Five Ways to Fill Others with Courage
I wanted to make a difference when I was a teenager but lacked courage.
Encourage means to fill with courage. You have the power to give courage to others. You also have the power to drain people’s courage, to discourage.
The hardest thing about my nearly fatal accident isn’t the pain and recovery. It’s the anguish I caused others. You never want to put your spouse, family, and friends through what I put mine through. You want to lighten the load others carry, not add to it.
The dance of courage:
Since my accident, many are encouraged by my reentry into social media and blogging. The power to give begins with receiving; it’s sustained when we give back.
We learn to love by being loved. We learn to serve by being served. Someone pours from their cup into ours and the dance of courageous action begins.
Last night, friends brought dinner over. Thankfully, they ate with us. There’s been a parade of people like them. They pour from their cup into ours. They give us courage.
Lolly Daskal, Becky Robinson, and Jesse Lyn Stoner are pouring into my cup. They wanted to encourage and decided to help meet the financial need that exceeds our insurance coverage. They give us courage.
Easy:
Encouraging others is incredibly easy.
- Understand the dreams of others. Leadership begins with understanding and accepting the dreams of others.
- See the strengths in others rather than persistently working to improve weaknesses. Inordinate desire to improve things may create negativity. Spend more time focused on strengths.
- Speak hopefully. All great leaders are always realistically optimistic. If you don’t think others can rise up to meet challenges, get out of leadership.
- Serve others by helping them reach their dreams.
- When possible, meet a need.
Discouraging others is incredibly easy.
- Do nothing.
- Say nothing.
- Be negative.
How can you fill others with courage, today?
I can tell my office mate to breathe and relax. She is so hard on herself! 🙁
I’d bet a lot of what she gets on herself about doesn’t really matter anyway. That’s why Dan’s point about helping her see strengths is so powerful. If you’re looking for badness, you can find it everywhere. You’re right, Darlene, breathe, relax, celebrate the good things about yourself.
I think achievers tend to over-see things that need improvement and under-see their strengths. It’s something we can help with and something we all can learn. Cheers
By sharing what you wrote here to-day, Dan. Your own courage is so inspiring.
Isn’t the circle of encouragement beautiful. Best
I’ve found that when you make a point to be intentional about giving positive and sincere feedback many people will be surprised and you’ll make their day.
I remember one time while taking the Dale Carnegie Course when I made a point to say something positive to everyone I talked to for a day. You’d be surprised how many people circled back to thank me or to just continue the conversation.
I hear you Christian. It’s so powerful, invigorating, and inviting. Best
Dear Dan,
You have given excellent points. They originate from your experiences. I believe that you can fill others with courage by appreciating his or her strengths. As you mention, leaders are hopeful and optimist. I do believe so. Leaders create hope even in hopeless and pessimistic scenario. Creating courage is connecting with others purpose. It is about aligning with others beliefs and values. It is important to know others feelings. It is not important what you think but how people think about you. Leaders create their personal integrity. And when you have personal integrity, you can create trust among others. People will listen to your words. When you lack integrity, people will create distance from you. So, I think, people should see leaders as authentic one, then only, you can encourage them.
Ajay, I agree that integrity is a multiplier for encouragement. The better people think of you, the more they will value and respond to your encouragement. Good point.
I agree with Greg… the integrity point is brilliant.
Dan, it’s appropriate that you put understanding first on the list. We naturally value people like ourselves, and believe that others want to achieve the same things we want. When we see the differences and uniqueness of each individual, then we can encourage in meaningful ways. Most of the negativity expressed is about things that matter very little. We should make sure our encouragement is about the things that matter most to people.
I’ve been called an encourager, and have been uneasy with it because it sounds less productive than a lot of other things. I’m beginning to realize that helping others be effective, productive and happy does amazing things for them, and for the organizations they’re part of. I’m beginning to see my role as being in the wings, helping everyone else be a little better.
Thanks for helping us overcoming the tendency to interpret others through our own vales rather than theirs. It takes intention to make this shift. Great.
For many people the only thing holding them back is themselves. Encouragment for these individuals is sometimes all that is needed to push them to next level. No pressure, no stress, just the gift of communicating that other do see the value in what they do.
Bingo. I so believe you are on the mark. We can so easily give that “push” … 🙂
Hi Dan. What a great piece on courage. I have been folowing you awhile and what Becky, Lolly, Jesse and many others are doing, is exactly what you would be doing, if it was someone else. I wish you a fast and speedy recovery.
Bonnies comment above made me think of our acronym for CARE. She mentioned two of the words. When we Communicate, Appreciate, Respect, Encourage others, we are telling them is it ok to have courage, to be successful, to be nice to others as well.
Some other things to do and practice; Listen, Gratitude, Humility,Optimism, Enthusiasm and like others have mentioned, always be Positive. Lets all continue to follow your example and Inspire & Influence Positive Change.
Thanks again for all you do. Take CARE.
Al
mmmm, C.A.R.E. nice. I love anthing that helps me remember.
Dan – Courage is more than a flash of bravery or a heroic moment. It is the steady commitment to make it happen day after day. It’s tackling what others won’t and staying the course once you commit. You have done this with LeadershipFreak and we are all better for YOUR courage. Thank You and Merry Christmas.
Joan,
I respect you and your work. A good word from you goes miles in my book.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Best,
Dan
Dan:
Our teenaged son at the time sustained a severe brain injury 4 years ago. Yes, it was his fault…but it was an accident. We were grateful he was alive.
Having had brain injury rehab background I encouraged counseling to help him cope with life changes. He refused. He said he was “fine”.
A year later he shared how he heard how Christ suffered not only for our sins but also for our pains, our sufferings, our mistakes. He had blamed himself for all the suffering he had caused US. Now he could let go.
Made me think of this as I read your post.
May the piece of Christ you need be the peace of Christmas this year.
Best to you and your family,
Roy
Roy,
What a powerful, heartfelt comment.
I saw the trajedy of brain damage my first stay in rehab. Actually, when they saw my face, they were very concerned I might have brain damage. Thankfully my injures are to bone and muscle…my head is ver hard!
Working through the sadness of causing pain to those who love me is humbling. I keep learning to receive their love.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Best,
Dan
Geez Dan, guess we could have told your rehab staff about your ‘hard head’…our bad! 😉
“Courage” is a word of Latin origins which is litterally a combination of the word “heart” and the verb “to act” – courage, coeur, agir… I really like the alignment between these three words which so clearly comes through in French.
“Courage” – the suggestions you give here to leaders are beautifully aligned with this word’s roots, they’re true actions of the heart. What could be more solid, grounded and sustainable than leading from the heart?
Thanks a lot for encouraging us readers with these clear and important points!
I wish you a swift recovery 🙂
Greetings from Paris,
Fabienne.
http://www.coaching-ab.com
Fabienne,
Great etymology! Thankfully, there was alignement with what I wrote! 🙂
Greatings from central Pennsylvania, USA isn’t as cool as greetings from Paris! 🙂
Thanks for joining in,
Dan
Dan – You have lived a life of investing in other people and at this season in your life, you are reaping the results of what you have sown over the years. You are proof of why it is vital that we “fill the cup of others” because there will be days when we will desperately need others to fill ours. If we don’t invest in others along the way, we won’t have anything to draw from when we need it. Thanks for not only writing about great leadership principles, but living them.
@DavidGoodSATX
Hi David,
Although we never invest in others in order to get, as you say, we all end up in the recieving place sooner or later.
I’ll say it again, it took a few days to accept it but I love being loved. Sure, I want to give back. I don’t feel entitled. i feel fortunate and thankful that others care for me. It’s beautiful.
Best,
Dan
Dan,
Thank you for your encouragement. I have shared this with my co-workers so that we can all be better leaders. Praying for a full recovery. God Bless you.
Merry Christmas.
I love it when others decide my work is worth sharing. thank you and Merry christmas.
Life’s biggest problems seemed to be solved by the smallest of gestures. Thanks so much.
Simplicity is so simple that we miss it. 🙂
Hi Dan. First of all a very blessed and joyful holiday cheer to you and your loved ones and looking forward to 2012 with anticipation of another great year for the LF community with your leadership. Courage is in the air all around us when resilience like yours “revitalizes” and helps us breathe in fortitude, stamina, strength, and determination. Your boldness and audacity is an inspiration to us all. 5 ways to fill others with courage is to just follow your lead. Be optimistic in the face of peril, never stay down and always appear to be getting up, smile when others reach out to you, be kind and humble when approached by sincerity, and lastly share your wisdom and love. It is the invisible intangibles that have permanence, and stay with us way beyond the fears. God bless and Peace. 🙂
Writing a small note of encouragement goes a long ways, especially over the holidays. I drop 3×5 cards in the hands of my small group from time to time, and they have told me that they like that more then our outings (outings that take me hours to plan). Great thoughts!
Dan,
I am grateful you are on the road to recovery, and that you are surrounded by friends and family who encourage you. Their encouragement allows you to pour back into countless others through your writing, which I am encouraged by. Of all the blogs I subscribe to, yours is the one I consistently read. It is full of wisdom and insight, and is truly helping me in my personal development. God bless you and your family – Merry Christmas!
Debi
I’ve always loved the quote, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t… you’re right.” Encouragers are the ones who continually remind people that they can. They plant that seed of courage in their heads and then each time an encouraging word is said, the idea grows. I really like the idea of “giving courage”. When you can’t give much else, you can at least offer someone the strength to be courageous. MMF
Two takeaways from this post and thread…
The five items we seek to encourage/instill in others-we perhaps may need to instill/encourage within ourselves first.
And while it is often overused and metaphysically impossible, ‘walk a mile in their shoes’ can provide a valued perspective. Even daring to imagine what it might be like to have been that person can be daunting and overwhelming. Go there, lean into it. You will be better for it.
Thanks for your words. Last week my co-worker asked me if she could be handling a difficult work situation better. I told her she was handling the situation just fine. That was not true. She has been very stressed and combative. I believe it’s the only way she believes management will hear her concerns.
Based on your advice, I will talk to her this week and see if we can come up with a plan together. Hopefuly her concerns will be addressed and peace will return to our team. It will take courage.
I love the clarity, and hope to do as well.
Another great post. I recently subscribed. I’m revising a manuscript I’m going to publish in the next couple of months. Your insights would add a wonderful touch to a section where I deal with courage & teamwork. May I have your permission to reprint your 5 keys to encourage and 3 ways to discourage? I would really appreciate it!
Sure, glad to be useful.
THANK U!!!
youre really good at encouragement!
thanks 🙂
this makes good sense nice one.
encouraging other forces us to practice courage. Therefore, encouraging others encourages us as well! Powerful.
#2 is definitely for me. I tend to see flaws first (both in myself and others). I spend a lot of time and energy trying to improve. Thanks for perspective.
Thanks ellesmalling. I see the dark first, too. Seeing the positive is a learned skill in my world.
Indeed. I always thought it was my keen observation skills, allowing me to see what others don’t. Then I read recently that it was more about glorifying the negative. That didn’t sit well.