In Over Your Head
Leadership’s pivotal moment arrives the moment you admit you’re in over your head. Until then, you’re predictable and mundane. The weight of leadership hasn’t buckled your knees. Competence holds you up.
Bain of competence:
Competence is overrated. Clinging to competence is clinging to attainability. You feel you’re able.
Attainability is the mother of average.
What happens after you confess incompetence determines your destiny.
Will you close your eyes and pretend or will you face the beast that blocks your greatness.
The pivotal moment in leadership is incompetence.
Weak leaders wear masks, but, greatness requires bravery.
When you’re in over your head:
The opposite of weakness isn’t strength it’s courage.
- Take off your mask. Don’t pretend you feel competent when you don’t. Avoid sending a company email that says, “I’m in over my head.” Take responsibility for finding or developing trusted advisors, friends, coaches, and mentors. Remember to look both inside and outside your organization.
- Open up. Don’t close down. Fear invites you to pull back. Reach out, instead. Leadership expands the moment you realize you need others. You can’t do it alone.
- Avoid excuses. Excuse making is a way of saying your competent when you’re not. Excuses prevent excellence.
Beauty of incompetence:
When you courageously confess your incompetence to yourself, you:
- Shut-up and listen. Nothing closes mouths and opens ears like feeling your knees buckle.
- Surround yourself with those who are better, smarter, and more competent than you.
- Trust others.
Everyone who feels competent is facing attainable challenges.
Incompetence is the first step toward extraordinary, until then, you’re a lone ranger.
Those who admit they’re in over their head have more potential than those who pretend they aren’t.
Bonus: Scott Eblin talks about being in over his head.
What does dealing poorly with feelings of incompetence look like?
What are the best ways to deal with feeling in over your head?
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Yes! The way I talk with my team about this, “If you haven’t felt like you’ve just jumped out of an airplane recently, you probably need a bigger challenge.”
Bingo!
What does dealing poorly with feelings of incompetence look like?
It can look like one of two things, Dan. It can lead to be overly quiet and not trying to contribute to the conversation, and being undervalued. But in its worst form, it looks a lot like bullying. These people charge through projects, run over people all on the clearly false premise that they know how to do “everything.” When exposed they have tons of excuses, none of which have anything to do with their incompetence and fear of being undervalued.
What are the best ways to deal with feeling in over your head?
1. Ask lots of questions.
2. Shut up
3. Listen to the answers and apply them
Thanks Martina. Wow! did you extend the conversation with that bullying remark!
Looking at your list I feel like adding, “Pull the trigger.” I think that’s connected to apply them but just wanted to say it.
I value your insights.
This was really a thoughtful comment, Martina. Interested in hearing more about that ‘overly quiet’ response to feelings of incompetence that you identified. How can the risk of being undervalued be countered? I have noticed in group situations that the overly quiet who venture questions can be used by ‘bullies’ to shore up the ‘flashier’ appearance of shallow expertise.
Employees, including leaders, who lack any of the three success criteria (Cultural Fit, Competence, and Job Match or Talent) will not be successful without excessive stress. Competence can be increased while cultural fit may be increased through behavioral training but may also increase job stress. Job match cannot be increased therefore it is critically important that all employees have the talent demanded by the jobs they hold. For leaders a poor job match is hard, if not impossible, to ignore and/or fix.
• Competence is the King of job performance.
• Job Talent is the Queen of job performance.
• Potential is the Prince of job performance.
• Education is the Princess of job performance.
• Experience is the Court Jester of job performance.
Competence and Job Talent rule job performance.
There are many factors to consider when hiring talent but first we need to define talent unless “hiring talent” means “hiring employees.”
Everyone wants to hire for talent but if we can’t answer the five questions below with specificity, we can’t hire for talent.
1. How do you define talent?
2. How do you measure talent?
3. How do you know a candidate’s talent?
4. How do you know what talent is required for each job?
5. How do you match a candidate’s talent to the talent demanded by the job?
Employers need to assess for:
– Cultural Match (Cultural Fit)
– Skills Match (Competence)
– Job Match (Talent)
Some employers assess for all three.
Potential is identified during the Job Match evaluation.
Read the following web page for a description of how to hire high-potential employees.
http://www.corpu.com/weekly/article/hiring-high-potential-talent/
Thanks Bob, in the spirit of this post, I’ll add, competence well used always takes us to the point of feeling incompetent.
Hi Dan,
The Peter Principle is “In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.” That is another way of saying employees are all too often promoted into positions for which they do not have the talent for job success. Competence and job performance gets us hired and promoted but inadequate job talent gets us fired.
Or, the point of incompetence is when we grow.
Dan, competence is not the same as talent. We can increase our competence but we cannot increase our talent. Yes, we can train employees without adequate job talent to behave as needed but that raises their stress level and makes their job a chore rather than an engaging pleasure.
Hey Bob, I did not give the thumbs down, not how I roll!
Pretty right side of the grey matter thinking dude. Just an observation.
Ok from right side then it it logical to deduce if 70% of USA workers feel unloved and unappreciated at work and steal 998 billion bucks a year from their employers using the metric u recommended assures the continuation of these results?
I wonder how Richard Branson and Bill Gates would have done on these tests? Henry Ford? Ect ect ect
How about a bonzi tree? 5 years nothing and then BOOM???
How does one with pen and paper predict the potentiality of a spiritual being having a human experience? Left brain question!!!!! How to predict the intensity of a white hot burning desire? Based on the overall results I would declare……poorly. Based not on emotion, strictly results.
Want to know how to hire??? Study the story of Shackleton the explorer!! He hired the right blokes!! From his ad in the paper till the mission was complete!! 27 guys and all came together as a team. If not they all would have certainly perished. Very cool story. Hope you google away!
Know it is a bit of a new concept but my opinion based on Simon Sinek and the results in action at Barry Wehmiller,
Dump the right brain metrics and hire people who believe what u believe. Works better, wakey wakey!!!!!
Opinion right brain based strictly in the results. Just compare Barry Wehmiller results with the rest if all US businesses and see if you see where I am coming from. Which factually proves more effective?
Or keep dressing that donkey up(traditional business paradigm) hoping it is gonna one day perform like a thoroughbred. In a word, NOT.
Just saying…..
SP back to the present!!
Hi Scott.
“the metric u recommended assures the continuation of these results?”
Not unless the top performers in all jobs are all thieves in which case management needs to be fired quickly.
“I wonder how Richard Branson and Bill Gates would have done on these tests? Henry Ford? Ect ect ect”
It doesn’t matter because these people are not hiring people like themselves. The manager who hires people like himself is hiring unsuccessful employees for all jobs but his own.
“How about a bonzi tree? 5 years nothing and then BOOM???”
My clients like to see the BOOM soon after the hire, not years later.
“How does one with pen and paper predict the potentiality of a spiritual being having a human experience?”
I wasn’t aware that we hire employees for their spirituality.
“Left brain question!!!!! How to predict the intensity of a white hot burning desire? Based on the overall results I would declare……poorly. Based not on emotion, strictly results.”
Perhaps you would be surprised.
“Want to know how to hire??? Study the story of Shackleton the explorer!! He hired the right blokes!! From his ad in the paper till the mission was complete!! 27 guys and all came together as a team. If not they all would have certainly perished. Very cool story. Hope you google away!”
I know the story but few if any employees face death if they do not follow. Perhaps you suggest scaring employees to near death so that they will do as they are told?
“Dump the right brain metrics and hire people who believe what u believe. Works better, wakey wakey!”
Or perhaps you could dump the sarcasm.
Employers need employees who can leaner and do the job in h tehtime farm ewill do the job
Employers hire for competence and culture but fire for poor job performance. We show employers how to hire for job performance so they need not fire anyone.
“Opinion right brain based strictly in the results.”
Oh my, let us judge success by our feelings?
“Just compare Barry Wehmiller results with the rest if all US businesses and see if you see where I am coming from. Which factually proves more effective?”
Since our clients tell us that their new hire excede their expectations “lll stick with that.
“Or keep dressing that donkey up(traditional business paradigm) hoping it is gonna one day perform like a thoroughbred. In a word, NOT.”
Like I said perhaps you would be surprised but you are to busy being sarcastic and closed minded to learn something new. Is that left brained, right brained or dead brained?
Just saying…
Bob argue with gallop if you wanna.
It is their poll that recently said 70% of US employees leave their job feeling no one cares about them. Then they steal 998 billion a year from the employers.
You part of the profit centered model? If yes those results are your results too.
That is the result of a profit centered model. Period, fact not opinion or sarcasm.
So it seems not looking at an employee as a spiritual being or a human being in total fails 70% of the time.
Barry Wehmiller practices something called People Centric Leadership and they succeed at a rate of happy employees 72% of the time and pay shareholders over the last 5 years a dividend 5 times greater than the average if the s&p over the same time period.
So Bob, what it better failing 70% of the time or succeeding 72% of the time? Go ahead try is figure a way to make the 30% better.
If I was a hitting coach and my players hit 720% how long would your players stick with you when your average is to get them to 300%?
Bob I deeply appreciate you sharing with me but I got a feeling maybe you do not know much about People Centric Leadership.
Of do you are discussing with one hand tied behind your back. Not really fair is it?
It seems you have done well in the profit centered model. Good for you. Facts still remain gallop says you batting 30%. Not ME, gallop.
Just wonder how fantastic your results would be as a People Centric fella?
Hope if you have not check out Bob Chapman and see what he and his company are up to. Defining Moments is a great free video.
Anyway thanks again for sharing and hope you investigate further.
SP back to the present!
Hello Scott,
“Bob argue with gallop if you wanna.”
Do you mean Gallup?
Why would I do that? Their work explains why our method works so well. To paraphrase a political adviser, “It’s the people, stupid.”
“It is their poll that recently said 70% of US employees leave their job feeling no one cares about them.”
Yes, I know, I have been in this field since 1992 and follow employee hiring, managing, retention and turnover issues closely. Such results come as no surprise to us since that is why so many employers (about 50,000) ask us for help when hiring and promoting their employees.
“Then they steal 998 billion a year from the employers.”
Yes, too many managers don’t know how to avoid hiring dishonest employees.
“You part of the profit centered model?”
No, I’m part of the performance-centered model and I see you fail to grasp the difference. The end result of our work is increased performance and lower employee turnover and employee engagement if managers and above are also well suited to their jobs.
“If yes those results are your results too.”
No, our clients don’t suffer such disastrous problems.
“That is the result of a profit centered model. Period, fact not opinion or sarcasm.”
Why do you keep telling me that, we are a performance-centered model?
“So it seems not looking at an employee as a spiritual being or a human being in total fails 70% of the time.”
Our whole approach is employee centered so your criticism is silly.
“Barry Wehmiller practices something called People Centric Leadership and they succeed at a rate of happy employees 72% of the time and pay shareholders over the last 5 years a dividend 5 times greater than the average if the s&p over the same time period.”
Happy employees are not the end game.
The hierarchy of happiness and job success;
#1. Employers prefer to have happy employees who are successful.
#2. Employers prefer to have unhappy employees who are successful.
#3. Employers prefer not to have happy employees who are unsuccessful.
#4. Employers prefer not to have unhappy employees who are unsuccessful.
It is obvious that job success trumps employee happiness.
The lack of happiness is not misery and the lack of misery is not happiness.
“So Bob, what it better failing 70% of the time or succeeding 72% of the time?”
Succeeding greater than 90% of the time. Our clients would be furious if their success rate dropped all the way down to 72%.
“Go ahead try is figure a way to make the 30% better.”
We are already above 90% and are always trying to help our clients improve. I doubt if our clients would cut their success rate by 18 percentage points on your word.
“If I was a hitting coach and my players hit 720% how long would your players stick with you when your average is to get them to 300%?”
Our clients are already batting over 900 so please pay attention.
“Bob I deeply appreciate you sharing with me but I got a feeling maybe you do not know much about People Centric Leadership.”
I’m in the front end of the people centric business. Our clients hire the right people and then manage them according to what the employees need.
“Of do you are discussing with one hand tied behind your back. Not really fair is it?”
Since you are championing a method that is less successful than hiring for talent I find curious that you don’t, won’t or can’t see it.
“It seems you have done well in the profit centered model. Good for you. Facts still remain gallop says you batting 30%. Not ME, gallop.”
Gallup doesn’t say that at all or don’t you know that? Did you read the book? When I read it I thought I wrote since it confirmed what we do.
We have been using the wisdom of “First Break All the Rules, what the world’s greatest managers do differently” since 1991, 8 years before the book was published. The methodology dates back to the mid 1960s, 40 years before the book was published. Some may say they were very late to the people centric management movement.
“Just wonder how fantastic your results would be as a People Centric fella?”
I’d be fired by my clients who would see their success rate drop from 90+% to a mediocre, but above average, 72%.
“… Defining Moments is a great free video.”
I watched to the video and find we are on the same page. Our clients care about their employees, which is why they are so selective when hiring. New hires become successful employees while enjoying their jobs and staying for a long time. Our clients owe it to their new hires not to assign them to jobs where job success is fleeting at best. Perhaps we are way ahead of Bob Chapman since our clients are already doing what he preaches.
Great!!! And thanks for taking the time to share with me.
I understand now you are on the People Centric Team!!! Got it!!! Yiiipppppeee!!!!
You get 90% cause you are not part of the problem!!
I got it. Deeply appreciate you taking the time to explain.
Now I see you are one of the great guys!!!!!
So you and I in that 30% how we gonna attract others to make that bigger?
Take care!
Scott you do now know Bob all these folks know more about you and the great things you are doing!
Did not mean to annoy and deeply apologize if I did, not intended!
Seems I did open a way out with some misspelled words and whatever to open a way out for your imprisoned splendor to escape. Showing the great work and results you get from it!!!! Horray results!!!!
Many thanks, now deep respect.
SP I spelled Gallup wrong like four times Lol
Scott,
Do you not learn while reading?
Dear Dan,
Those who confess their incompetence broaden scope to invite competence. Confessing is delayering masks, more you delayer, more you will feel confident. This makes people trustworthy and reliable. I have seen some weak leaders sending personal mail making cc to everyone. For example, when they wish “Happy birthday” to someone, they make copy to all. I do not understand the logic behind it. If you monitor this symptom closely, you will find that like minded people engage in such practices.
Incompetence either create space or attempts to create positive perception among people. There are people who keep their cabin closed, look busy and generally do not attend the get together. There are other categories of people, who try to excessively mix with people to create positive image about them. They generally make issues, spread rumor and hence create their platform to field.
Humility provides depth and gravity. People who learn more, achieve more, influence more, become humble. Those who feel that they know everything prone to become arrogant.
Thank you Ajay.
I love your insighs…in particular, on phrase sticks out. “People who learn more, achieve more.” What a great statement about the value of learning. (I know you believe in putting learning into action)
I remember well my first “big promotion” my then boss, who was a great mentor, said “remember this job is not to do everything, it is to ensure everything gets done..” he taught me the valuable lesson of understanding that I would be leading others with far more individual competence than I, my function was to bring them together for a mutual goal.
The transition can be bumpy! 🙂
Thanks Ken. Your bumpy comment lets me know you moved through theory to practice. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your journey. Much appreciated.
Nice! As usual you took this a different direction that I thought it would go. Great thought provoking article!
Thanks for your affirmation. It feels great.
For me not handling humility smells like arrogance.
Considering the facts from the left portion of the field……
We got 64 strands of DNA discovered so far…..only 20 switched the the on position. 44 more to go!!!!! Yippeeee!!!
We got a consciousness that only around 7% is aware of and in use. 93% more to go!!! Yippee !!!!!!
We are entering the 4th Dimension of existence and 8 more to go the the magical 12th! 12 is the coolest number, right???? Yipppeeee!!!
So all in all with all that potential left in the each ness of all ness………
I’ d say there is ALOT to be amazed and excited a out!! Looking pretty pretty good!!!
Be AWARE of WONDER. Robert Fulhgram
What I am doing is
Trusting God
Cleaning House
Helping others. That 4th Dimension goal or lesson by the way for the asleep and or unaware is STO(service to others). The train has already left the station so just enjoy the ride!!
So that is my view from pretty far out here in left field!!!! Pretty cool out here!!!!!
Cya Dan
SP back to the present in left field!!!!
Thanks for your view from left field. 🙂
Lol yw
It is pretty optimistic out here I gotta say!
SP back to the present in left field!
In my journey, there have been so many times I’ve found myself in over my head. In fact, I rather seek those situations out. Currently, I’m trying to dive into the field of education– with no experience or qualifications, just raw passion for impacting the lives of young people.
In the past, I’ve made the mistake of putting on a strong front, lowering my head, and charging at the challenge. So far, so good. But I recognize now that an open and honest approach to such a new challenge would bring so much more value to the experience and the relationships in it. This time, I’m finding mentors and leaning into the challenge.
Thanks Justin. I’m respect you for sharing your story. I’ve acted the way you acted many times and still have to remind myself to lift my head and open my heart. Some lessons are learned over and over. Best wishes.
The worst thing you can do when you realize you have reached that buckling point is to give up. That was my undoing before I retired. I gave in to it rather than working harder to get through it. In the end game you need to press forward and get the help you need to get the project done, no matter how hopeless it looks at the time.
Thanks Ralph. I hear the voice of experience in your comment. For, pressing forward includes embracing new strategies and connecting with new people. I went the route of just trying harder at the same thing…but that’s a bit frustrating.
Yes, “Adversity (being in over your head) doesn’t develop character, it reveals it.” All that involuntary behavior suddenly pops out. Is it based on the character we really are, or the one we’ve been trying to hide during the good times?
Thanks Jim… I’m thinking the real me pops it’s head out when my knees are buckling. However, it’s definitely still distorted because of the pressures. I get confused between the real me, the me I want to be, and the one I’m pretending to be… 🙂
Enjoyed the beauty of incompetence. I like being a sponge. Learning from others is wonderful. I am never the smartest person in my circle.
Well said!
Thank you for sharing. Others think it’s a great read, too.
True, bit a tough one. Who is to blame? The leaders who want to portray themselves as all-knowing, all-powerful? Or, the followers, who expect this of them? Or, Management gurus who talk of the leaders who know it all?
Great questions Rajiv. There is a conspiracy, in my opinion, between the leaders who need to be all-knowing and the learned helplessness of the followers who like it that way. The good thing about following in the helpless context is I can blame someone else for my failures.
Brad,
This one really hit home this morning for me. This would be good conversation “stuff” … grist for the mill.
See you tomorrow at Tuesday 3:00 pm Staff (Consult).
Peace to your house (and heart).
… Craig
I bet this is an email or note to brad that got posted here… Well! Have a good one Brad.
I had to learn the hard way. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Leaders must learn to ask for help from anyone they can trust and respect. It does not have to someone within your organization. Many times it’s best to talk to someone you trust who is outside the org or not even in that type of business. Ask for help. This is a sign of strength!
Thanks Chris. I think most of us learned this lesson the hard way… Heck, I’m still learning it… Great add.
Great post and wonderful discussion as well. I like to think I’m always learning and consider myself as a student of my business. To know what you don’t know is a competency in and of itself and provides insight to hire or work with those who do!
When we set aside “ego and pride” we may be a little more open to acknowledging that we’re in over our heads and become students once again.
I really think that the reason that so many people responded here was because humbleness is perceived as weakness.
Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up
Great post
Kymee :o)