Courage to Take a Different Path
The most frightening thing in life is reaching for what lies deepest in your heart. You won’t get there alone.
Mentors ignite courage and fuel progress.
This post is based on my conversation with Linda Rottenberg the cofounder and CEO of Endeavor, the world’s leading organization devoted to identifying, mentoring, and investing in fast-growing businesses and author of “Crazy is a Compliment.”
Courage:
“You go to mentors when you’re really scared.” Linda Rottenberg
Mentors help us find courage to take a different path or face new challenges. They understand the path ahead. But, more important, they understand us.
The birth of courage happens when you confront fear.
Refocus:
“At some point I started to realize that my challenges as a leader were really more internal.” Linda Rottenberg.
Find mentors who speak to heart issues. Technical experience and skills are useful but the real issues are emotional.
In her own words. The issues are mainly emotional (1:55):
Two roles of successful mentors:
Tough love
“The first role of mentor is tough love.” Linda Rottenberg
The greatest gift you give is often the toughest one to hear. Great mentors tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear.
A kick in the pants is often the tipping point of your journey.
In her own words (1:39):
Vulnerability
Profound influence is more about frailty than strength. Connections are built when you expose the ups and downs of your personal journey.
Let people see your struggle if you want to help them with theirs.
In her own words. Less superman (1:47):
What have you learned about being a mentor?
What have you learned about finding mentors?
Hear Linda Rottenberg present at the World Business Forum in New York City Oct 7, 2014. Use discount code LDRFREAK to save $200 on registration.
Buy “Crazy is a Compliment.”
Dan,
Yes sometimes we are our own worst critics, we hold back, fearing the worst, not realizing the best. If you believe in yourself, possess the courage and fortitude to pursue you can make it, on the other hand sometimes we fail at which point, don’t give “try and try again”. Sometimes it takes baby steps to take the big step. No one says you have to do it all today when pursuing your journey. Cheers
Thanks Tim. A good mentor is a person who helps us face our inner critic. 🙂 Glad you stopped in.
Dan, mentors can indeed change the trajectory of one’s development.
I have been blessed to have had a few amazing mentors along the way, who helped me emerge and grow in ways I was not consciously aware were possible. They challenged my outspoken and at times know-it-all, inner critic, making space for a paradoxically stronger and yet more timid, aspirational voice inside to emerge! What a gift and blessing it is to have mentors who can help us see, hear and have the courage to believe and pursue our own dreams and possibilities! Thanks for this inspiring post.
Have a great day! Lori
Thanks Lori. We grow and learn when we connect with others.
I have the “gift of knowledge” (Know it all) it’s the one thing that most hinders growth. Whenever someone give me a glimpse of that side of myself, I’m thankful. (even if it does hurt)
I love the less Superman clip. In the real world, people do not go to the flawless superhero leader, they go to the one that they think can offer empathy. I am ordering the book!
Thanks Sarah. Yes! Isn’t that great?
Real mentors help us hold up the mirror. Not the one we glance at every day in the bathroom, but the one that shows every detail – inside and out – of our capabilities and struggles. I love the quote, “Find mentors who speak to heart issues. Technical experience and skills are useful but the real issues are emotional.” A good mentor leaves the mirror up until we see to the heart.
Thanks Jo. One of the things I enjoy doing is being a mirror who affirms a person. Yesterday a client told me their plan to address an issue. It was so obvious to me – the outsider – that they were functioning within their real identity. I said, you plan seem to really fit you.
We can hold the mirror up to affirm as well as confront.
Couldn’t agree more, Jo. Sometimes, when surrounded by ALL the tactical, strategic, and technological in our business world, you can feel like a voice in the wilderness talking about ‘heart’ issues. It is my experience, however, the ‘heart’ is where we live and where we can make the biggest impact for/with others.
Best…Jim
I was fortunate this year to be recognized by my professional association for my mentoring of others. What I found most humbling was the individuals who spoke to me after the presentations. They told me that something I had said made a difference to them. (Many things I don’t remember any longer). I heard “I always remembered that” or “you really helped me” and “I always enjoying seeing you at our meetings.” Mentoring requires that we are mindful of what we say and how we say it because it makes the difference. It was a powerful experience for me. I’ve learned much from those whom I’ve mentored.
Thanks Teresa. Congratulations on your recognition. Mentoring is one way to find deep fulfillment in life. Best wishes
Congratulations, Teresa, that is awesome! You are so right about what we learn from those we mentor. I look it kind of like the ‘Johnny Appleseed’ of mentoring. We plant seeds, even seeds we don’t know we’re planting. Sometimes we are there to nurture, water, and care for those seeds, and sometimes those seeds are nurtured long after our physical presence is gone. Doesn’t matter, those are the gifts we give of freely in hopes they will grow into something incredible for the individual, for their families, community…and maybe, just maybe, for the world. Keep doing well!
Best…Jim
This is true, my mentor is a very emotional and kind person. That’s what most I like it connection to strike up with him. Is a complementary mirror in mny ways for personal growth, our relationship is fed from the experiences we share. He is a being with a extraordinary “internal wealth” always concerned about giving back. It’s a blessing that has come into my life like the foundation that sends me, the mentoring relationship is very refreshing!
Thanks almaabiertaproject. Doesn’t it feel great to have a generous person on your team?
Thanks Dan! Yes! My mentor is my friend and support. Really we are a team 🙂
Good morning Dan;
Useful post today my freind. As Co-Chairman of our Mentor Committee, I realize the vast importance of a solid Mentor Program.
You must seek out and indentify individuals who posess a sincere desire and ability to help others grow and reach their full potential. Choosing worthy candidates to serve as mentors is the first step. For me personally, ‘Character’ is the most important trait to concider when choosing mentors. The individual must be one of integrity. Their track record must be one of absolute reliability. Concideration must be taken when matching the mentor/mentee. Arrogance has ‘NO’ place in this equation. Arrogance causes others to shut down. The mentor has to concider not just the content of the message, but how the MENTEE ‘perceives’ the message. There are four basic learning styles which require the mentor to honestly evaluate if they are the best match for tjhe mentee.
Humility also come’s into play. If your a mentor, or aspire to become one, remember what I refer to as the mentors ‘Golden-Rule’, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU JACK! It’s all about helping the mentee overcome the challenges they face while helping them realize their special skills and talents. When you place people in positions to utilize their strengthes, confidence begins to flourish.
During my life I have mentored many and quite frankly find that each time I find the experience to be a learning one for me as well.
Sorry Dan I’m at work and something came up. “GOTA GO”!!!
P.S. This is a good one Dan, I couyld go on and on. May be back later.
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
Clark Kent or Superman – what a great ‘tool’!
I have mentored individuals and teams of beginners. One of my first men-tees and I have progressed out of those roles. Recently I was listening to, and gave input on some serious struggles his team was having with strategies to solve a problem. After reflecting on the conversations, I sent a text – this was part of our exchange: “Hey, I want to apologize for being one more voice in your head telling you what you should do instead of supporting you in your own problem solving.” Reply – “That’s okay, It’s a collaborative job we have.” I felt like I had been Superman in the meeting and wanted to relieve that by step back into that Clark Kent spot. Great analogy to use for that quick mental check!
Thanks, Dan. My former boss, now retired, spoke directly to me about the good and the bad–sometimes very directly. Those are life lessons now. She was a subtle mentor whose intent was always sincerely to help and to improve the organization.
One of the challenges is finding a good mentor who will really assist you in rising to your full potential. I know that I really appreciate Michael Bernoff as my mentor.
The observation about “kick in the pants” is a good one. The first step comes on the mentee side of the table by saying “I’m up to feedback and looking for ways to change.”