Help Me I’m Being Criticized!
Critics say more about themselves than they do about you. They impose personal values and expectations as criteria to evaluate you and your behaviors.
The more your organization accomplishes the more criticism leaders face. Some will complain you didn’t accomplish the right things. Others will criticize your methods, and some will question your motives -suggesting you’re driven by arrogant self-glorification.
Six questions to ask when you’re criticized:
Consider sources:
#1. Is the critic over you, your equal, below you, or outside your organization?
#2. How much influence does the person have relative to your own?
Consider motivations:
#3. Is your critic motivated by self-interest, your-interest, or organizational interest?
Consider values:
#4. Does your critic share your values? This question is the most important question.
Consider results:
#5. Will listening to your critic propel you toward your goals and move you closer to realizing your vision?
#6. What consequences result if you ignore your critic?
Seven Guiding Principles:
#1. Respond in ways that elevate you and your organization.
#2. Never take criticism personally, focus on behaviors.
#3. Always explore potential improvements.
#4. Invite sincere critics to participate in improvements. Abraham Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”
#5. Listen to, thank, and then ignore persistent critics. If they persist, stop listening! Denny Strigl explains, “The more you respond to criticism the more credence you give it.”
#6. Never defend yourself by criticizing your critic.
#7. Invite your advocates to be your critics.
Elbert Hubard suggests you can easily avoid criticism by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing.
Criticism stings sincerity the most. Sincerity, however, doesn’t give you a free-pass from criticism. While being criticized, keep your eye on vision; cling to values, and never let critics derail you.
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More on criticism:
10 Ways to Get the Most From Criticism
Criticize me – You’ll go higher if a trusted friend brings you down.
Criticism and Vision – Vision enables you to run toward criticism rather than away from it.
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How do you handle critics?
What’s your best word of advice for those facing criticism?
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You are right on the money! This is the truth staring you right in the face. Thank you for this post. More people would do well to keep all of these points in mind; especially in the workplace!
Thanks for the good word! Cheers
Dan, this is a timely topic (well, it’s a timeless topic thanks to human nature, but in an age when public figures are criticized (literally) for every step they take and the way they dress then they take out their garbage and other nonsense, it seems especially pertinent). Yesterday’s “Daily Good” from CharityFocus encouraged us to embrace criticism: http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?qid=4648
As for me, honestly my first reaction to critics is often to react and/or feel defensive. As I have gained life experience, I have developed a better filter at letting some of it bounce off, knowing that individual needs to vent or feel powerful. There are a select number of people in my life who will really “tell it to me like it is,” and I have learned to shut up and listen (and accept).
For those facing criticism, I’ll go to the one of the 25 tips in the DailyGood piece that resonated for me right now: Learning to receive false criticism … without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field. I suppose we will never be free of criticism (nor would we want to be) but learning to sort the constructive from the destructive is key.
Great thank you. I need a pocket version 🙂
this past Monday in a special meeting with the leaders I am involved in, one of the visitors ripped me up one side and down another. The leaders said or did nothing but let him go on, until he left. They were all as stunned as I was. He was not on “the inside” of things so he did not know what had been done or was being considered. (I think he would like to be though since it would give him more power). however, since then one has spoken to me and said “he spoke out of ignorance.” Will he apologize? Probably not. It is not his nature to do so. My first reaction was to sit silently gritting my teeth until he left. Then I calmly told the guys that was unwarranted. I did get angry but have since cooled down. Artie Davis wrote a good post about criticism here: http://artiedavis.com/2011/06/17/is-it-ever-right-to-criticize/ Good thoughts Dan.
Dear Dan,
I handle critics first by knowing source. If the source is famous for criticising, then I take it easy but still I try to see myself from others perspective. If the souce is reliable or can be relied, then I handle it by introspecting, confirming and accepting. I try to see myself, putting in shoes of others. try to confim from reliable sources and when I see myself at fault, I accept with a willingness to do something. Doing something is not always part of my acceptance because I see what is possible for me to change what is not possible at all. For example, priniciples and values related issues are difficult to change. So, When things are difficult to change and when they can distract and derail me from my goal, I dont care to change myself. But if they can change me on posiitve side, then I try to bring change.
My best advice to those facing criticism is to forget it. Try hard to prove yourself better. Dont try to justify that your critic is wrong. Instead look inward, whether critic is right or wrong. Be open to accept your weakness, if any. I ask them to build more confidence and also console that nothing is permanent, so you can beat every odds with great determination and will power.
Dear Dan,
I handle critics first by knowing source. If the source is famous for criticising, then I take it easy but still I try to see myself from others perspective. If the souce is reliable or can be relied, then I handle it by introspecting, confirming and accepting. I try to see myself, putting in shoes of others. try to confim from reliable sources and when I see myself at fault, I accept with a willingness to do something. Doing something is not always part of my acceptance because I see what is possible for me to change what is not possible at all. For example, priniciples and values related issues are difficult to change. So, When things are difficult to change and when they can distract and derail me from my goal, I dont care to change myself. But if they can change me on posiitve side, then I try to bring change.
My best advice to those facing criticism is to forget it. Try hard to prove yourself better. Dont try to justify that your critic is wrong. Instead look inward, whether critic is right or wrong. Be open to accept your weakness, if any. I ask them to build more confidence and also console that nothing is permanent, so you can beat every odds with great determination and will power
Thank you. I will carry this with me. Criticism is especially hard for me. Intellectually, I am fine with it. When it is actually happening, I feel terrible!
There is a difference between constructive criticism, and being a professional ‘troll’.
I look for personal ad hominum attacks as the tip off for trolling activity. Trolling does nothing but destroy and debase the whole debate. People tend to leave when a meeting is disrupted with someone doing nothing more than an expletive laden personal attack on someone, whether in a virtual or real world meeting. When a troll appears with nothing but personal attacks, I personally have little or no tolerance for it, and prefer to cut it short.
However, if there is a reasonable debate and logical points are being made, great.
Diversity of opinion in an organization is typically rare, of high value and should be encouraged.
I read this post from the perspective of someone who was recently approached by a team member and told that I was being critical. We had been working on two different components of a project that required me to be aware what the other components were doing. I asked a lot of questions and on the rare occasion that our components over lapped, I stressed the importance of presenting consistent and accurate information.
I have gone over all of my written communication, and based on what was said I noted areas where I could have worded things differently. After the first response I received that I deemed to be combative, I made sure to let the other party know that my questions were for informational purposes only. She escalated the communication and started to copy other individuals. She later started to send emails that were very critical of my work.
I am still working with this person, and have asked myself some of the questions that you noted in this post. I found that I had to ask the questions from my critic’s perspective with me as the critic, then I reversed the roles. Very eye opening! There is certainly a disconnect of values but I also have to look at our priorities. A team meeting is definitely in order.
KC,
You took this short post to a whole new level. You honor us with your story and your insights. Thanks for adding value by applying and extending the conversation. I’m currently reading “Conflict 101” by Susan Shearouse. I haven’t read the whole book but it looks very good. You may find it useful. Stay tuned, I’ll be interviewing Susan one of these days.
You remind me that it’s always about the people.
Best Wishes,
Dan
Interesting post and interesting look at people’s view of that word, criticism. The post uses both the word complaint and criticism. I tend to think of a complaint as an argument against a situation and a criticism as an argument against a person. Situations can be changed but changing people is harder. However, I don’t think that is an excuse to stop listening to critics. Very often criticism is a signal that your ideas or your presentation of those ideas is not coming across to others as you intended.
HI Bonnie,
Thanks for bringing your insights to the conversation. Love the distinction between criticism and complaint.
Best,
Dan