Too Afraid to Matter
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Fear binds to the present.
Paralyzing fear pats you on the back when nothing changes.
Fear cheers for the status quo.
Fear says; don’t stand out because you’ll:
- Look foolish.
- Screw up. (You will)
- Get in over your head.
- Lose what you have.
- Seem arrogant. Others aren’t standing out. What gives you the right to think you can?
Fear of loss and criticism prevents you from doing what matters.
How to matter most:
Forget and shift:
- Forget about being in charge. Stop thinking leadership is authority, power, command and control. Shift to serving. Bring benefit. What’s the good thing you can do for others?
- Forget about final results. Focus on the path forward. Meaningful results never happen all at once. How can you make a difference today?
- Forget about one. Think two. An ancient proverb says, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor.” Everyone needs a “with.” Who can you stand with? Who can stand with you?
- Forget about old guard leaders who are fear-driven, controlling, and self-protective. Pass them by. They need you to be like them.
- Forget about fanfare and recognition. Do things quietly. Spotlights come later, if at all.
Bonus: Forget about permission.
Courage:
Above all, doing what matters takes courage.
Courage is taking action while thinking of reasons not to.
Deep courage is bringing you to opportunities and challenges. People who matter, ask:
- What does better look like?
- How does my story apply to this challenge?
- What can I do?
- What can we do?
The path:
- Start small.
- Start now. Starting is the most important thing you’ll do today.
- Start “with.”
Courage needs a next step; fear needs a guarantee.
How can people overcome paralyzing fear?
Dan, I think there is one more reason that people fear speaking up. And that is that no one will care, nothing will change, nothing will be made better or different. And then you have to make much more difficult decisions about the situation. You must then find the internal fortitude to fight harder and dig deeper, or accept it and go back to “business as usuall,” or leave.
There is no simple answer to how to over come. As you have said, satrt now, start small and start “here.”
You make me think of the the expression, “learned helplessness. We need to hope that our actions will make a difference or we won’t act. Boldness requires hope. Leaders give hope.
What a powerful addition to this discussion…
Love the addition of “dig deep” when things don’t work out.
Good point Dan. Yes, we must beleive that when we make the time and take the effort to speak into a situation that it will make a difference. Had not heard that phrase before, “learned helplessness.” Will have to add it to my repetoire. Thanks
Love the courage topics as of late! I usually don’t quote too much, but I will here. A great line: “Paralyzing fear pats you on the back when nothing gets done.” Wow. Powerful.
Status-quo is the opposite of leadership. Sure, it’s great to get to a point where things are going great. But, if you rest on that, disaster can happen. You have to have the courage to face the status quo and tell it that it’s not okay.
Michael Hyatt said, “If you are happy with the status-quo, don’t hire a leader.” I think we naturally look at things that many people don’t want to change and we ask “why not?” Could it be better? How?
It’s easy to fix things when they are broken. It’s tougher to improve things that are already efficient. That’s true in business and relationships. Status-quo will kill both.
Love how you are thinking about this. Speaking of quotes, you said some many powerful things. One of my favorites, “It’s tougher to improve things that are already efficient.” Powerful and challenging statement.
On a personal note. I’m writing about courage because I feel fearful. I think all leaders have to face their fears. Leadership ends when fear wins.
RIght on, Colby. Love the Dan quote in this and am grateful for the added wisdom of your insight.
Love this post, Dan. All too often, people in our lives unwittingly become agents of fear. They encourage us to take our time, make “wise” decisions. While this is sometimes sound advice, it can sabotage an effort when all that is required is courage. Or these unknowing saboteurs offer us all the reasons we can’t do something. Often, these agents of fear are people we love and respect.
I love the vulnerability in this series; I know it comes from your heart and I know we walk the same path here. Thank you for your encouragement.
Thanks Justin.
It’s a challenge to both be AND find people who fuel courage. I’ve been thinking that others can help but in the end courage comes from within. Somehow we look within and say it’s worth it to step out.
In one strange twist, the fear of NOT making a difference fuels my courage.
Best wishes on your journey.
Just as fear is like a weed; courage is like a seed. If you sow it around others their courage grow.
In addition to all of what you all have said with much inspiration lies the defeat to fear. Fear is like a weed in a garden. You only can determine its place, it’s existence. I have looked down at fear as if it’s not as tall as I, and that alone self motivates me to know that I can conquer my inhibitions.
Just seeing it for what it is, may resolve it.
Hi there, above all fear from a neurologic perspective makes that you cannot think creatively anymore, nor can you do your job correctly. If above all you are a leader, your emotions and moods will swap over to your team and your results will plummet. Jenny
Scary isn’t it. 🙂
Indeed, it is!
What we decide to repeat in our own heads is what we are bound to which can include fear!!!!
Funny thing about the things I have spent lots of time fearing……most of it never happened!!! Silly me right?
Fear doesn’t cause me to not do what is right. Fear causes me to pause to consider what to do next. Fear used correctly in the human experiment is not a bad thing, misunderstood or not used correctly just awful!!!
Fear faulty evidence appearing real
Understand it and quit messing around letting it mess with you!!!!
Read Og Mandino for goodness sakes!!!! I am Master of My Emotions! Well are ya?
We think then we feel. Want to change how you feel if fear stops you? Change what u think!!!
Earl nightingale. Strangest secret in the world. We become what we think about all day long!
Pay attention or not up to you. The way humans work is very simple. Why struggle when Flourishing is waiting for you?
Only one who can decide your thoughts is you. So what you gonna coose to think today?
I Concur!
SP Out!!!
I heard someone say we should be careful what we say because our brains will repeat it back to us… Thanks Scott. Here’s to a great weekend.
Thanks Dan, one other thing I hope everyone reads and takes to heart.
I am a high achieving person and I heard this and realized it had been true for me for a long time. Also have heard it from many others I admire and respect.
“I am more afraid of trying and failing than I am of what I am gonna get if I don’t try”
I Concur!
SP Out. Ps hope that helps somebody like it did me.
Awesome post, Dan. These are all points I am trying to teach the kids in my Scout troop. “Forget and Shift” points 1 and 4 are the hardest for them, because their perception is that a leader is a “Boss”. I will definitely use this point as the basis for the next leadership discussion.
The way we define leadership determines if we will pursue it. When we define leading as bossing, those who don’t want to boss won’d lead. When we define leading as serving, everyone is qualified.
This is so meaningful. I can’t tell you how many college papers I began with the words, ” When evaluating the concept of ______, there is always the problem of beginning.” And then I would jump into my analysis. I would “start now.” Over the years, I’ve learned to combine Start Now with Follow Your Heart, and I have also added.. and Build in a 5 second Pause. Pause, is different than paralysis.Pause is a very important moment of self reflection that all leaders should build into their skill set. Anyway, thank you for today’s post. It was a YES moment for me.
Powerful addition, Philip. Thanks. Love the addition of “follow your heart” and pausing.
Dan,
Point #5 in the “Fear” section really resonates with me. The current narrative in leadership development is leadership humility. So, even if a leaders doesn’t fall prey to fears #1-4, I can easily imagine a person (self included!) remaining quiet out of the “who am I?” syndrome. Your post helps us navigate that tricky fine line.
Thanks!
Thanks Jennifer. Humility is tricky, for sure. Glad you caught the underlying quality behind the “do things quietly” statement. Perhaps we fear NOT getting credit or praise and in so doing we do nothing.
I heard an interesting term yesterday called the 10-10-10 rule by Suzy Welch. Basically you look into the future and see how different your life would be like as a result of your action 10 minutes, months, and years from now afterwards. It’s powerful and makes you realize you can miss out on so much from crippling fear and inaction.
Thanks Vincent. I’ve got to look this one up. I found that applying the 10-10-10 rule helps me eliminate insignificance from my to-do list.
This was the PERFECT post for me to read today. My fear of failure had shifted into paranoia and panic. I know now to focus on serving and to calm down because this is going to be a long messy wonderful process that will lead to great results for our students.
Glad you caught the power of focusing on serving. I find that opportunities to make a difference open up when we take a servant’s approach to leadership. Best wishes.
Dan, your Point #5 in the Fear section, “Others aren’t standing out. What gives you the right to think you can?” reminds me of Marianne Williamson’s quote in her book A Return To Love:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Thanks for your courageous vulnerability and insights.
Thanks for adding Marianne’s quote. It made me think that the only time to pull back is when we are taking time to reflect on how to move forward. Cheers
This has been very interesting to me. I am 81 years old and my business careers are behind me. I started out joining the Navy right out of high school. I advanced rapidly and learned to be a good leader. I went up through the ranks and ended up retiring as a LCDR. I really never thought of fear but no doubt experienced some. In the business world after the Navy, I became a very successful leader in every position I had. What I learned in the Navy was that the arts of, organizing, deputizing and supervising made you a good leader. All three are difficult but if you do them well, you will be successful. I also believe that in any new position you have, you should analyze the responsibilities and authority of the job and try your best to improve them. This worked for me.
You always talk so clearly Dan. 🙂
Dan, this is perhaps the most important blog post I’ve read in my entire life. I’m sitting here feeling deeply thankful for you (and this post) which has shone a beam of light down for me. Thank you so so much.
Overcome paralyzing fear by, take massive actions.
Thank you for sharing, just what I have gone through 🙂
Back in my real estate sales days, went from 23 sales a year to 45 sales a year to 58 sales a year by repeating the ten most important two-letter words in the English language (it helped that I was afraid of going broke) “:If it is to be, it is up to me.”
It’s what was posted above – what we chant is what we become…or remain.
Great post Dan, and one I think most of us can relate to. One of my challenges in breaking out beyond the fear has been learning to armor myself from the bullies, bubble-busters and energy vampires. Nothing can revive fear like and disempower like discouragement, and learning to differentiate between constructive feedback (healthy) and the critical doubters, self-protectors and defenders of the status quo has been key.
One of my favorite quotes that puts fear in it’s place is from Ralph Waldo Emerson. “When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.” Unless we act despite our fears we will never know how capable we are.
Thank you for you tips on leadership. They are priceless!