Angry Leaders
Embrace the dark side. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Leaders are angry individuals. Think frustrated if it’s more comfortable.
Not:
I’m not talking about temper tantrums.
In addition, anger from leaders who feel powerless or trapped is dangerous. They lash out like caged animals and drive others away. Call this victim anger.
Wise leaders delays action when it comes to blow-ups.
Rule anger never let it rule you.
But, ruling isn’t pretending it’s not there.
Venting:
Venting allows you to clear your mind.
- Go for a slow walk. They say you can’t stay mad and walk slow.
- Find a friend you can blow up with. Just let it all out.
- Chop down a tree or some other physical activity.
- Recent research suggests observing yourself cools the heat. Sit in the corner of the ceiling and watch yourself.
Venting anger is a useful preventative but useful expression is better.
Useful:
Anger lies just under passion. Channeled anger fuels passion. Wanting things to be better includes, “I don’t like the way things are now.”
Sometimes anger points the way.
- Anger clarifies values; it tells you what’s important to you.
- Anger is useful when it emboldens action but destructive when it seethes and simmers.
- Anger says, “I don’t like this.” Listen, then do something.
It isn’t “if” you feel anger it’s “how” you respond.
Trust leaders who rule and channel anger; they rule themselves.
Rule:
- Anger begins with what you don’t want. Cool down and rule anger by asking, “What do I want?”
- Anger often blames others; rule it by taking responsibility. “What could I do?”
- Talk through your anger with a friend who helps you find heart issues. “What’s important?”
Points of frustration from Facebook contributors:
- Wasted time.
- Feeling undervalued.
- No progress.
- Lack of integrity.
What do you do with your anger?
How can leaders help others deal with their anger?
Wow Dan. This is incredible. I was just writing something about anger and leadership and was going down a similar path. Different angle thankfully or it would be scrapped altogether now haha.
One misconception most people have is that anger is evil. Really? Anger tells what is important, like you say. Martin Luther King was angry. Moses was angry. Mother Teresa was angry. They saw injustice and wanted it fixed.
Believing that is an important first step in addressing anger issues.
Thanks for the good word and for the illustrations of angry leaders from history. I think Jesus showed he was angry too.
Here is what I have discovered about anger: Anger tells me that I either need to speak up about something, set a boundary, or it tells me that there is an opportunity I’m not seeing yet.
Now that I process anger or (resentment) this way, it’s so much easier to produce the wanted result.
The problem most of us have is as you said, judging anger or misinterpreting what it means.
Anger is not necessarily “the truth” but it’s the fuel that gets you there.
KaChing…thanks for sharing your insights. Your wisdom and experience shines through. I know the truths you share are wisdom that comes through experience.
I’m always a bit nervous to post on anger because it’s, for me, a tough topic. Thanks for adding clarity.
Dear Dan,
Anger originates from two points- competency and incompetency. First anger is always better than the later. I have seen many leaders creating good organization through their anger. They direct people. I agree that anger comes from passion. I also believe that anger comes for bigger concern.Leaders believe that focusing on bigger goal is their focus. While incompetent leaders have narrow concern. Generally they are concerned about their growth or their position. I get direction when I am angry. I explore the options what works and what not. When I am angry, it also balance me by knowing the limitation my thinking and external factors.
I think leaders can help others in dealing with their anger by making them to understand the driver of anger. When they known it, then make them aware about its pros and cons. I think all the anger is not good, unless we know its positive and dark side. So, impact of anger determines its usefulness and relevance.
Great contribution Ajay. I hadn’t thought about the narrowness of anger that is about narrow concerns. When I think about my own anger the narrow anger is about what others aren’t giving me. Sometimes I need to adjust my expectations. Other times, as Marlene suggests, I need to let others know what I want. Thanks again!
Wow Ajay. That is awesome. I get angry when I am competent and others are incompetent. Then I turn around and get angry because (reliving my college days here) I don’t understand calculus. I am incompetent there. Or when I don’t understand the assembly instructions to my new grille.
Excellent post. Anger is not an easy thing to manage.
We need to differentiate between constructive and justifiable anger and that which is not. Paul wrote to believers at Ephesus: “Be angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath”.
It is proper to be angered by injustice (wife-beating, child abuse, etc.), and to do something about it.
It is wrong to be angry without love. Since love “seeks not its own interest”, “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”, and “is not proud”, anger that is self-seeking is wrong.
It is also wrong to be angry and hold grudges, to use the tongue as an instrument of evil, or to seek revenge.
Not an easy task to be angry in the proper and effective way.
I was thinking about the love connection with anger but didn’t know how to articulate it. Thanks for bringing that to this conversation. Very useful to keep in mind.
If love is acting with the best interests of others in mind then anger must be part of love, at least sometimes. NOt abusive anger, as you point out.
The most difficult thing to do is to “feel” the anger and let it teach you something. The first response to any feeling we don’t want is aversion. In order to avoid we go into blame. Two major reasons we have relationship problems is…
1. We think we are responsible for someone else’s well being, success and happiness. (Rescue role on the triangle)
2. We think someone else is responsible for our well being, success and happiness. (Victim or persecutor role on the triangle.)
The love part comes in when you are willing to “sacrifice” your physical and ego urges to learn how your own anger response can teach you the lessons of personal responsibility so you can “ascend” to the next level in your
personal growth and leadership.
Thanks Dan.
To paraphrase Aristotle..”it’s easy to become angry. It’s harder to be angry with the right person, at the right time, in the right way.”
Good one Allen!
Dan, this such an important topic. Excellent post and the comments have been first rate as well. I have observed that often anger can be an expression of fear. Fear of loss, of face, of reputation, of something dear to us. It could also be fear of a competitor, or really anyone who we feel threatened by.
Thanks Joe… great addition…for sure, anger and fear are connected and perhaps both speak to our values.
Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Anger can assist us but if we let it rule over us it will insist its way.
Thank you Bob. I’m glad you stopped in today
In marriage, anger is always a secondary emotion, which means that there is usually core hurt underneath that is masquerading as anger. It may be useful for your readers to be aware of this as not all anger is just about “being mad”…but rather about “feeling disrespected” or something else.
I hear you say, look under or behind the anger for root causes. Good call
Awesome. reminds me of the Star Trek episode, “The Enemy Within”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Enemy_Within_(Star_Trek:_The_Original_Series)
gotta love the evil kirk
Anger is energy, how we choose to use it is up to us. Not sure than any of us can claim to use ‘righteous anger’ correctly. And when we get overwhelmed, anger can come out sideways by words or actions with long term consequences. Maintaining a dual perspective in the face of high emotional moments is vital for leadership–own the immediate emotion and short-term situation that may be driving the emotion and at the same time what is the long-term vision. Keeping in mind that it is a temporary state does help. Hey Dan, have a great presentation on the 14th! You’ll rock the casbah!
POW! Your opening sentence is killer. I’m tweeting it, with credit of course.
Also enjoy the dual perspective of short and long term. Act in the short-term with the long-term in view. thanks
Thanks for the well wishes…
The other day while I was on vacation away from my team, I got angry for the direction is which our team was gliding. It was away from the goal, which was to train more leaders for ministry. The most I thought about each team leader and what they were doing independently the more I got madder. I was having a self talk like, “Why is this leader focused on this thing over here? And what is that leader training these people on that thing over there?” Then I had to sit back and a verse from the Bible came to my mind that made me think of something John Maxwell taught and Dave Ramsey spoke of in his EntreLeadership book. And it was that the anointed falls on the head down to the body said King David in Psalms 133. John says, “So goes the king, so goes the nation.” And Dave said, “I am and you are the problem with your business. And you are the solution to your business.” So I had to take a look in the mirror and see where I was. And the Spirit of God spoke and said, “You are scattered. You are not focused on the ‘bottom line’ or primary goal of this ministry. And that is to train leaders. All the other stuff you are doing just facilitates that. Switch everything around and make everything point to the goal.” So I actually stopped and started looking at the mission statement, my own position description as well as everyone else’s. I noticed that nothing was actually pointing to the main goal. The main goal was there, but it was not the emphasis of everything. So I had to go back and upgrade the mission statement to point to the main goal. Them write everyone, including my position description as primary leadership developer to actually putting together a simple skeleton plan to actually recruit, develop, train, equips, release, and hold new leaders accountable. The I had to cast a fresh vision to everyone and simplify the goals into actionable steps so the transition can go real smooth to the new (actually old) vision. Everyone bought it, we became unified, and started working it out. We even changed the name of our ministry to reflect that change by adding the word “leadership” in it so it would be on our minds and hearts of what God had called us to do. We got our niche back. And all of this because I stopped, took a step back, looked at the big picture, prayed about it, and got a plan from God, and put it into action. This was MUCH better than getting angry and then to start to point fingers at why things weren’t getting done. And you are right. Anger does lie just under passion!
Great post. Sorry for the length of my response.
I always enjoy it when readers share their story. Thanks for sharing yours and for your affirmation. Best wishes.
Thanks Dan!
I have recently done some writing on this as well. I found the Arbinger Institute work on Leadership and Self-Deception useful… as well Michael Carroll’s work on mindfulness.
Thanks Karin. For reads interested here are links to: Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box
The Mindful Leader: Awakening Your Natural Management Skills Through Mindfulness Meditation
Great post Dan, I like the take a walk approach if possible, it does give you time to clear your mind. I also try to practice the 24 hour rule, which if the situation does not need immediate response, I sleep on it and really think it through. This has helped me many times in not making a big error by over reacting when I have been upset. Have a great evening Dan.
I find it takes about 20 minutes for the adrenaline to leave my system. A walk or just some time away from the situation really helps. Thanks for sharing your own strategies.
Great post. Thanks.
Anger can cloud judgement but it can also engage, enlighten and bring much needed energy.
Anger in and of itself is neither positive or negative, it’s all about what you do with the anger. You are angry for a reason. Acknowledge and respect that. Seek to understand what has caused the anger. Ask if you are being realistic or simply reactionary.
You can learn alot from your anger if you stop to listen to what it is telling you.
Dan, I feel like I should be paying for your advice. I consistently get value out of your words that allows me to be a better CEO, and even better husband/dad. Thanks for your efforts and I pray that God’s favor would be upon you in a special way for your pay-it-forward and others focused mentality.
Great post! How true that it isn’t IF we have anger, but HOW we respond. The only thing we are 100% in control of in any situation or event is our response, so HOW we respond is the only variable that really counts.
On a side note, love the picture with this post.
I find anger exposes my core values (or reminds me of them). I don’t get really mad really often. If I am – it’s because something I hold as a core value is being attacked or ignored. I think that is actually important – if you never get angry, what do you stand for? The issue of course is how you handle anger. To me, the work place is always a professional environment (a core value?!) so angry or not, you’d best behave professionaly!