Why Precious Leaders Fail
Gollum, in The Hobbit, referred to himself as “My Precious.”
Preciousness turns leaders into self-consumed beasts.
The only one:
Direct reports don’t understand the pressures squeezing you. The board doesn’t appreciate tensions between short-term profits and long-term success. Your boss doesn’t realize your plate was full last year! Employees reject the big picture.
No one understands precious leaders. They’re “unique.” But, thinking, “I’m the only one,” is deadly.
Dangers of preciousness:
Precious leaders have precious problems. Simple solutions won’t work. Small steps aren’t sufficient. Nothing helps because no one understands.
Precious leaders create their own prisons.
Precious leaders grow discouraged and isolated, then defeated. Eventually, they run.
You’re frustrated and stuck because you’re precious. You can’t take actions that work for “average” people.
Overcoming preciousness:
Humble yourself and join the rest of us. Preciousness is arrogance in disguise. You aren’t unique. Under the surface we’re the same. Everyone wants:
- Meaning.
- Affirmation.
- Approval.
- Support.
- Encouragement.
- Challenge.
- Opportunity.
Everyone wants to feel understood. But, precious leaders can’t feel understood because they’re too precious – too special.
Commiserate with trusted colleagues. The world is full of people who face challenges like yours. The power of pain weakens when it’s named in front of another.
A little progress goes a long way. Take an imperfect step toward your preferred future. There are no precious solutions.
Stop looking to others for choices you should make. Precious leaders wait to be understood and are discouraged when they aren’t. Draw some lines. Create boundaries.
Find a coach, mentor, or adviser. Precious leaders, above all others, need outside eyes.
The sooner you realize you’re not precious, the sooner drama ends and progress becomes possible.
But…
Precious leaders read these suggestions and reject them. Simple suggestions aren’t precious enough. Preciousness prevents you from beginning again.
(Several people told me the ring, not Gollum, was “My Precious.” I thought it was both. I stand corrected. – added on 10/8/13)
How has the problem of preciousness expressed itself in your organization?
How can leaders address the problem of preciousness?
Fantastic list… some precious leaders also have finicky needs they expect everyone to know and accomodate… a diet coke waiting for them on arrival, coffee delivered at a certain time each day, grapes prepared just so…
Thanks Karin,
I smiled when I read your addition. Good one… Precious leaders expect others to dance around them. They are doomed to be disappointed.
The problem with preciousness as you have described it Dan is that it leads to issues of separate-ness and hierarchy. When we do this we help turn the precious leaders into empty caricatures of themselves. Followers stop questioning their ideas and they stop examining themselves. Everything they say becomes an unchallengeable truth, whether it is or not.
How do you address it? Authenticity, openness, accountability, accepting that we do indeed have feet of clay.
Thanks Martina,
KaPow. I hadn’t thought about hierarchy in connection with this topic but it certainly is.
Accountability is powerful because it’s humbling. Great add.
Dear Dan,
“Direct report do not understand the pressures squeezing you” is so true in the organizations. Middle managers and front line staff have their own priorities and top management have their own. Where top management points towards lower management for the target not achieved, lower management perceive top management incapable and most of the time ” puppets”.
The people at the top, especially feel that they are important. I agree with you that problem starts from that feelings. And in order to show their effectiveness to the board or stakeholders they make optimistic or favorable picture irrespective of reality. Why they do so is nothing but keeping their position unquestioned. They fear to raise real issues and takes credit of success.
And This seems universal phenomena. I strongly feel that leaders should realize that lower level or front line staff are more precious as they have better ideas for improvement of products and services. So, leaders should invite and appreciate ideas of all the employees. They should give credit to lower level of management and should be ready to raise issues or take actions that are hard and need debate and discussion.
Thanks Ajay,
I’m alway glad when you drop in to share your insights. Here’s to a great week.
Your article was a very good reminder that stresses experienced by managers in the middle ranks of an organization are ubiquitous to most who hold the title across the enterprise, regardless of department or function. Better to realize and adopt a “we’re all in this together” type of an approach rather than risk isolating oneself and being labeled a self absorbed primadonna.
One small note on the metaphor. When Gollum makes references to “Precious” I think he is really referring to The Ring.
I enjoy your articles. Thanks for writing and sharing them.
Thanks Robert,
Teams in order to be teams must have the “we’re all in this together” approach. I think we’d be better off if we focused more on this idea.
Re: “My Precious” thanks for your observation. I thought it was both the ring and himself. However, I’m just a neophyte when it comes to The Hobbit.
Seeing ourselves accurately is always challenging.. no one sets out to have weaknesses! Leaders can easily come to love their image and protect it rather than just lead..
Trusted colleagues are essential as well as trustING colleagues.
Thanks Ken,
Isn’t it the truth. It’s hard to see ourselves and when we do it’s uncomfortable. I tend to over-value my strengths and under-see my weaknesses.
Thanks for the addition of trustING to trusted.
Well for me calling a spade a spade is the only place to start.
The term I use for what you are describing Dan is ego. Edging God Out!!
I have a particularly peculiar condition where I am an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, back and forth back and forth.
Also feel it is worth mentioning connecting why’s greatly reduces this problem.
What helps me also is to STOP trying to satisfy my ego. It can’t be done or I would have done it long before now.
The function of the ego is to present the the next potential solution to satisfy it but it is potential never fully realized, never.
So I got to turn from the human to the spiritual for true peace of mind.
To Do that I got to incorporate meditation in place of chasing the insatiable whims of my ego. Be a still spirit not a human doing.
So get honest, meditate, stop chasing the ideas your ego suggests. Or don’t!!!! Lol I am 100% sure your ego has some prescious little suggestions sure to keep you chasing your tail all say long!!! Hehe
I Concur
Shifterp back to now!! 4th dimension of existence beats the other 3 every time!! You might want to google it!!!! Or maybe not!!!! Lol
Thanks Scott,
Love the EGO acronym. Glad you shared it.
I’m certain my ego is precious… 🙂
Thanks for your suggestions re: meditation. For those who don’t meditate, reflection and/or self-reflection is also helpful.
While I greatly enjoy your articles, my inner geek forces me to offer this small correction.
Gollum referred to the one ring as ‘My Precious” He was completely taken by the magic of the one ring and therefore defined it as the most precious thing in the world to him (to the point that he began talking to it and would refer to it as ‘my precious’).
That may not have been overly clear in the movies but in the book when Gollum discovers that Bilbo had left with the ring he wails that the nasty hobbit had stolen his precious.
Thanks Dan,
I added a correction to the post. Much appreciated.
Such great words of wisdom. Its soooo good to be assured that all of the Nero’s, Ceaser’s, and Hitler’s of the world will end up in the garbage piles and poop holes before long ! Thank you.
this article is incorrect….
Gollum referred to THE RING , as ” my Precious ”
NOT himself
he always talked in the 3rd person about himself , as he had dual personalities.
Thanks Fritz,
I thought, apparently wrongly, that “My Precious” was both.
Rickey Henderson always talked about himself in third person!!!!!!! Man what a ball player!!!
He’d say stuff like, “Ricky on fire today”!!! “Ricky too fast for them today”!!!!
Man what a STUD Rickey Henderson is!!!!
I Concur
Shifterp back to now!!!!
“There is nothing new under the sun.” Whatever you’re going through, someone else has been there and done that. It is key to have a friend, mentor or family member who you can trust. They will in my experience humble you and get you back to ground zero versus floating up in the 9th heaven. You become precious when you have only one view of yourself and the world – your own.
Thanks Chris,
That last sentence really kicks it. Much appreciated.
Very well put. Being precious can become your Achilles heel. It will eventually force you out rather than move you up.
Yes!!!!! Good stuff Chris!!
I would add your view following God’s(whatever that means to you) Will, not your own!!!
So your perspective, Gods Will!!!
Yeah that is the ticket, making copies!!!!
Have a god onelr Higher Powered One my friend!!!! Of course whatever that means to you!!!!
I Concur!!!!
Shifterp back to Now!!!
How has the problem of preciousness expressed itself in your organization?
I love it…preciousness. I work in public sector procurement and the problem of “preciousness” rears its head here in many ways. Most often it is the refusal to accept solutions or standardization because you or your department is to “precious” and “unique” to adapt/adjust to solutions as the rest of the world has done. What we are doing when we allow this epidemic to spread is really creating more headaches for everybody else on the back end. Everybody wants it “their” way and as a result we end up with higher expenses and more time spent trying to make systems and people talk to each other or translate one to the other. It can be quite a challenge but have the courage to push the envelope and demand change is well worth it. You find that after an initial uproar there is usually very little disruption and what folks thought would result in great disaster or chaos actually goes smoothly.
How can leaders address the problem of preciousness?
This is tricky but I think you have to confront it. The challenge comes in depending upon what end of the food chain you are in. Its hard to deny the facts or the numbers. You may have to be patient and come up with a strategy that increases the likelihood of success when you confront. Do some pilots. Get some buy-in from non-precious allies. Be armed and ready, locked and loaded when you get ready to tackle the monstrosity of preciousness.
Another home run. Thank you for sharing.
Not sure about his thinking he was precious, I thought that was the ring. Asked three others who had watched the movie and they felt the same, precious was the ring, it was his precious.
Yup, I thought it was both the ring and himself…but it appears I was wrong.
How can leaders address the problem of preciousness? For starters leaders shouldn’t take themselves to seriously. Leadership is a journey it takes time to create it and be it. Therefore remember that being authentic helps one find solutions naturally. Also allow someone else from the outside looking in define how precious you are as a leader that is most important.
“my precious” meaning obsession with the ring, a metaphor for ultimate power, is a fitting description of what brought Gollum to his demise. And sadly many “precious” leaders have the same horrific ending in their marriages, have no real friends, etc. Gollum and his precious became one and the same, so the analogy works in my opinion. Thank you for posting this Dan!
Many “precious points” made. I especially agree that any precious leader would do themselves a great service by hiring a coach whose outside eyes would not be afraid to tell the emperor that he/she is not wearing any cloths (another good metaphor). But as you point out clearly, they are so stuck within their own world that they are supremely challenged in seeing the value of a good set of outside eyes.
I have to think —— may be .