Seven Ways to Exploit Persistent Dissatisfaction
Real leaders live with an itch that can’t be scratched.
Be happy with dissatisfaction or live an unsatisfying life.
Dissatisfaction drives leaders. Those who tell us to accept the world as it is, would be out of work if we believed them.
George Bernard Shaw writes,
“As long as there is want, I have reason for living. Satisfaction is death.”
Opportunity waits behind the door called dissatisfaction. The real issue is what to do with it.
Greatness is a function of addressing dissatisfaction.
If you are satisfied with the world, you aren’t a leader.
Exploiting dissatisfaction:
- Don’t rationalize dissatisfaction. If you persistently say it’s not that bad, it worse than you think.
- Define dissatisfaction. Courageously confront and name your dissatisfaction. Don’t hide. Stop pretending. Explore it.
- Own your dissatisfaction. Weak leaders blame. Strong leaders own. Are you dissatisfied because you aren’t getting what you want or you aren’t giving what you want?
- Don’t project. Dissatisfaction in ourselves often breeds dissatisfaction with others. Irresponsible leaders project their dissatisfaction on others.
- Categorize your dissatisfaction. Are they usually about people, circumstances, unrealized opportunities, or ….
- Tap the dissatisfaction of others. When others are dissatisfied, fuel their frustration don’t soothe or solve it. Leaders change things through others. If you’re working alone, you aren’t a leader.
- Define wins in observable language. Stop working against; work for. Rise above complaining.
Bonus: Change or lower your expectations. Maybe it’s not worth the effort. Maya Angelou said,
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
The way you deal with dissatisfaction determines the quality of your life and the effectiveness of your leadership.
Warning:
Dissatisfaction is dangerous when it promotes self-destructive behavior. You’re dissatisfied with your job, for example, so you stop giving your best.
What are the dangers of dissatisfaction?
How can leaders exploit dissatisfaction?
Dissatisfaction is only negative when you stew in it. Some people are dissatisfied about their job for their whole lives. Other people are dissatisfied about every job.
My favorite line in your post? Rise above complaining. When you hear yourself complaining, DO something about it. Change something. One little change can help you toward the next little change.
When I was in the classroom working with students and feeling frustrated about the progress of my students, I’d think about my greatest challenge and ask myself this question, “What is ONE THING I can do TODAY to help create some success for (kid’s name) today? Then do it. Try one new thing each day until you turn the student in a positive direction.
Life is the same. What is one thing I can do today to improve my circumstance? Try one thing a day. You will feel a positive shift. One thing a day adds up to 365 ideas and efforts a year. If something works don’t stop using that idea, keep it up and just add another idea.
You will be stunned to discover the change you can make in a situation that, at first, seems hopeless.
Dan, as you already know, job dissatisfaction is a part of corporate nomenclature. The stats are soaring; upwards of 60% to 80% depending on the source. People are not happy at some level at what they do…at work or in life.
I’m seeing a great leadership opportunity! Turn the tide, teach people about themselves, place them in the right job mix/job fit, and deploy them to be exceptional leaders in their spheres of influence!
I’m up for the task! Anyone with me?
Yes yes yes!!!
I am with you John!!!!!!!
A Leader….John C Buckley!!!!
Who is next???
SP
Thank you Scott and I see your leader’s heart to do the same. It takes leaders to set precedent, pace, and progress.
Let’s do it!
“I am with you John”. Few if any of todays generation entering the workforce DO NOT aspire to be leaders. Employees faith or trust in todays buisness climate is at an all time low. It is time to identify, cultivate, and inspire those with the potential to be Character-Based leaders…….
Steven, you are spot on. Our concept is a new model of leader-makers to re-infuse the private and corporate sectors (even the government sector, Sergeant. Lol! My brother was CSM in the Army, and a real leader) with exceptional young leaders who will take back their spheres of influence.
Weak leadership inevitably leads to distrust and ultimately affects productivity, team cohesiveness, and bottom line revenue.
Organizations need a new model for leadership development which will repair this ubiquitous, destructive breach in their training and professional development systems.
Great insight!
OMG YES!!! COUNT ME IN TOO!!!
Out of the park today Dan!!!!!!! Great stuff, resonates in my gut!!
I believe that dissatisfaction is the spark that gets me going and going and going.
One day, some day, maybe today one more person will realize the Leadership Crisis we are in and decide they are going to do something about it. The average American employee is overweight, not as smart as average workers in other countries and generating more cortisol in a day than oxytocin.
Our national debt is what now north of 17 Trillion, our healthcare costs are burying us and so called Leaders have set up the workplace as cortisol generating machines.
And almost ALL our so called leaders do not get it. To them everything is just great. Just think what good so called leaders could do if you consider how crafty they are denying the facts and pretending nothing is wrong. That takes tremendous talent and effort it does. Imagine if so called leaders used those smarts to help solve our problems? So there is hope. First got to admit we are in a sticky wicket.
We are doing a LOUSY job as our brothers keeper. The facts do not lie, people do or they deny reality which is a form of lying.
So maybe today is the day ONE more person goes from so called leader to Leader. See the crisis and becomes part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
Changing the world one so called leader into Leaders one mind at a time.
Oxytocin for all!!!! Does a body mind and body better it does!
SP back to generating oxytocin
VERY astute, Chris! Especially your comment about how great leaders continue to give… with an unbelievable threshold for criticism and pain, but they don’t give up until they see the fruits of their labor.” Sometimes it’s a lonely journey, indeed!
Bullet #3 resonates strongly with me. Own your dissatisfaction. It is so easy to blame others or something external. The answers lie within. You have to be willing to give what you want to get it. The concept is simple but for many difficult to do because there is no specific timeline on when you will see results. You have to have patience and persistence to continue to give no matter what. The great leaders know this and continue to give…with an unbelievable threshold for criticism and pain, but they don’t give up until they see the fruits of their labor.
this aligns with the problem of burnout, do you have insight on that, how we can keep top contributors from burning out, or help someone recover ?
I’m no expert on burnout, but have seen some burnouts, and experienced the warning signs before backing off. Several things can help prevent burnout: 1) Eat right 2) Exercise 3) Go to bed early. If you must work long hours, do it by setting the alarm for a very early rise. Ben Franklin was right. 4)Take 20 minute naps if tired (not more, because it will affect the circadian rhythm. 5) Start the day with prayer. In a time crunch, prayer can be in the shower or the car. 6) Avoid time-wasting internet surfing and other mind-numbing activities 7) Reserve the early morning for getting things done that require concentration. 8) Plan and execute, rather than moving from one firefight to the next. 9) Delegate, then routinely verify, encourage, correct – but don’t interfere 10) Learn to say “no” to things that don’t contribute to your life’s mission and that of the organization/people your serve, and to prioritize among those that do. What can’t reasonably be done in a busy life isn’t worth doing. 11) Control anger and don’t let it persist beyond bedtime 12) Forgive 13) If depressed, seek help.
Marc I am impressed by your post today. It’s obvious you are a voice of experience and I appreciate your candor and advice.
thanks, appreciate the insight
Well, if we go to the biological…………..if one is in a situation where more cortisol in generated than oxytocin……..bad things happen physically over time.
Now lets just think this out logically. Lets say a person is working in a place and their highest ideals are not jiggy with the place they work. About 40 hours a week feeling like no one cares! Pretty pretty dumb, right? In other words they are working in the wrong place.
They harder they work the more their gut is rotting. Cortisol
Burnout.
However, if a person works in a place where their highest ideals are the same as other people they work with……like attracts like….oxytocin generated. When you give energy it is SUPPORTED and given back to you.
One of the reasons we got 80% employee dissatisfaction and more cortisol than oxytocin generated is folks working at the wrong place
Now it is worth mentioning folks feel motiviated and cool by MONEY ought to work at a place where the amount of money made is KING.
Folks who feel being of service to others really trips their trigger.
See how those are different? Not bad, just different? Imagine a tree hugger working for greedy dudes all day long? Just is not EVER gonna work. Got to work in a place aligned with your highest ideals.
Some companies GET IT. Others just try and see how much each employee can give them.
Red Ventures is an example of a company that GETS it. Google them.
Burnout only happens when what one is giving in not reciprocated. It is a symptom. Treat the symptom like an idiot mouth breather with rest and a mental breather blah blah blah and the problem will not be solved.
The solution is to work in a place where people believe what you believe. Period. Then the energy overall is supportive, giving, yes loving. The other option is working in a place that is not supportive, giving or loving, all about taking.
Just check out Red Ventures, no burnout going on there. WHY? Figure it out.
SP
thanks
Excellent post on dissatisfaction, Dan. It mirrors John Kotter’s work in “a sense of urgency”. Very little saps organizational performance as much as complacency.
The skill required of the leader is to combine dissatisfaction and satisfaction at the same time in a productive way.
Leaders who continuously cheerlead with variants of “We’re the best!” foster mediocrity.
Leaders who continuously say, “That’s not good enough” breed discouragement.
Good leaders are those who can say truthfully “We made it this far, because we’re good and we worked hard together. We still have X to do, by Y time, and we need to regroup, pull together, and go for it”.
The best leaders are those who can model continuous improvement and contagiously communicate it to others so that they autonomously become change agents for the common good.
Good morning Dan. As you are aware leadership, (Quality Character-Based Leadership) is at the top of my ‘passion list’. It’s been more than a year since our departments leader ask me to speak with him about leadership and becoming involved in postive Leadership Development. I’ve been reading as much as time allows, educating myself, and giving Statewide presentations on Character-Based Leadership for many years. All while reaching out to sucsessful established people in the Leadership Development arena. All of which have extended their time and willingness to assist in any way they can. Working for an employer in dyer need of real authentic Character-Based Leadership development, coupled with the invitation to become involved, I’m feeling frustrated. It’s been more than a year since speaking with the department leader and things are moving slowly, ‘if at all’. (Question), What are the keys to knowing when to walk away, or weather to change my approach. I value your advice and direction. “Life is to short to endeavor to reach for unattainable goals”! HELP PLEASE Cheers Dan & “Happy New Year”!
The department leader may 1) Not have the same passion for leadership as you, and so not have the same priorities 2) Not be willing to deal with the upheaval and questions that will inevitably come as people question current practices and seek to improve 3) Be unsure of how his/her own boss will respond.
I think one possible approach would be to treat leadership development as a change process in itself. Ask yourself why you want the development in your organization, whether you care if you lead that effort or contribute to another’s leadership, what you want for the organization as a result of the change process, and what success would mean. Ask yourself if there is another way to achieve the same success than the leadership development effort you envision. Ask yourself if your desire is for leadership development per se, or if it is your way of getting changes done in the organization that you presently can’t get done within the present structure and that are leading to your dissatisfaction.
If after this soul-searching you feel that leadership development is the optimal way to effect beneficial organizational change, than go for it. Read Kotter’s book, “Leading Change”, and map out what the steps for this change would be. Consider your boss as a necessary part of the coalition of willing people needed to initiate the change.
Speak with your boss, and explain your passion and vision. if he/she shares it, get specific commitment to do X thing by Y time.
If your boss opposes the effort, either actively or passively, you will have a choice to make. You can either stay and keep trying, stay and do nothing, or leave.
The important thing is to plan, then act. A year is a very long time between meaningful conversations with your boss.
Marc, if your comment is in responce to my post, I appreciate you sharing your insight. If it was NOT, disregard the following. While speaking with our dept leader he was rather worthrite in supporting my goals and direction for our department. He also acknowledged that present leaders\leadership styles are unacceptable, unreliable, and that our leadership culture must change. Why I\we want this change is simple, we want the best from our people, our leaders, and our organization. I strongly believe that starts with grooming, choosing, and training individuals for their character. We have allowed Nepatism to destroy our department. Those who have the potential to create positive change can only do so if they ‘run with the rite crowd, or, know the rite people’. This is not a new revelation, it’s be going on for decades. I have in fact read Kotters book and refer to his ‘Leading Change Model’ in my Charcter-Based Leadership presentation. So, I have spoken to ‘the Boss’, shared my vision and passion, “which ultimatley led to our meeting”, and accepted his invitation to get involved. At 55 years of age, nearly 20 years of service and close to retirement. Leaving is NOT an option and giving up is NOT in this X-Marines vocabulary. My game plan is established and has been shared and accepted by my leader. I am baffled with what is hindering any movement toward True Authentic Leadership. Fighting unseen forces can be difficult if not imposible. Sometimes throwing in the towel is the best thing to do. It not giving up, it’s giving effort to opportunities that will actually come to fruition. “Thanks again Marc”. Keep in touch. Sgt Steve
You’re doing the right things. Glad you’re not giving up. It is likely that your leader needs to be moved from acceptance to activity, from “that’s a good thing to do” to “that’s a priority that we ought to get done by X time by devoting resource Y”. This will mean not doing other things to give time and resources to your project.
A real good and simple way to get this off top dead center is to work with him/her to develop a schedule for the change, treating it as a project, and staffing it appropriately. Gantt charts are specific, as are budgets of time and money. If there is no resistance, then this gentle nudge will help. If there is passive-aggressive resistance, moving from concepts to specifics will ferret it out.
Thanks Marc. I appreciate the kind words, advice, and inspiration in your 1:21 reply. Thanks and Happy New Year!
I am dissatisfied with this post.
Just kidding, it’s awesome as usual.
And I’m dissatisfied with your comment. 🙂
Great post! Much to be learned here. Thanks for empowering and equipping us with your learnings!
Dissatisfaction is my motivation to inspire & lead others – it keeps me from being bored. Dissatisfaction can become negative however if you can’t find anything to be satisfied with. Great post!
Dissatisfaction is the heart of education. Everyone is dissatisfied with the way someone else does does something…or the latest program introduced…or the new leader telling them to do it. It’s all about harnessing that dissatisfaction and using it for “good”. Another incredible post!
#2 Define and #5 categorize ring true here.
What is under the dissatisfaction, if it is internal, deal with it.
If it is external, exactly what is sandpapering you and if it irritates you, just might guess it is friction for others. According to Deming, seems likely that the process is flawed and no one wants to own that alone!
Dig deep…5 whys, Dedicate time to map what it actually looks like,upstream and downstream, not just from your vantage point, but collective perspective of potentially impacted people. Bet it looks like a Rube Goldberg contraption 9 times out of 10. Pick a piece to try to change for the better and then Nike it…just do it. May not work the first time, keep adjusting, rate your dissatisfaction every time, even if it is subjective. Know that initial changes will encounter increased resistance, so build buy in early and often. Under the WIIFM–should be less dissatisfaction would be a unifier.
Oh yes, like the reference to Charles Demming docdisc. My pardner and I use his ‘Red bead experiment’ as part of our Character-Based Leadership presention. Nice post!
Not familiar with C Demming, reference was to W. E. Deming and yep, his red bead experiment is wonderful…here’s the link to the short version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3ewHrpqclA. 🙂
Thanks doc. Wasn’t totally certain on Demings first name but it’s apparent we’re talking about the same individual. Happy New Year
Honestly, I’ve never thought of “dissatisfaction” much. When hiring people I ask if they are happy, what makes them happy at home and at work, I look for happiness traits in the interview process, and I espouse an old idea I maintain: “Happiness is the secret motive of all we do and of all we are will to endure.”
I can be satisfied with every step I take, yet dissatisfied that the journey is yet again … just beginning. Learning in stride.
Thanks as always Dan!
Great post. I agree with Chris and Michelle. Owning our individual dissatisfaction, figuring out what to do about it, having the patience and persistence to keep going with the solution and turning that dissatisfaction into a positive are key.
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I am most creative when I or others express dissatisfaction. My problem-solving wheels start turning. This can also get me in trouble by taking on too much.