They’re Better Without Me
Step away. Let the players play.
The meeting after the meeting:
The meeting went long because we were finalizing things. It’s understandable, but I’m committed to short rather than long.
After the meeting, I quickly walked out and engaged another leader for a moment. Everyone else remained in the room. Stepping back in, several huddles had formed.
Two inclinations:
My first inclination, join in.
My second inclination, turn and walk out.
The first inclination is a player’s inclination. Give me the ball. Let me play, too. My second inclination, walking out, demonstrates a coach or leadership inclination. I often feel tension between the two.
Better:
They’re devoted to our organization. We share values. They know where we’re going. They’re better without me.
Leadership’s role:
- Exemplify passion.
- Create and maintain inspirational environments.
- Clarify focus.
- Develop others.
- Give authority.
- Galvanize energy.
- Elevate standards.
- Challenge processes.
- Honor effort.
- Keep out of the way!
In the end, the ball’s in their court, not mine.
When do you step in vs. step out?
What leadership roles carry the most weight?
Great post, but soo difficult! The same thing in our “gene pool” that points us toward leader, points us to “wants to be in the middle of it.” This transition to ignore the instinctive and do the best is very tough..
Thanks Ken. I LOVE being in the middle of it. I also love seeing others in the middle of it… 🙂 I’m glad to be on the leadership journey with you.
I so need to hear this over and over AND over again! Thank you! It’s really not about the coach/trainer/facilitator…In our excitement we want to play ball but we must allow others to play their game. If not codependency will set in…not good for either party
Thanks Giselle. I need to hear it over and over, too. I just wrote about stepping out a few days ago… 🙂 … Thanks for jumping in.
You remind me that leading is about enhancing the play of others.
You step out when it is clear that your people understand the mission and are processing it. You step in when he meeting after the meeting is just bickering, grousing and complaining. But you give them time and space to see what they come up with. It is the only way to know if they understand, and more importantly are able and willing to run with the ball. The team an get further downfield working together than any single player alone.
Stepping in too often is micro-management and can be very discouraging and disheartening to those who are growing and maturing.
Thanks Martina. Brilliant and necessary additions.
I know and trust the group I mention above. You bring up important ideas that may get summarized with … step in when progress slows too much… “too much” is a tough call.
Also, dysfunctional interactions are dangerous… are they working to resolution or choosing sides? If choosing sides, step in…
I respect your insights. Thanks again.
Dan – There is some merit to this, but it is really situational.
Do they think YOU, as leader, are supporting and engaging and trustful and all that? Then, sure.
Do they have the skills to facilitate the meeting? Will they stay on track and have they earned your trust? Then, sure.
Are there interpersonal issues among the participants that might fester in such a discussion? If no, then sure.
Is the issue highly charged? If no, then sure.
Is the meeting interdepartmental and are there other managers in the room with their own agendas? If no, then sure.
(In jest, “Are you videotaping?”)
I’m in full agreement with you and guess that nearly every person getting your mailings would be in alignment, based on the oft-read comments on your good ideas. But every now and then, I get “clanged” with some different reality and know that there are a few out there who will blame YOU for this not working in their dysfunctional environment.
It is kinda like engagement. I think that YOU would be engaging. But the new research says that perception of engagement has dropped from 23% to 14% in the past year as the reality that talking about this crap does not fix this crap and that people are tired of talking with no one listening… (or at least doing).
Thus, my cautionary note about the environment, teamwork, shared goals and all that. Are they geese flying together or are they falcons on the individual hunt.
Thanks Scott,
Powerful and useful contribution. And true!
I count on you and others to add, extend, and correct.
You are spot on, the decision to step in or step out is institutional. Your insights and experience shine through. It’s never wise to ALWAYS step out or step in.
Even the expression, “They’re better without me” has limited application. At least I hope. 🙂
Happy New Year
Hi Dan,
A little serendipity here…
Yesterday, I listened to a this Freakonomics Podcast (“How much does a good boss really matter?”), which included a conversation with Joe Madden, manager of the Tampa Bay Rays.
There are many similarities between Joe’s points from the podast, and those from this blog post!
Here’s a link to the podcast, if you’re interested: http://bit.ly/UsOlYa
Jim Watson
Portland, Maine
http://bit.ly/RmufcF
Dan, thanks again for a great post – I agree with Scott that ‘stepping away’ has to be predicated on knowing your team and the environment you have created.
If they truly see themselves as part of the team and they know you value their thoughts and opinions then giving them space to process, plan, and engage is exactly what is needed.
At the end of the day, to have your team stand together and say “Look what we accomplished” is the greatest compliment that a leader can receive (IMHO)
Best in the new year –
Nicely put, it perhaps just needs “one on ones” to ensure your vision for the company is still on track if you are going to let them free to drive the business forward. A simplistic reaction, but from someone who prefers to lead by example rather than tell others what to do, it has treated me well, when the team is a good one.
Summary view:- it will depend on whether there are other leaders among the team.
Good post. Nice list.
Dan, another great post. I wonder if you ever sleep? My posts seem to form up the night before I blog them. So I get one restless night a week (as a result of the blog).
I agree with you. The best meetings are short and set up the conversations that continue. You don’t get to these right away. They develop as the team is able to trust their leader and one another. I’m sure you develop the trust and encourage independence which is why it happens. It’s sort of a progression from directing to collaborating to facilitating to coaching to independence. At independence, the org chart looks more like a network diagram with each player adding their part and communicating appropriately. You can let go when you are pretty sure that each node can do its part and is connected to the others, including you.
Another clue that you need to let go more is when others hold in their ideas when you share yours.
Dear Dan,
I first step in and then step out. It follows the same order. I generally step in when others feel my need, or I strongly feel my intervention. I also step in when, even if I am not invited but feels morally that stepping in could bring better outcomes. I generally do not have hidden intention when I step in. When I am part of some project, first I guide then monitor and when feel, then step in. And when team or people are engaged and understood, I step out and give them autonomy.
Between step in and step out, step out is the difficult and perhaps challenging situations. Generally leaders/managers need appreciation or credit when people are engaged and performing. but that is the time, when leadership style and intention matter most.
I think the leadership roles that caries most weight is intention and concerns. Leaders intention should be focused on others development. In fact that is also hidden in a sense that leaders development is in developing others. But it is difficult to practice. Leaders should concern about people development. IT happens like this- when you take care of people, people will automatically take care of the organizations. But generally, organizations do the opposite. They focus more on tangible bypassing/overlooking intangible ( Human resources).
Reblogged this on Fear Not, Just Believe. Faith,the antidote to fear. and commented:
Great posting, I always appreciate the insight and wisdom from them. Consider how you play!
I think you must step out without really leaving the game. Or so I believe to be the right way to play the role of the leader. Your insight and opinion as a leader therefore as someone who is in charge of things is always needed, but here a tendency of overcontrolling things is often seen. The team must have its own space to develop freely its own ideas. Steping out is also a test that a leader must do to its team. Many issues can be better seen by doing the retreat game.
All that I know is that I needed this word to step forward. The Men Ministry that I am involved in have been established but that is all they seem to want so I feel that there are others who need my help. I was struggling with going or staying. Now I know I must go! Thanks for the valuable insight.