Fight for Bright: 3 Aspects of Asset Based Thinking
Pessimists feel optimistic about Murphy’s law.
I’m so much of a pessimist that I think optimists are faking.
Talking about optimism irritates true pessimists.
I’m not alone. Pessimists – people who see the real world – are everywhere. Murphy, our hero, affirms our dark beliefs. Pessimists light up and heads nod when you say, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Oh yeah!
The fight:
Negative bias is normal, natural, and when things are dark, useful.
See it before fighting it.
Lousy leaders, like tender hearted grandmothers, minimize problems and challenges in the false hope it motivates. They say, “It’s not that bad.” But you know bad is 5X stronger than good.
Leaders who spout, “Everything’s great,”
are raging against the fear it isn’t.
Even when things are going well, I keep waiting for something to go wrong. I have shoe-drop thinking. Wait long enough and bad will happen. Then I can say, “See, I told you.”
The choice:
I’m getting good at choosing optimism. When I tell people I’m a pessimist, they say it doesn’t seem like it. I still feel a bit like a faker, but I’m dedicated to the choice.
But, it’s not enough to keep repeating, “I’m positive,” when I know it’s not true. I need tools.
Kathy Cramer wrote, Lead Positive, for pessimists like me.The tools of Asset Based Thinking (ABT) explain the path to optimistic leadership.
- Focus more on what you stand to gain than what you stand to lose.
- See your strengths in greater measure than your weaknesses.
- Observe the best efforts and attitudes of people around you five times more often than you notice their shortcomings.
Cramer’s ideas represent decisions to focus on opportunities, strengths, and progress.
What does the path from pessimism to optimism look like?
Go to Facebook to see reader responses to, “Develop a positive attitude by ____.”
My wife likes to say to our children, “Yes, a bad thing happened. Now what are you going to do about it to make it better?”
KaPow. If children can get it. I can get it! Thanks Duane
Well, I am the storyboard is blank kinda guy!
Perception is reality although most or some folks don’t like that.
Kids ball game rained out a tragedy, Dads a farmer and drought over a life saver!!!
What really happened….apparently it rained!!!
What happens happens, what it means to me is the story I tell myself about said happenings, period!!!
Even if you with great passion and zeal disagree you are still doing what I am saying…lol
Just own you are the captain of your ship, the author of your story and write epically!!!!
If it is pessimistic, craft an epic tragedy!!!
If optimistic, epic optimism!! If you are gonna go, go large!!!
Personally, I favor romantic comedies for my storytelling!!!! Always like to include and appreciate Gods Greatest Creation, Women, fondly in l my stories!!
Women Rock!!!!
Party on Wayne!!
SP
EA
Thanks Scott. You are so right. Much of life is about the story we tell ourselves. If yours are romantic comedies, please don’t write me in. 😉
I appreciate this post, Dan, and your confession about being a pessimist. I literally laughed out loud when I read, ‘I’m so much of a pessimist, I think optimists are faking.’ Cracked me up. : )
For a long while now, we’ve seen the terms optimist and pessimist used frequently. I can even remember during the ‘Amway’ days of my parents generation when the most popular book back then was The Magic of Thinking Big.
And now positive thinking is the latest panacea as if anything less then a positive thought is a disease to be avoided.
I’m with you in the sense that when I see or hear leaders or anyone that more constantly focus to the point that reality of the MAJORITY of the planet is completely denied in order to uphold fragile egos and fantasy worlds…drives me nuts. haha
And perhaps not for the reasons one might think! Having spent years in healthcare and also in the military, we’re not TRAINED to deny reality. We’re trained to ASSESS the situation. We’re trained to do what so many ‘positive thinkers’ would be terrified of doing…and that is to actually FOCUS on what is ‘wrong’. Where does it hurt? We have to LOOK at that big, scary, gaping, oozing, draining wound and may, in some cases, have needed to clean one out that was so deep your entire hand could fit inside of it. (decubitus ulcers in an elderly patient)
For some reason, with my years spent in healthcare, looking at symptoms and assessing what is wrong is not considered to be ‘negative’ or being pessimistic. It is the pathway to healing and wellness.
I tend to look at our country (as I’ve shared in some of my own posts) as a living system. Not just our country but the entire world. And yes, with the experiences I’ve personally had in my life and the things I know (and looking at statistics) I DO get concerned. I’m concerned when our country acts like a malignant cancer cell…that attacks healthy cells. (makes us more eager to go to war for an example). The high statistics of child sexual abuse and abuse in general in families is indicative of cancer. Where people, just like a cancer cell, have turned against and attack their own ‘cells’.
That’s cancer!
Obviously, we can’t CONTROL what every other family in the world is doing. We can only control what WE do.
But I digress… (grins)
WHAT IF….the biggest obstacle to solutions is IN the labels themselves? As long as people are being pressed to fall into the ‘positive’ thinking, optimistic camp, resistance will set in for those of us that given either our occupation or natural bent as a ‘healer’ to look at reality as much as we can….solving the REAL problems that would make healing possible are avoided and denied?
Isn’t it better to not have to deal with the labels at all? What if we don’t view ANYTHING through the lens of positive or negative…optimistic or pessimistic. Isn’t that a more clear reality? If we shade reality with either lens, we alter what is REALLY happening…..
One final thought on this that comes to heart and mind. I’m recalling something I read from another fellow twitizen who said if we didn’t notice the glass as being half empty, we wouldn’t be motivated enough to go out and get more water.
And he is RIGHT! If I’m conditioned to believe that my less then satisfactory circumstances are…As Good As It Gets (like the movie! : ) … If we are taught to be content with what we have….even if we aren’t THRIVING…then we won’t be motivated to do anything about it….will we?
Food for thought.
Appreciate you and your post this morning Dan. Got me ‘thinking’… again. : )
Thanks Samantha… you got my head nodding several times in your comment, especially when you started talking about the good side of seeing bad. It’s not the seeing of the bad that’s the issue. It’s how we respond and what we do about.
I like the ABT – asset based thinking – model. It seems to rise above an undefined good feeling.
Hi Samantha: Wow, do you think and write some heavy-duty thoughts…and beautifully by the way. I believe optimists are right! So are pessimists! It’s up to us to choose which we will be. Optimistic thinking: “When they run optimists out of town, they make it look like they’re leading a parade!” Pessimistic thinking: “The nice part about being a pessimist is they are constantly being proven either right or pleasantly surprised.”
You speak of your background in healthcare and how you “were not TRAINED to deny reality” rather “trained to ASSESS the situation. We’re trained to do what so many ‘positive thinkers’ would be terrified of doing…and that is to actually FOCUS on what is ‘wrong.’ And you specifically mention decubitus ulcers–bed sores. Do you recall diagnostic work-up protocol to learn what’s good–where on a patient’s body decubitus ulcers are not? This would give indication of how to lay the patient, how to turn the patient, or where to place the sheepskin.
You see, Samantha, a working optimist includes not only altruism but also social responsibility, social courage, and objectivity. Moreover proof of optimism in everyday health is how optimists are less likely to suffer from high blood pressure or other early signs of cardio-vascular disease than pessimists.
There is a condition in newborns that baffles doctors. It’s a diagnosis known as Failure to Thrive. For no known reason a newborn baby will not eat, breath well, or otherwise thrive: kick, cry, suck, responsive vital signs, etc. So what’s the treatment for these 3 day-old babies? The highly skilled specialist doctor—neonatologist—merely tells the parents their baby is gravely ill and there’s two things they must do: 1) Pray, have great faith and be optimistic and hopeful; and 2) They must go into the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and “hold” their baby every 20 minutes throughout the day and night. Most babies respond.
Samantha, I also agree with you when you say seeing symptoms is not negative or pessimistic. Patient symptoms—and even their conditions–are neither negative or positive: They just are. They are a reality healthcare people have to face and deal with. At the same time, there’s a reason why today there are “wellness clinics” for doctors, nurses and ancillary personnel. It’s important for people to see wellness…what’s “normal functioning” anatomy and physiology.
And ultimately you speak to cancer and to America, our country—and the analogy of how metastatic cancer cells kill healthy cells. I’ve always believed there’s a “switch” that turns on and off “onco” cells in our body—and when this “switch” is faulty it is like a short electrical circuit in our wiring in our walls at home. And, yes, this short can and sometimes does affect other “healthy” things in our home, like our toaster.
Irrespective of whether you were saying America was the cancer and killing healthy cells in the world, or there were cancer cells in the world and America was the Cytoxcin to kill those cells and inadvertently killed healthy cells—neither you or I would just stand by and allow an old lady to be robbed in the street. The same was formerly true of America as a nation: Americans would never allow rogue governments to beat-up and kill their own people…or even infringe on the freedom of their neighbors. Today, though, you’re getting your wish. America’s government is no longer willing to hear the pleas or screams of others.
What’s important to us today is that we don’t fight with ourselves…that we don’t doubt ourselves…that we believe in ourselves…otherwise we not only fight what’s on our outside but enlist in the ranks of our enemy and bear arms against ourselves.
That’s not pessimism…that’s reality!
Hi Rick,
Thanks for taking the time to share!
It’s interesting that you mention Failure to Thrive in infants as it happens to be the example I used in my first main post for my blog called: The First Step to Happiness
http://tweetconnection.com/2012/03/12/the-first-step-to-happiness/
The heart of this post can be summed up in the quote I wrote that says:
‘The first step to happiness is the point at which authentic human connection meets genuine love.’
I wrote that based on my experience working with newborns in a nursery on an OB Ward at a hospital in Germany.
It’s a rather long post so I’ll copy/paste the section that I refer to it here:
‘Let’s go back to the basics for a moment. To the beginning.
I am reminded of the time I spent working with mothers and their newborns in Germany. I can also recall my experiences when both of my daughters were born. When a baby first enters the world and takes in that first breath of life, happiness is born the moment that baby physically connects with someone who really loves and cares for them.
You may have experienced this yourself when holding your own babies for the first time. Or you’ve witnessed a content baby in the arms of their own loving mother or father. They are content because they know they are loved. Their needs are being taken care of.
Babies whose needs are neglected and go unloved, eventually suffer from failure to thrive. In fact, babies can die from it.
Regardless of what may be passed around in some popular teachings today, we do not lose this need to connect. To love and be loved. To belong….after infancy. We have the same needs in childhood. We also have them as adults. These are essential keys to happiness regardless of our age. While it is important that we teach personal accountability and responsibility, this is not effective or really possible unless it is being modeled along side authentic connection and genuine love. Legitimate human needs cannot be ignored or neglected for effective learning to take place.’
***************
In my experience, it isn’t so much ‘optimism’ that I am against as it is what I would consider to be FORCED optimism and the marketing of ‘positive pop psychology’ that tends to cause a great deal of damage when used ignorantly and by the average lay person.
Also, one of my favorite videos I’ve found on the subject is called Smile or Die. It is a lecture animated by RSA Animate that basically uncovers the dark side of positive thinking. And THIS is precisely the folly and danger that I speak of when it comes to resistance to a great deal of ‘positive thinking’ messages that circulate through cyberspace.
In a nutshell, forced optimism is dangerous because it denies reality and is a form of SOCIAL CONTROL.
Smile or Die: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5um8QWWRvo
If you get people to ACCEPT circumstances where they are not thriving…you keep the slave a slave. Basically.
In the same way that a caged lion can become so conditioned to the limitations of it’s cage that you can open the gate and it won’t leave the cage!
It’s this aspect of ‘positive thinking’ and optimism that I do my best to educate people on. To keep people informed.
And what is the biggest problem we deal with when it comes to any type of addiction, disease, grief,l etc?
DENIAL.
We have far too many people in positions of ‘ authority’ that are in denial. They aren’t willing to SEE the problems so that we can adequately address and solve them. You can’t solve a problem if you continue to deny that exists in the first place! And problems certainly don’t go away just because people deny they exist. In fact, the problems grow worse.
We also have far too many INEXPERIENCED people in leadership positions who have had no REAL experience with life or death issues. They aren’t operating with a full deck, so to speak. They operate from a place of theory that has very little basis on REALITY at all.
That’s the equivalent of hiring Hollywood actors to enter NASA and expect them to solve Apollo 13 problems.
It’s not going to happen! haha
As soon as they call in with ‘Houston, we have a problem’, the positive pop psychology crew will go into automatic denial and deny Apollo 13 has a problem. ‘No….really…it’s not that bad!’
GRINS.
I don’t know about you but I want the guys and gals who can handle facing reality even when it doesn’t look pretty. We might be able to save some lives.
Thanks again for sharing. : )
Thank YOU, Samantha. I went to your blog and read your article, “The First Step to Happiness,”
which I loved…to love, to be loved, to belong, to be connected…and I’ll even add a couple of my
own which I’ve found to be ultra-essential as adults: The will or ability to ACCEPT love; and the DESIRE to WANT the love we get AFTER we get it. I love the subject of love.
I appreciate also that you referred me to the RS Animate video–which illustrates your point how some persons can be cajoled into thinking about or believing in a false reality–and how that could perhaps lead to emotional disorders even. So in that regard I agree with you.
Samantha, I wish not to freak you out, yet I’m a product of B.F. Skinner-like conditioning. My dad was a farmer and he and I were driving around the farm one morning and he asked me if
I was lucky. I was about 5 years old and thought about my answer for a minute or so. He slapped me upside my head and said: “if you have to think about it, you’re not lucky. Ask ME if I’m lucky?” So I asked dad if he was lucky and he shouted out with great exuberance, “Yes, of course I’m lucky, Look at our ranch. This is God’s blessings to us.”
Dad went on to say, “If you want anything, ask for it. Say it to yourself. Luck, blessings, A car. Girlfriends, Intelligence. Good grades. Anything and everything. Tell yourself. Say it to yourself, and it will be yours.” From that day on I went around telling myself everything I wanted for myself. Heck, I even started to dream of stuff. Believe it or not, that’s where my dream of being a doc began, how I started to get good grades, and how I ultimately got into college at age 14. Education is not the great equalizer: Dreams and–I believe–positive input are.
That’s the only requisite, Samantha: That we believe!
I’m so happy you enjoyed my ‘happiness’ post Rick. Thank you.
I also love your additions and currently wondering about them. ‘What blocks us from accepting love? What changes the nature of our desire AFTER we receive it?’ All very interesting and I imagine, unique journeys for each of us.
I’m also happy you appreciate the Smile or Die video on the dark side of positive thinking. For any other readers, I certainly hope it’s clear that I”m not suggesting ‘positive’ anything or optimism is BAD. The discussion is when used as a form of denial and in ignorance that winds up harming people. Not helping them. Or us.
As for the B.F. Skinner comment… SHOULD IT freak me out!? Perhaps I”m missing something here and my ignorance is currently bliss! Who knows! (grins)
You are fortunate to have had a father in the picture who cared enough about you and clearly exhibited an ‘attitude of gratitude’. My background didn’t include that kind of reliable foundation, which presented many challenges in the faith and trust department.
All of which I consider to be grist for the mill.
Thanks for such engaging and interesting dialog Rick! Pleasantly surprised and I’m always thrilled to encounter interesting people. : )
Thanks, Sam. Your background must have included something, for you seem happy and emotional healthy, and ultra-together to me. People can’t just can’t talk about love the way you do and “it” come from nowhere. I am a giant believer only people who can verbalize things can
“see” things–can do those things. You’re blessed in that way. Stay in touch R2KM@aol.com
Enjoy your blessings…rick
Thanks Rick. I owe most of the credit to my husband. He passed away from an unexpected heart attack right after playing in a city league basketball game. We had been together since we were both 18 years old. So we basically grew up together as adults. He was my greatest model when it came to compassion. I hadn’t really experienced what it was up until he entered my life. : )
You can read more about the day he died in a post I wrote called In Comes the Storm:
http://tweetconnection.com/2012/07/20/my-last-day-as-a-nurse-in-comes-the-storm/
He was truly a great blessing in my life. : )
Take care Rick. Thanks again for the great dialog!
I have always considered myself an optimistic pessimist – I look at the bright side, but prepare for the worst.
Thanks Pam. I believe that combination takes leaders far.
I taught myself 40 years ago to be an optimist in order to create better energy in my life. Wow, who knew, it worked! I am more awake and aware of the world around me and the people around me. Optimism isn’t ignoring reality, it is simply choosing to find out, as one reader’s mother put it, “how to make it better.” OR, “what is in this event to learn, to explore, to celebrate, to be sad, to live through, to create another outcome, to understand that it may be the same outcome.” Optimism changes the energy of what you bring to yourself and what you bring to others.
Best…Jim
Hey Jim, your best is pretty pretty good!!!!!
We make up what stuff means so why not put a positive spin on what we see?
Oxytocin makes feel good, cortisol shuts off our immune system!!!
So you tell me if it is better to spin a yarn of epic optimism????
Plus you do know we are only aware of about 7% of what really going so why not be like the happy kid, there must be a pony in here someplace!! Where’s my shovel???
On the other hand hang with folks who believe what you believe?
Easier for the drowning dope to beat you up as they pull you down.
Let the negative ninnys do their thing, they will till they determine for themselves oxytocin beats cortisol!!!!
Great stuff thanks Jim!!!
Keep bringing your best!!!
SP
EA
KaPow!! Thanks Jim — I love it when people tell me that I don’t seem like a pessimist. It means my choice is working. But something in me says, you don’t know me. 🙂
Optimism can be learned!
I see where things go wrong. I’ve been labelled a pessimist and my opinion has been devalued at times. But some optimists really fail to understand where “pessimistic” people come from sometimes. I’ve worked jobs where I’ve had to think of what might go wrong just in case it happens. This is critical in jobs where seconds count! However, people who have not experienced this kind of training may see somebody with my mindset as “negative” or “pessimistic”. If I can see what’s coming, I can be better prepared in insuring whatever I’m working on will have a better chance of success. Failure to think of “what might happen”, good or bad, is a recipe for failure as a leader.
Thanks Michael. You got me thinking about being pessimistic in optimistic ways. 🙂
As long as I can remember, I have referred to myself as a realistic optimist. No Pollyanna, no rose-colored glasses. To paraphrase pmaddams’ comment above, plan for the best, prepare for the worst. Realistic optimists aren’t faking; we simply choose to strive for the positive outcomes.
Every day, each of us has the power within us to choose how to perceive, approach, and proceed with our lives. I choose to look for and anticipate the best. But I’ve been through enough (the stories I could tell) to know that “the best” doesn’t always happen. And, yet, I still seem to have survived and grown even when the optimistic outcome hasn’t happened. I choose to cherish the optimistic, positive moments amidst the negative ones . . . rather than always carrying that pessimistic cloud over my head.
Thanks Scott. Another head nodding comment. Especially that last part, even when the best doesn’t happen …. Now that’s facing reality optimistically. 🙂
Wow, Dan. My late father-in-law had his own version of Murphy’s Law. “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but always in a way we can handle.”
In my group planning and visioning programs, the participants are encouraged (well, required actually) to state negatives as positives and to state problems as opportunities. Coincidentally, I recently blogged a short piece about this last week, explaining how this practice does not ignore the problem but instead helps empower teams to overcome them and succeed.
http://parnassusanalytics.com/2014/03/03/opportunity-knocks/ (in case anyone is interested)
Thanks Steven. I wondered if you might stop in today. I think this topic resonates with you.
The rephrasing of Murphy’s Law is priceless and thanks for extending the conversation. cheers
I see optimism as the belief/attitude that you can overcome, despite whatever circumstances there are or whatever difficulties you encounter – that you/your team are strong enough to tackle it together and come out stronger. Pessimism is the belief or attitude that no matter what circumstances you are in, the way out is so difficult that you might not even find your way out. Pessimism also believes that no good can come out of difficulties whereas optimism believes that there is a purpose for all things and something good will come. Bad things, difficult circumstances, tough days all will happen in this life and the difference between a pessimist and an optimist is the attitude – are you willing to tackle it and find the good that will come or are you convinced that it’s just tough and no matter what you do, it’s still going to be tough.
Life is too short to not focus on the good that comes – even if it is just a small nugget. Sometimes the good that comes is not even meant for us – think about how inspiring overcomers are for others going through difficult circumstances.
Thanks Carrie. You hint at the fatal nature of pessimism as you define it. The belief that it doesn’t matter what we do, nothing will change. Helplessness is the brother to this type of pessimism.
Thank you for your optimism.
I wish I had Duane’s parents growing up. My job, like Michael’s, requires me to focus on what went wrong. We write up “process improvement reports” to explore what went amiss and develop new processes to prevent a recurrence. Despite my best efforts at branding this as a positive report, people still see it as “getting in trouble.” They cringe when they see me coming. In reality, I am just doing what Duane’s parents did!
Thanks dunk… I wonder how much of their cringing is about them and how much is about you? 🙂
Good question. I like to think I’m a pretty nice guy, but it may be time to update my self perception.
As I read your follow up, I thought about asking, “what are some ways that I can make our interactions more positive?” You may have already done this so please forgive my ignorance and free dispensing of a suggestion. 🙂
Frankly, I’m glad your comment reminded me that the people I deal with define how I make them feel, not me.
Much appreciated. I will spend some time thinking about it. I work with a lot of people who probably had bad school experiences, and they feel like they’re getting written up. My rebranding effort is to make it fun and give them a sense of power to create change. Still working on it!
well said
Optimism without foundational knowledge is foolish. Pessimism without cause is also foolish. Worry cannot add a single day to our lives. The best way to live life in peace is to prepare for the worst, but not fear it.
The issue is not really optimism or pessimism, but realism and risk management. It is important to evaluate risk long enough and well enough to understand the worst that can go wrong, then to make satisficing decisions involving risk avoidance or mitigation, and move on.
Risk evaluation is rarely rational. We think nothing of getting into a car or going up and down stairs, but those are by far the riskiest things normal people do daily. Some willingly buy lottery tickets thinking they may win, when they know the odds are against them, and they are simply engaging in voluntary taxation. People smoke cigarettes, drive too fast, eat too much, but don’t want to hear about the associated risk because it makes them uncomfortable.
One good approach to avoiding depressive thoughts about risks is to think about the worst that can happen, and consider anything better as being great. The apostle Paul wrote, “For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain”. He also wrote, “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content”, and “Don’t be full of care, but in everything…pray…and God will give you peace above all understanding.. (my paraphrase)”.
Taking Paul’s approach, the two worst things are death and financial ruin. A short note about each:
1) If we’re prepared for life after death, the state of being dead is not terrifying. The unknown and scary part is the act of dying, which can be painful. In North America, we have excellent medical care and pharmaceuticals to ease pain. There is no sense in fearing something inevitable. All we have to do to is to take care of the bodies we were given. They are a means to service, an outer shell, and not the center of our beings.
2) Death of our loved ones is more difficult to bear. The best way to prepare for it is to love them while they are alive, to ensure forgiveness is asked for and given so that death has no regrets. Beyond that, there is no need to fear their death any more than our own.
3) Financial ruin may frighten us, but we no longer have debtor’s prisons and slavery, so the worst that can happen to us is bankruptcy. Even bankrupt North Americans are better off than most of the world, so although we should take care of our finances as good stewards of the assets bestowed upon us, we shouldn’t fret about “What ifs?”.
There are many other things that can go wrong. If we evaluate risk, consider the alternatives, make decisions, and press forwards with integrity, we should not fear.
Leaders who understand this and have personal mastery over fear, learning to cope with unknowns while admitting their frailty, are a calming influence on those they lead. Cool heads prevail.
Thanks Marc. The introduction of fear into this conversation is profound. How we deal with our fears has powerful impact. In the first place we must courageously acknowledge them. That’s something many leaders are afraid to do.
I also find fear a great motivator regarding things to avoid. Every time I say, “I want to make a difference.” I hint at the fear that I won’t. I’ve found getting in touch with this very helpful.
Dan, what synchronicity! I just quoted you and Kathy in the March blog I just completed about leaders taking action.
As a coach, I work every day on seeing the opportunities in situations, the strengths I can share with people and the progress I am making toward my big purpose. Some people call me a pessimist and others an optimist. This is evidence we can ALL live in the land of choice.
Thank you for your terrific blogging. I am often inspired by what I read here.
Cindy Charlton
The last statement “focus on opportunities, strengths, and progress” sums it up for me. Thanks for the insight.
Thanks to you Dan and to all who wrote here for helping me clarify my own thoughts on pessimism, and Dan, your question was key in taking a deep dive for me. Late to the party, but here goes:
Pessimism, to my mind, describes a tendency to see the dark side of things, or to believe the worst will happen. It is a habit of thought/attention, is it not? With most unhealthy habits, once we identify the emotional pain we are self-medicating to anesthetize, or the habit’s “payoff,” we also have the lynchpin that might free us.
So pessimism for me has little to do with problem-solving or critical thinking; it is instead what attentional/thought direction we take after we identify “the gap” with our (very important) critical thinking skills. Can asset-based thinking help? Sure can. More about that later.
Oddly (but understandably once we know the mechanism), idealists (I’m one) can prove very susceptible to pessimism. They have the ideal, then they see the gap, then they say, “Screw it… too big a gap, it’ll never happen.” So pessimism doesn’t mean a negative person… not at all… it means a negative habit of attention (focusing only on the gap, and past failures, and not one’s current ability, available resources, etc.).
Is it natural to be pessimistic? I’d qualify that. It isn’t natural in the sense that it is a reflex. It is natural to instantly identify whatever is between us and what we want—that is a natural reflex—but, again, where we then go with our attention/thinking is key.
We naturally want happiness. We get ornery when we can’t have it. Often the payoff to pessimism is to head off desire and disappointment at the pass… before someone or something sends the message: “Your happiness is on hold.” Yes, indeed. And we know the cost of that dumbed-down desire payoff, don’t we? You slowly die before you die.
Now, some personality types (Enneagram 4s and 6s come to mind), might have a greater predilection for pessimism, but it still isn’t natural in the sense of reflexive. It’s a learned behavior. A habit. Tendency/predilection is not “must-be.”
Some good and bad news: both optimism and pessimism have a physical effect on brain wiring. Once that habit of pessimism is rooted, it may take a while to rewire with asset-based thinking, and everyday choices—even choice of language.
Last but not least, false optimism is a form of pessimism. False optimism is saying, “we don’t have what we need to solve this/this is too painful to face/we can’t handle this/this will turn out worse if we dig in.”
I like Cramer’s list, but what is my route from pessimism to optimism?
People see me as “positive,” but that is because I worked regularly to develop skills at leveraging my ability to instantly see gaps into forward motion. LOL.
In addition to the excellent steps you listed…
I appreciate my ability to see gaps. I understand and allow for it. I embrace it. I say so what? I only need to act on what improvements are meaningful and matter, and those that I can influence towards better outcomes.
I look at my own personal value and foster delight in flexing my solution muscles. I consider that the very gap I see between the improvement I am looking for and now, is my chance to go to work and add value and contribute to a solution. After the initial pain of identifying the gap wears off, I can often get pretty happy about the new direction.
I acknowledge where I am, then pivot my thinking where I want to go, and what my next steps are to getting there.
If a path isn’t clear, I “trust forward” that I will know an alternative or a solution when I see it, that it is OK to not know just now; that I’ve been here before, and others have been here before, and the odds are in my favor that I will get where I want to go, or at least feel as good as I want to feel.
I realize I am never, ever, going to be done with this growth thing. I am never, ever, going to be done with looking for improvement. I figure, since I’m going to be doing this for a while, why not enjoy the journey? So I look to make things fun. I look to have as much fun as possible even with the mundane stuff, even with the stuff I want to fix.
I accept the nature of things. I choose bending with nature, and gentle influence and coaching, and a “dance,” rather than muscling and pulling and pushing and other forms of resistance.
Works for me… 🙂
All the best, Dan…
Dan, looks like a missed closing a couple of html tags above… apologies…