Finding the Leader’s Heart
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Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville – did not.
The Grinch hated Christmas – the whole Christmas season. Now, please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all… may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.
Love, hate, joy, and anger are about you not others. The Grinch hated the Whos because his heart was small, not because the Whos were hate-worthy.
Feelings reveal and express what’s in you
not what’s around you.
And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!
The leader’s heart is:
- Discontent.
- Obsessive.
- Visible.
- Selfless.
- Bold.
- Serving.
- Vibrant.
- Straightforward.
- Tender.
- Tough.
Bonus: The leader’s heart grows rather than shrinks.
Leaders without heart are well manicured cemeteries, pretty to look at but full of dead bones. Everything is cold technique and dead strategy apart from heart.
“True meaning” grows hearts. Find purpose; find heart.
Which heart-qualities seem most important to you? Why?
What role does meaning/purpose play in leadership?
The quality that resonates with me best is serving. The reason is that I think it is a foundational characteristic or value. All the other positive attributes flow out of the simply asking or looking for ways to serve a person, situation or organization best…and then doing it.
Meaning and purpose give direction to the leader and the vision that has been cast. It establishes boundaries for what fits into the mission and what does not. Even with these boundaries, it also gives a greater sense of freedom. It frees the leaders up from getting bogged down with the minutiae of things that are unimportant, not germane to the moment or non-essential.
These days, I’m enjoying the power of values and purpose as tools that guide decisions. I find it freeing and empowering.
Interesting thought that serving is the one essential heart quality and all others flow from that. You got me pondering.
Dear Dan,
Few days back one of my friend met me whom I was curiously waiting to meet.While discussing about some topics for few days, She told that you are obsessed with what you want. You should not be obsessed, instead you should be passionate. This question really pressed me hard to think. I thought for a while and asked with ignorance. What is difference passionate and obsession, and how it matters if I am obsessed or passionate. Any way I want to achieve what I want, and that is what I want. Then she told, obsession takes all the routes whereas passion takes only positive route. Obsession makes you to crash whereas passion does not make you to crash. Passion, will keep you energetic, happy and enthusiastic. I was convinced but from my within I was not ready to accept it easily. I needed more evidence. For the last week, still I am trying to understand my interest.And partially, I have arrived on the conclusion that I am obsessed. Now I am trying to change this obsession into passion. When I asked my friend, how can I change my obsession to passion, she said, it is very simple. Just make your effort, keep making your effort and forget it. Do not expect too much that can affect rest of time, enjoyment and surroundings. That is even more interesting. It is true with me.
So, the difference that I concluded between obsession and passion is expectation. Obsessed person has very high expectation whereas passionate person has less.
And now, I am trying to become passionate. And I believe that this heart-quality seems most important to me. I strongly believe that meaning and purpose both play significant role in leadership journey. I think, purpose is something that you dream to achieve in your life. And means is something that you follow the path to achieve your purpose. Both qualities determines character of leader.
Wow…you’re going deep today Ajay.
I wrote obsession as a term for a person who won’t let go of something.
Love how you’re exploring this idea and now have me thinking about the differences between obsession and passion. Maybe I’m obsessed to find the difference??
The idea that obsession is about outcomes and passion is about processes is an interesting distinction.
Thanks for sharing your story… Cheers!
BTW: I just posted on Facebook: “The difference between passion and obsession is ________.” Might be interesting??
Thank you Ajay, phenom exploration of two words that on the surface appear similar, but your query shows how deeply different and how important to feel that difference.
Thank you Ajay for both sharing and exploring the important contrasts between what often may be thought as two interchangeable words….(look up obsessed in thesaurus and you will find passionate). This certainly speaks to developing emotional intelligence in leaders.
Wonder if both don’t start at the heart, however the obsession gets waylaid and redefined, perhaps by our brain, perhaps by our insecurities (wherever they reside) and comes out less pure, more directed toward overt rewards to self. Perhaps the obsession view has de-evolved dysfunctional blinders.
Can passion be seen as more selfless?
I am totally agree with your friend’s view..& also yours
as it said “if we never expect anything from anyone we never disappointed” when we can make our self free from the expectation we can give & get more than we think 🙂
On one hand thanks for using my favorite Christmas story to demonstrate your idea. On the other hand I found the cemetery reference a bit disturbing (maybe because I have seen too many funerals on the news this week).
I’ll throw in a quote I read yesterday from the late Fred Rogers: “There’s no ‘should’ or ‘should not’ when it comes to having feelings. They’re part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings.”
Thanks Bonnie. Great seeing you. The Grinch is my favorite too. Got the idea for using the story from Karin Hurt who used it for something else. Someone should write a book, “Leadership Lessons from the Grinch”
I feel the discomfort of the cemetery reference. I hadn’t thought about recent news happenings. It was uncomfortable without that. I appreciate you pointing it out.
Best to you
When I think of leadership and the Grinch, I think of how the Grinch was wrong about the meaning of Christmas. “Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! ‘Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store.”
It’s that transformation of thought that the Grinch experiences that can be instructive for leaders – where are we seeing something that we believe to be true – and we’ve got it dead wrong.
Geisel and the Grinch – pure genius.
Kapow… thanks Jennifer. I have to say, easier said than done.
Like the Fred Rogers quote, Bonnie. And the connection to this discussion. Political correctness on how one “should” feel often inhibits them from recognizing the root of their actions and moving them toward “making constructive choices” that either mitigate negative feelings or enhance feelings that support the betterment of the whole organization.
Thanks rwynne, someone said… we can either feel our way into actions or act our way into feelings.
The desire to help other people grow. I think that is very important. Because, it can get so easy to get disappointed – or be disappointed by people. You have to help them grow to new levels. Pastor Randy Phillips talks about this on a new podcast over at http://toddliles.com/podcast-4-pillars-of-success.html
Thanks for the great blog Dan – Merry Christmas!
Thanks Todd. We might think about leveraging and developing strengths. Cheers to the Strength based Leadership movement.
Merry Christmas to you too
Though morbid, the cemetary metaphor is spot on. A leader without heart is analogous to leaders without sincerity. The “fake it till you make it” idea is a farce.
Thanks Matt. I was shooting for what heartless felt like to me. Cheers!
I currently work for a head coach who is the opposite of many of your descriptors, selfish, self-serving, and cold. Unfortunately, even young high school athletes see through his plasticity and they give little effort. We are not successful and he blames the kids, which is true to someone who has not depth or insight. If our leader was vibrant, bold and tender, we could be so successful.
coach bear
Perhaps one of the saddest things about leaders is its hard for us to see ourselves and hard for those around us to tell us what they see. Thanks for sharing your story. Powerful.
I really liked this list. A very nice balance between focus on the goal and being effective when working with a team to achieve that goal.
Thanks rwynne. Generally, I don’t like the term “balance” but I appreciate where you are coming from.. 🙂
Dan, you are on a roll, your words paint amazing pictures, some are beautiful, some painful, all real. Thank you!
Thank you Doc… cheers!