From Negative Feelings to Positive Action.
Negative emotion motivates change. Without negative feelings you get more of the same. Emotions like sadness, fear, anger, and hatred, typically indicate something’s wrong.
Negative emotions challenge.
Positive emotions confirm.
Stuck-people need more fear and anger, not less. Fear they’ll miss what they love and anger it’s getting away.
Transforming negative emotion to positive action:
Own
Stop blaming. Negative emotion is yours not theirs. Others may have done you wrong but the way you feel about it is yours. Own it don’t blame it.
Transformation begins when you
own negative emotions.
End
Stop what’s not working. Endings create beginnings. Transformation requires an ending.
Blamers focus on stopping others and changing circumstances. But, the first thing to change is your attitude. Forget about changing others. Change you.
Fear and anger point “out there” to what isn’t working. But, real change begins when we acknowledge we, not they, are the issue.
Responses are more important than circumstances.
Start
Embrace power; reject helplessness. Blame is the friend of helplessness.
Helpless people wallow in fear and anger. But, power rises up when helplessness exits.
Eliminate helplessness:
- Name it. Leaders courageously define reality.
- Share it. Find a trusted friend and spill your guts.
- Enable strength by stepping out in small ways. You will rise up. Helpless people confirm their helplessness by explaining what can’t be done.
- Find allies.
- Start over. All big goals require starting over, again.
Bonus: Reject perfection. Embrace better.
Transformative moments aren’t comfortable but they are necessary.
Wallowing in negative emotion destroys the future and confirms the past. Transform negative emotion by owning, ending, and starting.
How can leaders transform negative emotion into positive action?
How can leaders transform negative emotion into positive action?
Negative emotions can be turned into positive action when we face the fear, explore it, and decide to make a step toward it or into it. Like much else in life, if we can truly understand the “why” then we are well on our way to figuring out the “how.”
Understanding ourselves and how we think and respond, and the why of it is the key to transforming ourselves into what we would become, which for leaders is rarely being paralyzed by fear, feeling as though you are a victim, or retreating to a siege mentality.
Thanks Martin,
Your insights clarify the necessity of facing the beast rather than running. In order to transform we must stop running and look the beast in the eye. It is the ultimate act of courage.
So glad you added the point of knowing who we are. Doing expresses being.
Cheers
if you want to know about the POWER OF POSITIVITY join us tonight on #leadfromwithin twitter chat.
Dan I know you would add great wisdom to the conversation. it starts at 8pm est. It would be an honor to have you join us.
Thanks for extending the conversation. I’m glad our topics aligned.
I hope everyone joins in. Your guests and topics are always relevant and stimulating.
Dear Dan,
I agree that responses are more important than circumstances. Circumstances will be there, was there and is there. We need to respond to circumstances. It depends upon person to person as how do you see circumstances. Some people see it as integral part and not changeable. Some sees it as bad omen and there are others who see it in positively. They believe that circumstances provides opportunity to look into ones potential. Without odd circumstances, person becomes directionless or complacent. Most of the social or business leaders have emerged against circumstances.
I also believe that negative emotions provide positive energy as long as we control them. The moments we do not control over our negative emotion, we invite negative energy. Leaders can transform negative emotion into positive action through creating direction. Negative emotion should be directed towards issues and goals. If negative emotions are always directed at people then it may be difficult to transform it into positive action.One way to effectively transform negative emotion into positive action is to create negative emotion against self action and behavior. When some one is not happy with self with specific reason, it provides direction to improve oneself.
Thanks Ajay,
I particularly enjoy your challenge to focus on issues and goals rather than people. Sometimes we excuse ourselves from taking action because we are focusing on others.
Best
Dan,
This is really powerful- so important.
It is all too easy to give over one’s own power to others.. and then feel like a victim to circumstance.
What an inspiring invitation to “own” our circumstance, rather than “blame others”… and to keep trying.. to keep pursuing progress and “better” rather than perfection.
Thanks for sharing!
Lori
For starters to transform for me is to SHUT UP!!!!
My feelings follow my thoughts so I got to stop the thoughts creating the feelings. I thought myself into this fear and I can ask for help to get out if it.
Then remind myself I only got two emotions, love and fear. Which monkey am I feeding? The one I choose to feed grows.
Then I gently let myself know, I could choose peace instead of this.
Then I can pray!!!
Third Step Prayer I mentioned yesterday:
God, I offer myself to Thee-To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Short version. I can’t, God can…HELP!!!! Hehe
If I want self esteem do something highly esteemable. Duh!!!! Just don’t tell anybody!!!!
Or I could try some ridiculously human malarkey and never find my own way out of my own way. Pretty easy call I’d say.
SP back to my present!!
Really loved this! Thanks for inspiring my morning.
Dan, I wish I had a seat for you on our PTO board. I particularly liked “Reject perfection. Embrace better.” One of my waggish mentors was wont put it a little differently: Never let best get in the way of better. Thanks.
Without those aggravating grains of sand, oysters would have just stayed oysters . . .
Well said!!!
Not everything is about anger and fear. But everything IS about difference. We each see the world a bit differently, and those differences can be significant. The ways that we respond to big differences among us, can make us feel mad or scared, or delighted and eager. What matters is how we respond to differences. Will we withdraw into ourselves, unable to act because of disagreement and uncertainty? Or will we enter into dialogue with those who hold difference, to try and negotiate meaning and purpose, and then act together? The tension and dynamics of difference also create the opportunity and conditiions for emergence of innovation and growth.
Gregory Bateson famously defined information as a “difference that makes a difference.” Ron Heifetz teaches that leaders should seek adaptive mastery, and learn how to “turn the heat up or down” as needed, to add or reduce the pressure of difference. The goal for leaders is to nudge people’s sense of certainty and agreement to a place of difference sufficient to foster new thinking and better results.
BW in my understanding you are correct, everything is not fear and anger.
Everything is fear or love. Anger is an offshoot of the root cause fear. So is every other negative feeling it emotion.
This leads to trusting God or not. Only the only two REAL choices we have. What’s your choice?
It does not take a rocket Scientologist to take a little time to break down either a positive feeling or a negative one at the base of those two.
Now one can spend time dipsy doing all kinds of macinations and variations around that simple truth. Why do that and not just follow the simple truth?
Just my two cents worth.
SP back to Now!!!
Leaders must continue to encourage, encourage an encourage. There are many negative things that will happen in life. These negative things can always be positive if we learn from them. As leaders we can help our people learn via encouragement. The negative circumstances in life happen to all people. Those who get encouragement are able to learn and rise above them. Those who receive criticism and rebuke are forced to relive the negative events over and over.
Thanks for the post, Dan. The discussion about the blame game brings to mind a great statement I heard a few years ago: “What you think of me is none of my business.”
For me, the blame game spreads when I start worrying about how others perceive me instead of keeping my focus on myself and my attitude.
Thank you for the reminder and the clarity.
I like Jim Collins’ view on this topic – Great leaders look in the mirror (own up) when things go wrong, and they look out the window (give praise to others) when things go right. Bad leaders do the opposite – blaming others when things go wrong and praising themselves when things go right.
I went through an interesting process recently which illuminated what drives me is taking responsibility – exactly what you talk about here. 🙂
Thank you Dan, I needed to hear this today……cannot believe the timing of it!
nice