Five strategies for finding freedom
Building Bondage
The strategies you adopt to get ahead may drain your vitality and shrivel your soul. Inadvertently, you’re forging the chains to personal bondage.
Five Strategies for Finding Freedom
Seek first to give. I’ve been reading “All Hands on Deck,” by Joe Tye. Joe recounts a component of Ray Kroc’s business philosophy. Ray established the MacDonald’s franchise. Ray believed in letting others win before he won. Uncover what winning means to your vendors, colleagues, and employees and help them get it.
Don’t embrace martyrdom. You don’t have to lose in order for others to win.
Try asking, “What can I do for you?” I’m dead serious. Write down the names of five people and ask them today. They may say something silly like, “Give me a million dollars.” Just laugh, close the office door behind you, and say, “Seriously, can I do something for you today?”
Use your power to lift rather than climb. Have you seen the climbers, always looking over their shoulder, consumed with getting ahead? Fear based living seldom takes you where you want to go.
Enjoy the success of others. “They got something I didn’t!” reflects a self-destructive orientation toward life. Score-keepers might get ahead but they seldom win. The power to enjoy another’s success finds roots in your own personal confidence.
Rather than building bondage, try finding your freedom.
*****
What activities or behaviors enhance your vitality and build your freedom?
“Don’t embrace martyrdom. You don’t have to lose in order for others to win.”. I so dig that Dan! I really wish people would get it that WIN/WIN is real rather than a nice idea. It certainly works for me. I have done deals where I was happy getting what I wanted, only to be disappointed when I found out at a later stage that the other party was aggrieved. That is not a good deal to win, I kid you not, so always check if everybody around the table is happy with the outcome.
Thabo,
Thanks for adding your own experiences and insights. Sounds like some people need help saying what they really want.
Cheers,
Dan
This is a very nice selection of discussion points. They fit together nicely. Thanks for posting them!
Thanks for the good word David
I love Ray’s philosophy! Let the other person win! That takes great humility and love, but certainly a “Best Practice.”
Artie,
Agreed. However, I know you agree that humility takes us further, faster than arrogance. 🙂
Cheers,
Dan
Sounds v good for personal life. Am thinking how in professional life.
Thanks for a nice post.
I think it works all the way around. Some would suggest that living by one set of rules for work and one set for personal life isn’t that healthy.
Thanks for jumping in..
Cheers,
DAn
I don’t really understand about “don’t embrace martyrdom.” Maybe there is something there that I haven’t seen?
Here is my freedom: I serve God; so if someone dislikes my stance, because it is ethical, okay : “so what?” This really frees me. Middle managers are often pinched between directives and what they think is right. Educators feel very caught in conflicting directives. In these situations, after having done my best, of course, I am free rather than tormented, because in the final analysis, I serve God and only secondarily my boss. O, I might get fired because I refused to violate law or ethics, but I sleep at night and am happy during the day.
In fact, I was reading something like that this morning: “This is my command: Love each other…..If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also…and no one will take away your joy. John 15:17, 20b, and 16:22c
There’s probably several to see Dan’s point about martyrdom, here’s what I took from it…
After service to God, be attuned to whether work commitments creep in and override commitment to family… and to yourself. The middle manager squeeze often results in invisible bonds being created that end up sacrificing golden family moments that never will return. One may not even realize they were missed opportunities. And without time for you to recharge, reframe, recreate, you cannot serve others as well.
Sharon,
Perhaps the term martyrdom is a bit of a loaded term. The idea is that just because we “let others win” as in the first idea. We do not have to lose. We do not have to sacrifice ourselves in order to let other’s win.
As Doc suggests, it isn’t necessary to sacrifice family relationships in service to an organization.
Hope that helps.
Cheers,
dan
Thank YOU for a timely post! These messages resonate with me personally and for some of my coaching clients who are really struggling with this concept. I will share your wisdom with them! Also, thank you for such a nice gift. I am looking forward to it. Peace to you.
Great way to start a discussion Dan. You asked:
What activities or behaviors enhance your vitality and build your freedom?
Here are a few that work for me.
1. Make the effort to connect with someone new every day.
2. Read an article or post about something I know nothing about
3. Share a compliment…just because
4. Challenge myself to come up with one original idea EVERY day; and
5. When it’s a good one…share it.
Too too healthy, Joan, great list!
6. Find something funny and truly laugh.
How could I have left THAT out. There is nothing more liberatng than an opportunity to find and enjoy humor in life. (It also keeps us all from taking ourselves too seriously.)
Thanks Doc!
Joan,
I know you practice what you preach. We talked on the phone some time ago. I’m glad we did.
Your twitter hashtag #beoriginal is another expression.
I’m thankful you keep sharing your insights and encouraging others.
Best,
Dan
Dan,
Great points and the last one “enjoy the success of others” is powerfully liberating — perhaps beyond what someone imagines before they try it.
One additional strategy that I am using this year and it is working — simplify! Look through the details, the emotion, the clutter of your life and you find the core. Let go of extras and you find freedom!
Kate
Kate,
Regarding — “enjoying the success of others.” You are so right. It is liberating. I don’t always find that I’m excited when someone else succeeds. When envy grips me my vitality slips away. It’s not pretty.
Thanks for adding to the list. I’ve chatted with several that are embracing your commitment to simplify. Perhaps its a movement! Congrats.
I’m always delighted to see that you’ve joined the conversation.
Best to you,
Dan
Kate Nasser is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read her bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/kate-nasser
Dan,
What a great post today. I am greatly encourage by the information that you put out. I try to practice those strategies but had not necessarily put it in words. The five strategies could serve as a good guide line for anyone.
I hope to send more people to your blog because I get so much out of it. I enjoy your wisdom in a quick and easy package and the great comments from the community post.
Thank you for you work!
#4 clicked with me Dan…sometimes we lift, sometimes we pull, sometimes we push…and if climbing…stop and take a look around. The climb itself is a journey and the price of admission to enjoy the surroundings.
Also struck a chord about the fear piece, perhaps that is another whole thread though.
Your points could be summed up into just “don’t be selfish”, or also, “don’t be an ass”.
Sometimes I notice that even if making someone happier would require little to no effort by someone, this someone still doesn’t act, preferring to leave others miserable perhaps to feel happier in comparison.
So yeah, “don’t be an ass” really works wonders sometimes.
First of all, thank you for arranging for access to the g5 webinar – I have wanted to participate in one for a while now.
Now on to today’s question:
What activities or behaviors enhance your vitality and build your freedom?
Several years ago, my children and I were on the way to Orlando. We were going to submit our headshots to an extras agency and then were staying a day to play at a waterpark. My daughter, who was 10 or 11 at the time, said “you see happier.” I had just come out of a relatively challenging time emotionally and had just started taking the first very tentative steps toward incorporating the things I loved into my life (such as acting). A wise therapist once told me to go to the beach for 24 hours, but before then to go to the library and “check out books that just appeal to you. period” it was a great exercise. The more you involve the things you love that make your heart happy, the closer you get to vital freedom.
I really like your library then the beach approach Paula! Sort of a mental freedom and paradigm shift and then physical environment shift. Nothing like a few ocean waves to put things in perspective…
Great post! I like the idea of not embracing martyrdom. Look for the win-win, right? Also, why can’t somebody else winning or getting what they need actually be the win for me in the process.
Thank you for sharing the offer. I just signed up and the webinar looks very interesting. Thank you for being so generous! Your blog is great, I read it daily! Thanks for your words of wisdom!
Your posts this week seem synchronistic with my life Dan!
My business coach is having me carry out an exercise to prioritize and list all the things I do and might do in my life, including things that people have asked me to spear-head, but that I have not made a decision on yet. And I’m to list out the amount of hours per day or week that are required for each. (Let’s just say that there aren’t enough.) I’m also finding it useful to get to the nitty gritty and seriously list everything, even the time it takes to brush my teeth, because that does require time on my daily schedule. And to look at the baby-steps involved in terms of time too. Pulling in the micro-steps of the day draws from my past in learning to write a lesson plan for profoundly disabled children.
This combined activity is helping me to see a great deal that is often taken for granted. And as mentioned a couple days ago, I’m studying more into great ways to say no and still maintain relationships as well.
These activities are also helping me see where I need to clone myself. Which to me Dan, is akin to your point on lifting others. I’ve finished up an article I’ve been writing on the experience, though it won’t publish until tomorrow. But I’ve found the exercise useful. And it’s occurred to me that sometimes delegation or saying no means to provide the means to do so. I.e. train your own replacement. I recently met a social and online marketing guru man who is training someone else in the field so he can become their client. When you break out of the box of typical approaches, you can find interesting and creative solutions!
Hi Julie, sounds like great progress I admire your strength, endurance and humility placed equally around your love of others. your coaching story reminds me of my first coach who once I comleted the list then left a hanging question – “and you are going to let go of….?” i dropped a goal i had had for years and was never going to do, i can still feel the weight being shed as I type this 10 years on. go well. Richard (PS, I love No, it always creates the possibility of finding Yes)
Yay Dan, you da’man. Great list, not even worth trying to improve on. The martyrdom thing is very interesting and I think you are on the money (or is that the moany). I would twist this a bit further and say don’t let others play the martyr, or, Don’t let Martyrs win by losing. We often get tied down by others spreading their ‘I lose” pain all over the place. If you can intercept this game it is very liberating for everyone – and done well it will liberate the martyred as well.
Bless
Richard
Oh, and thanks for the webinar Dan, great stuff.
Great post today! I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for your continued inspiration, Dan! Your blog is one of the best, and I always enjoy it!
Excellent! Live it forward…not “fear” it forward.
Thanks for serving!
Dan very good post, as always.
I specially appreciate the final reflection:
“Rather than building bondage, try finding your freedom.”
After 6 months on the new challenge I have undertaken last year on September, I mentioned here at LF, they (top directors) are now, following some new organization changes, proposing me to go back to former direction of risk management but at local level to implement same project (without any promotion, benefits or rewards)!
I rather prefer to keep going on the function taken on 2010 developing my new skills, competences and expertise and finding my freedom!!! Even if it won’t last forever!!!
What do you think?
Many thanks.
best regards.
Dear Dan,
I agree and strongly support your opinion that fear- based living seldom takes you where you want to go. It is very true in almost all the settings. I have seen people creating fear not for organisational benefit or survival but for the self success and survival. These people do not believe in empowering others but believe in getting and holding power through their position. They are also the people who are disconnected with the people in the organisation as well as in the society. For them success is getting position but they forget to understand, how long can they hold the position. Finally they have to live in the society where the real status and happiness comes from people bondage and they have already lost it. And it takes longer or perhaps impossible to restore, recreate good image before people.
I think the activities and behaviours that can enhance vitality and freedom are nothing but committed effort for betterment. Taking guarantee your position, job and power is dangerous. And that can stop your vitality and freedom. We have to understand what we can change and what we cannot change. I strongly believe that we can change our thoughts, attitude, focus and belief. Effort is something that minimise fear and maximise option. Fear arises when you do not have more option. So when you have more option, fear will be minimised. Therefore, I believe keep making committed effort to enjoy vitality and freedom in the life.