How Passion for Good Creates Bad
“There are two things people want more than sex and money- recognition and praise.” Mary Kay Ash, founder, Mary Kay Inc. Money matters but money without respect is dissatisfying.
Always affirm worth
even if you can’t reward financially.
Failure in one area may overshadow success in another. When it does, you withhold recognition and praise where it’s due.
Personally:
I believe we go further by focusing on strengths but I tend to focus on my weaknesses. It’s a constant battle. When someone comes to “help” me with a shortcoming I smile and listen but the truth is I’ve already thought of that one and a dozen more.
The bad tends to overshadow the good; failure tends to overshadow success.
Organizationally:
Passion to improve may magnify shortcomings and failures. Change begins with dissatisfaction. Discontent is part of passion for excellence. But, organizations grow gloomy apart from large doses of recognition and praise.
More criticism than praise results in depressed environments.
Don’t burry your head in the sand and pretend everything’s ok. Deal with failures and shortcomings. But, failure in one area isn’t reason to withhold praise for success in another.
Celebration works better than complaint.
Leaders create dark, negative environments by criticizing failure more than recognizing success. Things could always be improved. Replace discontent with recognition and praise, just for today.
When failures obscure successes, darkness prevails.
How do leaders fall into the negativity trap?
How can leaders create positive energy?
It’s sad when there is a long awaited success that gets overshadowed by something bad that happens. It takes the wind out of one’s sails! I believe in celebrating success. Thank you so much for this post.
Thank you Diana.
Keep celebrating! It’s not so much that we shouldn’t deal with failure; its that we often neglect recognizing the good. 🙂
exactly but they shouldn’t be dealt with in the same breath!
Nicely said. Say the good without saying BUT!
“I believe we go further by focusing on strengths AND I tend to focus on my weaknesses.” 😉
Thank you Doc.
AND you are great. 🙂
I agree. we should spend 90% of our time on strengths and 10% on weaknesses. Most of us do the opposite…
Very good blog. Under-appreciated people often move on simply because they find their job ‘unsatisfying’…even when they don’t realize why.
I’ve never heard the term ‘over-appreciated’ because it doesn’t ever come to mind.
Had a conversation with a former coworker just this morning. He wants to find a new position because he misses the respect and appreciation he felt back when we worked together. I understood exactly what he meant.
Thank you Chris.
Wonderful but sad illustration. I think it’s hard for some to grasp that money without respect isn’t enough. I can see how organizations lose good people simply because they give enough respect. Giving respect sets people free to give their best.
Or when successes are never celebrated and leaders take the praise, it leads to a who cares enviroment, always recognize!
Thank you hotrod.
Leaders who cast blame and steal praise are black holes.
I work in an industry where we have to give instructions for technical corrections in projects. Although we give verbal feeback on the overall project, the technical corrections are written down. To the staff who prepared these projects this can feel like criticism (it’s not it’s just a list of technical changes). I will frequently insert a postitive comment into the technical changes list. It is amazing how much that one comment can lift the spirits of someone who saw the changes as a list of failures. It doesn’t take much to encourage people but we have to take the time to actually do it not just talk about it.
Thank you Bonnie.
What an encouraging illustration. Continued success to you.
As was alluded to in the “Armchair Quarterback” post, it’s easy to criticize, to find fault. When we do that constantly, we essentially dig an emotional hole for the people working with us to sit inside.
Todd Whitaker, in his great book, “What Great Principals Do Differently” talks about the importance of praise, asking “Do you know anyone who ever got too much praise?”
Praise and feedback is tricky. I find it’s okay to be vague sometimes with just little comments like “Good job” “Well done”, etc. Paying specific attention to accomplishments is better, even though it takes a lot more energy. The value of telling someone, “Hey, that part of the report you did was top notch, especially…”
This approach allows the person to think of their job in relation to their strengths, so instead of facing challenge for the hole of “I’m not good enough”, thy look at it from the plateau of “I can handle this.” I know that sounds like something of a platitude, but I’ve seen it work in real life.
It’s easy for leaders to fall into the negativity trap. That’s why it’s so important that we make sure we ourselves make sure we don’t fall into the “easy trap” and keep striving to be our best. By striving to be our best, we already put ourselves ahead of the game.
Thank you Joe.
Great points and illustration. Your point on general vs. specific is well taken. If you can’t give specific praise give something general. But specific is always better.
I love pointing out some small thing someone did to let them know I notice it. I think small is big when it comes to praise.
My favorite sentence “…look at it from the plateau of ‘I can handle this.'” Praise creates plateaus!
Thanks, Dan!
The great thing about plateaus is that if we’re mindful in our approach, they give us the vision to reach even higher!
couldn’t agree more. My own leadership experience affirms your comment. It’s “funny” how building platforms takes people further than put downs. 🙂
Dan – Your blog continues to enspire and bring to the forefront some very fundamental points. For this, I thank you.
Thank you Taffy.
It’s a pleasure to be of service. Best success.
Perhaps our enlightenment around strengths will continue to permeate the behavior of authority figures (parents, teachers, leaders) in the years to come, and children will grow up hearing more about what they do well. This is not an appeal to ignore what we don’t do well, but a recognition that there is more energy and productivity and effectiveness driven when we focus on what is going right. If we lead with that, then addressing mistakes, mishaps, and failures is more tolerable, and gets a better reaction.
I have found very few situations that don’t benefit from starting with what went well, what you did well. Helping people self-evaluate on what didn’t go well (coaching) is often the key catalyst to get people, teams, organizations to want more and energized to improve and do better.
Quick story. When I learned to praise my children about something they did well, and ask them, “Are you happy with the result from the choice you made?” created an entirely different relationship (better) and children who were more self-accountable and self-responsible.
Best…Jim
Thank you Jim.
I always enjoy your contributions. I’m with you…the strength based leadership movement is making a difference in my own life and leadership and I hope it keeps getting traction.
Thanks for sharing your story. Leadership principles work at home too! Who would have thought? 😉
Quick question…how does this apply with someone who already thinks they do great things, is somewhat boastful, and self-promotes? I am reluctant to offer praise because it feels like I am feeding a monster. This person is very competent and does the job well, but it becomes a control issue. Very sticky situation.
Thank you JK.
Obviously arrogance is a weakness not a strength. I don’t know much about your situation but sometimes self-promoters are the most insecure of all.
If the principle of “you get what you honor” works, and I think it does…you might try honoring them when they honor others. If they happen to say something good about someone else affirm it. Say, “When you complimented XXXX you helped built team morale…thank you. Way to Go!”
Just a shot in the dark.
How can leaders avoid the fall into the negativity trap could be a lifelong treatise. Respect and the old standby…unconditional positive regard might go a long way…along with timing, timing, timing and presentation, presentation, presentation. Walk in that person’s shoes, how would you want that feedback given to you?
New, inexperienced leaders think they are elegantly tap dancing through that minefield, when they are really just setting off delayed mines, leaving others to clean up the mess. Even experienced leaders still slide down that slippery slope, thinking they are providing ‘wisdom of the ages’, however, misinterpreted, ‘mispresented’ still looks like the newb. I particularly like Jim’s motivational interviewing approach above for how to suggest a fresh perspective. As you noted, Dan, we almost always dig deeply into our own foibles and often do not need external backhoes for assistance.
“How can leaders create positive energy?” Again, respect the moments, respect the work, respect those doing the work. (You can substitute ‘recognize’ for respect too.)
When hitting the plateaus, celebrate, breathe, re-create and take time to align the moments with vision, mission, values. Even during challenging climbs, there are nuggets of success that definitely merit/deserve positive feedback…just have to look for them, they are there.
And definitely, know how each person wishes to celebrate… some are not so public, some are…know the difference and respect it. If you don’t know, you still have some leadership chops to build…ask each person, individually and remember it. “But I have 100 or 2000 or more employees” …great leaders know how to do this and do it regularly. And just imagine how powerful the asking itself is….
Thank you Doc.
I’m always thankful when you join in…love your style.
In your fourth paragraph the reminder to take a breath is pure gold! One problem achievers have is constant pushing. I feel it. You finish something early and rather than rewarding yourself you jump right into the next project. It’s a formula for burn out.
Most people seem to look for faults – it’s the basis of a lot of media. It spreads through society quickly. It spreads faster in the workplace. You hear about everything that everyone or every department does wrong. I mean, no one ever does anything right! (sarcasm added for emphasis) If we start focusing on the positive, morale can go up, resulting in a growth of morale and productivity.
Thank you Joshua.
Bingo! If you believed the media we should have self-destructed years ago… 🙂
Recognition and praise are most often the biggest motivation for sales people, I find. A person who draws 6 figures but is not respected or recognized for their achievement will find their self depressed and unmotivated real quick!
Thank you project.
Oh yeah! We must feel respected… respect motivates… YOu can see peoples spirits lift when they feel respected.
Respect, recognition and a sincere appreciation for the efforts of others are key to creating an engaged team and yet so often are overlooked when trying to figure out why turnover is high or why the people who do stay (at least physically if not mentally) are unhappy. So instead new, expensive initiatives are launched that don’t work and the concept of “employee engagement” is decried as just another buzzword. Sad …
Great post!
“But, failure in one area isn’t reason to withhold praise for success in another.”
Some leaders do the opposite of this great point you make here. By the time the leader withholds praise from all those people who have made an error somewhere, there’s nowhere left for praise. This creates an overall negative environment. Also, employees grow fearful of making mistakes, knowing the horrible risk. Then there is no risk taking, brainstorming, less creative thinking, etc, etc. The past few days you’ve pulled together some great information!!! I’ve enjoyed reading!
Heidi
I think this theme (of the comment I am about to give) is repeated over and over here on LF, and maybe that’s for a reason. You ask how leaders fall into the negativity trap. I think fear drives some leaders there ….. fear of damage to their image, fear of losing power, fear of failing. It takes a strong person to really nurture the best in others. In my opinion.
Create a positive environment, each day is a gift, let your team know that you are glad you are spending it with them. Look for positive in every situation especially when the situation is not pleasant. Great post Dan 🙂
Dan,
Great post that illustrates the need for positive reinforcement. I have been coaching for a long time and preaching personality awareness of yourself and of those around you to better understand relationship quirks in your profession and personal life. Most recently, I have ventured into Strengths based coaching with the positive foundation. This has been a most powerful and visible force magnifier I have seen with people. Positivity works. Play to your strength and to those around you.
As always, Great Post!
Robert Isbell,
On-Demand Leadership
Thanks for the great post. Recently at work we got caught in the trap of too much focus on the problem folks at work vs. the solid performers. You are right, find the time and emphasis for the good eggs.
Also managers are people too. This year we have focused so much on staff engagement that we forgot about ourselves. Our managers need praise at times and their engagement is the start of staff engagement.
All the best – Michael
Thank you “We”
The trouble with good eggs is they don’t squeak! 🙂
Early in my management career a supervisor once came up to me and said “try finding things the employees are doing right.” We were so focused on things they were doing wrong and then fixing that issue. It went a long way. Darden Restaurants had the cornerstone of praising in public and sharing successes. Sharing one employee’s success with the group went a long way as well.