A Leadership Intention (classic)
Repost of a favorite:
How do you want others to feel when they are around you?
- Like you are smart or like they are smart?
- Like they have great ideas or like you have great ideas?
- Like they are stars or like you are a star?
One of the best things
One of the best things leaders do is bring out the best in others. Bringing out the best includes instilling confidence by expressing gratitude, showing respect, asking questions, and listening well.
Not long ago, Mike Henry wisely said to me, “It’s amazing how smart others will think you are if you make them feel smart.” I suppose his statement could sound manipulative but I don’t think it was. I think he wants the best from those around him and when he gets it, they think he’s the best.
Are you treating others with defined intention?
Have you decided to make others feel like they are talented, smart, valuable, or…?
One surprising hindrance
Yesterday, during conversations, I noticed again that my passion does something I don’t want it to do. It shuts others down. It makes it difficult for others to disagree. When my volume goes up the participation of others goes down. On the other hand, speaking calmly and briefly, allows others to open up and feel valued.
I think it’s wise to choose how you want to make others feel when they are around you and then to act accordingly.
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How do you want others to feel around you?
What blocks your intention?
What are you doing to achieve your intention?
This post made me think of a peer in the organization with which my organization contracts to do Third Party Administrator services. From the first moment you meet her, she literally makes you feel like you are eminently capable of anything. I have seen her work with groups of people and she is no-nonse about getting things done. This combination of her being supportive and no-nonsense is so empowering.
I want others to feel like they are “part of my team,” not that they are obligated to me because of where our boxes fall on the org chart. I have found myself blocked by not delegating/entrusting people with more authority, by getting caught up in the “little stuff,” and by avoiding conflict when I needed to stand up for the people or processes I was representing.
I suppose the biggest blocks to my intention over the past few years included losing sight of where my personal goals fit in as compared to my organization’s goals.
To achieve it? At this point it really involves a deep digging around in some of my personal “stuff” – a sort of “strategic planning session” of the heart!
I love this post. It relates well to my post today on listening skills. I think my love of talking sometimes makes it difficult for others to get a word in edgewise. If I want them to feel smart and special, they need room to express themselves!
Good for me today. Thanks.
Good reminder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It speaks to good, sound leadership development. Howie
Dear Dan,
I want others around me to feel great. I believe in empowering them and allowing them to generate ideas and concept. I try to nurture their thought process. I encourage people around me to do their best and that provides me a sense of inspiration and connectivity. I think, my own thought process, experience, characteristics blocks my personality. It is internally driven force that blocks my intention. But, I overcome through introspection and looking the things through others eyes. I believe more in means than end result. I try to make right and ethical intention to achieve the things I want. I never ever think to achieve things that I like by harming interest of others or on the cost of others career.
For me means is more important. This provides me happiness and pride. I always believe in doing the things that I want others to do. I always believe in stopping things that others should stop. Action is more important than words, I believe and try to do that.
In a follow up of sorts of Ajay’s comment-action is more important than words, actions do influence feelings. My actions influence (probably do not make) feelings. Feelings are transitory in nature. Feel confident one second, experience a glitch, immediately that feeling is diced.
Knowing something has a greater sense of permanence (although, ‘state of the ar’t is time limited too). If I help someone think or really know that they can do something, that has legs, shelf life for a bit.
Following immediately after that can be a positive feeling. Thoughts and actions influence feelings.
Of course they all have a cyclic nature, yet it seems it is easier to change a thought or action than change a feeling. Stop being angry. Not so easy. Stop doing the thing that makes you angry, a bit easier.
What I want others to feel may not be the question, rather how should we think and we act to achieve a vision. And again, right on those heels, we can have positive regard. Being very aware that my every action, with every person, what I say and how I say can impact my intent.
So ask more (on many levels), see more, listen better, talk less.
Thank you so much for this post! Your posts are always excellent and relevant; this one in particular really hit the spot today!
A great topic, Dan. I have wrestled with similar tendencies – it requires a positive sense of self and security to truly focus on others without being manipulative. It’s one of the greatest leadership habits and one I’ll probably be working on for the rest of my life.
Lovely reminder Dan. Thanks.
I work as a personal coach and this is something I have to keep a real eye on because it has such a big impact on the quality of the coaching interaction. It’s like a filter that influences everything about the way I interact with a client.
When my sessions with clients aren’t as productive as they could be, my intent is always a key place to look!
Thanks for the reminder, I’ve felt a bit off the pace this week and this hit the nail on the head.