12 Strategies for Dealing with Worry
Leaders who use worry as the reason to do nothing are losers. But, successful leaders worry.
I’ve come to appreciate and respect the worries of my team.
Trust worried leaders; doubt the rest.
Lack of worry results in over-confidence.
Confidence doesn’t eliminate worry, it answers it.
Leaders who don’t worry:
- Need a firmer grasp on reality.
- Ignore opposition.
- Dream too much.
- Haven’t failed enough.
- Blame others for failures.
Plan for things to go wrong. They will.
12 strategies for dealing with worry:
- Explore don’t ignore.
- Create contingency plans. Planning answers worry.
- Rank your worries on a scale of 1 -10. Prepare for the big ones. Preparation answers worry.
- Pray.
- Determine who is trustworthy. How has the team performed in the past? Trust answers worry.
- Establish accountability. Who’s responsible for what? Ambiguity is legitimate reason for worry. Things don’t work out on their own.
- Ask for progress reports.
- Welcome the worries of your team. Don’t fight them. “I see what you mean,” is better than, “That’s not going to happen.”
- Take the next step toward success. The downside of worry is inaction. Winston Church said, “I never worry about action, but only inaction.
- Ask, “What will we do if the worst happens?”
- Seek counsel from experts.
- Err on the side of trusting qualified people.
For female leaders:
Worry is seen as more of a problem for women than men. Deal with the woman-worry-wart problem:
- Avoid saying, “I’m worried.”
- Frame your worries in the context of preparation.
- Say, “I’m trusting you to …,” if you feel worried.
Finally:
Successful leaders respond to worry with plans and action.
What are the dangers of worry?
How can leaders address the challenge of worry?
Oh boy…. you’ve got me a bit fired up on this one. Categorizing “female leaders” as one crowd? Ahem….. I’ve worked with and for many a male over-worrier, where I had to be the voice of decision action. I respectfully dispute your generalization 😉
Thanks Karin. Not saying that women worry more than men. But, I think the perception is that men are better at taking risks and women worry more. It is a generalization. Much appreciated.
I was worried about that over-generalization. But I think there is some validity to acknowledging the perception. 🙂
Gotchya…. Thankfully we’re seeing some amazing examples of decisive women execs, breaking new ground for their companies and smashing old stereotypes.
KaPow! thanks again Karin.
Hi Dan,
This is a really important topic.
I have had the wonderful good fortune of learning from a remarkable woman- an expert in organizational health- Judith Glaser, CEO Creating WE Institute. I have been learning from Judith about the impact of worry and fear in activating our primitive brain- the amygdala- which ends up limiting our capacities to flight, fight or appease responses. Trust is critical for activating those parts of our brains that govern creativity, judgement, emotional regulation, executive function….
The most important thing a leader can do, I believe- is nurture organizational trust, and create space and rituals for caring and candid conversations to take place across the organization.
Dan- I would love to connect you with Judith- for a conversation or interview. I think it would be a treat for you and your readers. You can check out her website at Creating We and let me know if you are interested.
Judith Glaser is the author of
Conversational Intelligence
along with several other best selling leadership books, including- Creating WE and The DNA of Leadership.
Best
Lori
Thanks Lori. First, thanks for extending the conversation.
Second, I couldn’t agree more on the power of trusting environments. For me, I don’t trust people who can’t talk about things they worry about. A trusting environment includes honesty about our fears. (I chose the term fear rather than concerns because it’s more uncomfortable and I don’t want to minimize realities)
And, as you might have gotten from the article. I don’t trust people who don’t worry. It’s not IF we have worries that matters to me. It’s how we deal with them.
Dan, I would love to arrange a conversation with you and Judith Glaser?I really think you will enjoy each other.( I only know you virtually, but i love your thinking.. and your voice, that comes through in your writing!) What do you think? Lori Date: Sun, 2 Mar 2014 22:49:40 +0000 To: lpolachek@live.com
I’ll drop you a note. Thanks
Hi Dan I love the fact that you took time to give strategies specifically for female leaders.. 🙂 that’s a bonus in addition to the twelve. Funny though that you ranked prayer as #4 – for me personally, that is the first thing I do when addressing the challenge of worry. It never occurred to me to rank worries on a scale of 1-10 as you suggested in #3. I am now seeing how that strategy help to put things into proper perspective. The dangers of worrying I believe are stress, and stress related disorders. It is also one of the things that steal joy, peace and happiness from ones life.
Thanks Yvonne. I’m glad prayer is #1 on your list. I would like to say, the first thing I do is pray. But, honestly, it isn’t. I wait to long for this practice.
You nailed the reason to rank our worries. It seems like the smallest worry can capture too much of our time. I find it useful to to focus on the “biggies.” If it’s one in a million then, let it go.
Another factor to consider is how public is the project and what are the implications of failure. If it’s very public then we better “worry.” — plan and take action.
RE: female leaders and worry. I’m not saying women worry more than men. I am addressing a perception.
Well, 95% of what I worry about never happens.
So worry is pretty much useless. An unexamined life is not worth living.
A life with an undisciplined mind is just epically stupid.
I am not a fan if lists cause if you have one solution that really works it negates the need for any others.
Lots of options tells me people are more interested in trying to fiddle with the next new shiny object instead of actually solving their problem. No worries lots of people confuse activity with productivity.
Winners get results, others make excuses and look for the next shiny new object.
It is cool though, most people fall into that category why only 3% of folks make more than 100k a year.
Here is the solution for worry, think its opposite, belief in a positive outcome. Choose ones thoughts consciously and stop making excuses.
Next.
SP
EA
Scott- I like your suggestion around worry- to “think its opposite”. Sometimes we ruminate around worst case scenarios which, like you say- usually don’t happen- its alot of energy, and worry is often contagious- reframing the the way you are viewing the situation, in a more positive way, can help elevate and redirect the energy, conversation and ultimately outcome in a more positive direction. Lori –
Thanks Scott. When I started writing this post, I resisted the temptation to minimize the reality of worry by using the Mark Twain quote, ““I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” The reason, I believer worrying about things that could go wrong is a valuable leadership skill.
Your list of things to do to combat worry is superb. The key to handling worry is to get beyond the element of fear. Worrying paralyzes because of fear, and generates a “fight, flight, or freeze” reaction.
The first thing to do is to quantify and describe the root problem causing the worry, then find solutions (if there are any) to removing the obstacle. Prayer, seeking counsel from trustworthy people, and planning are the keys to moving from fear to purposeful action.
A lot of what makes a problem big is inexperience, lack of knowledge, or lack of resources to correct the issue. For example, most of us find medical issues very unsettling, and find solace in the calm words of a trusted physician. If we have a small business with cash flow problems, we can find help from a trusted mentor who may facilitate our discussions with the banker.
Some problems are too big to get around. Bankruptcy, divorce, severe illness, and death come to mind. It is important for the person facing these to not be alone. The Psalmist spoke of “walking through the valley of death”, but not fearing evil, because he was accompanied by the Good Shepherd. As friends and leaders, we should give of ourselves to accompany those in such a need.
Thank you, Dan, for addressing this subject.
Thanks Marc. YOu have a golden nugget tucked away in paragraph #3… “A lot ow what makes a problem big is inexperience.” Isn’t it true that as our experience goes up stress, worry, and fear go down. Obviously they never go away completely, but we’ve learned that we can find solutions and move forward. Love it.
A few more thoughts re: worry.
Constructive worry is that which galvanizes to action, such as prayer, planning, seeking information, or seeking help.
Destructive worry is that which causes anxiety.
There are a number of references in the Bible re: reduction of anxiety:
1. On the futility of worrying about things we can’t control…
“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.”
2. On the anguish of destructive worry contrasted with the comfort of a caring friend…
“Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.”
3. On the power of prayer and trust in God’s love and omnipotence to remove worry…
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand…Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.”
Defining two types of worry is an easier concept for me to grasp as opposed to shades of worry. Constructive worry = a call to action; destructive worry = an anchor that drags us down into hopelessness..
Thanks J. Thats a great help.
Karin, I think Dan’s point can be found in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In.” Female and male leaders doing the same things are often perceived differently.
Dan
Another important post, Thank you.The habit of worrying is a huge barrier holding people back from unleashing their greatness. What gets our attention gets energy. By being aware of our thoughts and consciously choosing empowering ones is a simple way to making those plans and actions come alive.
Having said that in my coaching work I get my clients to write down specifically what is worrying them and just the act of putting it down on paper ( or virtual paper as the case might be) seems to take the wind out of worrying.
Good food for thought!
I’m in teaching and teacher-training. Teachers and teacher-trainers are leaders. I follow the Humanistic – Person-Centered Approach to people and the Non-Violent Approach to problems and problem-solving.
I respect your views on worry. Isn’t it wonderful that in my walk of life the total opposite seems to be working well.
Worried teachers create a bunch of worried or angry students. Worried teachers cannot enjoy teaching and worried or angry students cannot enjoy learning. Fear and anger exclude joy. If either the teacher or the students worry or steam with anger, the first job to attend to is getting rid of the fright or the anger.
Instead of worrying, we care since we are a caring and sharing society.
Worry stems from Fear. Fear can either be toxic or healthy. Toxic fear brings you to anxiety. Healthy fear brings you to preparation, courage, and faith.
The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd is an amazing book about dealing with the 7 different core feelings.
Good post!
Thanks Jamie. The distinction between toxic vs healthy fear is sooooo helpful.
At Louvain University in Belgium, medical students are required to take a 4-year course on anxiety (worry). Imagine a subject so important that a world class university requires it for graduation. The only two positive points about worry in these 4 years of study were: “In the beginning, worry takes away fears about past and future–and keeps us anchored in the present. In the end, worry points to the right view of the self.”
Even Christ Jesus believed worry was important and spoke to it in His living voice in the bible: “Do not worry about tomorrow…”(Matthew 6:34).
Is there any wonder why Dan is writing about the importance of worry (concern) here and now? Yes, worry can feed us, and often our problems do starve to death. And, yes, we should use our worries instead of allowing worry to use us: In other words, stop letting worries that do so little for us control so much of our mind, feelings and emotions.
There’s a couple of caveats to worry. We, human “be-ings” are—uniquely among the earth’s creatures—the worrying animal. We are highly susceptible to worrying away our lives. People get in the habit of worry–even if saved from drowning and put on a bank to dry in the sun with hot chocolate and muffins —some people still wonder whether they are catching cold.
Also, worry is often the source of our inaction and powerlessness. To worry is to be faithless, to be without hope or belief. When we worry, our self-talk sounds like this: “I don’t think I can. I don’t think I will.” To worry is to believe in the worst possible outcome. It is to believe in the perverse and the negative that even if we do well, something uncertain or unknown will get in the way, sabotage us, or “get us” in the end.
Then, unfortunately, we really do have something real to worry about.
I think calling anyone a loser – be it a leader who worries, or otherwise, is unproductive and unhelpful. Your strategies on the other hand are somewhat useful. If only dealing with anxiety/worry was as simple as executing a neat 12 step plan.
I found a great short read called Become an Elite Mental Athlete by David Silverstein. He covers the things that cause us to not be the leader we want to be or just the person we want to be. He discusses keeping the brain healthy and the things that affect our daily lives. It’s a great book, I am a worrier, and his work has helped me out! davesdots.com is his site, his book info is on there too.