The Seven Powers of Words
Complaining says stop or improve, but doesn’t improve anything. Encouraging points to behaviors or attitudes to continue, but doesn’t continue anything.
The danger of talking is it feels like doing.
The biggest waste of words:
It feels good to get something off your chest. But, “off your chest” conversations are pleas for affirmation not expressions of leadership.
Weak leaders run around getting things off their chest. It’s self-centered, self-indulgent, and self-defeating. Leadership is about them not you.
Talk is when it’s the environment of action.
The 7 powers of words:
- Connect. Words that create connection are about others not you. Trust is the predecessor and indicator of connection.
- Persuade. Spend more time connecting and it will take fewer words to persuade. Convincing others is about them, not you.
- Focus. It’s normal to focus on what matters. Leaders explain what matters now.
- Open. Nothing opens hearts and minds better than questions. Statements invite scrutiny. Questions invite exploration.
- Guide. Leadership language centers on next steps. Anyone can explain where you’ve been. Leaders describe where you’re going.
- Correct: Tell people what isn’t working in regards to relationships and results.
- Affirm. Affirmation creates stability by encouraging repetition. Excellence requires positive feedback.
Bonus: The biggest danger of words is their power to take away power – to de-motivate.
Too much criticism:
Rather than “don’t like” say “I’d like.”
Courageously use words that express what you want. It’s safe to criticize, correct, and complain – to say what you don’t want or like.
Solutions are courageous self-declarations.
Successful leaders work toward solutions with others. Cowards, like drive by shooters, criticize from the sidelines.
3 questions that transform wasted talk:
- What do you want?
- Where does it take us?
- How can we get there?
I’ve listed seven powers of words. What can you add to the list?
What are your favorite leadership words?
Dear Dan,
Three questions are very useful to know utility of talks. And I think second question is very important. It clearly shows the direction and possible outcomes. There are talks only for the sake of talks. There are talks for the sake of learning and there are talks for the sake of showing who the talker is. Talks in terms of learning is great. Such talks integrate, encourage and direct people. But talks that points to demean or show someone’s boast is unhealthy.
I would like to add ” Criticize” in the list. People should criticize the symptom or trend that aim to damage someone. We should not point towards someone or people, rather talk about issues.
The symptoms that infects or motivate others to disseminate rumor should be criticized. And talks that does not allow everyone to talk openly and honestly should be criticized.
My favorite leadership word is ” Help ” here. In talk, I help those who feel discouraged. I love to help those who have contents but hesitant. I would love to help those who believe they are more knowledgeable than others. I would rather try to help people in realizing that everyone is equal and important.
Thanks Ajay.
I must say that I smiled when I read, “There are talks only for the sake of talks.” Ka-Ouch!
Much appreciate your view of not criticizing people… could we add, criticize the source?
Ajay, I recently wrote a blog post about words and how people associate their different meanings.
Here is a link to the blog: http://michellecolonjohnson.com/work-is-a-money-word/ . What are your thought on the lesson I learned that led me to write the post? I would love your feed back as I am always open to learning and growing.
How would your positioning change (in your opinion) if you changed the word “help” to work?- “I work with”. Please note: I do not mean anything of disrespect. I genially seek your opinion.:O)
Thank you in advance. -Michelle
Dear Michelle,
I read your post with interest. This is my insights.
I agree with your insights. I do believe that “Help” is different from “Work”. Help is transformational word that does not expect. When you help someone, you do not take anything in exchange. Whereas when you help someone, you expect something in return. Whether you work for someone or work with someone, you have expectation. And that is why work is money word.
However, I also believe that help is more important to connect than work. When you help someone to understand you and your intention, it provides freedom to think and decide. But when you offer to work with someone without helping ,then it does not provide much freedom. In that way, I think, help and work are related and in fact goes together. When you are working with someone, you are helping too. But when you are helping someone, it is not necessary that someone will agree to work with you. It depends upon the trust built in the transaction.
So, I believe that help and work both are important, but “Help” is more important as it has more power to connect with people.
Whether written or spoken, choose your words carefully. Words can inspire, crush, convince, or have no impact at all! And just because words are powerful, doesn’t give one license to be “wordy.” 🙂 How we say it makes as much difference as what we say! Know your audience and the situation as well. We tend to rant and take the low road when we are exasperated, frustrated, and short on time. Take the time to use words in a positive way. Think before you speak, and never fail to be kind, helpful or encouraging.
Thanks Vicki.
Great add = “How we say it makes as much difference as what we say!” The way we speak enhances or detracts.
My favorite leadership words:
What do you think about this?
Are we on the right track?
How can we improve _______?
Do you know what I admire about you? Let me tell you.
How can we better serve our students or their families?
Dauna
Thanks Dauna.
“Do you know what I admire about you?” I think I’m going to start asking that question and let them answer it…. thanks for the inspiration.
I’ve been thinking about… how do we step up to excellence vs. down to average. Stepping down is incredibly easy.
I’ll be thinking about this statement all day…. How do we [get people, et al] to step up to excellence vs. down to average. As a leader I believe that would be a great goal to work towards….. to inspire [people] to want to step up to excellence.
Average is not only easy, it’s become a way of life for some. I’ve heard it said, “Why should I do any better, I’m average, and there is nothing wrong with that”
I’m with you Sandy. It’s frustrating to see people aspiring to average. Best wishes
Reblogged this on Sell, Lead, Succeed! and commented:
Great post by Dan this morning! Hope you like it as much as I did. Have an awesome Thursday…
Commit. If “[t]he danger of talking is it feels like doing…” then it’s important that your words indicate a commitment to taking action. It is also how you can confirm others’ buy-in to what you are trying to accomplish.
Your phrase about how talking feels like doing goes right to the heart of an aspect of corporate culture where I work. I have sat in many meetings where there is a ton of talking going on; but later, after the meeting, you realize that nothing was decided on and no one really committed to taking any sort of action. In our minds we solved the issues because we discussed them thoroughly in the meeting; but back in the “outside” world where action speaks louder than words . . . there was no action.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Scott.
Commit is a great add – practical and useful. Powerful words express commitments. That might make some of us talk less! 🙂
Thanks for pointing out the importance of saying what we DO want & like rather than focusing on the negative ‘don’t.’ This one step helped me get out of a time in life when I was seriously depressed and had difficulty seeing a way forward. Today, I’m leading a local chapter of the National Organization for Women, and while I feel completely outside of my comfort zone, focusing on what our group Does want keeps us from getting stuck in the muck.
Very well said! How often have I “gotten something off my chest” but didn’t realize I was just seeking affirmation? One of my favorite leadership lines is simple: “Talk to me.” It gets people to open up and let them know that I really am listening and waiting for what they have to say.
Dan, great article. I’m hoping you’d be open to me offering it and you for a “Guest Column” on the “Conscious Communicator Blog.” I’m in the midst of an on-going Power Word Series and this would be a perfect compliment. Just let me know and I’ll schedule it in the next week or so.
Thanks!
Skip
Thanks skip. It would be a privilege to be included. Best wishes!
Awesome, I’ll schedule it and give you a heads up as to when it will run. Thanks, so much!
“Cowards, like drive by shooters, criticize from the sidelines.” Really loved THIS.
Hi Dan, Yes! Love, love, love! Language / words have such power. We can liberate and empower ourselves and, by the very nature of our socially constructed world, simultaneously, we serve to liberate and empower others through the words we use. “Words create worlds.” We construct our worlds through the language we use. Note to media, advertisers, educators, politicians, leaders…..words have so much power. Choose them well! One of my favorite soap box topics.
1. How ya feeling?
2. What’s going on in your opinion?
3. How can I help?
SP back to the present in left field!!!!
Leadership words, I can’t, We Can
Lord your will not mine be done
“Help me to understand?”