Overcoming the Fear of Positives
Short-sighted leaders are stingy with positives and free with negatives. Their talk is constantly dark. They focus on:
- What’s not working.
- What you need to improve.
- What didn’t reach the mark.
- What could be better.
Words are like fertilizer. They are the reason behaviors take root. Negative questions build negative environments.
Leaders who don’t celebrate are negative.
Your biggest opportunity to build positive culture is day-to-day. Thoughtless leaders only celebrations “important stuff.” Their strategy tells everyone that day-to-day doesn’t matter. But, organizational life is filled with day-to-day.
Celebrate frequently; celebrate unimportant stuff, celebrate small.
Leaders who don’t define, create, and celebrate wins, lose.
Ask positive questions.
- What’s working?
- What do you respect in those around you?
- What do you love about your organization?
The thought of asking positive questions terrifies leaders who fear slipping into apathy. Negatives are easy for people who aren’t there yet. But, positives provide energy for the journey.
“Great job,” helps people do a great job as long as there are new goals ahead.
Celebrate small:
- Say, “You’re great with upset customers.” Don’t add, “I wish I was.”
- Share stories of wins.
- Transform criticism into celebration. “Thanks for caring for my success. What’s the next step?”
- A past failure is all the more reason to celebrate a present win. Don’t keep reminding people they screwed up.
- Future uncertainty is all the more reason to celebrate today’s win.
How do people feel when you’re around? The way they feel is the culture you’re building. Truth is, the way people feel around you indicates the life you’re building.
How can leaders celebrate “unimportant” stuff?
Well unimportant to who? Or is that whom? Hehe
A positive outlook is a habit just as a negative one is.
James Allen wrote a great book, if you have not read it google away. As A Man Thinketh.
For old school folks Earl Nightengale, the Strangest Secret in the World. Boils down to we become what we think about all day long.
According to brainiacs who study this stuff we got like a 60 billionth of a second to choose to respond or react to stuff we perceive outside of ourselves.
With practice, uh 21 days to create a new habit, a positive outlook can be created.
So it all starts with an admission my thinking stinks!!! Then realizing without help I am pretty much gonna fall back into familiar thought patterns. Then ask for help from whatever u choose to think of a higher power.
When I started I found I was incredibly undisciplined. You may find the same, allegedly!! Hehe
Then PRACTICE!!!!
You are what you think so make your decision and get busy!
Will also say what we eat has a whole lot to do with our mindset.
Eat more raw foods, superfoods and practice a positive habit for 21 days, and after 3 days don’t quit!!! See what happens.
One tip, what I end my day with is real important. Writing down three great victories I accomplished right before I go to bed is a wonderful idea.
Dan Sullivan 21 Day Focus my newest toy!!! Can’t wait till it gets here!!!
And biologically creating a habit of generating oxytocin, this will happen if I decide 3 times a day to do random acts of kindness, and DON’T tell anybody…..will create awesome good feelings.
Either way we are what we practice all day long. We are an average of the 5 people we hang with. Choose who u hang with carefully!
Or just keep doing what u are doing. Your life and mindset are completely up to you.
The Dude Abides
SP back to practicing ridiculously positive thoughts!!!!!!
Congratulations!
You’re right — maintaining a positive outlook can be a challenge for leaders especially in a volatile environment where today’s success can be followed by tomorrow’s blindside. Even in leaders who do celebrate success, I’ve observed that often those celebrations can be disproportionate to the negative questions. It seems common for leaders to spend a great deal of time analyzing failure and cataloging “lessons learned”, yet when a success happens, there’s just a quick pat on the back and it’s time to move on.
I believe part of achieving the right balance is celebrating success to the same degree as we analyze failures. While its vitally important to learn from failure, it’s also important to celebrate big when there is a big positive.
In all honesty, I find myself guilty of this at home. It’s easy to make a big deal of something when my kids make a mistake or disobey and then when they do something really well, just offer understated praise.
This post is a great reminder that as we have extended family time over the holiday season to celebrate the successes of the year with as much (or more) vigor than we’ve examined the negatives.
Thanks TB. The magnetism of the negative is nearly irresistible. It takes focus and intention to overcome it.
Let me suggest that a 50/50 split doesn’t quite make it. Negatives are more powerful than positives. The stick with us longer and have greater impact. An “atah boy” isn’t as powerful as “you screwed up.”
To offset the power of negatives we need more positives. The ration is 3 to 1 not 1 to 1.
Isn’t that a kick in the butt? 🙂
Another great one, thank you Dan. Have a blessed and Merry Christmas.
Thanks Kymee and Merry Christmas to you.
How did I know that SP might have the first response today!? 😉
There is a production philosophy called JIT or Just In Time strategy meaning anything left sitting on the shelf is waste…saving positives for the big stuff is probably just as wasteful if not more so as saving them degrades them over time. Positives are most powerful when shared ‘in the moment’, unequivocably, and unconditionally shared. How positives are shared is an art and a science. Know the person you are sharing/giving that positive to…how do they best receive it, public or private, concise or detailed, written or verbal. And, BTW, even negatives can be converted into positives if you drill down and find diamond lessons learned.
Thanks Doc. Applying JIT to saying positives captures so much of what I’m trying to say. I’ll have to remember the connection for future reference. Much appreciated.
I work in lots of organisations where negativity is the cultural norm. Meetings are about finger pointing and blame placing. It comes as a surprise when people realise they don’t have to be negative and can choose to respond positively even when times are stressed and business is under pressure. Even by getting people to focus on one thing that is going well can change the environment, each person can take responsibility for their own emotional response.
From the school of Father Christmas leadership – ho!ho!ho!
Ho Ho Ho Nikki! I don’t know why we keep missing the idea that if all we do is focus on negative stuff the environment we create is negative. Frankly, it took me years to realize that focusing on some positives isn’t the end of the world.
Dear Dan,
Liked your today’s post! Small celebrations at work place help the team to feel happy, united and charged to do intelligent work as a part of self-commitment.
Leaders will not miss a single occasion to acclaim the good work done by an individual or a group of people. The celebration can be by way of calling for tea/snacks for an unscheduled meeting, carrying home-made food items/sweets, giving ‘Thanks’ or ‘We appreciate..’Cards, a word of praise in front of all or a simple pet on the shoulders. Gifting small useful booklets is yet another way to make people feel important on their achievements that help the organization to grow on the right path.
People love to get recognized for the good work they do! This has to be done spontaneously and in public. One of my bosses has an excellent habit of promptly replying and acknowledging any good work by writing ‘Kudos!’ and providing an encouragement for every good effort of mine or the my team members.
I totally agree with you on this. We need to celebrate small wins and to focus on positive things. With my team, I try to build this every day ponting out all the good things They are doing.
#4: A past failure is all the more reason to celebrate a present win. Don’t keep reminding people they screwed up.
Yeah – that’s a good one. It’s so very important as a leader to encourage your team, especially those who are struggling. It’s too easy to catch the failure. A former Sales Director of mine coached me to find the win – catch your people doing something right.
Great post, Dan!
Interesting that you post this “celbrate small things” on the eve of the biggest celbration day in the world. We, who have so much to celebrate, should be the most adept at bringing others into our joy through even the smallest and seemingly insignificant events.
Much of this boils down to being observant and sensitive to what is going on in the lives of others and not so wrapped up in ourselves. “Looking out for number one” is not a leadership strategy.
This post is helpful for me, as teacher, as well, especially your point about celebrating the small events. For instance, I might say to a student, “I really liked the way you helped Evan today.”
I worked for an organization that included “Celebrations” as part of our weekly meeting process. While I was bought into the why behind celebrations as a needed part of how we conducted business, it was hard when celebration time was no longer authentic.
It it is sad the a group of people cannot find one thing to celebrate together…. or is there not one think they are willing to share with others that is a celebration?
Either way, changing cultures from assets based instead of focusing on what is missing (admiring the problem)… is part of our new work.
Great stuff. We start our management meetings with a postive story, something that has gone well or has demonstrated our values. It gets the meetings off on the right foot.
I like the thought of finding ways every day to celebrate…the little things all add up to the “big picture”. I also like how you recommend when giving people a compliment about their work that one should avoid adding “I wish I was good at…” nice demonstration. Now to put it all into action…
–Laura
Energy, positive and negative, multiplies — so important to be positive!!
Love the concept of celebrating small things. I think it’s particularly important to acknowledge employees and co-workers on the anniversary of their first day on the job. Let them know you enjoy working together and you’re glad they are part of the team.
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