7 Ways Quiet Leaders Get the Most From Talkers
Quiet leaders struggle with talkers. They wonder if we’ll ever shut up.
Power and position invite leaders to talk too much.
10 dangers of talkative leaders:
- Forgetfulness. By the time you stop talking, they forgot what they were going to say.
- Dis-empowerment. You make others feel unimportant.
- Confirmation. The more you talk, the more you convince themselves yourself you’re right.
- Disengagement. After a while, everyone just gives up.
- Fear. They’re afraid to make a short comment because you’ll drone on and on in response.
- Confusion. You bring up several points before asking for feedback. The silence you hear is caused by the confusion you create.
- Pressuring. Talking feels like pressure to quiet people.
- Arrogance. The longer you talk the more self-important you feel.
- Rudeness. You interrupt.
- Rabbit chasing. You take conversations/meetings in distracting directions.
5 ways quiet leaders deal with talkers in meetings:
- Interrupt them politely. Good manners become poor leadership when talkers dominate meetings.
- Address questions others before the talker begins talking. “Mary, what’s your take on this idea?”
- Stand with your back to them.
- Give everyone in the room one minute to offer their best contribution to the conversation.
- Have a tough conversation with them before the meeting.
7 Ways quiet leaders get the most from talkative team mates:
- Respect their thought processes. Talkers think and talk at the same time.
- Ask for conclusions when they start giving explanations.
- Say, “What do you want?”
- Ask, “What’s the next step?”
- Establish a natural ending by asking them to walk to your next meeting with you.
- If they ask, “Got a minute?” Tell them exactly how long you have and stick to it.
- When you cut them off, stay open to their input. Say, “I’ll be glad to continue this conversation next Tuesday.”
How might quiet leaders deal with talkative teammates?
This is interesting… I tend to be a listener, often bored by those who talk too much, I — perhaps wrongly — assume that those who talk a lot are covering lack of depth with volume of content. Often in teleconferences I hear others and wonder “did they look at the clock and believe we needed to hear their voice for x-minutes? (maybe this comment should be anonymous )
My most deep thinking boss demanded the least communication, but the best content quality. Depending on how you see this issue he either “made me” or “ruined me”,
Thanks Ken. Glad you dropped in.
As a talker, lack of depth is a possibility. Lack of depth fits into the context of we think and talk at the same time. Talking is an exploration as much as an explanation. Obviously, that’s not always the best. The idea that the more we talk the more we convince ourselves comes from personal experience as a talker and with other talkers.
Appreciate this reply.. In an organization the diversity of styles and talents are its strength 🙂
Here’s to the differences 🙂
This is excellent. So true. Often leaders think they are leading when they stand up and speak buzz words and verbiage thinking that it gives them credibility. It’s often the opposite, especially when things go wrong and they approach the press. My business is defending hospital and physicians for medical malpractice errors. I also provide their med mal insurance programs. To often the CEO is the least qualified to approach the public and and press. However, with good intentions, they often do. CEOs need to be humble enough to recognize when to step back, tone it down, speak the facts in common language, and delegate.
I recently attended a seminar on leadership skills and one of the most crucial lessons that I came away with was, as you say them importance of really Listening to people. Thanks for the relatable points.
I actually needed this because I am a leader who talks to much and have ruined working relationships because of it. I would like to re-post on http://www.pooranneprojects.wordpress.com
I’m a talker myself. When a talker is taking up all the airtime in a meeting, I meet with him privately and ask his cooperation on a strategy. I’m direct: he has lots of great ideas, but no one else is getting a chance to talk. I say, “Look, I know you are a fountain of ideas – write them down during the meeting instead of talking. But I need a little more airspace in the room for slower talkers.”
I tell them that I use that technique myself, because I talk too much if I don’t have somewhere to put all the dialogue (monologue?) busting out of me. It puts us on the same side of the issue, says I DO value their ideas, but that I need their help in getting others to contribute as well.
Thank you. This was most helpful.
Excellent! Wonderful advice. Thank you!
Thanks for the post. Agree on the 10 dangers point. Useful tips for reflection as well! 🙂
Dan
This is a challenge across organizations and is probably dealt best when address upfront.
Some approaches that can help are:
1.Ask them to pen down/shoot a brief email on the key points before a meeting.(writing helps to clarify thoughts and give it some structure)
2. Give them a minute at the start of the meeting to state/declare the desired outcome ( helps bring the conversation back on track each time there is a digression)
3. Continue to make them aware of their great ideas and how brevity could make it even more impactful
4. Grab the bull by the horns when necessary and make the person aware(privately) as to how their excessive talking is actually making them ineffective and unpopular.
5. Encourage, appreciate and reward active listeners to drive that as a desired behavior
I am a quiet leader. Yes I wonder when the talked will stop talking so we can get to solutions. Something I like to use is a “gatekeeper”. I make a statement at the beginning of the meeting or when I send out an agenda…”to respect everyone’s time and workload, the time allotted for a discussion is limited. Therefore, I have appointed a time gatekeeper to assure that everyone will have an opportunity to contribute”. Works pretty well.
Well, sometimes all the talking had been done, and led to nowhere. So at this point someone stands up and says “Does anyone have any other ideas?”
At this time, when all the conventional solutions have either failed or had been ruled out, is the time to present the “out there” innovative ideas.
And,it seems that innovative ideas need a lot more communication than conventional ideas,
In proposing these, the communicator needs to identify and change the listeners’ frame of reference, often provide new knowledge, connect some previously unconnected points in data, and offer up approaches that probably will break some ‘rules’.
All this and more simply requires more words! Even if one is an introvert…like myself.
And, I wish you would answer my email….
Regards
my challenge is a team member who is talkative , very plausible and persuavive. its only when people go away from meetings that they realise they didn’t get what they thought they had!
“Dis-empowerment. You make others feel unimportant.” – that is one weakness I have had for a long time and trying to work on. Great read Ken!
HI, great post. Lots of practical ideas that quiet leaders can use. Other suggestions for getting talkative people to “share the air time” are: using a talking stick, set an agenda and stick to it and agree on and use some ground rules. Cheers!