Spotting Blind Spots
You don’t see you like others see you.
Blind spots are things that others easily see in us but we don’t or won’t see in ourselves.
If statements like, “You’re just like your mother?” surprise and irritate you, you have blind spots.
I think everyone has them. People tell me one of my blind spots is an ability to bowl people over without trying. But, I don’t see it.
Spotting Blind Spots
One source of blind spots comes from over estimating your positive traits and under estimating your “less” positive traits.
Additionally, confident people may tend to project legitimate confidence into illegitimate “omni-confidence.” This happens in our house when I think I know how to cook!
And here’s a third potential source of blind spots, taking greater responsibility for successes than for failures.
Finally, you have blind spots because others see your behaviors but not your heart. You feel one thing but your behaviors are interpreted another way.
Whatever the cause, we all have
blind spots that obstruct our highest success.
There’s the rub. Your blind spots are a disconnect between the real you and the perceived you. They frustrate you, irritate others, and hinder your effectiveness and success.
Getting the most from blind spots
You can open your eyes to blind spots by accepting what others say about you. Here’s an awkward idea, there’s a glimmer of truth in the way others describe you. Ouch! Let others see what you can’t. It’s awkward because you don’t see it.
You can intentionally shine a light on blind spots by asking trusted friends and advisors, “What’s hindering my success?” If you do ask, don’t make excuses. Just listen.
What other ways can we shine a light on our blind spots?
Dear Dan,
I think, introspection can shine light on our blind spots. I also think, looking past to our career journey and its connection to our dream can shine light on our blind spots. Belief what can be imagined and question what can be believed. The may unmask layers that we take guaranteed. Usually we believe what conforms to our interest and try to impose our belief on others. This changes our focus and we become self centric. So, to know our blind spots, ones should put in others position. This way, things look clearer.
True North is solution to blind spots. When we connect our mind with our soul, we open new horizon of openness, kindness, humility etc. However, it is not easy task. Masks prevent you to align mind with soul. Lesser the masks, lesser the effort to align and vice versa.
Blind spots are nothing but inside demons that prevent awareness, growth and increase ego, arrogance and ignorance. So, perhaps the better way to deal with blind spots is to delayer the masks of blind belief, customs, trends etc. Try to find out logic and reason behind belief. Blind spots increases when we do not question and easily accept.
I think mentoring is the best way to shine light on blind spots. This will also help to fight with blind spots. But it is possible, when a person has strong will power, humility, power to accept reality etc. Once we overcome blind spots, transformation starts.
Dear Ajay,
Thanks for adding practical insights to this discussion.
In my opinion, your last suggestion is most practical and potent. We need others to help us see ourselves. And your conclusion is both challenging and powerful Once we see ourselves we begin transformation. Well said.
Best regards,
Dan
Ajay is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. You can read his bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/ajay-gupta
Dan, 100% agree with you and the key as you say is “You can open your eyes to blind spots by accepting what others say about you.”! It is after all a Blind Spot hence I think we battle to see it no matter how truthful we are in our introspection (I don’t think it is out of stubbornness or denial). When someone brings it to our attention, then we have a chance at actually seeing it when we reflect. It is one thing not to be bothered by the good opinion of other people but when a couple of people start sounding like a broken record, I hit the breaks and check myself out. I can’t remember an occurrence when they were talking porkies!
Have a well deserved break and enjoy the holidays, look forward to more of your thoughts in the New Year.
Thabo,
Wonderful comment. Reflect on repetitions. Bingo.
We should acknowledge what others see in us may be a reflexion of them. In those cases, perhaps it’s best to take their insights with a grain of salt. On the other hand, if we continue hearing a similar message from several sources, it’s time to sit up and take notice.
My struggle remains, I don’t see it. That means I have to believe and trust others.
Thanks for the good word. Best to you,
Dan
Dan, I, like you often don’t see it! So when I hear it often enough I do have to go with trust. Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it is not.
One of the ways that I think ‘blind spots’ become apparent is when we realize that the things that provoke us about others is often the same thing that we do.
Wishing you and yours’ all the best of the season and a new year full of love and laughter and peace. Warm regards.
Cinnie,
Ouch! I agree but I don’t like it. 🙂
Thanks for adding value.
Cheers,
Dan
“What other ways can we shine a light on blind spots?”
One of the best ways I know to shine a light on blind spots is a formal 360 process. This can be done at an organizational level or on a individual level. A survey is sent to a group of 5 to 10 individuals that know you and work with you closely in different ways. They answer anonymously and the results are tabulated and reported back to you. It is similar to the effect of adding super wide side view mirrors, lots more things come into view. I have done this a number of different times over my career and I always learned something new.
Happy holidays Dan and thanks for always starting my day with another great leadership question.
Joan,
Very practical and actionable. A 360 removes any excuses and opens the door to new levels of success.
I’ve found the path to better understanding how others perceive me a bumpy but useful path to tread.
Thanks for the good word and thanks for freely sharing your insights.
Cheers,
Dan
Thanks Dan for all the time you devote to sharing your knowledge to hekp us improve. I wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Enjoy the time with your friends and family.
PS – The ‘Withhold “I” say “you”‘ link is broken.
Bobby,
You are very kind. Thanks for the encouragement and the heads up on the link. I fixed it.
Merry Christmas to you,
Dan
An important and useful post – the best give we can give ourselves is the gift of self-awareness, for sure.
You asked about ways to “shine light on blind spots.” When I was getting my Master’s Degree in Counseling, we all had to participate in group counseling. I was sitting there waiting for the session to begin, observing the dim lighting, and wanting desperately to turn the lights up/on. That has always stuck in my mind – I wanted to control my environment before a word was even uttered!
I also think 360 evaluations can be a critical tool for seeing blind spots, especially if they are done well. When I had to do one for a certification I was trying to get, it amazed me that I scored “high” (relatively) on being open to change and innovation (something I perceived as a weakness) while I scored “low” (relatively) on written communication. There was definitely a disconnect between things I thought were “no sweat” and the things my peers/supervisors/direct reports perceived as my strengths and weaknesses!
I would like to point the LF community to a collection of prompts that bloggers are using to “reflect on this year & manifest what’s next.” This annual online initiative is housed at http://www.reverb10.com. In my first post using a #reverb10 prompt, I had an opportunity to do a little self reflection that probably incorporated some of my blind spots: http://waytenmom.blogspot.com/2010/12/it-is-almost-2011-let-go-already.html
Lastly, please enjoy your well-deserved break, Dan. And remember to have some fun!
Paula,
Your transparency both challenges and encourages. Thanks.
In addition, I’m always thankful for your practical suggestions and in this case links to useful resources.
Thanks for all you do for others.
Fun it is…
Dan
Paula is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read her bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/paula-kiger
Thx Dan for your thoughts and for your continuing passion to share your wisdom day after day.
What resonates for me in your post in our ability to listen. It is not always easy to hear what others have to say, and one can be shaken in its core identity at times. Beyond feeling guilty, a common human reaction, there’s the acceptance, the ability to transform ourselves into something much brighter, to use people’s wisdom to advance our thoughts and improve ourselves. No one is perfect, and being humble is important. Being able to truly listen, and receive the gifts of others, another way of receiving feedback, allows us to truly grow. Life is precious, and being able to be around people that care about our own growth, makes us better individuals all-around. I also try to offer feedback as gifts to others, in an attempt to help and coach. In the spirit of these ‘gifts’, I wish you, your family and friends, happy holidays. Look forward to your continuing thoughts on the different factes of leadership in 2011. Take care.
Johann,
Your passion shines through in your words. You connect humility with listening. Very powerful, practical insight. I respect you for brining it to the conversation.
Thanks for the good word and I look forward to hearing from you in 2011.
Cheers,
Dan
I’ve been reflecting on my daughter’s recent comment that I am intense. I asked some friends and colleagues if that was what they saw in me, and their response was something like “duh!”. Although my intensity has served me well in a lot of venues, I see that it can become a hindrence too. Now I’m trying to observe where that might hurt relationships, and see where to pull the intensity back a bit. This feedback was such a gift. The challenge is to know what to do with it.
Thanks for a great post, Dan.
Mary Jo,
You honor us with your openness and authenticity. In addition, you lift and encourage with your example.
I share “intensity” with you. I’m learning to lower my voice and listen more. Just this morning I practiced improvisational listening by going with people as they spoke. I think they enjoyed it.
Cheers,
Dan
Dan,
Great post! When we ask our friends and colleagues to tell us about our “blind spots” we also hope that they would do it with kindness and support. Cheers from New York City! Enjoy your Holidays and wishing you more success in 2011!
Educating minds and hearts of the world!
In Etiquette,
Lydumila
Lyudmila,
Yes we do hope they are kind. My problem, even when they are kind it stings a bit. 🙂
Cheers to you from central PA and success to you in your business.
Happy Holidays,
Dan
Hi Dan, I think you hit it on the head when you closed with “Just listen.”
It’s a lot easier to listen to others talk about their problems, but not as easy to listen to others talk about what they perceive to be your problem!
And when more than one person has similar thoughts, perhaps that’s when our blind spot needs a spot-light to fix!
Blessings,
Julia
Julia,
You coined a phrase by saying…”our blind spot needs a spot-light…” NICE
Thanks for stopping in.
Blessings to you too,
Dan
Hi Dan. Needless to say that discovering the LF community and interacting with everyone and especially crossing paths with you has been the highlight of this year for me. I echo the comments already made and truly appreciate and look forward every morning to your nuggets of wisdom and the thought provoking scenarios you stage for us. My thoughts on blind spots are simple. We all have them and will continue to have them for as long as we live. The terrain is ever changing and dynamic and and different environments create different blind spots. Our attitude and receptiveness will dictate how much growth we will achieve. I have always tried to provide a safe haven so my staff and colleagues feel comfortable approaching me and the best way to wrestle the tongue is to always have my hands at my side and my ears always available for any and all comments. People that care about us don’t let us travel in jeopardy and will alert us to our shortcomings. A famous lady once said that “worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” (Helen Keller). I will always cherish those that take the time to unravel some of my blindness and nudge me in th right direction. I consider myself fortunate to call these folks not just co-workers but my friends.
Dan thank you for all you do and your caring disposition. It is truly an oasis when sometimes one feels surrounded just by desert. I sincerely wish you and your loved ones a blessed Christmas and a safe and joyous New Year. I will look forward to resting by your well and continue quenching my thirst as we venture into the new year. Peace, kind regards Al
Al,
Once again your grace shines through. Thank you for your encouraging and insightful words.
Adding the dimension of changing circumstances to the issue of blind spots opens a world of possibilities and challenges. You remind me of General Shinseki’s comment, “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.”
I’m looking forward to learning and growing with the Leadership Freak community in the New Year.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Dan
Dan,
Thanks for a great year of leadership blogs. Extremely helpfull.
Merry Christmas and best wishes for 2011.
Hans
Hans,
Great to see a note from you Hans.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Dan
Thank you for this post. I am extremely grateful for your blog and the work that you do. I look forward to reading them and challenging myself.
This one is brilliant! There is validity in what others see in us. If we listen with an open heart and don’t take ot personally, we can learn invaluable lessons from those that want the best from us. We can even learn great lessons from those that don’t care about it, they may be more direct!
I would offer, along with everyone else, that we look at the patterns in our relationships with others. How do people respond to us? Observe our friends/colleagues and their interactions with others, what do they share, say to others that they may not share with us? it requires that we study others and gather information from the based on our relationship. There will be a pattern across the various relationships.
Thank you for this post. Again, u are truly appreciated.
Have a Merry Christmas. I am looking forward to hearing from you when you return.
Candice
The people we surround ourselves with in our work place, as leaders, are our best asset even in this kind of situation. Helping us locate and beat our weaknesses allows for the whole team to become a more successful one. And you can do the same for them, too.
Dan,
Great post! You’re well aligned with one of my favorite posts from Bob Sutton: http://blogs.hbr.org/sutton/2010/06/some_bosses_live_in_a_fools_pa.html
I would add one thought to your suggestion of asking others to point out our shortcomings. Make a commitment to the “just listen” part. It’s incredibly easy to fall into justification mode which wastes the opportunity and also possibly decriments a relationship by suggesting that you didn’t really want constructive criticism. Make the commitment up front to bite your lip and give time to reflect before responding. You’ll likely find a kernel of truth in the suggestion you initially recoil from. Once I’ve taken the time to reflect, I go back to the confidant and playback my thoughts and correction plans to see what they think of them. If their eyes say I’ve missed the mark, I know it’s time for a bit more navel gazing!
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
-Chris
Chris,
Thanks for your comment. Love Bob Sutton’s work. I bet you don’t know that Bod said the interactions on Leadership Freak are the best he’s seen on the Internet.. 🙂 Your comment helps.
Couldn’t agree more. Best to just be quiet after asking for this type of feedback. No excuses. I’ve gone as far as to say, “I promise to try what you suggest.” Not for ever of course but the other person’s perspective needs a chance.
thanks again,
Dan
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