The Problem of Power
Image of one of our grandsons.
The more powerful you are the more serious your expression. I call it the Rule of the Serious Face.
Powerful people don’t smile.
Some organizations coach top leaders not to smile. It’s true!
The “un” of powerful leaders:
- Unconnected.
- Unavailable.
- Unhelpful.
- Unfeeling.
- Unhappy. (Or at least, unsmiling.)
The higher you go in some organizations
the more “Un” you become.
Worst “Un”:
“Un” leaders, sadly, are unaligned with behaviors expected of others.
When mid-level and front-line employees behave like top brass, everyone wonders what’s bothering them. “What’s wrong with Bob, he hasn’t smiled all day?” “What’s bothering Brenda, she seems so guarded?”
Curing “un” leadership:
Behave like you expect others to behave. How simple is that?
This isn’t the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. This is the “I’m no better than you” Rule:
Do as you expect others to do.
If you expect others to smile, smile. How hard is that?
Stop telling; start modeling. Stop granting yourself exemptions.
Put your feet on the ground;
pull your nose out of the air.
OK, leadership is serious. Unguarded words, for example, may cause turmoil and tension. Serious expressions reflect position and power. You’re important. I get it.
Questions:
Could you:
- Amp up pleasantness and remain connected with problems?
- Move toward others rather than away?
- Express emotion without becoming emotional?
Try:
- Patting someone on the shoulder and smiling?
- Bringing snacks to the department on the first floor?
- Writing a thank you note?
- Having just a little fun?
Leaders who are full of themselves
don’t have room for others.
Organizations reflect their leaders. Unhappy leaders build unhappy organization.
Bonus material: “7 Powerful Ways to Enhance Your Power”
What “Un” could be added to the “Un” of top leaders?
How can leaders remain human?
Join me on March 27 for a conversation with a leader who retained his humanity even as he rose to the top of Campbell Soup Co.
I think this is a question of balance. There are times when you should smile, there are times when you shouldn’t. I guess the best result is when you are just natural. I’ve worked with unhappy and unsmiling leaders over the years, and it is a problem. A faked/forced smile is yet another one.
Thank you Maciek.
Great add. Act in ways that align with the situation. It’s inappropriate to be frivolous at a funeral.
I wonder if smiling becomes easier when we focus on the people around us and stay in the moment….if we think of how we want to make others feel.
Would we like the people in our organizations to have balance? I think so.
Obviously problems and challenges weigh heavy on leaders. But, it’s amazing that when I let go of problems they always seem to find me later. 🙂 An added benefit is when we let go of a problem. When it comes back, it often brings a new perspective or solution with it.
I agree with Maciek. It’s not the smile, it’s the sincerity behind the behaviour. As for things to try, thank you notes are good and too often forgotten. I would rather pat someone on the shoulder and give them a comment or compliment that shows that I care rather than just smile.
Happiness, contentedness and comfort all show in many more ways than through simple smiles and I believe that even though I may not be the most jovial, happy-slappy, always-smiling leader, the people around me can feel my passion for what I do and my pride for what we achieve together. I am also confident that they trust me enough to know that if I wasn’t content, I wouldn’t have hung around here for 25 years!
Stay safe,
Paul
I suggest that those who can’t smile might need to check their sincerity. 🙂
I love things that are simple and easy. Smiling fits the bill.
The deeper side of this post is, know yourself. Overcome the pressure from without with internal “pressure”or strength from within. Smiling doesn’t address the deeper issues at hand.
I think the deeper issue is leaders feel overwhelmed by pressure because they don’t have internal structures. Thats why they lose their humanity.
Just for clarity, I CAN smile. 🙂 My concern was more that people might miss the deeper meaning and think that a smile a day keeps all problems away.
Stay safe,
Paul
🙂 well said Paul
Dan you out did yourself this morning and considering out much I like your stuff if you will that is saying something.
Smiling uses how many muskls(Popeye sound effect) as opposed to frowning?
Ok now for another point of view. I am doing all I can in everyway to be FREE!!!
What I mean is free to do what I wanna, when I wanna with who I choose to do it with!!!
Maybe these folks you are talking about are there and they figure they can act like they want?
Just an extremely honest look from where I am. I am not making a case for this point of view cause I don’t know what it feels like on the mountaintop of life still climbing myself. Just thinking out loud.
Another point of view is once you get a lot and an important position one has more to lose? Maybe the stress causes constipation and that is these people u are referring to don’t smile. Maybe they need to make a poopy!!!!
In any case, dear friend of mine Liz told me daily when we saw each other at our AA meeting…..she told me 2 things….not to take myself too seriously and not to worry about what other people think of me, cause they rarely do!!!!
I think I am making progress after all these years!!!!
Great post Dan thanks!!!!
The Dude Abides!!!
Scott
Thank you Scott.
Progress rocks!
I like the smile thing because it’s simple. Most can do it.
Cheers
Dan…I have read with interest your comments over these last couple of years. Great material. How do you apply all the suggestions in your own life?
Thank you Lauren.
I’m learning this stuff just like everyone else. Most of these posts are part of my own journey.
I either need to learn what I write about or I’ve learned a few things and I’m passing them along.
Application depends on situation.
BTW, the smile thing, matters. I’m a stoic farm boy from Maine. I keep learning to smile more. I do it sincerely by noticing the stuff I like around me.
I did not know some organizations teach that. To me, that seems crazy! I do agree with your last statement about unhappy leaders building unhappy communities. People look towards others for optimism and they grow off that energy. Having someone they consider a “downer” can be terribly draining and counterproductive.
Thank you Vincent.
I think leaders should be coached TO smile! 🙂
😉
hahaha!
“When your smiling the whole world smiles with you”, so the song says….Often times I think we are all to serious “life’s too short” so they say. If you smile keep it up if you don’t smile maybe its times to start. I can assure you I have been told the same scenario why aren’t you smiling, whats wrong etc…Often times we are so wrapped up with problems we just need to restart and smiling helps a lot inside and out ..
Thank you Tim.
You bring up one of my issues. The more I sink inward and become problem centric, the more I DON’T smile.
The more I focus outward – on people, for example, the more my facial expression tends to lift.
I once had the leader of an organization express frustration that everyone seem to believe because she was in a position of power and influence, she should tone down the funky,uniqueness (filled with smiles and laughter) that built the strong relationships that helped get her to her leadership role. Fortunately, she continued being exactly who she started out as, with great success.
Thank you Laurie.
I too have been impressed and encouraged by leaders who didn’t by into the myth that more power means a meaner face.
I’ve talked with some from national and international organizations.
To defend the place of a serious face. I talked with Jim Parker who was CEO at SouthWest during the 911 Crisis. He said it felt like he didn’t smile for two years.
Great post Dan, love the leaders who are full of themselves saying 🙂
Thank you Tina.
I wish it wasn’t true of me, but sometimes it is.
Have you reviewed Gary Hamel’s HBR article on Morningstar Company, A tomato processing plant with no managers?
http://www.uky.edu/Centers/iwin/RTOCT12/GreenHBRarticle.pdf
I respect your perspective, I would be interested in your comments on this.
Alan Hill
Great seeing you Alan!
I definitely will read it. 🙂
I thought you were going to bring up Gary because he is all about the humane organization.
In the East we have a saying, “Feed them the golden morsel while watching them over like a lion.” I think what counts in the final analysis is your empathy and tenderness of the heart. That you’re approachable, communicative, and caring. Smile you may or may not, but no stiff necks please.
Dan, a personal observation is that when I’m busy “doing” my work (not leading), I look very serious. I’ve observed the same in others. So for example, when you are deeply involved in writing, are you smiling? I suspect not. Makes me think that the lack of a smile means one is engaged in their own work. However, as a leader, it is incumbent upon us to be aware others are watching. Thus a key leadership trait is the ability to switch from focusing on the task at hand to focusing on the people around us – and smile.
Thank you Robert.
Love your observation. It’s tough to concentrate on something and smile. However, I can concentrate on others and smile. Very helpful
“noticing the stuff I like”
Noticing – ding,ding,ding! You win the prize!
“Life” can steal your ability to notice the stuff you like. Unless you refuse to let it.
If you figure out you’re not smiling, it’s probably because you’ve stopped noticing. Even with trials, there is a lot in the world to notice and make you come back to center, and appreciation of others. And that’s what “smiling” is all about!
Thanks for this!
Thank you Betty.
Very insightful and helpful. 🙂
I agree that Leaders set the tone- while we should be appropriate to the situation- is the glass half full- or empty? It is up to us to convey an upbeat attitude. If not us- who?
Thank you.
Part of smiling is believing in the abilities of those around us.
Hello Dan, thanks for another thought provoking article. We should not be surprised that so many powerful and near powerful people are not smiling. In fact, we should expect that these people are not happy enough to smile. The Peter Principle is alive and well in most organizations so that that the people at and near the top are often one or more levels above their level of competence. In other words, they either know it or they feel it or they ignore it hoping that others don’t see it.
Thank you Bob.
Haha! I hadn’t even considered the Peter Principle as a reason for all the consternation on leader’s faces. Good one!
UNcle! OK right on with this message, Dan.
As I looked out on my congregation on Sunday I basked in the smile I had on my face for seeing the wonderfulness of the many people seated there.
No matter the organization we lead, one of our goals should be to look for, observe and search out people, examples and ideas that put smiles on our faces.
Yep, we need a CSO position.
Chief Smiling Officer!
Always good to read your musings!
Best,
Roy
Thank you Roy.
I didn’t know you looked out on a congregation. That can be daunting. Keep smiling.
Love the CSO position. You’d make a great one.
Thanks for the good word.
Great points, Dan! Smiling is the most natural and disarming gesture you could make. Some fellow Funeral Directors think that we should be solemn and somber– after all, we’re at a funeral! But a warm smile is appropriate in every environment, whether it’s a C-Suite or a cemetery.
Love this post!
Thank you Justin.
KaPow. You remind me that smiling and frivolity are two separate things, or at least should be.
This made me smile. I’m not a leader in my company but I just like good old common sense when I hear it!
Thanks Red.
Don’t sell yourself short. You may not have positional leadership but you sound like someone who leads. Cheers
Aww…thanks! You have a good one.
More “uns”. . .
uninspiring
unempowering
unchallenging
unobservant
Yes, this is so true. I’ve caught myself not smiling when I am serious about my team getting something done.
I just read your post now. It’s been a long day, and I almost didn’t have the energy to read. But I managed to keep reading because I was interested. I had a confrontation with one of those “un” leaders today. I can’t tell you how stifling of creativity those un so-called leaders can be. I would also like to add that sometimes having that power can make you blinded by lack of trust in others. You can only see your way, your point of view. And everyone else’s is inferior and not validated. They expect you to listen to their demands only and follow without discussion or dialogue. The un leaders have the absolute power to be inhumane and disconnected from what makes us people. They are not able to show emotion and be empathetic. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity for a bit.
to vent for a bit
I agree with Maciek.
The key here is congruence and consistency.
As William Shakespeare wrote “This above all: to thine own self be true”.
If you’re naturally happy smiley, then going about your business unsmiling will feel wrong and if you feel wrong, you underperform.
But if you’re a naturally serious person, then “forcing a smile” will feel wrong to others, and they will underperform.
So, be true to yourself (congruent) and be that way consistently, so your team know what to expect of you.
Robert Ferguson makes a very good point too. When a leader is out and about, he/she is on display. If always looking serious, it makes you seem unapproachable and therefore uncaring. And, to motivate your team they need to believe you are approachable and that you care enough to help/support/coach them when they are struggling, and that you care enough to recognise them and recognise their good work.
A smile is a powerful thing! At my workplace we have upper management who are all smiles and some who don’t.. The ones who do are more connected to people and show their support. The ones who don’t smile can create an atmosphere of low morale.
Here are a few reasons why leaders and near leaders do not smile.
Arrogant
Emotional, overly and inappropriately
Ignorant
Ill prepared for their job
Insecure
Insincere
Miss-educated
Narcissistic
Non-listener
Poor job suitability
Poor listener
Poor memory
Poor self-esteem
Unaware of their bad behaviors
Under educated
Uneducated
Woefully unprepared for their job
I agree with most of what is said before my comments. I really find it sad when there are those in power who do not smile, at least authentically. Where did the humanness go? As an ICU nurse, there are occasions where smiling would be inappropriate. Even in death, there are times to smile about the memories and the love. So I guess, as a life coach I need to ask, is anyone going to die because of your power? If yes, then smiling is inappropriate and maybe, just maybe, it’s time to re-evaluate your value you as a “leader.”
Sue Bock
http://couragetoadventure.com/blog
I think the ability to connect with co-workers is gradually disappearing. There is something to be said for the innovation and imagination that arises in workplaces where a low-key, casual environment is encouraged. Unfortunately, a so-called serious, focused, “mature” demeanor is thought to equate with the type of persona that is management material – a perception that is unfortunately usually mistaken.