Shut-Up and Do It Yourself
I was explaining how to do something when a close friend said, “Do it yourself.”
I have a love-hate relationship with my life-long friend Tim. (Mostly love.) But, he got me thinking about organizations and teams that are burdened with “geniuses” who talk too much and do too little.
Years ago, I taught computer classes. Students listened with confidence until I said, “OK, you do it.” When it comes time to take action, confidence wilts to confusion and doubt.
You-do-it moments, separate the talkers from the doers.
Image source
Talkers, who sit on the sidelines, are clouds without water and lights without heat.
Moving your mouth feels important, until it’s time to put feet to your words.
Empty talkers:
- Explain why things aren’t working.
- Tell how to do it, when they haven’t done it.
- Feel impatient slow progress, even though their hands are clean.
- Enjoy the safety of the sidelines.
There are those who talk. Then there are those who actually get things done.
Tell talkers to shut-up and do it themselves.
Talking makes sense when:
- You have experience. Eloquence isn’t experience.
- You’re getting your hands dirty in the process.
- It’s more useful for others to do it and you to explain it. They need experience.
- Your affirmations restore energy and confidence. “You’re doing great.”
- Correction prevents costly mistakes.
Don’t allow talkers to talk too much and do too little.
Effective leaders talk to:
- Explore and learn.
- Clarify.
- Establish direction.
- Enable action.
- Align energy.
- Confront confusion.
- Address issues others fear discussing.
- Affirm effort, progress and success.
Warning:
Leaders who dominate conversations build disengaged, dis-empowered teams. When it comes to talking, less is more.
When should leaders just stop talking?
When are the best times to talk?
After publication update. My friend just sent me a text saying, “I didn’t say ‘do it yourself,’ I said, ‘Just do it.” — I prefer the snarkiness of my version. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more. Effective leaders are the first ones into the trench with a shovel in hand.
Thanks Steve. I think they call that, leading by example! Cheers
Never trust a leader who doesn’t have callouses.
So true, Dan… When I talk too much – particularly under stress, I trend negative, impatient and cocky. I’ve even used the excuse, or worse, had others excuse my rant, as being ‘passionate’… Thanks for your wisdom, as always – Mike
Thanks Mike. Oh yeah! 🙂 I particularly like the word, “cocky” in your comment. All I can say is, “I don’t mean to seem cocky.” 😉
Oh , I love this one. We’ve all experienced people who can talk about it all day.
Don’t talk.
First show me.
Be willing to pause or stop when I have a question.
Don’t ridicule me for asking. Questions require the courage to ask.
Then let me do it.
Watch as I show you what I can do.
Make me feel safe as I try. Be patient.
Encourage me by complimenting my progress. Don’t wait for perfection to be encouraging.
Assist only when I need help.
Honor me by giving me “wait” time. That means you are willing to wait for my comprehension to blossom.
If you do it for me, I won’t learn. If you just talk about it, I will go deaf.
Talking about it doesn’t help me…at all. It just shuts down my brain and makes me feel I will never learn the skill.
The only thing talking does Is feed the ego of the talker.
Confession: My profession is teaching. I’m certain you could guess.
Thanks Duana. All I can say is Wow! I love the idea that giving people “wait time” as an expression of honor. It’s a great shift in thinking. And, you are really nailing it with how our brains shut down when someone starts telling us what to do… Great stuff.
Bravo!!!!! Action Action Action!!!!!! More listening less talking!!!
Great stuff today Dan.
Leaders ought to stop talking most of the time. Lead with actions.
Best time to speak, in response to being spoken to.
Back to basketball!!!
Good day!!!!
SP
EA ps heard something funny last night!!! “No one is wrong 100%
of the time!!!!!!” Keep talking Leaders whose results are 80% of
the folks you have around you…..you are failing, keep talking
eventually you will say something useful. hehe
Thanks Scott. As I read your comment, I thought about how people wonder how they are doing. They might not ask, but, they want to know if they are performing well and aligning with organizational culture. Helping people know where they stand is an important function of a leaders speech.
As I read your comment Dan I thought the easiest way
A person could find out how they are doing is ask.
I believe it is a symptom of our countries horrific leadership in government and business that answer is not so obvious the question does not even need to be asked.
Since things are the way they are good question.
SP
EA
Thanks for this, Dan.
My dad used to say, “empty barrels make the most noise”.
Even worse than those who talk too much but don’t act are those who comment after the fact on what was done wrong, even though they didn’t raise a hand to help, and spend more time posturing for position than actually getting things done.
Last week a new hire came to see me, quite disturbed. The person is an excellent hire, and a good senior manager, just getting on board. A senior vice president just returning from vacation took the new hire to task, questioning whether the people working for her were engaged, because they hadn’t met a deadline. She was concerned, and asked what she could have done better.
Unfortunately, there was nothing she could have done. The deadline was aspirational, set by another person a couple of weeks before she was hired. Missing it didn’t affect project outcomes, as it wasn’t on the critical path. She and her team were rightly concentrating on more important things.
The SVP, whose job it was to manage the schedule, wasn’t personally engaged enough to bother with details until his boss questioned him on the slipped date. At that point, he took the new hire aside and lashed out at her. What was really happening was that he was asserting his power in the pecking order, and using fear as a tool to obtain compliance.
This is a shame, as he has plenty of talent, and could really help make things happen – if he became part of the collective effort to move the organization forwards, rather than using the organization to advance his own personal agendas.
My dad was right.
Thanks Marc. I respect your approach, candor, and transparency. I have this pain in the pit of my stomach for all those times I spoke before I had all the facts or after the fact.
The question is, are we in this together or not? Leaders who win at the expense of others are losers, in the end.
Dear Dan,
Liked the post and its contents. A very convincing post but no that simple for putting corrective things in order when ”Talkers” are experienced lot of leaders but need to wait for the decision-makers/top management’s nod. The missing link is not ‘no mutual understanding’ or ‘the trust’ between them but the haste in which major decisions are taken without understanding the reality part of execution only the leaders know. Lack of 2-way communication is partly to be blamed.
This is a great post with many quotable quotes. Thank you for writing!
When is the best time to talk as a leader? When you’re asking open-ended questions of your team.
Bingo!
Talking without substance is just air. Action speaks louder than words. When leaders do not honour their word ,it’s better to just shut up. Talk less and set examples. If leaders want to talk, then show substance. Nowadays, there is too much noise around! It can confuse anyone!
#2 is by far the most common.
Far too many people talk about and dare to teach what they have not personally experienced.
Living in the land of theories and not an ounce of reality to back it up.
That said…we’ve all done it at least once. People often do it in complete ignorance.
Unfortunately, when it’s someone in an official leadership position who does, they have the capacity to lead far too many astray.
One of the hazards of BEING a leader/teacher. If we are wrong…we led those we taught astray.
The older I get the more comfortable with ‘teaching what I know and honesty admitting when I don’t know’.
Also, (as a side note) I’ve noticed this is far too prevalent in the coaching industry. At least here in America. I’ve ‘heard’ people SAY they teach what they need to learn. Well…my question is…WHY would anyone KNOWINGLY pay a coach money if they didn’t already KNOW what they are talking about!?
I’m not going to willingly give money to anyone who feels entitled to use me as a guinea pig while they ‘learn’ on me. That’s ridiculous how many people make big money doing exactly that!
BTW: I”m speaking in the VERY general sense here. It just occurred to me that you also said you do coaching so this was not shining a spotlight on your or your occupation. I’ve never had you as a coach! : )
Dan , Great post as usual.
leading/teaching is so multifaceted – I really dislike when someone says “I know” when you can discern by what they say they clearly don’t! Often it’s not their fault – they haven’t really felt or owned the issue for many reasons.
All of us regardless of our station in life have very limited/partial understanding.
Regarding – do it yourself” – I am often tempted by this, particularly when showing my nieces how to cook.
Reality is, I must explain in their language, step back and keep an eye and cope with the mess afterwards.
No other way but so so satisfying.
Oldie but a goodie – give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and feed him for a lifetime.
I have been on both sides of this fence, as we mature I have found teaching others goes along way! There are times we need to relinquish the power and let others grow, it becomes nice to see how nurturing can evolve into success…
There is a fine line between talking and doing. When you get a reputation as a do-er, the talkers are more than willing to step back and let you do it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is step back and require one of the talkers to step up. It can lead to some frustrations, but may be necessary.