7 Ways to Survive Dissatisfaction
The trouble with wanting more is disappointment with what you have and frustration with what you don’t have.
How you deal with lack of resources and falling short determines the direction and quality of your leadership.
Dissatisfied:
You aren’t a leader if all you think about is what you lack, what you don’t have, or how you’re falling short.
Negative jerks don’t:
- Celebrate progress.
- Honor effort.
- Provide room for development.
Satisfied:
Press for more and:
- Work with what you have, not what you wish you had. You won’t get more until you use what you have. Dreaming gets in the way when it prevents progress. “Face reality as it is, not as it was, or as you wish it to be,” Jack Welch. Stopping wishing; start working.
- Focus on simple behaviors that align with goals. Begin having short one-on-ones in order to support and monitor progress, for example. Let go of the idea that dramatic progress is the result of dramatic behaviors.
- Honor dedication, commitment, and hard work. Honoring effort encourages more effort.
- Ask, “How can I help.” Disengaged leaders, who set high standards, demoralize the troops. Engaged leaders support teammates. The former CEO of Campbell’s, Doug Conant, made a career of asking, “How can I help.”
- Enjoy the process. Negative leaders are so consumed with where they’re going that they can’t enjoy where they are. People connect with leaders who are happy and pity those who aren’t.
- Rejuvenate once in awhile.
- Find points of gratitude.
The way you navigate tensions between now and not-yet determines the quality of your leadership.
What strategies enable leaders to find satisfaction even while they are dissatisfied?
I constantly ask outsiders what they see. In other words sometimes we can feel like we are missing the mark or failing because we see what we don’t have. Yet our customers, partitioners, clients, or spectators do not see what we don’t have. They simply see what we have and offer. If we’re failing in what we have then we will never achieve what we don’t have.
Thanks J. Love it! Get an outside perspective. One one hand, I can be grateful that customers are happy. On the other hand, I can press to be better.
J: Excellent and insightful comment. A guest sees more in an hour…than a host in a year. Perhaps this is why consultants and coaches are important and necessary. Yet, to fully appreciate the critique of outsiders, leaders must be grounded in “how far they’ve come,” not where they are. For most people generally–and leaders specifically–I believe the first step toward getting somewhere is they decide that they are not going to stay where they are.
I like to point out how well a team is working together and leveraging each other’s assets, especially when managing unexpected risks and hiccups. Encouraging the team to reach to each other when they are stuck or feeling unmotivated keeps the ball rolling and everyone happier in most cases.
Thanks James. What I enjoy about your insight is I can put it to use today. There’s something to be said for honoring the process more than honoring the result.
Take a look back. What have you accomplished previously that seemed impossible at the time? Sometimes when a big challenge looms, I have to revisit previous successes to give myslef courage to keep on going.
Remember when we accomplished xyz? If we could do that with the resources we had back then, we surely can accomplish this new challenge with our current talent.
It is the same with students. When they are feeling discouraged with a big challenge, remind them of a previous triumph. We all sometimes forget our successes when we are facing a new mountain. It is the leader’s job to remind people of their past successes. We eat an elephant one bite at a time. Every bite counts. Every effort makes a difference. Sometimes success comes in increments.
It is more satisfying and exciting when one person can suddenly unlock the key to the polio vaccine. But beating cancer is seemingly a battle of increments. It has taken decades, thousands of brilliant minds, and billions of dollars. But the goal is too important to ignore no matter what the effort. We must celebrate each success of every person along the way.
Thanks Dauna. Powerful. You remind me of an author who said that telling a story is a powerful way to encourage or motivate. Rather than just saying, “You can do it,” tell them a story of when they DID it… or when you did it. 🙂
You’re the best, Dan. With your thousands of readers, you still notice when I’m missing in action and even remember a thing or two that I’ve said. I feel valued & that is one of the biggest compliments I can give.
Thanks Dan, It’s easy to see in others but I many times fail to see how my attitude is coming across. My Team meeting tomorrow is changing from this is what you have to do, to how can I help you get to where you want to go.
Thanks Daniel. You’re echoing Doug Conant’s approach. He seems to be a leader who understands the tension between tough and tender. Best wishes.
Powerful
Thanks
Dissatisfaction should come from lack of effort never from lack of success. Motivate the team to try and it is only time that stands in the way. Articulate your “joy of work” and see results that encourage others to try harder. Dissatisfaction is personal and if one focuses on the team it becomes less relevant. Collaborative strength dismantles dissatisfaction. The team that works together is always satisfied regardless of outcome. The value of outcome is in the process and that is where all can be satisfied. Stay the course, learn, regroup, and start again. Affirmation by the leader is fuel for the task. Satisfaction is a state of mind not of action.
Thanks Al. Your comment packs a powerful punch. The sense I get from you is to focus on the process and results follow.
Dissatisfaction with the way things are represents one of the driving forces for change. Cognitive Dissonance suggests that we are motivated to close the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Personal histories and perceived skill sets influence how large a gap can be seen as “closable.” Most professionals (like the readers herein) have pretty good confidence around closing these gaps and making “continuous continuous improvement” in most things — what we need is simple: Perspective.
Have fun out there.
.
Thanks Dr. Scott. You are absolutely right. What I’ve found is dissatisfaction is easy. Responding to dissatisfaction like a leader is not so easy. Can’t beat the continuous, continuous improvement approach.
Dan, I really like this. I have found though that one dissatisfied leader or manager can make even the most satisfied people underneath them unhappy. One bad apple can ruin the bushel, and one dissatisfied person can damage a company and the lives of people they are responsible for.
John;
Unfortunatley you are so rite. There was a time when I would debate this position. Then I grew up, enterted the world of the working , and experienced the devasting effects of even one disatisfied, discruntled employee, ‘especially if it’s THE BOSS’!
Attitudes are contagious, make sure you infect others positivley…
SGT Steven L Drake
Thanks John. I agree with you. Bad is stronger than good. The ability to demoralize people is incredibly easy. It takes work to build positive environments. But, any fool can bring people down.
Good morning Dan
Isn’t it ‘so-o’ true, “we always want what we do not have”. We all do this a bit. Trouble is, many allow this distraction to cause us to forget or over look what we do have. Leadership is about taking the team you got, finding ways build on and enhance THEIR skills and talents, and develope them into a ‘Cohesive Problem Solving Machine’!
The successful leader must not waste a moment of time worrying about what he does not have. Time itself is becoming a rare comodity. Wasting time on these worries is wasted time you will never get back. Oh yea, and in the meantime, problems grow, assignments go unffinished, and goals are never met on time ‘if’ met at all.
Young and new team members need time and space to grow and learn from mistakes. Mistakes are a great learning tool for both leader and employee. The obvious effect, “we learn what not to do again”. But much more importantly, your people learn “it’s alright to try something new, to think outside the box, to change exsisting outdated approaches and required protocals, and of cource make a mistake. (BUT), this will ‘never’ happen if you continually beat people over the head with the mistakes WE ALL inevitablely make. A true leader understands the importance of bolstering confidence in the young and inexperienced. They do so by looking for ways to encourage, to give public acolades for effort instead of always waiting to celebrate ‘THE B I G VICTORIES’. (Praise in public, punish in private)
Being a good leader is alot like being a good parent. You love your people and what they do while protecting them as parent would their children. You steer them away from obvious danger, you allow them to make mistakes (because you know thats how you learned), “that’s how we all learn”. You create learning opportunities for them grow and build confidence. And maybe the most important thing the successful leader does is clearly convey their confidence in their people.
People and teams who know they have the support and confidence of a competent leader can do ‘Amazing things’!
I’d love continue Dan but I must go .
GOOD ONE AGAIN MY FREIND ! ! !
“Cheers”
Thanks SGT. I can see this one got you fired up. 🙂
Adding the issue of time to the conversation is fascinating.
You express a neglected, yet necessary aspect of leading, doing things that feel like support to the team. Cheers
I fall back on my grandfather’s best advice. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are and do it right now. Then see if you need anything more to get it done.”
My grandfather, like you Dan, was able to distill an issue down to what was important and then communicate effectively. Great post.
Thanks Kelly. You had a wise grandfather. Now, if we can follow his advice??
These types of leaders also find ways to commemorate the good times.
Thanks Joe. Nothing like a reminder of good times to strengthen us for bad times.
The way you navigate tensions between now and not-yet determines the quality of your leadership. Great summary sentence Dan!
Diana
Thanks Diana. It feels good to receive a good word from you. Best to you.
The feeling of dissatisfaction about where we are and the vision of where we want to be are the seeds that can help us grow. One without the other doesn’t help! Thanks for this reminder 🙂
Bravo Dan! It is so easy to get “wrapped around the axle” in our world of challenge. We often strive for more and focus so much on forward momentum that we fail to appreciate where we are. Progression is and should always be an endeavor but not at the price of losing appreciation for what we have.
Thanks Brent. Just have to say that I love “wrapped around the axle.” 🙂