Recollections of an Empty Cup
It’s the one year anniversary of my accident. I remember rehab.
There’s pain, discouragement, and negativity in every hospital. Alongside darkness, you’ll find hope and healing in the people who work there.
I watched them come to work like most do, kind of blah. But, somewhere between their first cup of coffee and seeing me, they embraced their “calling to serve.” It’s a selfless, breathtaking transformation.
Someone wheeled me to the kitchen where physical therapy patients ate breakfast together. I watched PT and OT professionals graciously make eggs to order, even though food services had provided breakfast. Discouraged patients often complained rather than thanked.
I saw them grumbled at and puked on. I saw one brain-damaged patient aggressively push a therapist against the wall.
Ungratefulness:
Our own pain prevents gratitude. Lack turns to bitterness.
If not pain, competence constricts and arrogance chokes gratitude. We withhold gratitude when our skills excel theirs and they should do better. We aren’t grateful when their devotion falls below ours; we’re better. Their lack stifles our gratitude.
Gratefulness:
- Finds good, even when things are bad.
- Appreciates service.
- Honors those who demonstrate noble values.
- Celebrates progress.
Expression:
I told the staff they were remarkable. I thanked them as they served. I was an empty cup. I gave them what I had, words.
Small things matter more when big isn’t possible.
When you can’t do something, say something. You are never helpless even when all you do is receive. Empty cups offer attention, appreciation, respect, and honor.
Lessons from rehab:
- Feeling powerless is a decision.
- Power is perception. Believe your words matter.
- Affirm more. Could you affirm more and correct less?
A favorite post written three weeks after the accident, Dec. 10, 2011: The Hidden Power of Weakness.
The original “Gifts From Empty Cups,” written Dec. 13, 2011.
What if you pretended you were an empty cup? How might it impact what you see and say, today?
Bad times are gifts to our future. When we look back on our lives, we often find we learnt more from the bad times. Excellent post my friend. 🙂
TRUTH!!
Thank you Dan. It’s been one year, one month, three days since my own accident. My world is different, I am different. You said so well yesterday, less in some ways, more in others. Was hard hard hard to give over to how much I needed people around me during that time. So my greatest lesson from that near tragedy is that I am strong, but not invincable..and all the stronger for knowing that now. Happy Thanksgiving my friend, to you and your family. Surrounded by love…what else is there?
I hear you on the challenging of needing people… It’s a great lesson. We always need people but our frailties force us to acknowledge it in ways that honor others.
Thanks for sharing yourself and your insights.
I agree because it’s EXTREMELY difficult to stay upbeat, or thankful, during the hardest of times ; remembering the beautiful things in our lives,helps overcome that –as you said! Have a wonderful,and fun,time with fam over the holiday :))
Thank you Wartica and Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!
Dan, as I reflect on your words today, I was reminded of one of very many heroes I met when my son was in the hospital with a very serious infection. After emergency surgery number two to drain the infection and stop the spread into his leg bone, I completely broke down when I heard a cry of pain from my son that no mother should ever have to hear. I simply could not stand, I sank to the floor in tears and one of those amazing people who embraced their call to service got down on the floor with me, put her arms around me and offered encouragement. Until then, I had been the strong one and it was healing for me to be weak and to allow someone else to be strong for awhile. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Laurie, your contribution brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story.
Good point, power is perception, especially when we admit to our weakness, He makes us strong!
Thanks for the reminder, anyone of us can be where you were at.
Thank you Gary.. cheers
Reminds me of this quote: If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.
Meister Eckhart
🙂 Thank you
I know my extended time in the hospital earlier this year had a profound impact on me. We are grateful for life and the opportunity to glorify Him. I praise God that He kept you and has restored you for that purpose. Love you brother!
Thank you Angel! I’m glad we connected.
A simply beautiful and heart-touching post Dan.
Thank you Julia.
Part of the ability to find the positive is being aware of what we sound like and feel like when things are bad, and just not being able to stand going there. I *hate* it when I hear myself whine.The energy in the resentment I feel is directed to the motor of creativity and intelligence and generosity and love.
I forget where I read it, but this post reminds me that no one ever got blind by looking on the bright side.
Thanks, Dan, for sharing your strength and positive attitude every day.
Thank you… I’m with you… it takes less energy to do something than to whine! 🙂 Your looking on the bright side made me smile.
In the moments, we feel unyielding pain, we feel empty,
In another moment, we see more clearly than ever what can be,
For a moment, we receive more than we give and can be fulfilled,
In the next moment, we give more than we receive and are fulfilled,
In a moment, we can create an interwoven tapestry of connections,
In the moments, we have unconditional positive regard,
For those moments, we love and are loved deeply,
For only a moment, we are here.
These lives are cups of choice moments. Choose deeply, choose wisely.
Dan, I remember so well your posts AA–and how you managed to make lemonade out of the lemons. How thankful I am that you are around to remind me often of the power of words and to maintain the attitude of gratitude. There is always a silver lining as elusive as it may often seem. Happy, happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Dear Dan,
I truly thoughtful post Dan. I see pretending empty cup and really being empty makes a difference. It makes a difference in terms of being received, attention, appreciation as you have mentioned.I think when you pretend to be empty cup, you might received attention, appreciation and honor but when pretend will be exposed, the feelings could be embarrassing. People might not respect you for long. But when you have good intention to learn and receive, then it does not matter much. In case of being real empty cup makes your position more powerful and receiving. This reveals your true self so there is nothing to hide. There is no fear to be exposed. Therefore, I believe that what you show and what you do should be consistent. People might receive lot of benefit by pretending what they are not but the damaging cost could be ever higher. So we need to think and anticipate the future cost of pretending what we are not.
Boy Oh Boy I can relate… No matter how many times I have had surgeries and been in Pain, there is always the Choice to bite somebodies head off, take for granted etc.. Most of the time when I was in the hospital I would be taking care of the patient in the next bed too, LOL as the nurses would be overloaded.
Coming up on my next big surgery and am beyond Grateful for the Western Technologies for flexibility in movement…
Hard to be not as active as you used to be, Mindset however key… finding other creative ways to be more proactive and active thus have been doing a lot more blog writing, reading, and working with my clients more via Skype and or phone…
Great Post…
Thank you Dan, I think this must be one of my favorite posts of yours. It touches and provokes. =>
I loved two line the most
1) I was an empty cup. I gave them what I had, words.
2) Small things matter more when big isn’t possible.
thanks 4 this wonderful post 🙂
Thank you for lifting up the only things we truly control. Our responses and our interactions with others. Peace to you.
Feeling powerless is a decision. I just needed that sentence today. Thank you for putting it out there again! What a well written post.