Tapping the Radical Power of Firsts
I married my high school sweetheart. I remember leaning over the back of a green rocking chair, in 1969, and kissing her upside down. We were 13. It was my first stolen kiss.
I remember learning to ride a bike, drive a car, and the first time, at sixteen, I gave a public presentation.
Firsts transform us.
Change someone by helping them do something they haven’t done before. You remember the people who helped you do things you’d never done.
Talking is good; doing is better.
Incremental or radical:
Skill development is incremental, one practice built on another. But, there’s nothing like the first time you led a meeting, ran a project, fired an employee, or gave a presentation. It radically changed you.
Successful leaders enable firsts in others.
Powerful firsts:
- Propel leaders on their journey. Connect this “new thing” to their big picture.
- Include pushing. Let them know you believe in them while you’re pushing them out of the nest. Kick, don’t coddle. Admittedly, finding the right amount of push requires skill.
- Create fear and stress. Reaching high is hard.
- Involve stumbling. If they get it right the first time, it was too easy.
- After stumbles, give stew-time. Don’t rush in like momma. Set up debrief meetings a day or two after their first.
- Focus on being as well as doing. Ask, “How are you becoming who you want to be?”
- Require improvement opportunities. Give second and third chances.
Someone gave you first-opportunities that changed you. Return the favor – change others – by giving them their firsts.
What firsts changed you?
How can leaders effectively give first opportunities?
TODAY! Learn how Stephen M.R. Covey failed and succeeded at building trust during the merger of arch-rival organizations.Listen live to his personal journey through a crisis of trust.
I am so grateful for all my awkward, scaffolded, firsts. Firsts create starts.
Love “firsts create starts.” Powerful.
I remember the first time I held an interview, I was so scared, however I recall someone saying to me “karen the person you are interviewing doesn’t know its your first time and believe me they will be more nervous than you, so don’t worry”…….. I thought about that the whole time, and it helped me so much. Now I pass on the same advice for a multitude of things – the other person / people do not usually know when its your first time so just go for it!
When I mentored first time instructors I asked them if they planned to tell the class it was their first time. It’s an important decision that sets a tone.
Who we were is who we have been– can you hear that? An old has-been. What I love about firsts is that you can never go back to who you were. For better or worse, a first demands that we become someone new. We can no longer blame a lack of experience or cling to fear or insecurity. Firsts demand taking responsibility for who we will be.
Great post, Dan.
Your comments are always eloquent. Thanks Justin.
If we don’t have firsts all we become are has-beens. Kaching!
The learning you gain from first experiences is powerful because it stays with you forever and it becomes a springboard for more learning. I always think back to my first teaching experience and I remember all the mistakes I made. Those mistakes were the beginning of my ongoing learning journey.
“Springboard”… great term for firsts. When we give people their firsts we help them springboard… I can see a person bouncing on the diving board and then, finally, liftoff and splash down. 🙂
The first time I taught a Leadership Development class, I was so nervous and jumpy I couldn’t stop pacing while I was talking. Somehow, I trapped myself into a corner of the classroom, where backtracking would have been very awkward. Forced to stand still (at least until the first break), I found strength in my words, not my nervous energy. As the class progressed I realized “THIS is what I should be doing with my life.” I’ve been hooked ever since!
Love it Andy. Thanks for sharing. I still pace.. 🙂
I’d love to see you “trapped” in the corner.
Well every first changed me, that first drink, that first DUI, the 3rd DUI changed me too but we are talking firsts here, right? That first puff of the hippy lettuce!!!!!!!!! That first handful of mushrooms!!!! I was so full of changing it about did me in!!!!!!!! hehe
Think what you are more specifically talking about Dan is ah-moments. First time I recognized a paradigm and watched it shift. Never really been the same after that. Aren’t you all so lucky!!! hehe
Cool with #6, get one’s own house in order, can’t transmit to others what you ain’t got!
#3 Not so much…..reaching high is what I tell myself it is. If I think reaching high is hard I will interpret my experience to prove my theory. As a Man Thinketh James Allen pretty cool book I suggest reading it,
Love #7 but whaa happens if you require and they don’t DO ?????
Connect with WHY and more likely to go along with instead of pushing or pulling.
Thanks again for helping me get my day started off Dan!
Back out to the edge to SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SP OUT! ps Peter Diamandis AMAZING DUDE! Book called Abundance and great videos on YouTube. Dude Rocks! He is the guy that set up the 10 million dollar contest to see what private folks could build a space ship and of course someone did. Imagine that! Also created Singularity University, google it!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Scott. I appreciate the power of negative firsts, too.
My experience is, if I’m not stressed or fearful, I’m not outside my comfort zone. Out of my comfort zone is hard and pretending it isn’t, doesn’t help me. Actually, the opposite helps me. This is hard but worth it because it gets me where I want to go.
Cheers!
Makes sense now that you put it that way!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just remember, we experience life however we decide to tell ourselves repeatedly we are going to. We filter info to prove our core beliefs.
CYA,
SP
My first technology job was horrible. It about sent me back to my old career. My boss was horrible, my co-workers were no help, I was lost and trying to learn everything on my own with no support.
This led to three terribly awkward years where I floundered. Even as I learned the skills I needed, my confidence was shot. I ended up losing my job and was unemployed as a software developer without a degree in computer science with less than 5 years experience during the one time a developer couldn’t find a job even with the right qualifications.
That’s right, it was the dotcom bust.
That first job and first boss inspired me never to be that leader and to make sure that I didn’t knock the enthusiasm out of my employees. I learned to network and build up a support system so that I’ll never go through a long period of unemployment again. Not only that, but I routinely review resumes for others and teach them how to network.
I would never voluntarily go through that experience again, but I will also admit that it taught me a lot of good lessons that maybe helped me get where I am today.
That also means that I try to make sure others who may be experiencing their “first” whatever around me have a better experience than I did.
Powerful story, Rob. So glad you dropped in today.
“I would never voluntarily go through that experience again.” It’s beautiful how something negative contributed to your journey and helped you become who you are today…. compassionate.
Inspiring, like I said yesterday Rob, you aught to keep sharing!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU.
SP OUT!
I do actually run my own blog, but try not to promote it on other people’s blogs.My name is the link.
I look for blogs like Dan’s because I am always looking for other perspectives. Dan cheats though because he has been quoting Covey a lot in the short time I’ve started reading here and I’m a big fan of Covey.
Hooked me like a fish.
Firsts are nerve-racking. But they are like protein for your growth. No one grows without taking on new challenges, new ideas. Stagnant waters only produce decay.
I was really nervous when I thought about that first kiss… 🙂
Love. Love. Love. #5 Don’t rush in like Momma. Easy to say.. hard to do. Firsts are really tough for perfectionists. I try to coach our daughter to not give up just because she doesn’t knock something out of the park the very first time and let her (and me) process the frustration. It’s all part of life!
Better to try a first than to sit on the sidelines stewing 🙂
YOu bring up a major roadblock when we face firsts… Our need to excel. Trouble is we are, at best, average when we are doing something the first time. Great point.
Perhaps the stewing time allows people to not only think about what happened but who they want to become.
This is a phenomenal insight. The human spirit is geared for, yet afraid of firsts. Our innate desire for control is contrary to our need to embrace firsts, because firsts can and often are quite risky.
For anyone or any organization to grow – firsts are essential, which will create a journey. And as Steve Jobs espoused – the journey is the reward.
Thanks Rod. The use of “control” is important in this conversation both for those experiencing firsts and those helping people navigate firsts. Nice
Great post. In my field I am now considered an advanced practitioner. The skills were hard to learn and perform. I had no one to lead me along. It was a sink or swim scenario.im glad I stuck with it, though, as its turned out to be a fulfilling position.
We are in the process of training many new staff members and some instincts have helped me in training. You articulated them here. I especially like the idea of #5, allowing for some stew time. When applied I find this maintains the dignity of the individual and builds trust. They know I still believe in them and they become better, more attentive learners, taking nothing for granted.
Thanks Simply…
There is a bit of “sink or swim” when in comes to firsts. You can tell that I’m not too excited about being fully prepared… You make me think about learning to trust ourselves… trust that we can learn and improve. Great stuff
Not drawing attention to myself here but I thought this might contribute to the conversation. These are a few quotes that sum up my own life.
http://simplysage.org/2013/02/25/weekly-photo-challenge-forward/
I’ve always kind of stepped out into the abyss of the unknown. My career choices were not all premeditated and planned out. Several times I ended up in what I call “default locations”, where there was just no place else to go. Once there, I usually found a “niche of challenge” that stretched me. (Boredom and routine are not my cup of tea.) I persist, learn, and pursue excellence, not perfection. I think one of my greatest strengths is that, even as trainer, I tell my trainee I am still a learner. There are still many “firsts” for me. But I’m never afraid to try anything and I’m never too old to learn, and if the new person has any ideas to improve the process, l’m not territorial. Pitch them in and we’ll give them a try.
Wish I could watch the video today. Thanks for the offer. I’ll catch one some time.
Great post. I like to live by the saying: “Always make new mistakes.” The key word being NEW.
Dear Dan,
Enjoyed reading every word of your lovely & so meaningful post. Liked your saying, ‘Firsts transform us’. When I look back, I see the memorable experiences and probably I can write a whole book on it! The first day at the school, college, office and the classroom bring unforgetiable good memories and how each time I got encouraged to develop a good interest and the passion by the strange friends, teachers and students.
I distinctly remember how I got the first opportunity to do an office presentation in front of the top management by my professional, mentor type boss without any hint, prior intimation or any rehearsal. The only plus point in my favour was that I had prepared the presentation slides for him to present. I was requested to accompany him to assist in operating the OHP. Suddenly, he opened his speech with an all round praise for me and asked me to present to the group whom we regarded as the organization pillars.
An another incident that I recall is that of taking initial teaching sessions at a premier management institute with a full class of intelligent students. The nervousness and the non-free flow of 90 minutes session despite the good preparation were some anxious moments of my teaching career. Yet, it’s my second half- wife who supported and encouraged me to boost my self-confidence and do better every time with good preparations.
The list is endless. The first day at the office with new jobs, the first day of driving school, the first public speech, the first love etc. and there was a great motivator around to give a positive push to follow the dreams.
I seriously conclude that we as leaders should motivate and provide opportunities to others to explore their potential. Our small encouraging acts can change the lives of others remarkably.
Loved the post Dan, thank you.
You are correct when you say good leaders facilitate others to success. Thank you for the confirmation.