Too busy to matter
I’m learning it takes more courage to stop than to start. Anyone can start something new. It takes real leaders to stop something old.
Think of your life as a five-gallon bucket. You can only cram so much in before it overflows. Adding to life without subtracting from it results in bloated, stress-filled days that begin feeling meaningless. That’s when you start asking, “What’s life all about?”
If you don’t intentionally take things out of your life, life will do it for you. Sadly, the things that fall out are frequently the things that matter most.
Seven things to stop:
- Stop good things and embrace great things. If you are wondering what’s great, you decide.
- Self-importance keeps people doing things that don’t matter. You are important but life will go on without you. Humility sets you free. Others can do many of the things you cling to.
- Only do what only you can do. Delegate the rest.
- Are you enabling others to shirk their responsibilities by doing things for them? You aren’t helping. Stop!
- Say no to electronics for a portion of everyday and go for a short walk. Take 10 or 15 minutes to let things go.
- Don’t schedule back to back appointments.
- Don’t offer to help. Offer encouragement. Honor what others are doing.
Three things to start:
- Engage in activities that visibly express great virtues like love, humility, beauty, excellence, faith, honesty, sacrifice, and kindness. Walk out of your office and express something meaningful.
- Connect behaviors with purpose.
- Shift from frustration to gratitude. Two people can experience similar events while one is bitter or angry and the other finds happiness. One key reason is gratitude. Gratitude matters.
Bonus: Stop searching for the magic pill that solves your struggles.
What can leaders do or more importantly, stop doing that helps build a life that matters?
Excellent post Dan, Thanks
Thanks Mimi!
I loved this post Dan as it reflects what I have been trying to do for some time now. There’s an interesting crossroads you reach however when you try to take things out of your life but still retain a core sense of purpose. I am finding this especially so after seven very hectic years as an independent consultant. Thanks for helping me to reflect a little purposively.
John,
Tell me more about the “interesting crossroads.”
Best,
Dan
Hi Dan
Sorry about the delay and keeping you hanging! Famine to feast in a few days – the life of a consultant I guess!
The interesting crossroads I refer to above came about from an opportunity over this past twelve months, due to the economic slowdown mainly, to take real time to reflect deeply about myself personally, my role as a consultant, and the things that matter to me most dearly in my life. One major thing I realised was that I had been far too frenetic in my consulting activity for too long and so I set about re-establishing or perhaps even re-inventing myself.
This signalled a determination, amongst other things, to manage demands on my time more firmly and to become much more selective about what I responded to, with a clear objective for how much time a week I wanted to spend working. In many ways I began to achieve this by pursuing the activities you noted above.
The crossroads came when I soon realised that, by taking these actions, I was impacting on my core purpose, which is to help people and make a difference in their lives. For some weeks I had this massive tussle in my head and heart about this dilemma, as I really value my values!
Eventually, as you suggested in your post, I concluded that I just can’t do it all and there are others ways to help and support people, which is what I now do! I have occasional niggles in my head but I think I am in a much better place now than I was then … and your ideas help me to keep that focus!
So, thanks for the post and the question!
John
John,
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s inspirational and challenging all at once.
I think your struggle is common. You encourage me.
I know some folks that could follow in your footsteps.
I wish you success,
Dan
I love your posts, Dan.
However, I have a question: If you are not the “true” leader, but an influencer who is learning to lead from within, how do you help engourage others to stop the madness?
There are antiquated systems and processes in place, that do not work, but the organization (in this case, church) holds fast to them.
Excellent question. We have the same thing at my church, and at work there are cases where I’m subordinate to people who manage these outdated systems. I’m eager to hear the answer.
Hi Martina,
Thanks for your kind words and question.
I’ve been a change agent and led through change. Frankly if things are changing you aren’t leading. Having said that, it’s never easy and almost always destabilizing.
Don’t even think about making change if you aren’t willing to face the turbulence.
The only other thing I’ll add here is, engage as many people as possible in any change efforts… top down change isn’t effective in volunteer organizations.
Love to talk me. Lets get on the phone to discuss. Send me an email if interested. dan(at)leadershipfreak(dot)com
Best regards,
Dan
Dan do you mean – if things aren’t changing you are’nt leading? or do you mean what you said?
Richard
Richard,
Perhaps I should say, leaders change things, if they aren’t changing things they aren’t leading.
Best — 🙂
Dan
Start asking unconditional positive regard questions, each question is a seed.
You don’t get to decide whether or not water them, you only get to offer what you can and shine a light.
Culture change takes years, if not you then who will ask? And as Dan noted, there will be strong winds blowing.
Dear Dan,
I think introspection can help leaders to stop doing that helps them to build a life that matters. This will help leaders to closely and minutely see and relate things that matte most and least in our lives. I agree that most of the time, we focus on things that matter the least in our lives and let go the things that matter most in our lives.Our inner compass will perhaps guide us to see things in its true perspective.
I agree that stopping the existing things need more energy that starting new things. The reason is simple. Existing things are followed by so many people and if you want to change it, you have to challenge all the people who follow it. On the other hand, starting new things, need self conviction, courage and dogged determination. While it needs leadership skills to stop existing things, one needs to calculate effort-outcome analysis before stopping anything.
Dear Ajay,
Great point regarding introspection. It’s become more a part of my own life than ever. Thanks for suggesting it here.
To the idea that it’s hard to let go of the past because others are involved gets really tough when peoples jobs are on the line. However, I still think its sad if at the end of life we look back and say we never really followed our OWN heart.
Living for others is important as long as we don’t loose ourselves in the process.
Thank you for joining in,
Dan
Ajay is a featured contributor on leadership freak. Read his bio at: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/ajay-gupta
I am in full agreement about the importance of introspection. I like your metaphor that “our inner compass will perhaps guide us to see things in its true perspective.”
I’d like to indulge a bit. The key word to me is “guide.” A person who allows guidance and who knows that north is true will know the right direction and if he or she is going the right way.
As we know, a working compass doesn’t lie. It points north no matter what. Therefore, the compass is never the problem. The problem is the person being guided.
Many of us choose the parts of true that we like best, depending on the situation. Picking parts of true will affect the outcome of our introspection. It may be that we are following a false north. Therefore, we will proceed in the wrong direction (with justification). Guidance is not in this person’s vocabulary. This person “knows” what is his or her north, and s/he doesn’t need guidance.
On a positive note, I think that what you mean by “our inner compass will perhaps guide us to see things in its true perspective” is the following. S/he who 1) recognizes and admits true north, 2) accepts guidance in the right direction from his or her inner compass, and 3) aligns with others who see and admit true north can get themselves and others to where they need to go.
Thanks, Ajay, for the spark!
Thank You for a thought provoking post!
Mario, an encouraging word always feels good. Thank you, Dan
Another thing leaders can stop: hoarding information. If only you know, only you can do. If only you know, everyone has to come to you. Both make you busier; both make others less effective. However, if your culture or your predecessor set a norm that doesn’t trust people with information, this is a hard one to change. One of my rules: unless there’s a reason not to, share everything with everyone. People do better when they know more, and I have to remember less myself.
Greg,
Wow, great comment. Your suggestion concerning, “making others less effective” really packs a punch to me. That should help convince any hoarders in the room that the path they are on won’t work unless they are ego maniacs.
Best,
Dan
Greg,
If only you know, only you matter. Who wants to change that?
Best,
Chavah
I really like the bonus tip (“stop looking for the magic pill…”).
It seems like many people are searching for the one big thing that will suddenly make it “easy” to manage time and responsibilities…meanwhile, several achieveable small wins are right in front of them!
Tim,
KaChing! Thanks for expanding that idea.
Cheers,
Dan
Thanks for the wakeup call! We are all so ‘busy’ that we do have to stop and take a minute to ensure we are working on what is the ‘real’ priority.
Everything can NOT be the priority. It takes courage to say that to those that you work for, and those that work for you. But, we need to do it so the ‘right things’ are at the top of our priority list.
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your comment. I love that you used the term “priorities” I didn’t use it in the post but I certainly thought of it. Great word.
Best wishes,
Dan
Great reminder. I used to have a commander who said, “Not everything can be your number 1 thing, but everyone should have a number 1, and everything important should be someone’s number 1.” The nature of life is we always have more to do than we can get done, so he always challenged us to know at any given point what our number 1 thing was. I’d forgotten until I read your comment — thanks.
You look so much younger in that photo Dan :). This is a great reminder, and a nice follow up to the posts on vision. My expereince is many people don’t change as they haven’t tried to envision what could be.
All they can see is the terror of not having enough to do, of not being important enough, so like your Rat they scurry away and consume resources and energy. So I would add – stop seeing the treadmill and start seeing a bright future (that splash of colour) that you are part of. everything else follows.
And I suspect most of us are guilty of this from time to time..
Richard
Hi Richard,
Glad you noticed the pic. I was a cutie.. 😉
I think we agree that being busy is sometimes the way we make ourselves feel important. If I take a few minutes for myself there must be something wrong with me.
I’m reminded of Josh LInkner’s passion that companys give employees two hours a week for think time… imagine that.
I’m always thankful to see you have joined the conversation.
Best,
Dan
Richard is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read his updated bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/richar-croad
2 hours a week, 2 hours a week!!! What would I do. Thanks Dan and thanks for updating my profile.
Richard
Great post, Dan. As a business coach, I have found the question, “What can you stop doing that will help you achieve more of what you want?” to be one of the best question I ask others and myself. Invariably for me, it is around “busyness” areas (electronics, e-mail, getting things done around the house, around work) without reflecting on the value of the activity and time spent.
Some folks believe if they aren’t really busy it somehow reflects on their value. For many, it has more to do with allowing themselves time to focus on what is most important, and being willing to embrace the answers. When we are running at a frenetic pace it can be like a drug that masks our true feelings, needs, wants – our purpose.
Stop doing is very often harder, but it is also very often of greater impact.
Jim
Hm, you must have drafted this post while subversively lurking under our dinner table this past weekend! This is something I struggle with – saying “no” to the good in order to embrace the “great” – I think I too liberally see the “great” potential in so many things and want to be a part of helping the cause/effort/campaign get there. As you point out, however, sometimes it is encouragement that is more valued and helps someone else shine rather than help that enables them.
As far as what leaders can do (or stop doing) to build a life that matters?
For me, outside of my work hours, I have tried to cut down on the number of meetings I go to. I do as much as I can from home (draft publicity releases, etc.) – to me being physically home matters even when I am engaged in a task for a cause I care about. I’ll be able to go to meetings galore when my kids are out of the house in six years.
Paula,
I always love your life-based comments. They help me think in new ways and shine a light on important ideas.
Love the insight that you see the potential for great in good things and that can be inviting. I think you nailed something that impacts all of us.
Best,
Dan
Paula is a featured contributor on Leadership Freak. Read her bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/paula-kiger
Hi Dan,
You always have a way of making me Stop and Think!
This post reminded me of a conversation I had years ago with a casual friend and co volunteer. I had been out of the volunteer pool due to recovery from an accident and was finding that getting active again was difficult. When you are busy, and someone asks for your help, your input on a project, your availability to chair a committee, etc, it is very easy to say “sure, I can do that”, without even thinking. However, to stop all of the above and then try to do it all at once is tough.
She said to me “Your yes’s mean nothing if you never say no”. I have used that phrase in my life, and in coaching others. We all need to step back, look at what we’re doing and realize that just because “we’ve always done that”, doesn’t mean we need to continue to do so.
Thanks for reminding me!
Get a bigger bucket? Not an option!?
Glad you referenced the stress bucket Dan. We all carry them, whether we acknowledge them or not. Most often, we do tend to get a bigger bucket and not be attuned to it being heavier. Not only that, once the bucket gets to a certain level, its starts sloshing out the top all over us and others. We don’t even realize sometimes that it is coming out sideways.
To stop doing it, you have to pause and take an introspective look in the bucket (has a mirror-like surface doesn’t it!) and decide if you are willing to commit to ‘letting go’. Also no easy task that.
All those great little tools, calendars, time and task tracking, audits, work..if you use them conscientiously. If you don’t do it, don’t expect others to do it either and where does that lead your organization?
Doc,
Man!! You took the bucket metaphor to new heights. Love the idea that when it overflows it gets on everyone around. Boy, that sure is true.
I’m thankful for your participation and contribution to the Leadership Freak community.
Best to you,
Dan
Doc is a featured contributor to Leadership Freak. Read his bio at http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/doc
Doc how about not having a bucket at all and having a “fountain?” As we age we can add tiers to it, always conserving albeit at progressively lower levels the information garnered along the path of life. One likes to be where the “flowing” occurs but at times may have to reach deep down for those burried nuggets of wisdom. Did I create the right vision for you and can you hear the trickling water? 🙂 BTW I did exactly what Dan suggested and stopped working and went for a walk along the Zen path. Cheers, Al
Something about aging and water flow Al, ouch! Be right back!
I now carry a pedometer every day and monitor that to ensure that I am getting out and about. Great way to destress sans medications. Will be partnering with patients in collaborative wellness effort in the coming months, great stuff!
There is that literal/figurative walking in the same direction that endorses collaborative perspectives. It is both disarming and can focus at the same time.
Here’s an example of getting a bigger bucket. Increase the debt ceiling. Does it solve our financial problems? Or do we just get wetter (from the splashing)?
I liken debts to mistakes. Too many mistakes?No problem! Just increase our tolerance for mistakes. Raise the mistake ceiling. Allow more mistakes. Soon our mistakes will be only a drop in the bucket.
Encouraging people, instead of helping them, would probably be the most difficult habit for me to form. Thank you for the inspiration though!!
Matthew,
I’m with you. I tend to want to get in and do something for someone one. Looks like we both got a reality check with that idea.
Cheers,
Dan
I often present around an image:
Picture a wooden wagon, being pushed and pulled. The wagon is rolling
on wooden Square Wheels® while the cargo is round rubber tires.
Playing with this image for almost 20 years, it is still remarkable to me how people continue to generate new ideas and reactions to it. They add mud, sometimes, to reflect how things really are or they question where the horse might be.
But nearly all agree that the wagon will continue to roll along the same way, thumping and bumping on those wooden Square Wheels unless either the wheel breaks (and is replaced by a NEW Square Wheel) or one of the wagon pullers steps back and sees the paradox.
Things will continue to remain the same until someone changes things. Unless there is some over-riding need to STOP pulling and pushing and look around for some new ideas, nothing will change.
Thump thump, thump thump.
So, one of my messages for leadership in any organization is pretty simple:
Don’t Just DO Something, Stand There.
A bit of perspective on how things really work can be quite useful to everyone.
A desk is a dangerous place from which to view the world.
John LeCarre
Have Fun out there!
.
Curiously, I envision your image and ask, why wouldn’t they take off the square wheels and replace them with the round ones? In that instance, wouldnt DOing something be better?
“Are you enabling others to shirk their responsibilities by doing things for them? You aren’t helping. Stop!” I love being a helpful person and helping people get things done but the same thing always happens: I end up doing too much for other people, they end up not being responsible for their own tasks and I spend so much time on their tasks that I never get anything done for myself by the end of the day. I think this article says it best when it says “Stop good things and embrace great things” because it’s those great things that make our life extraordinary and feed the fir burning in our belly.
I really appreciate your blog posts!
I’m reading this a day late, but fittingly, just in time to start a rather long day filled with many meetings… I drove to the office thinking about how I would position things in several meetings; I’m now stopping to think if my original process is the best one… Maybe time to intentionally remove the things that would best dictate the new path I should be following… Thank You!
Love hearing your story. Best wishes and continued success.
You have mentioned valid points. Most of the time we do self important things which just kills our time.
I love this post, Dan! It’s really cool when you can stop doing something and see it as a victory if nobody misses it. Never hurts to test this out. It always teaches me humility. As much as I like the seven things to stop doing, I like the three to start even better. Especially connecting behaviours with purpose. Ironically the shortest point listed, but without a core purpose there’s no real reason to do anything.
Thanks for the continued excellence!
Simple, but profound: “I’m learning it takes more courage to stop than to start.” That’s enough to make this post worth reading, but there are also your suggestions for seven things to stop and three things to start.
That’s why I included this post in my weekly selection of top leadership posts from the independent business blogs.
http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2011/05/18/51811-a-midweek-look-at-the-independent-business-blogs.aspx
Wally,
Thank you for all you do for others. I respect your generosity and wisdom.
Best wishes,
Dan
“Only do what only you can do. Delegate the rest.” I like this one the best. You do things that only you can do. Delegation gives u scalability and ultimately results in more growth. The day u start doing everything is the day you actually stopped doing anything.
Hi Dan,
This really stood out for me: ‘Don’t offer to help. Offer encouragement. Honor what others are doing.’
Can you tell me more about not offering to help?
Thank you,
JP
Hi JP,
Thanks for your comment.
RE: not offering to help.
Some leaders try to help others too much. In so doing they hinder the progress of others and fill their lives with “helping” activities that, in the end, help no one. I am temped to step in and help. I’m learning the benefit of not helping.
Best to you,
Dan
That makes sense to me. I think I should try focusing on giving people more space and encouragement instead. Thanks for the comment!
All the best,
JP
Greetings to all!
I too very much liked Dan’s this article. Thank you very much!
Many as it seems to me, very much would like to become leaders, but it not so is easy.
It’s necessary not only high level of charisma. And at all only purposefulness. Introspection, self-organizing, self-discipline is on what many limp. Because with it really it’s not easy to consult.
Enjoyed
Yes, its very easy for me to get overloaded with things to do.The priority list that I develop to get to do list’s done usually are in order, consisting of things that I can do with little or no help. Resently, I’ve been on the “what really matters” movement.– Streamlining my to do lists and placing emphasis on what matters. I noticed when I lead a team I use more of my creativity and organizational skills. I delegate tasks simply because I’d rather allow somoneelse to do the work. This way I can focus on creative aspects of the project and use organizational skills to help the team meet the challenge.
A leader needs to give his/her team permission and authority to say, “no” when asked to do something. My team knows their schedule better then I do. When I approach one of my team with something I want to delegate to them, here is the conversation 90% of the time.
Me, “I have a project in mind for you. I’d like for you to consider taking on/doing…” AND I always conclude with telling them I long I think it will take them and over what time frame I imagine the project or task lasting.
They reply one of two ways, after asking any questions they have. They will reply; “Okay.” And then they ask more clarifying questions. OR they reply, “I’d like to do that, but here are the other things on my calendar. I’d have to give up one of them or push pause on one. Which one would you like for me to pass on, forget about or pause?”
Now, I can either answer them…or take the project to a different person on the team.
Empowering my team this way has made us so much more efficient.