Choosing Second Best
Sometimes second best is the best.
Yesterday I chatted with Davis Taylor, founder and leader of TAI Incorporated. I wanted to learn more about the Pro Development Assessment™ my coach, Bob Hancox recently gave me. Bob pointed me to Davis.
Not surprisingly, we talked more about leadership than anything else. Our conversation turned to benefits of second best.
Two benefits of choosing second best:
Alignment:
Davis said, “Second best can be more effective. Sometimes I take a second best because more people buy into it. That makes it the best because more people get aligned.”
Development:
Young leaders grow leadership muscle when they run with their ideas, not yours. In this case, their way is the best, even if you don’t think it is. Davis said, “You build for the future by allowing second best.”
Rejecting second best:
Davis said, Reject second best if its:
- Immoral or unethical.
- Permanently damaging.
- Something that takes you out of the game.
Rethinking best:
Helping others find their best is best.
People achieve most when they find their best, not yours.
Battle for best:
When you believe your passion is best and theirs is second best, you become convincer. Convincing is conforming them to your passion. It’s adversarial, perhaps covertly, but adversarial, none the less. Sometimes it’s manipulative. Other times it’s rational.
Win the battle; lose the war:
It’s impossible to passionately live someone else’s passion. Fueling passion in others isn’t pressuring and conforming, it’s aligning.
Suppose you convince them your passion is best. Your way is “right.” Theirs becomes second best. Congratulations, you won. In the process, you lifted yourself and pushed them down. Next time, they’ll give-in easier. Perhaps they won’t resist at all. Or, they’ll move on.
Eventually, you’ll wonder why they’re not engaged. Why don’t they take ownership? Why aren’t they motivated?
What benefits can you see for choosing second best? What dangers?
Nice stuff, keep it up…….
Thanks!
Thanks Dan. Insightful.
We can get so caught up in our own view of the world (and what’s ‘best’), that we forget others have just as valid of a perspective based on their experiences. In the end leaders get the most sustainable outcomes when they first asks why people might view things differently, and concede they may not have some else’s ‘best’ answer.
Thank you Henry. Complex problems, even simple ones, have more than one answer. Just saying that helps. 🙂 The great thing is, you own your answer. Cheers!
A second best idea becomes a best idea if it builds consensus and “buy in” within your organization.
If it later becomes clear, that the idea wasn’t the best idea, change is always an option….this time hopefully with more buy in.
Organizations in second place are those that strive the hardest to over take first place. Being second best can mobilize a group to work together for a goal.
Using a second best idea may get you moving forward instead of being paralyzed by fear.
Thank you Dauna. Wonderful insights.
You remind me of something I learned when reading John Adams by David McCullough. The States in the North made slavery an important issue while discussing the creation of the United States. Benjamin Franklin convinced everyone to set aside the slavery issue. For many, that was a second best. But, it allowed everyone to come together. Of course, Lincoln had to deal with the festering issue later but the point still stands. If they hadn’t chosen second best, there may not be a US.
Cheers
Thanks for your insights, Dauna…right on target!
Often the best is what we can’t see in our own evaluation or from our own experience. Putting computers on peoples’ desks probably looked like a “second best” at best or a “that’ll never happen” at worst. Sometimes we need to seek or grant the permission to try rather than “buy in.” Innovation takes risks that look like second best. Leading risks innovation.
Thank you Rich. Love the idea… “try rather than buy-in” Nicely said.
Rich I like truth right and it is a tough road to hough. Truth goes through three stages and if you know this and know you are right, hold to your guns.
Truth
1 ridiculed
2 violently opposed
3 accepted as self evident
So if you are up to something and experiencing the first two hang in till sweet victory comes in stage 3!
Take care,
Scott
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I like the point of choosing second best elevates someone else’s idea to the best. Growing that person as a leader. In the end, if we can more our organization and our people forward at the same time. That’s the ultimate win.
Thanks Eric. The think that may be challenging is shifting from passion about your own passion and strengths to passion about others.
Second best is the first loser … I am shooting for “all the marbles.”
LDS
Go for it!
‘all the marbles’ is a temporal state…;)
Absolutely, if they don’t own it you don’t have anything. An enthusiastic action beats the hellout of a begrudeged and misunderstood compliance. All leadership is based on parenting 101!
Thanks Richard…I love how leadership principles apply to parents or the other way around, as you indicate. Best!
I was about to post that this is a lesson that I learned in parenting! Great minds think alike.
But I must carry this into my new life as an administrator too – great food for thought.
it shows they are thinking and being innovative. One more thing I would add is it would have to adhere to the organzations vision. It does show leadership even though they may not be in a leadership position.
Dear Dan,
“Win the battle, lose the war” is very powerful statement. I recall some of my experiences and think what works. I feel in an attempt to win all battle lose focus to win the war. Winning every battle consumes more energy and lessen passion to win war. It is so, that we divert our focus to many areas. Focusing to win war could be very much focused and directed. Other way also seems convincing. When winning war is very difficult takes longer time,then time spent to win war determines whether winning battle is good strategy or winning the war. Thus, it depends upon time, sacrifice and evaluation.
I think choosing second best in short term is good strategy, but it should not the continuous process. Second best should be used as a launching pad to excel the best.
Great post today, in reference to choosing second best. I had not thought about that as an option because it can take my leadership out of the number-one spot since the number-two option was not the one I had chosen for the team to follow.
In wrapping my head around the second best option as being the best option, the ability to connect and to maintain alignment of the group’s focus must take precedence over my belief that my idea is the best one.
Regards, James D Morrison 276-274-6350 cell
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I often say to stronger personalities that I coach, “Would you rather be right or effective.” Often, they will respond, “right!” Eventually, if they are genuinely interested in being more effective, they come to the realization that their “right” answer is often not what is most important. That supporting someone else in the development of theirs reaps far more benefit. It is a powerful nuance, not to be confused with ‘doing your best.’
On that note…best…
Jim
Hi Jim, along those same lines I have asked people “if they would like to be right or happy”? Resentment is a huge barrier to moving ahead. Since everything begins as a thought blocking that thinker logjam has many benefits.
Thanks for the insights you shared.
Scott
Leading the first charge can lead to some pretty costly scar tissue, although, short-term the innovation can reap significant rewards too.
The downside of first ride is you may rest on success cause it’s the horse you rode in on and you succeeded. Eventually you may gloat, bloat and stagnant cause it worked once.
“First loser’ (love that one!) stays hungry, perhaps even hones and hardens the vision of what could be…while having the option to learn from the miss-steps (wastes) of the ‘winner’. Wonder if it also makes for a more resolved and focused team?
Potential dangers are loss of those who want immediate rewards of total success (not sure that is much of a loss), perceived lessened status (which can be mitigated in a number of other venues), and of course how you choose to perceive second…failure or opportunity to still get better at what you do.
Wowza the human condition! As I read I saw in my minds eye Vince Lombardi starting training camp the year after the Packers won a World Championship!
I was wondering did he say, “Gentlemen, THIS is a football and we are here to finish second”?
I have competed in one way or another everyday of my life. I cannot even count how many more times I have lost than won.
I also want to mention winning cheating is not winning, it is cheating. Very disappointed in ya Lance. I want to whup you with everything else being on a level playing field and I out-do you!
I just want everyone, anyone reading this to hear one thing! I like winning BETTER! No other way to say it or slice it. No other way to try and sort it out in my mind and put salve on the wound from not winning! I like winning better! Mamby pamby every kid getting a trophy! Whhhoooeeeyy!
The only thing losing does for me is give me a chance to figure out what I need to do next time to not have that happen again! PERIOD.
My Beloved Tar Heels a few years back won a National Championship, Tyler Hansbrough’s last year, anyone know who finished second? Me neither, ya feelin me?
I am really torn on this topic Dan, really one that makes me think. I know when I was in 8th grade we had a football coach, Gary Smith, see I remember his name. He was ruthless, we used to cry to our parents about the way he worked us. We were undefeated and beat one team 84-0. Football 8 minute quarters, you do the math on how we scored that many points! It was AMAZING! Hated the guy but WOW what he got out of us and now in my memory he is remembered and respected. 84-0!!!!!!!
So I am not sure how I feel about teaching people to it is ok not to win. I am not saying I am completely closeminded about it either. I am still working on my personal progression in this area, but I bet everyone reading this will miss that part!
I skiied competivelty in college. 4 years in the conference I finished 4th, 2nd, 1st and 3rd! I liked the feeling of 1 best.
Thanks again Dan,
Scott
Excellent post as always Dan, I like the second best idea. You put a whole new spin as to way it could be the best. Thank you!
Methinks someone has watched, wants us to watch or needs to watch the movie: “A Beautiful Mind”… In the meantime, a playground “rhyme” from England, UK: “First the wors, second the best, third the word with the hairy chest, fourth the Golden Eagle!”: all to do with precedence when queuing up to return to the school-room after break-time… 🙂