16 Ways to Lead Through Sadness
Some of the world’s great leaders held hands with sadness, Lincoln and Churchill for example. It wouldn’t surprise me if you do too.
Sadness isn’t the end of leadership. It may be a beginning.
Sorrow precedes birth.
Happiness confirms, but moving through sadness transforms. Happiness wants more of the same. Sadness cries for change.
Sorrow is a normal response to not getting what you want.
5 dangers of sadness:
- Lost vision.
- Feeling helpless.
- Anger.
- Bitterness.
- Isolation.
Sadness is often the first phase in transformation.
16 ways to lead through sadness:
- Bring up issues “happy” people like to ignore.
- Limit your exposure to blood sucking vampires.
- Look for things to praise. You spend too much time looking for problems, disappointments, and things to fix.
- Set personal boundaries.
- Clarify what you want.
- Focus on things within your control.
- Take action to create what you want.
- Allow yourself time. Sadness, like happiness, is part of life.
- Listen.
- Believe life has purpose.
- Spend money on experiences not things.
- Rest. Sometimes, the message of sadness is stop, or at least slow down.
- Develop deep friendships. You’ll have to open up for this to happen.
- Reach out to people. Don’t wait for them to come to you.
- Be grateful.
- Reward others.
Bonus: Take walks. Exercise.
12 benefits of moving through sadness:
- Intensified empathy.
- Enhanced connection. We connect around frailty and vulnerability. Publicly share your story after you move through sadness.
- Increased humility.
- Strengthened gentleness.
- Magnified grit.
- Elevated maturity.
- Distilled friendships. Those who move with you through sadness, love you.
- Opened hearts and minds.
- Expanded insight into others.
- Heightened quietness, reflection, and calmness of spirit.
- Fortified integrity.
- Multiplied impact. Lessons learned in sadness multiply your ability to serve others.
Warnings:
Don’t expect others to solve your sadness.
Don’t share your sadness with everyone. Some can’t bear it. Others, disrespect you for it.
How might leaders deal with sadness?
What has sadness taught you?
I love that your words about sadness make me hopeful and happy. And I’d have to agree that sadness has brought me a deeper and almost instinctual level of empathy by default. It’s an asset that’s near impossible to measure but I’ve seen the positive impact on both my life and the life of those around me so many times.
Thanks James. What a great thing to say. I suppose sadness is one of those dangerous emotions. If we aren’t careful we can slip off the edge. But, some of the best things in our lives began with sadness. For, leadership freak began after sadness. 🙂
I think teams that work through this bond very deeply
Thanks Bill. So true. Working through sadness WITH people is powerful. I have some friends who have been with me through thick and thin. It’s one of the joys of my life.
This is a very interesting post, sadness is not often talked about in Leadership circles.. Sadness is an emotion that is difficult to get ahead of and when there is a grief component that requires time (healing). Sadness can take us to a very good place of constructive reflection, asking ourselves “how can I build from here?” Or a destructive place “how can I EVER build from here?” (desperation) Referencing your #13 and 14 as leaders I think this is a time we allow (trusted) others to “come along side” to be a sounding board, hear our sensitivity and gently move through places of vulnerability.
Thanks Ken. It’s great that you point out the potential usefulness or danger of sadness. The elevation of relationships can’t be over emphasized.
Hi Dan,
Thank you so much for writing this post because as Ken Mason said, it’s not often acknowledged in leadership circles or considered a part of success, even though all of us go through life’s ups and downs.
There is a lot of talk and even a presumption about developing PTSD after a traumatic event and I guess this probably goes beyond sadness but I wanted to share that people can also experience post traumatic growth and really go on to turn their tragedy into a world changing thing. Australia’s Australian of the Year 2015 is Rosie Batty whose son was killed by her violent ex-husband when he was playing weekend cricket. Rosie has become a very vocal opponent of Domestic Violence and has made inroads in a short space of time which are nothing short of a miracle.
I also saw interviews with the survivors of the Sydney terrorist siege last week and they have found comfort by turning to each other and have built an incredible bond which is helping them get through the aftermath. They didn’t know each other beforehand and were largely kept apart during the siege so it’s something that’s developed afterwards. That understanding of a shared experience.
When I feel sadness now, I try to do something about it. Write in my journal, send someone an email or a card to encourage them and remind them they are not alone in their struggle. I get out of the house and try to exercise or just go somewhere serene. I am not always mobile. I also have my two dogs and my family although my family is not as emotional as me and don’t really get this part of myself so I tend to look elsewhere and have actually developed some meaningful friendships though my blog.
The other thing is that we should expect challenges, hardships and struggles in life and not just expect to be happy alll the time and as we go through these periods know to persevere because things will either improve or we will learn to live withwhatever it is better and slowly move forward.
Hope this helps xx Rowena
Sadness is sometimes needed to reflect back upon during happiness. It can teach many the need for empathy as well as gratefulness.
Rowena makes a great point is recognizing an antidote for sadness can often be stepping outside of sadness by bringing happiness to others. Sometimes when I am struggling for a transformation I will do something or post something opposite of my negative thoughts. It always lifts me up to see that others are lifted up. The old adage of “what you want more of be and do more of”, comes to mind. If you want more happiness share more happiness.
As always, great post!
Have a Magical Week!
-Michelle
Thanks, Michelle. That’s great advice too. Looks like we’re having a good brain storming session here, which is always a sign of a great, inspirational post. It’s definitely a topic we need to address both as individuals and in the workplace and community.
Thanks Rowena. Great stories and illustrations. We would not wish to be sad, but when it comes, you remind us that there is an upside when it arrives. Sadness brings some people together.
Using our own sadness as a reminder to reach out and encourage others is another useful strategy. Thanks for adding your insights.
You’re welcome Dan, Your post was very timely as a family member was diagnosed with cancer last week and I’ve been feeling a bit sad and shellshocked even though they have caught it incredibly early and the outcome should be absolutely fine. I’ve been giving myself quite a pep talk and I’m sending them an envelope everything with a card, letter, message, even something from around the garden to just give them a ray of sunshine every day. I think it’s important to turn sadness into some kind of action where we can.
Good morning Dan;
“Sadness isn’t the end of Leadership, it may be the beginning”. I’m pik’n up what your put’n down Dan. ‘ B U T ‘, many allow sadness only to sound (the beginning of the end) .
Emotions are a funny thing Dan. They can inspire, they can discourage, they can sound a great beginning, or, ‘if allowed’, usher in Dark Defeat.
I believe how a Leader responds to sadness is a good indicator of their Emotional Intelligence. No one’s life is without sadness, & no area of one’s life is immune. Sadness often strikes without warning in our personal, professional, and social life. How we choose to react to sadness reflects our level of resolve, or often time’s for many, ‘their breaking point’.
We need to allow ourselves to learn from sadness. It’s one of life’s most difficult emotions to recover from at time’s, but builds great strength and character in those who fight through it.
“SAD, BUT TRUE”, learn from it…
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
Thanks SGT. “Sad but true.” 🙂
The sad aspect of sadness is it can overwhelm.
I think the word “allow,” as in, “allow ourselves to learn,” is so important. Fighting against the sadness may weaken us. Letting it in as a teacher, may make us better.
I wish our political leaders could spend more time leading through sadness. Instead they have become inured through fourteen years of endless, dithering war, with its roadside bomb attacks littering the ground with the troops they’ve sent off to war. Our elected leaders waste our money and make decisions that are designed to promote their own longevity in office and their “legacy,” and we re-elect them despite the body count.
Some leaders need to feel more sadness sometimes, not less.
Thanks Cheryl. I get the feel that I might trust leaders who let themselves feel sadness.
Hi Dan
Great post and I wholeheartedly agree that we can learn great things as we work through sadness as long as we keep away from the danger zone and get lost in it.
Dan, I especially like your statement “Don’t expect others to solve your sadness.” I’ve been in this dark valley, and I absolutely had to decide to climb out of that valley on my own. Others can encourage you, but finally it comes down to our own attitude toward whatever difficulty we you may be currently facing.
I totally agree with that a sad leader is more likely to lose vision. A sad person will always try everything to get away from being sad, thus ignoring goals, objectives and become unable to see the whole picture. If he/she fortunately enough overcome the sadness, he/she must become more self-confident and have more self-control.
Thank you for this post- powerful words and a powerful lesson- Happy Monday Mr. Rockwell- Have a Great Week
Sadness nearly destroyed my life because I didn’t know what to do and everyone around me was not useful when coming to ideas that I have.They always say my plans are risky.Maybe is because level of thinking higher than the expect to be.
Thank you Dan!
This post is inspiring. Your call to authenticity is uncompromising.
You have totally made my Lenten gratitude list!