond in different ways. I then determine options, best course and roll with the consequences. I do like being able to save at a certain decision points and revisit with various permutations.
One approach to a person who is often negative (not terminally negative) is the same sort of investigative approach and perhaps underlying positive energy. One person I can think of did much of what Jim and Joan noted…first words out of month leaned negatively. My perspective has been on the power of words and the message behind the words. The connotation. Rather than the real estate ‘location, location, location’… I go with ‘reframe, reframe, reframe’. Most people do not have ‘bad’ intent, it often is the system (props Paula) and sometimes is one’s own insecurity, lack of training, being a crispy critter in a stressful environ, etc. All of those can and should be addressed. When it is addressed, over time, it is a blast to see the change, the nuggets…and the seeds of motivation and flowering enthusiasm. And that is a wonderful positive spiral that can self-generate and be contagious in a good way.
“skillful leaders deal with root causes of “negativity” rather than visible expressions”
I was thinking exactly this while reading the first part of your post. Negativity often comes from objective problems in one’s workflow or work experience. Preventing them in first place, when and if possible, is the way to go, in my own experience.
Whenever anybody barges into my office with a negative remark , problem, challenge, complaint I let them talk untill they are finished or untill they pass the 5 minute mark.
I then ask them to sit down, offer them coffee and ask to start over using the following words: Hans, I’ve got a great solution for the following problem.
Helps with my kids too. Sometimes 😉
Leadership is asking for solutions, not problems.
From time to time I have worked with people perceived as negative. I know that I have even been that person from time to time. Given the perspective in your post, i can see more clearly how valuable negativity can be – when you look beyond the immediate interpersonal difficulties it may pose.
Negativity is often a reaction to change or in response to challenging the status quo. By accepting negativity, even welcoming it, and looking beyond the surface of an interaction, we can move beyond personality traits and work more effectively together.
In our team, we ‘call’ negativity when we see it and work through what’s causing it, one-on-one. This has led to some powerful discussions and greatly improved working relationships, and the way we work with other teams in the organisation.
Love your examples Dan of how analysis/mull time output can be confused with negativity.
Here are surefire tips to avoid being misunderstood as negative:
—
1)Always speak about pros and cons
2)Preface what you say with a “framing” statement that explains your intention
3)Jot down what you are about to say and read it before you say it. Ask yourself — are there actionable items in it or just list of obstacles?
Couldn’t help but share these tips that I give to leaders and teammates all the time. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it!
Kate
Dan, good information. My take away is to always check out my assumptions about people’s motives (in e-mails, and behavior). They may not have full awareness of how certain behavior/e-mails, etc. come across to others. Sometimes that information is helpful in both directions. It helps me know intent, and it helps them, if they want to (as Alan says), make modifications. Not making assumptions has saved me a lot of energy over the years and I’ve found it a great tool in helping others make changes.
Best…Jim
Negativity? Maybe. Or maybe just simple frustration that all their ideas are tossed away or ignored and that no one seems to care about them or about fixing some of their problems.
One of the cartoons I use shows “Spectator Sheep.” I have them standing on the top of the screen watching people work. And I have my audiences go, “Naaaaaaaaaaa Baaaaaaaaaah” out loud.
Then, I point out that they are the only ones with perspective on what is going on. The people at the back of the wagon are simply pushing things forward and the wagon puller cannot see what is going on since they are simply looking ahead. Only these Spectator Sheep are stepping back from the wagon and can see that things are working on Square Wheels, with a cargo of Round ones in the wagon. After all, how else are we going to make improvements unless we look at what is happening or talk to the people who can feel things thumping and bumping along (isn’t that the role of the coach or consultant?).
So, we have these Spectator Sheep standing there voicing their opinion. Do you think they are satisfied with how things work? And didn’t Leon Festinger suggest Cognitive Dissonance as a motivational factor in 1957:
“The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance suggests that inconsistency among beliefs and behaviors will cause an uncomfortable psychological tension that can lead people to change their beliefs to fit their actual behavior.”
My take is that this negativity can be used as positive energy – think Aikido – and as a motivational force to generate change. Make the Spectator Sheep the team leaders for the change / improvement initiative. Engage and involve them and give them a sense of ownership…
Ya think?
I LIKE negative people because they are dissatisfied with the way things are now, one of the primary factors in my simple model of change management. The others include a clarity of mission and values, peer support for the change and a positive past history of taking risks and making improvements.
DISSATISFACTION is a key to having the energy and often the commitment to change. I would rather redirect the negative people than suffer from the pain of having a whole bunch of people who simply don’t care.
Involve, engage and redirect; create a sense of ownership and focus. Close the gap and use the pre-existing motivation.
Oh, BTW, some people are just mentally ill, psychotic, paranoid or just plain surly. Don’t count them in on this… (Choose to ignore these senior managers if you can…)
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It amazes me how much manifestations of “negativity” affect everyday life. From the get-go, one’s sadness, anger or frustration, might snowball into a “common theme” among a group of people — badmouthing peers, complaining about the workplace, family, professional and personal relations. Professionally, sometimes the job of managing projects is referred to as “making things happen.” From the interpersonal perspective, I’d call it “giving hope.” Obviously, this isn’t limited to projects…
I recall the quote from your today’s tweet:
“A leader is a dealer in hope.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
Hope brings light to what is now in anticipation of a better future.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Dan.