Under Fire in a Public Meeting
Public confrontation slams you in the face, sooner or later. The boss wants answers. “What happened and what are you doing about it?”
Everyone tenses and waits.
Colleagues feel sympathy and relief. Everyone knows they could be next.
Two defining moments:
Public success and fiery confrontation are the two defining moments of leadership. Success tests humility. Confrontation tests humility and more.
What you do during confrontation defines you.
First question:
Has the CEO publicly confront others in meetings? Breathe a sigh of relief if she has and if they’re still on the team.
Two extremes:
Passive or aggressive responses suggest weakness. Don’t play dead and never attack. Cool response under fire says you’re a leader others can follow.
7 Temptations:
- Defending.
- Over promising. Never promise to deliver something unless you’re certain you can.
- Blaming.
- Evading.
- Lying.
- Minimizing.
- Excusing.
Give the facts not excuses. Explain:
- What happened?
- What you did or didn’t do.
- Corrective action.
7 Tips when you feel the flame:
- Open your hands under the table, palms up. (At least open your hands.)
- Say “we” not “they.” “I” is better.
- Don’t apologize unless you screwed up.
- Don’t expect others to save you.
- Don’t put others on the spot.
- Take immediate corrective action.
- Keep others in the loop. You may be tempted to pull away and clam up. It’s better to open up.
CEO frustrations:
Know what frustrates your CEO and answer it. 300 CEOs were surveyed concerning their frustrations:
- 82% feel the team isn’t acting with enough urgency.
- 71% feel frustrated about lack of meaningful data.
- 64% feel like they aren’t in control of organizational direction.
- 45% aren’t satisfied with their executive teams performance.
- 38% have been blinded sided by negative surprises in the last 90 days.
How can leaders best handle being under fire from a boss, CEO, or the board?
This just happened to me! I am a contractor for an arts nonprofit that has a board member who ‘attacked’ me as she asked about an expenditure in the budget (that had already been raked over and approved by the finance committee). I was caught off guard by the tone of her voice and the way she pushed. I reacted weakly and I am not sure why. I must have registered surprise and the other board members saw it clearly on my face. They rescued me and I just wanted to melt into the ground. I am a proven, successful leader and this situation just made me boil inside – not because of what she did, but because of the way I responded.
Tools to handle these types of situations are more valuable than hours of lectures. Thank you Dan for the encouragement and all the tools you deliver every day! Just wish I had read this before the meeting!
Thanks Jen,
I’m thankful you shared your story. It’s great that others stepped into help. It suggests that you have a good relationship with the rest of the board.
I didn’t have space in this post to talk about building relationship before conflict happens. But, it’s important.
Thanks for the good word.
Jen, thanks for your story and your honesty. Having been there myself, I appreciate Dan’s ‘tactics.’ I would add that breathing is a big deal in the moment, and, if the circumstances are right, ask a clarifying question. The act of asking a question often takes us out of our emotional brain and gives us time to think of the most appropriate response. Regardless, it is a really difficult/ uncomfortable place to be.
Best…Jim
CEO Frustrations is a great piece of data!
Thanks Jacob,
I agree. I think it’s too easy, when we’re under fire to forget about the needs of the person who is “attacking.”
My favorite part of your advice is the palms up gesture under the table. I can see how that would help pull out the right emotional frame of mind. Certainly better than two middle fingers under the table 🙂
Thanks James,
better than a clenched fist too… I was a bit worried that that little suggestion would slip past.. thanks for pointing it out.
Hi James, I found Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on body language pretty helpful regarding this point… Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are #TED : http://on.ted.com/irMr
Hi Dan
this is absolutely bang on for being in front of a Board.Early in a my career i was lucky to have a chairman who corrected me when I started defending; “Richard, we are not criticizing you, we’re looking to understand what we have learnt and can do better”.
Ever since I keep in mind ‘not defending’ (and all the other temptations you list). It is interesting your temptation 2.- writing board papers i avoid using I, but in a tight spot it is critical that it is “i” who acknowledge being in responsible.
In front of the Board or the public, the key question is what I do I have to defend? If you’ve done everything with the best interest of the company (within the context of being a good corporate citizen) then you should never need to be defensive and may only find yourself reacting that may as a misinterpretation of genuine inquiry vs outright attack.
Thanks Richard,
I debated on the use of “I” or “we.” Context matters so much. Thanks for your thoughts.
Your story is very helpful…we tend to slip into defensive mode. But, as you indicate, if you are working for the good of the company then maintain that attitude when under fire.
Defensiveness may prevent people from seeing our true intentions. The dynamic of defensiveness is blame. That sure doesn’t help.
Thank you Dan! When called to task in meetings (thankfully I do not participate in public meetings) I noticed that the best responders take a moment and collect. Breath not blurt. I also learned to keep in mind that how to manage when things are going wrong is the real test. If all is rosy, anyone can hum along. That’s a huge reason why we are here. Am definitely going to use the palms up tip and see how it works. Thanks for what you do every day for us.
Cheers
Thanks Catie,
Glad you brought up ideas like breathing not blurting. Adrenaline makes us alert but can also cause us to act too quickly.
When problems land on our desk just say, this is why I’m here. 🙂
Great post Dan. I once heard, “Those who can describe the problem without assigning blame are the leaders.” Thanks
Love it Mick.
An important part of responding in public meetings among colleagues is developing a reputation for truthfulness and integrity beforehand, so the audience listening to you does not question the validity of the reponse or read hidden meaning into it. If you are known as a “straight shooter”, and do not become defensive or belligerent when attacked or questioned, the attack will be less effective and the response more productive. It is often useful to ask the questioner what corrective action he/she recommends, then to listen carefully without comment.
It is sometimes useful to confront publicly when addressing a question of improper behavior that must be exposed. In this setting, be prepared to lose your job or status, but know that it will have more of a positive effect on the company than private arguments. I once walked out of a meeting in which an H.R. manager was fanning the English/French flames on purpose to advance his racist beliefs (English/French confrontation in Quebec is akin to skin color racism in the U.S.) I told him that racism had no part in our business, and left for lunch, leaving a whole group of managers aghast at my uncharacteristic outburst. The response had the desired effect. Everyone else filed out shortly afterwards, leaving the H.R. manager with no audience for his hate-filled verbiage. With the elephant in the room addressed, we never went down that road again as a group.
Any CEO who bashes a person in front of others is not a leader..instead, just a jerk.
Author: http://www.JoeEgan.com
Terrific “7 tips for when you feel the flame.” The first one is the most important, although I had not heard that particular technique for diffusing the “flight or fight” instinct. I was taught to direct the brain to a logical question in order to change the brain chemistry and take control. “Why would a reasonable, rational person behave that way?” The answer might be “Because he is an arrogant booby,” but in a millisecond you have counteracted the instinct to fight (or fly). Another great post, Dan.
OOHHH!! I felt the heat while I was reading this, been there and have done that. I was glad I did what you suggested.It would have been better if I had read this first. ;O)
I know this will help others
God bless
Kymee
Great post Dan…and I say this publicly…but where do you get off blah blah blah…. kidding. 😉 Actually, might disagree with you on #3 feeling the heat, don’t apologize. One can always feel sorry or apologize that the message got mangled, that the situation went south, that people are not happy with the outcome… I truly am sorry it was miscommunicated, misinterpreted, etc. And an apology does help pave the way for understanding and negotiation…if genuine. An apology often de-escalates an inflaming situation.
Definitely a hot topic! To me part of the action could be driven by the venue, number of folks present, how urgent it is to address and determination regarding what is the tinder feeding the flames. If it is more person to person, again might apologize and offer/ask/endorse speaking about it in much more detail offline. If the intensity and urgency is cogent to the situation, would need to prioritize actions and responses. Definitely use the plural, ‘we’, other than owning the situation if indicated. Might also need to do some clarifying. Do an internal check of your own temperature before speaking…
In the moment, I would also be looking how to move forward, how to responsibly extinguish the fire and have people looking ahead not behind. Much of the fire’s damage is usually past and the people are feeling the injustice of it all.
Above all else, Listen! Move toward Empathy if you are not already there. Find something to Agree on and then begin healing and re-establishing a Partnership….LEAP (Xavier Amador)
While quite literal, the 10 Standard Firefighting Orders and 18 Firefighting Watchout Situations appear to apply to this situation… http://www.fs.fed.us/fire/safety/10_18/10_18.html 😉
Good points!
Great post on a such a relevant topic. In the military, if we were truly caught off-guard to say, I understand your concern and will immediately dig into the situation further to answer your question. Unless it’s life or death, there is no reason to make a deliver a hasty ill-advised answer. Let the person know, that you understand their frustration and with a sense of urgency you plan to get back to them with some answers.