Letting Go of the 12 Behaviors Holding You Back
12 Behaviors that always hold leaders back:
- Avoiding. Avoiding is the path to mediocrity.
- Copying others and losing you. Copying others is useful when it aligns with your strengths. When it doesn’t align, it creates stress, pressure, frustration, and failure.
- Over thinking and under acting; stressing preparation over execution. Most organizations plan well and execute poorly.
- Hiding from what you really think or feel. The need to please others causes you to lose yourself.
- Asking “why” too much.
- Not realizing success is making others successful.
- Complaining – Blaming – Excuse making.
- Withholding feedback.
- Not asking for feedback. According to Kouzes and Posner the most neglected leadership behavior.
- Doing too much.
- Not resting.
- Withholding honor, praise, and recognition.
Bonus: Neglecting self-reflection.
8 Behaviors that propel leadership success:
- When you don’t like something, say it to someone, but not everyone.
- Ask “what” and “how” more than “why.” “What” and “how” are execution questions. “Why” questions often spiral into excuse-making. Substitute “what” for “why.”
- Create and agree on high standards and deliverables, together, and hold everyone to them, especially yourself.
- Be positive about the future even if the negative past drags you down.
- Celebrate progress more than correcting mistakes. Never let passion for improvement make you a critical, negative, nitpicker.
- Take action. Follow Tom Peter’s advice, “Just do something.”
- Focus on next steps.
- Know and understand team members.
Bonus illustration:
A leader said, “I don’t like pressuring people.” I asked, “What do you like?” He said, “I want people to enjoy what they do.”Eventually, he decided to say, “I want you to enjoy what you do,” and avoid creating escape hatches like, “I don’t want to pressure you.”
Which negative behavior is most damaging and why?
What positive behaviors best propel leadership success and how?
“Just do something” is magic. I worked with an amazing leader in a plastics extrusion plant several years ago. He took over when everything was a mess. The plant was just barely making it financially. Employees kept their heads down; there was no smiling, no camaraderie. Lines were drawn between each of the diverse groups. The monthly scorecard, colour coded, was almost all red month over month. It was stressful.
This leader did things a little at a time. When people argued in management meetings, he focused on the passion, not the anger. He always demonstrated gratitude for each person’s contribution. Then he gave each of us assignments. Not anything onerous, but something to make a positive change in each of our areas every week. He kept our feet to the fire: we had to maintain our successes week over week. We were setting the example. Soon plant personnel saw what was going on. They got dragged into the vortex of success.
Today, that plant is a safe, clean, happy place to work. They have a mostly green scorecard month over month, and employees point it out to visitors with pride.
I heard all this recently when I met one of the employees by chance at a coffee shop where she sought me out to brag. It was wonderful!
So, just do something!
KaPow! Thank you.
Just doing something isn’t as easy as it sounds. People drag their feet, want perfect answers, and suggest it isn’t enough…But, as you indicate, week after week it’s a great strategy!
Lose and Losing (not two “o’s). Otherwise, a terrific post!
I’ve received several emails concerning this typo… thank you for pointing it out! I think I fixed it.. 🙂
If we do xyz, what do you think the result would be? If we follow up on this, from your perspective, what do we lose and what do we gain? (or what gets loose? 😉 )
If we asked questions differently, would we get different responses?
As you pointed out Dan, ‘why’ questions poorly presented, can create blame. And when ‘what’ and ‘how’ questions are presented with too much emotion or baggage in the moment, they too can veer toward blame….what were you thinking? How did you think that would work? ‘What do you think about xyz?’ and ‘how can we make that work next time?’ begin to shift the tense from past/present to future.
If I might suggest, ‘if’ questions move us ahead a bit more, potentially engaging left and right brain activity and may reveal level of engagement. ‘If’ may also model a leader who wants to learn and also conveys a level of respect to the holder of the knowledge.
While it is what you say, perhaps more so, it is how you say it that determines the response. Presentation, presentation, presentation.
Hey Doc, my apologies for copying your post (things not to do list i see!) I had it sitting on my computer whilst doing something else and only hit the send button 2 hours later!
Hey Dan… good concise summary, thank you.
I’m pondering how you avoid avoiding without avoiding :).
for me – asking Why is the one I think kills more projects and great ideas than anything else on your first list.
The best thing to do – provide alternatives – not solutions: Have you considered… Would ‘such and such’ work…I like your idea of “X”, how about if you added …..
The other thing I like to do is to make sure your are clear with your commitment – I’ll back you all the way on that idea/project/ initiative. If you vocalize your support more often (and of course follow through) people soon notice when they don’t get that response, and start searching for alternatives all by themselves.
cheers
Richard
Two great minds…almost make one!
Thanks for your leadership, Dan. You wrote: Ask “what” and “how” more than “why.” “What” and “how” are execution questions. “Why” questions often spiral into excuse-making. Substitute “what” for “why.” – Was this supposed to be: Substitute “why” for “what.” Thanks for the clarity 😉
Dear Dan,
While reading the post, the things that bothered me has been covered in your last point- know and understand team members. I will put it differently. Before that I will draw your attention, that withholding praise and honor is something that influences leadership. And it could be damaging behavior. There is a great difference between knowing and understanding. And today, leaders are generally ” Know it all” person. They know everything but do not try to understand the things. When they do not understand, they do not feel it. And when they do not feel it, they lack emotional intelligence. And any leader without emotional intelligence is not true leader. So, leaders need to understand before they perceive to know it all. Therefore, perceiving could be the most dangerous and damaging behavior.
I believe three behaviors best propel leadership success- CID, Concerns, Intention and Drive. Leaders need to concerns for majority of the people. They must have right and truth intention for goal to achieve. And the most important part is that they should have and inculcate a strong feeling of drive with determination to achieve even impossible goals.
I have really noticed how some leaders deliberately withhold honor, praise, and recognition.
This in turn affects the organization as it kills the zeal in employees. Employees are not motivated, they feel their best is not good enough and are less inspired.
On the other hand, when leaders recognize team work, celebrates achievements, honor outstanding performance, the whole work force is positive, highly inspired and are happy to do more to ensure the organization is at it’s best.
Simply put; honor, praise, and recognition is great source of enthusiasm.
I have really noticed how some leaders deliberately withhold honor, praise, and recognition.
This in turn affects the organization as it kills the zeal in employees. Employees are not motivated, they feel their best is not good enough and are less inspired.
On the other hand, when leaders recognize team work, celebrates achievements, honor outstanding performance, the whole work force is positive, highly inspired and are happy to do more to ensure the organization is at it’s best.
Simply put; honor, praise, and recognition is great source enthusiasm.
Great stuff Dan, I’d love to see a deeper dive on # 2 “Ask “what” and “how” more than “why.” i’m still grappling with that one.
Solomon if i may .. the first sentence – the term ‘leaders’ is way too generous 🙂
Richard
As usual to the point and on the mark. I thought procrastination would be a hold back as well. Some leaders take to much time to pull the trigger on things that need to be corrected whether related to a procedure or personnel.
Great list(s). Folks – myself included – should use this as a self-assessment every couple of months. Subtract one point for each behavior on the first list and add two for each from the positive side.
Better yet – by concentrating on DOING the positive behaviors, there’s a good possibility you’ll erase the negative ones.
Not asking for feedback leads you to other things you should avoid. In short, get feedback or get lost. (Figuratively or literally, you choose)
You’ve got to be having fun doing what you’re doing. If you’re having a blast, it can be contagious.
Just want to keep this for further reference thanks
Thanks for the post Dan. Losing yourself while trying to please others is a common mistake made by new leaders. I’ve found myself in that position on a couple of occasions and the internal struggle to change manifested itself after I became comfortable with the team that surrounded me. I can remember feeling out of place and apprehensive to say much about anything that was in disagreement with the team. Later, I realized that much of the team felt the same way and simply became agreement agents of the Sr. Leaders within the building. There was very little progress made until one of the Sr. Leaders brought the issue up with the group. Not sure how it developed before I arrived, but finally one of the Sr. Leaders expressed his concern that team was too agreeable with the first ideas being discussed. Once the team was challenged to agree to become disagreeable, real progress occurred. I learned that being agreeable is not the best way to assist or lead a team, and that finding solutions between diverse groups of individuals can really move a business forward quickly. Thanks again.
I think the strongest point made is making sure to ask for feedback on yourself. That is my number one takeaway.