When Work is Unbearable
Troubling clients, ungrateful teammates, constant pressure, or an insecure boss drag you to the pits.
The thought of going to work is nearly unbearable.
12 reasons you hate work:
- Pervasive dissatisfaction. When everything bothers you, it’s about you.
- Under-appreciation. The people around you don’t appreciate your splendor. Who does?
- You irritate others. Funny how they don’t appreciate your inner control freak.
- Over-persistence. You keep saying, “I just need to press through and things will turn around.” But, things don’t turn around. Persistence has a dark side.
- Cyclical downturns. You’ve been “on” too long.
- Environmental factors. I’ve heard that lack of sunlight is depressing. Blame it on the sun.
- Under-utilization. You aren’t using your creativity.
- Isolation. You aren’t connected to team mates.
- Pressure. You’re doing your best, but your best isn’t good enough.
- Floating dissatisfaction. You want something better, but can’t figure out what.
- Constant distraction. Sadly, important work gets done in coffee shops and kitchen tables.
- No hope. You can’t figure out how to make things better.
12 things to do when you hate work:
- Get angry enough to take action. Don’t throw a tantrum, but use the energy of frustration for useful ends.
- Determine what you want in the short-term. Long-term thinking is a downer when you’re down.
- Interview for other jobs.
- Don’t quit. You need to eat.
- Reward yourself when you finish a task.
- Talk it over with a trusted mentor. (Outside your organization.)
- Make a to-do list and check off stuff.
- Make a to-don’t list.
- Take short walks.
- Take a couple days off so you can tune out.
- Enroll in a course.
- Begin journaling. Take three minutes every day to jot down your thoughts and feelings.
Bonus: Make a list of complaints, just for the fun of it.
How would you answer one of the “12 reasons you hate work?”
Dan,
Since I like what i do,most of the time I have to channel what I hate about work is” poor planning” by others, causing turmoil on my end because they can’t plan, and often times they do not know what they want, “The uncontrolled factor” I will call it. Beyond that we all made the choice to enter the workforce in one way or another as you mentioned “we need to eat” is a valuable lesson i learned in my early teens! Yes I quit a job without a new one lined up! I can assure you my father left me know in no uncertain terms I made a “crucial mistake in life” that day! The good side is this mistake launched my new career too, see me now 40 years later!
Thanks Tim. What do they say, You’re poor planning is not my crisis????
I agree, Tim and Dan. “The uncontrolled factor” is not another’s fault. Another’s “poor planning(and management) is not my crisis.” The domino effect of each does affect me. And, it is MY CALL how, if, when, and for how long I manage MYSELF from that point on.
“Precise planning prevents p%#< poor performance." British Commando credo
Dan, when an employee hates work we have to look at the hiring manager to learn why the job offer was made. Hint, the employee didn’t hire himself.
Thanks Bob. I can think of many situations where a good person is doing a poor job because they are in the wrong job. Sad but true.
There may well be a coaching opportunity to help the hiring manager to recognize behaviors/traits that the employee displayed during the interview. Or, the candidate just did a great job selling themselves and became unhappy later. Ultimately, each of us is responsible for finding our own happiness.
Perspective is key. Find areas where one does succeed. Get out of the office, change the environment, and change focus. A renewed vision and focus helps move beyond the unbearable. Most folks can tolerate unbearable in the short-term but it is the longer term without possible of relief that gets to people.
Thanks McSteve. I’m a huge fan of changing perspective by getting out. You are so right. When there’s no end in sight, it’s unbearable.
When everything bothers you, it’s about you. This statement truly spoke to me because it’s so true. Yesterday, I returned from a week long vacation. I was overwhelmed with getting caught back up on emails and projects (and, let’s be honest, no longer sleeping in). I began to notice every little thing was bothering me: other people typing in nearby cubicles, talking on a phone call just a few feet away, people walking down the aisle. Seriously, I needed to get a grip. Everything WAS bothering me and it WAS about me: about my mindset and attitude. My co-workers were just trying to do their jobs. Typing happens. Talking on the phone happens. Walking down the aisle to get to an office happens. I agree with McSteve: Perspective is key. I needed to readjust my perspective because it was silly to have everything bother me. I have a good job, with great co-workers, and challenging assignments which keep me on my toes (in a good way) and allow me to use my brain. After I accomplished what I could, I left work on time. I didn’t think about it again until this morning, upon my return to the office. Instead, I focused on home life projects and chores. Getting things accomplished at home also helps to free up my brain of clutter, so I’m not worrying about things which need to be done at home.
It’s a beautiful sunny day today. Good things are going to happen!
Thanks Holly. “Typing happens.” == Priceless. Your story is helpful.
One reason work is unbearable is you just got back from a great vacation. 🙂
Best for the journey.
It can be daunting at times, especially when you are trying to change culture that has been established for many, many years. Sometimes it is more like a heavy weight rather than hate. The comparison I use is being “unequally yoked!” Your suggestions to turn it around are all dead on and I will add two others to get back on track 1) your message last week about the importance of your spouse is dead on. Mine is my rock! 2) I go to my life instruction manual, tough to stay down when you hold the unbearable up against the likes of Daniel, Joseph and Paul
Thanks Ken. It’s so true. Culture change is challenging and perilous. Doesn’t it feel good to have someone on your team? The power of faith truly makes a difference. Glad you stopped in.
One important thing to add to this list is the need for savings. It’s true that you “need to eat”, but if you have adequate savings, you don’t always have to put up with a overly dysfunctional situation.
Of course, I’m not saying that if you have enough savings you should quit every time you don’t like your job, but have savings gives you more negotiating power both in your current position as well as other positions you may find. You have much more control when you aren’t dependent on your job to eat.
Thanks Josh. I get the sense of freedom when i read your comment. When we have some financial margin, it gives us freedom to pursue opportunities.
Thanks Dan! That’s exactly how I feel, and it is one of the big motivators for my own savings efforts.
Many great points that illustrate the fact that to feel purposeful in life & to be fully engaged, as an employee & to be a Top Performer, we need to be in a position “doing tasks” that we “want” to be doing. When this occurs, it is “not” work, since we feel naturally inclined, we are energized.
This is what every person, and every business should want for their employee, but how do we get there. Our company is a Coaching & Training company with proven tools & a system to guarantee A&B performers in EVERY position. To take our Free CVI assessment (our foundational tool) go to http://www.ProtocolSolutionsGroup.com We put the “Right” person, in the “Right” seat/job, doing the “Right”
Good morning Dan
Their certainly;y is a great deal of relevance in this statement; “when everything bothers you, it’s probably you.” No where is this truth more evident than in our work and professional lives. This negative attitude, or as I like to call it, (‘Stinkin-Thinkin’), almost always raises it’s ugly head following disappointment of some type. You can persevere to keep on keep’n on by putting your nose to the grindstone and doubling your efforts. Trouble is, you’ll probably end up with ‘double the results’.
If we ignore the signs, (deep down we all know the signs), frustration and disappointment can easily lead to ‘Stinkin-Thinkin’. This negative attitude if left unchecked drains energy and diminishes enthusiasm, and not just yours but that of your teammates as well. Wise leaders see the signs and step back for a bit. This is a good time for honest self-evaluation. But only if you do so in humility with the goal of making things better.
This is also a great opportunity to spend time with a Mentor, Coach, or trusted friend. These are the moments where honest open candor can reveal solutions & new perspectives that otherwise may go unnoticed.
Well gota run Dan. Taking the wife out for lunch.
“GOOD ONE AGAIN MY FRIEND!”
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
Good point. When everything bothers you, it’s about you. We need to remember this sometimes.
I like the list of 12 things to do. I would add, “Write 10 things you are grateful about your job.” Sometimes we can become so focused in only seeing what’s wrong, that we don’t see the good. Gratitude changes perspective.
The opposite of love is not “hate,” but silence…indifference! So—I believe—when a leader says or even behaves like he or she “hates” the job and makes the leadership position unbearable, it is more a call or symptom of “dis-ease” (not at ease) than an act of organizational or self-destruction.
Work creativity is nature’s physician: It’s essential to human completeness, success and fulfillment. Empty frustration is a symptom we are not living creatively. We either don’t have a goal that is important enough to us, or we are not using our talents and efforts in striving toward an important goal.
At the same time, an empty “mind” is an open mind, the mark of great creativity and creation. Many people are afraid to empty their minds lest they may plunge into a “void.” They are not aware their own mind is the void. The “ignorant” eschew the journey but not thought; the wise eschew thought but not their journey.
The journey is going inside ourselves, not in our mind…but into our heart. Our real voyage of discovery is not seeing new landscapes–but seeing with new eyes. And all journeys have “secret destinations” of which the traveler is unaware. We ultimately learn they are beautiful and not to be afraid, and we learn, and learn and we learn.
For leaders in inner conflict, their journey teaches “doing good” is another name for happiness– for all that is fulfilling is in this phrase “doing good.” Whoever would live well, long-lasting, enjoying wellness–let them be generous, be calm, and cultivate the “doing of good.” By practicing and bringing “good,” that person is wise, infused with happiness, and lives without angst.
A few random thoughts here:
Often interviewing/job offers are run via an HR department. They are entirely detatched from you and your end use. They appoint based on their best estimate of what you need, hopefully based on what you’ve told them that it correct, accurate and detailed. But often there are generalist guidelines (“competency-based interviewing” for example) that they are bound to.
Also, they see the situation through their own prism – they’re bound to. If they’re office-based and you’re lab/field staff, they might not pick up on things that someone who does what you actually do might notice and see as significant. They are (hopefully) HR experts, but they aren’t sales/engineering/science experts. Try to work closer with them and see if you can cut down these problems.
I’ve seen over-persistence and pressure as arising from your own success. You’re not a fixer, cleaner or troubleshooter at heart, but you’ve shown you have an aptitude for it. You fix things, you get given more things to fix. Jonas Salk said the reward for doing good work was more work to do. But not always the work you want… Over time you keep doing it, doing it well, but it wears down your spirit. And this is what can happen.
“Make a to-do list and check off stuff.”
So simple, but yet so empowering. I do this all the time. Lists and spreadsheets keep me focused and help me to see what is actually getting done (and what I can hand off to someone else). And just maybe, if the dissatisfaction continues, it might be time to refocus, re-energize, and maybe even move on to do something completely different.
I have been in such a situation, now out of there… 🙂
At one point in my career I became extremely burned out after working for a manipulative narcissistic manager who suffered from megalomaniac tendencies. Over time I noticed a pattern in which mid-management who started to shine fell out of favor. A process then followed in which these individuals were methodically discredited over time. Their assignments were manipulated to create hostile environments so they would voluntarily leave or they could be terminated more easily.
Competence became a curse and sycophantic loyalty the coin of the realm. Being a good team player required hiding problems not fixing them. Fixing them meant exposure and admitting imperfections. Suggesting alternatives too vigorously was often perceived as disloyalty.
I eventually left and took a service job at night (2/3rd pay cut) to help cover some of the bills. My wife went back to work and I took care of our children during the day. This year and a half away from my primary career wasn’t fun but it let me re-connect with my children more than my previous 60-65-hour a week position had allowed. I’m back to my primary career now and reflect on this experience when I get discouraged or slip back towards cynicism. I know now that satisfaction is to a great extent a willful expression of our perceptions of the ratio between expectations and reality. The ratio can become unbalanced when we do not factor in where we have been or where we will be in the future.
Sometime the job and employee just aren’t a good fit for each other. Sometimes you just need to move on. There really are “toxic” workplaces out there. If you feel like yours is one of those, it is time to move on.
Yes, you might make more money where you are, but if it is stressing you out, you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it. Stress is a huge risk factor in early death. There’s more to life than money. Happiness is priceless!
(I’ve lived through a toxic workplace. It felt toxic to me and many others, but many people there were incredibly happy. Culturally, it wasn’t a fit, for me. I’ve moved on, am making significantly less, but am 500% happier. I look forward to going to work now, instead of dreading it. Happiness IS priceless.)