She Found Her Power
She felt blindsided and unprepared when she finally heard about a festering issue on the team. Why was she the last to know? Being new to supervision made it even worse.
The solution you give is not as good as the one they find.
Problems have many solutions.
The conversation:
I asked her, “What would you like?”
“I’d like people to feel comfortable enough to come to me with issues.”
“Why is that important?”
She thought a moment and said, “I don’t want to feel blindsided.”
Energy sank the more we talked about the problem. A question shifted her focus from problems to solutions.
“How could you help people feel comfortable coming to you?” I asked.
“Build a relationship with them.” she replied.
I asked, “How might you build a relationship with them?”
She said, “I could take the people on my team to lunch. But I’m concerned about what others will think.”
I asked, “What will others think?”
“They’ll think I’m playing favorites.”
“How might you solve the playing favorites problem?” I asked.
“I could take them all to lunch.” She replied smiling.
I asked, “Would you do this as a group or individually?”
“Individually.”
The decision:
She was fascinated with the possibilities. She settled on the idea of a quarterly lunch with each direct report.
I asked, “What will you talk about on these lunches?” I watched the light go out of her eyes when she replied, “Work.”
“May I offer a suggestion?”
“Sure.”
“What if you go to lunch and just talk about them, not work?”
She lit up, “You mean I can do that?”
Progress:
The goal isn’t optional but which path you take is. Quarterly lunches aren’t “the” solution to creating open environments. They’re a step. She found her way forward. She found her power.
What are the dangers of solving problems for others?
How might leaders help others find their own solutions?
Dan,
People need to think on their own as 1 day you may not be there, by giving them the answers, they tend to shy away from their own abilities. You can direct them to sources for the answers which encourages them that they can do it!
Thanks Tim. The best scenario is you don’t have to be there. 🙂
Direct people to people or resources that help them find their own answer helps.
Great questions. Excellent conclusion. I think there’s value in taking the whole team to lunch, but also in taking them each to lunch one person at a time. Whenever I have a new team, I find a way to spend one on one time with each person, lunch or a long drive to a meeting or ensuring we sit together on the plane…. and to talk about stuff other than work. Getting to know someone at a deeper level is the best way to build trust. For some that will be easier one on one than in a group.
Thanks Karin. What isn’t in this post is her boss was sitting in a chair next to her. Her boss would probably prefer a different approach but she nodded her approval when this new supervisor came up with her own plan. How awesome is that?
“Getting to know someone at a deeper level is the best way to build trust.” Golden!
Being a relational leader, knowing who your direct reports are, opens communication lines.
Thanks Peggy. I’m glad you added the term “relational leader.” It’s important to see that this person wants to lead through relationships.
True coaching! Advice is toxic. She had the brilliance to find her own solutions. We all do!
Thanks Dayna… In that context leaderships role is keeping everyone focused on the same goal.
Great coaching, great questions! asking the right questions will lead people to their right anwers. How do you think this questioning could be applied in our own inner talk for personal growing?
Thanks Luis. Your question is intriguing. How can we coach ourselves? I suppose we could ask ourselves the questions we would ask others. But, this seems more like self-reflection.
There’s something powerful about having someone ask and listen.
I loved watching the progression of how you went from one question to the next. Very enlightening.
How could a leader with remote direct reports create similar connections when lunch is not so feasible on a quarterly basis? Multi-person video game with live chat? 😀
Thanks James. What an interesting question. How might connections be forged when teams never meet in person? Maybe they don’t even want to connect??
Some depends on the time-span people are working together. Short-term projects make it even more difficult.
Could we do things on video that we do in person? Ask, everyone to share a recent win or a current project they’re working on. Ask them to share something others on the video wouldn’t know.
The problem is this might feel awkward because it usually doesn’t happen.
I wonder how others have strengthened the connections on virtual teams?
Too often I find that people are “stuck” in a situation because they are uncomfortable and unsure of what to do or what would be appropriate and permissible. They are likely uncomfortable and unsure because they never realized that they would need to know how to handle a situation, or how to create a desirable environment. As your post suggests, all it took was a simple conversation where she was asked simple questions to develop and present her ideas. During the conversation she was affirmed that it would be appropriate and that she really could do so, and the only feedback were positive, gentle suggestions.
This is a great example of enabling and instilling confidence and support. Often, people won’t ask for this feedback because “it isn’t that important” or “my boss/mentor is really busy and it can wait” or “I’m not sure how to approach this”.
Trickle-down economics can be debated, but trickle-down leadership and mentorship are proven and necessary for optimal personal and inter-relational growth. If her leader provided a solid example on how to foster this environment, and was there supporting growth on a personal level, this may have turned out differently.
Thanks John. You put a new term in my vocabulary. “Trickle-down leadership” 🙂
Too many times as leaders we feel we need to jump in and fix the problem. I’ve heard it called “Fire Fighter” syndrome. We swoop in and stop a blaze but really don’t delve into what started the fire and how it can be changed in the future so it doesn’t ignite again.
If we listen to those that are leading us and help them arrive at their own conclusions rather than suggesting our own solutions to their problems the outcome is that we empower those working with us: in their own eyes as well as the eyes of those working under their supervision. Thanks Dan!
Thanks Lance. The need to fix is the most important need to overcome when it comes to helping people find their own answer.
I imagine that your exercise will continue in her daily routine – she will continue to ask her own questions that will propel her and her team toward success. Great exercise!
A complicated problem with a simple and practical solution. Great Dan!. I entirely agree that lunch session alone may not help. If anything it helps to build rapport. She needs to sustain this through work . if required help the team, lead by example etc; Above all stand up for the team.
You have raised a question on solving others problem. At what cost ? Let us not forget that by tending to solve others problem, we take on what is not our domain. Plus it can lead to a stage where people will forget problem solving ability This leads us to the second part. By guiding others to a point where they gather the ability to face problems, think of possible solutions etc; leaders can help Handholding to some extent is ok.
Youre doing the so-called “socratic approach”, which is excellent! Amazing work, keep it up 🙂
Very well written . It will be a long process.
How will her employees react to this at first?
Without trust those people will be reluctant to talk about themselves .
Dangers of solving problems for others :
-People become lazy and less involved in their work .
-Less innvoation and idea sharing
– Problem solving skills and critical thinking abilities are not developed in employees
– Reliance on one person i.e. supervisor or leader
Solution:
Leaders should have the patiance to teach others and to give them the chance to try and come up with solutions and give them the environment to make mistakes and learn .Balance will be needed along with time and efforts .
I agree with MK if the leader makes all the decisions no one is growing in the organization. We must give people room to grow and make mistakes. By fostering such an environment new leaders will develop and take the organization to new heights!