3 Ways to Help Fakers Come Clean
She ended up saying, “I don’t really think I need anything.”
She didn’t need to develop, others did.
She was already functioning at maximum potential. She didn’t need to explore options, gain new perspective, or more fully utilize her strengths.
I thanked her for her calling and wished her well.
When you pretend you have it all together you end up falling apart.
Fakers:
- Avoid tough issues and pretend everything’s under control. Elephants-in-the-room thrive where fakers live.
- Don’t dare say no.
- Have all the answers but none of the questions.
- Point to others when things go wrong.
- Never have meaningful weaknesses.
You don’t improve when you pretend you have it all together.
Encouragement to fake:
Traditional management monitors, controls, and corrects. Heaven forbid you don’t know the answers or can’t do everything perfectly the first time.
Traditional management invites distrust – distrust invites faking – fakers don’t grow.
Coaching-leaders replace correction and punishment with development.
3 ways to help fakers come clean:
Controlling-leaders invite skepticism and distrust.
People dare stop faking when bosses have their best interests at heart.
- Treat people like humans not tools.
- Learn about and affirm their aspirations.
- Follow up on conversations. “How’s that going?”
- Celebrate their wins.
- Share your journey.
- Lessons learned from failure.
- Things you’re learning now. When you share something you’re learning let others know you haven’t arrived.
- Personal aspirations for yourself and the organization.
- Engage them in the process.
- If you’re learning to be a coach, invite feedback.
- Ask for input and options. How would you solve this issue?
- Maintain a forward-facing approach. What’s next?
How might leaders create environments of trust?
*The original idea for this post hit me while reading, “Coaching for Engagement,” by Bob Hancox, Russell Hunter, and Kristann Boudreau.
I’m excited to partner with Clarity Development Consulting to offer the proven “Coaching for Engagement” program. Drop me an email if you’d like to explore Bob Hancox and me coming to your organization to begin developing a coaching culture in your organization.
Lead by performance, so others can follow! Convey the sense they own the process too!
We are all in this together scenario as long as we support each other, coach when needed, stand back when we are not needed and let others show their Leadership as well.
Thanks Tim. Lead by performance. In other words, do what you say and don’t ask others to do what you wouldn’t. Sounds like trustworthy behavior to me.
Well done Dan! We all know fakers in our organizations–and have likely been one, at one time. I appreciate your appeal to engage others in the journey. The shoulder-to-shoulder time is where life happens. If we are faking it, we are only lying to ourselves and eroding our potential.
Thanks Bruce. You reminded me that there is no “shoulder to shoulder” for fakers. We we fake it we build walls that keep others out. It’s a lonely place to be.
I would emphasize 100-fold that communicating about your own failures and lessons learned is ESSENTIAL to earning trust. And not just 1:1, but in broad team/company communications. I wish I did it more myself. Recommitting today.
Thanks James. I think focusing on the lessons learned from failure, more than just the failure, is helpful. It’s one thing to say, “I’m a failure,” it’s another to say, “I’ve learned from failure that…”
Oh, she called me too 😉
In so many organizations faking it is almost encouraged. “never let them see you sweat.” “don’t tell the execs how worried you are, we’ll get this fixed.” “why did you bring THAT up, we have this.” You offer really sound advice here. I hope this goes viral.
Thanks Karin. Good one!
“In so many organizations faking it is almost encouraged.” That’s golden!
I know I’ve let myself feel the pressure to be “super-Dan” because the boss expected it. Let’s face it, in some organizations, if you let them see you sweat, you’re a goner.
This is definitely one of your best Dan. I love the three ways to make fakers come clean. I hope a former boss of mine reads this Post. Too many leaders have that me and them mentality. They forget they were once a “tool”.
Thanks Sarah. I appreciate the good word. It’s true. Once you earn a leadership position, it’s easy to forget that people are humans. All you think about is get it done.
Not §ure Where I Fit In..But I Love Ur Read§..In§piring…Faker§..Will ÇrumBull..Do kNOt Wa§te Valuable TiMe…Thanx A Million!…Susan
Thanks Susan. We hurt ourselves when we fake it. truth
Love it, Dan. It really made me think and reflect. What a powerful use of web space.
Thanks Donna. This morning I remembered that it took me years before I finally said “no” to my boss. It wasn’t pretty. Why did it take so long? I was living the “super-Dan” myth.
I like this topic a lot! Personally I think we leaders should open up with our fellow team members. I like the engaging part you explain. I feel that triggers a lot of trust. But honest engagements are necessary. Straight from your inner self. Thanks Dan.
Thanks Dennis. Your comment exemplifies a “straight from the inner self” approach. 🙂
I shared the 3 ways with my trainers as thoughts to remember and apply in the classroom. One of the best ways to support change in an organization is to apply it in all areas by making it real and applicable. We had a great discussion!
Great post. Most of us have been victims of the traditional management systems. Vulnerability is never strength in those circumstances, when admitting to failure or not knowing will have tremendous negative consequences
I think it is very important to note Dan did not say “Get rid of all fakers immediately!” And because he did not say that, and also because Dan gives us ways to not only expose and “develop” the fakers among us, I infer we should trust our hiring instincts and judgments in the first place.
What if “fakers” were an example of negative staff members at one extreme, and at the other extreme was another kind of staff member whose performance and attitude was hampered because of their own “imposter” feelings and beliefs about themselves: They feel they don’t quite deserve their success or are fully qualified to do what they do… a phenomenon where high-functioning people feel like frauds waiting for someone to realize they’re unfit for the roles and (perhaps leadership) positions they’re already in. Let’s call it “Imposter Syndrome.”
And, what if these persons who feel like impostors are actually exceptionally capable and it’s their self-image that’s off. Feeling “like” an impostor is different than “being” an impostor. Feelings are not facts. The fact is when successful people feel like imposters, they are actually experiencing “success syndrome”—when what’s really in question is the distinction between how we are valuable…not how valuable we are.
We all have had moments when we’ve needed to fake confidence or sell an idea that was thrown together at the last minute. The difference might be that impostors tend to continue to focus on thoughts like, “that was all an act,” which leaves them feeling fraudulent, or not at ease, or lacking in self-belief. And fakers continue to feign their knowledge and ability via an attitude that is also fake.
Dan I like your use of curiosity with the fakers and think this curiosity can be used to test their assumptions about their abilities in a constructive way and can also be used in the same way with impostors. In my experience impostors make lots of assumptions around their inadequacies and I think fakers do too – if these assumptions are not tested – requires getting curious – how are these would be ‘frauds’ going to gain clarity and realize their truth value and/or potential?
Hi Kathy, Jan and Cheryl: Thank you for your insight into this “fakers” post Dan wrote about and the “imposters” comment I responded with. The points you three make–I believe–are all salient and highly pragmatic. When I added my response about the imposters, I was thinking about how so many successful and highly capable persons were living lives of quiet desperation that perhaps were perceived by managers and others as “fakers,” or unfulfilled staff members–and thus shunned in the workplace. Imposters are not exposed and cannot be helped per se, but must come to their own realization sooner or later that what they achieve is who they are.
On the other hand, leaders and managers are always faced with staff members who “fake” in some for or another…their knowledge, attitude, performance, interpersonal skills, etc. And, as Dan says, they can and should be exposed and helped.
Like you guys say, who cares, “Fake it until you make it.” And, irrespective of whether one is a faker or an imposter, “If one doesn’t know something, ask someone who does.” Oh, that all-powerful word, curiosity, is a leadership tool not oft deployed: When a leader awakens to a bit of curiosity to evaluate what fakers and imposters really know or don’t know–in the sincere quest for betterment–everyone wins when the truth is known and potential is unleashed.
Thanks guys.
My comment is, that if you have someone who knows how to fake it till they make it, you have a confidant player! Worth their weight…! in my experience.
It’s learning to say, “I don’t know, but let me find you someone who does.” Sometimes it’s ok if you don’t know something; you just need to know where to look for answers. It’s good customer service, and good for learning that thing you didn’t know about.
Wow love it! Makes you think of past instances