Fresh Fuel for Dry Tanks
Your tank is empty because you drained it.
Empty because you:
- Give, give, give. Doormats end up frustrated, angry, bitter, and empty.
- Take, take, take. Self-centered people collapse from within.
- Persist with strategies that aren’t working. Head-bangers fail, eventually.
- Let blood suckers permeate the team.
- Have walking-dead-friends, who haven’t grown and don’t want you to grow. Growth is change. Healthy change is the point of renewed vitality.
Sips:
Sips are better than gulps.
Don’t wait for vacation to fill your tank. Find sips of vitality along the way. Leadership Freak blog is based on the belief that tanks are filled in small, daily doses.
In before out:
The more fuel you put in, the more service you can give.
- Schedule 15 minutes a day for listening, not talking. Invite a manager or frontline employee to talk.
- Spend an hour learning, every week.
- Take a walk to nowhere. For those who’ve forgotten: “How to Walk.”
- Meet with leaders from other industries or specialties.
- Hire a coach.
- End unproductive, ineffective activities and behaviors.
Bonus: Serve in ways that refuel. Follow your energy.
Quit before empty:
A person I coach works till their tank is empty. Exhaustion forces them to rest. We discussed their peak time of productivity and how to quit before exhaustion sets in.
Fully drained feels great, once in a while, but exhaustion fails as a daily strategy.
Simple trumps complex:
Adopt simple refueling strategies that feel good. When refueling is a burden, you stay drained.
Example:
This afternoon, I’m getting on the phone with a highly regarded musician/composer. He’s going to talk with me about talent versus skill. He doesn’t like traditional views of excellence. That’s fuel for my tank.
How can leaders refill their tanks?
Learn to say ‘No.’
One of the most difficult habits I had to break was saying “yes” to every request. Friend request, work request, social request, you name it, I agreed to do it. I was working at a job that was very intensive, both mentally and physically, with long hours and being effectively on-call 24/7. Saying yes to everything led to me doing everything poorly. I actually got sick a few times from exhaustion. When I started to say “no” to jobs and tasks, my quality of work improved and my quality of life improved. I’ve kept that lesson close to my heart and it’s paid off immensely.
Loved this article!
Thanks Handsome. “saying yes to everything led to me doing everything poorly.” KaChing!
PS… I checked out your pic. Not bad.. 🙂
Haha, thank you! Sometimes I have to make sure I don’t take myself to seriously!
I’m a youth pastor in Tenn. How could we help young people learn this strategy. They spend a lot of time listening.
Great post, Dan. I’ve had this on my mind a lot lately as I’ve been coaching one of my leaders who was really struggling with over-giving. Her situation inspired this story. The Trouble with Servant Leaders http://letsgrowleaders.com/2014/02/19/trouble-servant-leaders/
Thanks Karin. Glad you shared.
Well, work with those who believe what you believe and be as repulsive as humanly possible to others. Like attracts like. If I feel I am giving giving with no return…..I am!!!
Just means I have surrounded myself with people who have different beliefs. Not that I am wrong or they are stupid. Just see the world differently.
It is like being in a workplace where people talk different languages and no one is bilingual.
It ain’t Rocket Scientology, it is people who do not believe the same thing pretending to get along.
Everybody says the right things they think others want to hear, but what their inner conversation sounds like is drastically different.
The problem is never going to end till folks grow up, get honest and find a place to work where the inner and outer conversations are the same.
80% of employees when they can speak freely hate their jobs. That means you reading this who does not think this applies to you, you are wrong. You not thinking it applies to you is the first problem to be overcome. Till then, no hope.
Good Day
SP
EA
Thanks Scott. Love the power of aligning the inner voice with the outer voice.
new perspectives are fuel for my tank… I often find them in younger people!
Thanks Ken. It took me awhile to learn to listen to youth. It’s awesome!
I love reading your posts, because they remind me daily how to keep improving.
I managed to get an office at work recently. When I feel my reserves running dry, I shut the door, dim the lights and spend 20 minutes with my eyes closed, focusing on peace. It gives me tremendous strength to keep going.
As an agent for change in the company, I am perpetually bombarded with complaints, criticisms, and frustration. My job is to absorb that energy and give it back to the people in the form of guidance, solutions, and new instructions.
When I didn’t have this office, I would end up sick and exhausted by the middle of the week. I am so grateful for a place that allows me to refuel. I thought of it as recharging my batteries…maybe I am a Tesla!
So what is the difference between talent and skill?
Tell you later… but I think talent comes from within and skill is developed from without… I’ll let you know.
Thanks! Looking to hear it.
James, great question!! I am heading to the dictionary!!! Love it when that happens!
Looking forward also like you to reading Dans answer!!
Many thanks!!! Great question!!!
SP
EA
you know I use your tips in my every day life…not in business…hope you don’t mind!
Shame on you, Marilyn! 🙂
so bad…ha, ha!
Dan, I owe you and your readers a great debt of gratitude for what I consider my wellness–which is what I believe you and Leadership Freak is all about. You see, I’m thankful for this outlet in these days of my retirement to titrate myself back into society. Scott Powell diagnosed me early and well: I am an emotional dwarf. For me, health is not just the absence of illness: It’s the presence of well-being. It’s a place to express what I’ve always wanted to share professionally but from a personal perspective. That’s difficult to do when one is a “title.”
All the issues you write about surround and lead to staff and leadership wellness. And this post today is perhaps the most important. Leadership energy is health, but can be “dis-ease,” when a person is “not at ease.” Yet, like you suggest, fullness and emptiness are opposites, not enemies–for the latter can merely tell the former it’s time to be replenished.
Energy is eternal delight. A man was lying sick. His friends asked him: “What would you most desire?” The sick man answered, “My greatest desire is to desire something.” The mind is so hard to see–so very subtle, alighting wherever it likes. The wise guard it, for the mind “protected” brings ease.
The good thing is our body responds to thought: We are all living history books. Our bodies contain our histories–every chapter, line and verse of every event and relationship in our life. The bad thing is when we lack energy and become deluded–we are used by our body. When we are energized and enlightened, we use our body.
If we want to give, give yourself wellness. Half an hour of “something special” each day is essential, except when you’re busy: Then a full hour is needed.
Spending time learning is critical for me. It’s as if there are muscles in my brain that are only exercised when I am learning something new, something that gets me back into beginner mode.
I make it a habit every few years to take a class in something utterly foreign to me, something that makes me stretch. Usually I take a summer class, since that’s my slowest season. One year I studied for a ham radio license; another I learned to read Egyptian. After the class is done I continue to pursue my new hobby until it is no longer a stretch and then I know it is time for something new, something in a completely different direction.
First, distance yourself from the things or people that drain you. This makes it easier to refill your tank when it does become drained.
Second, I have found starting my morning around young children really improves my days and “fills my tank.” They can go and go and go and it seems all the need to refill their tank is a nap!
Third, eat healthy and walk. Just walk until you can’t walk anymore.
Fourth, surround yourself with people who want to fill you up.
Lastly, don’t be embarrassed because you are mentally and emotionally drained. People do not react to situations or change in the same way, partially because they may have already been drained in the past. Each person is affected by changes in a different way.
Hi Elizabeth: I believe your comment about children is a profound one. Children truly can “fill our tanks,” and even teach us a lot about learning how to play and enjoy life. I was at a restaurant bar a couple nights ago and met a 2nd grade teacher who was exuberant about her profession and her beliefs insofar as the love of learning. She was out of college 8 years and in her 3rd public school position for 6 years. (I might add she was a bit disappointed with colleagues in education overall, as she believed a majority lacked commitment to the students and thus blamed their lack of fulfillment on the system.)
However, what she said that reminded me of your comment was what she saw when children played–even when they quarreled. They do not harbor ill feelings as adults do. If they feel angry with another kid, they express it, and it is finished. They still play with that person immediately and the next day.
This young teacher–with the wisdom of an elder–said something like “knowing how to do nothing (like being at peace)…is really doing something.” And, talking about filling our tanks, she told me what she’s learned most from her students: Kids who need the most love will ask for it “in the most unloving of ways.”
Slow down or nothing good will catch up with you!!!