Stop Barking up the Wrong Tree
Leaders who work to extend their influence
are barking up the wrong tree.
John Maxwell said, “Leadership is influence.” But, gaining influence isn’t about working to get it; it’s about connecting. Stop worrying about influence; start connecting.
Who enjoys the power to influence?
- Respected people.
- Skillful people.
- Famous people.
- People with position.
- ???
But there’s more:
Connection enhances influence. People you influence feel connected to you – the deeper the connection the greater the influence.
New focus:
The new focus of leadership is on connecting.
Connecting tips:
- Walk toward people.
- Share yourself. Be transparent.
- Speak to values, fears, hopes, and aspirations.
- Give.
- Understand and serve their best interest.
- Talk less – listen more.
- Remember names.
- Praise and thank.
- Move first – serve first.
- ???
Connect with intent:
Avoid connecting for the sake of connecting. Connect with purpose. Connect to open channels that enable giving. Earn the right to be heard then enhance the success of others.
If leadership is influence, influence is about connecting.
How do you connect with people?
Dan,
I love how you’ve put such a fine point on the art of influence. It’s like leaders who obsess about their legacy. Too much focus on influence itself might dilute the genuineness of creating a connection.
Love the word obsess… I’ve done my share of obsessing about my influence… but in the end it’s more about the value I give than the value I get.
Dan,
Hmmm.. wondering where passion/commitment to a cause ends and obsession begins? 🙂
Great question… could it go back to obsession is about what we get.. .passion what we give… Heck… obsess about giving all you want as long as you don’t give out of a need for approval.. ???
Several years ago, I hosted a global Leadership seminar sponsored by Chick-fil-A. Out of all the speakers, I took away one message delivered by John Maxwell. He said “Connection takes energy.”
I pride myself on getting to know others at another level.
Though ever since that speech, I’ve been more intentional about connecting.
You bet… connecting is hard, unselfish work… as is leadership. Thanks for stopping in… cheers
Worrying about your legacy or your influence has you focus on the shorter term. The criticism you garner as a result of a particular leadership action will fade when your long-term record of integrity, fairness, sincerity and connection (there, I said it) becomes known.
Who enjoys the power to influence? 5. People with longevity.
Connecting tips: 10. (Related to praise and thank) Actively look for, recognize and affirm the accomplishments of others.
Wow! Great additions!
I’m thankful you brought up long-term cp. short-term.
I find transparent sharing, coupled with very active listening goes a long way in building connection. When I was younger, I felt I should listen much more than share. I received some important feedback from a peer that my listening more than disclosing created distrust. These days I share much more and it seems to create deeper connections.
I’ve used listening to control conversations and deflect. I’m not proud of it. It takes compassion and transparency to share yourself. Thanks for adding to this conversation.
Thank you Dan for a good post.
I have experienced again and again that the best way to connect is to care for the people, the outcome and just do what you have to do – good governance. Then you will earn respect. It may take some time – but those who wait on something good, do not wait in vain 🙂
There is a not so subtle hint of patience in your comment. Influence is earned and earning takes time. Thank you
talk less – listen more – good advice for all walks of life
I have learned that I have been impressed when people ask me questions about myself–and have taken the hint to ask others questions too- I figure if I like the attention, so do other people
Thanks for teaching us with your own story. Best
Yes, influence is about connecting, but, it is also about so many other things. Authority, resources etc. all create the potential to influence. However I think the point to notice here is that if you achieve your influence through connecting, it will be enduring influence – loyalty is a word which springs to mind.
The pursuit of influence often has ugly consequences, and we only have to look at Politics to see that. Someone famous, I cannot remember who, said that the person to give power to is the one who doesn’t want it.
Thank you very much for this posting! It is so true that being yourself is the vital key. Trying to be someone else or something else doesn’t work. You are your biggest influence. People who know me have referred clients to me because they know the personalities will fit and the relationship will work.
With connection tips, the last one could be: always make eye contact and remember names.
So simple. yet not done, isn’t it?
Basic reason, I thought, was the lack of respect for others and their ability to contribute.
I’ve seen managers who tried to fake-connect and are seen thru v quickly.
true!
I would certainly agree that influence is something that others bestow. The leaders that I consider to have “influence” exhibit character and an “integrity” of word and deed, values and actions, and “connections” flow from natural relational lines of business and networking.
Dear Dan,
All suggested points are excellent ones. The most important I see is remembering names and Speak to values, fears, hopes, and aspirations. Of course creating transparency in dealing is one of the best philosophy. I remember people names by their first name. I feel, calling people by title sometime create some kind of blindness in our mind. I connect people by understanding their expectation from me. Secondly I try to help others in meeting those expectation. From time to time, I take updates and encourage to pursue their dreams. In this way, I connect with them.
It is very common to barking up the wrong tree. It does not take any mind or skill to do it. In fact,it is a habit. But it takes lot of effort to get over in sucking habit. Accusing someone with our mistakes or weakness revert back to us with greater force.
Very powerful, thank you.
This is an incredible post! “Stop worrying about influence and start connecting.” I love it.
I write a blog about connecting, i’d love for you to check it out at http://www.justinlathrop.com
Connection tip #10:
Work harder at connecting people to people rather than just to yourself.
– open your arms to the people you meat (can be both metaphorically and literally)
This is easy if you remember that we are all in the same boat 🙂