How to Be Humble
Dad died June 25, 2012. This morning, I miss him.
Dad was a dairy farmer from Maine. He didn’t need applause for taking care of his wife and children. He humbly got the job done, day after day.
He read books and took courses all his life, but never flaunted what he knew. Even when he knew more than me, which was most of the time, he asked questions and listened.
Love for learning lives in my bones because of dad.
12 ways to be humble:
- Ask questions.
- After falling short, get up.
- Adapt when progress is slow.
- Say, “Next time,” when projects fail.
- Asks, “How can we bring out your best,” when others fall short.
- Share praise when projects thrive. Success is harder than failure.
- Grab an oar when decisions don’t go your way. Arrogance pouts.
- Apologize when you screw up.
- Say, “We don’t do that here,” when values are violated. (Humility isn’t a push-over.)
- Reject favoritism when promotions are given. Focus on performance.
- Reject reserved parking spaces. You’re not too good to walk. (Make, “Reserved for visitors,” the only special parking spaces on the lot.)
- Celebrate when someone gets the spotlight you wanted.
5 principles of humility:
- Different from is not better than. Choose to be a leader among equals.
- Accept frailty while striving for better.
- Don’t grab the spotlight. Share it.
- Serve. Humility is seen in interactions more than facial expressions.
- Be grateful. Gratitude answers arrogance.
Tip:
Humility is often a response to arrogance.
Think about what arrogance wants.
Do the opposite.
Project:
Schedule thirty minute – “no agenda” meetings – with direct reports. They choose what’s on the agenda. You ask questions. Try it every other week for at least two months.
My dad taught me about humility. How do you see humility in others?
How do you practice humility, even if you don’t always feel it?
Thanks for another great post! The more we give, the more we learn and grow. In regards to the parking spots, let’s add pregnant coworkers and those coming back from a disability leave (just had surgery, someone using crutches).
Thanks Mim. Great add. 🙂
Great insights. farmers depend on things out of their control -frequency of rain for example – as key success/failure elements. I think that’s a great aid in developing true humility. It’s living the reality that “it’s not about me, even if I’m a primary contributor.”
Thanks Ken. It’s so true. There is a sense of calm in farmers. I think they learn to accept things they can’t change.
Hats off to your dad. And, my condolences for your loss of the man who filled many shoes in your life. Great dads do that for their children. Mine did, and still does, twenty-two years later. In fact, one of my favorite lessons relates to “the soil.” Still listening to the voice of my father and my grandfather (a commercial farmer before he became a clergy), as they told me detailed stories about our family’s survival “strategies” down on the farm. Spanning over five generations, here and in Europe. Life doesn’t get any better than teachings like that.
Great Post! Humility ins’t an easy task to master, especially when you are confident in who you are. This is a struggle that I have dealt with throughout my entire career. How do I balance the two? I strive to be humble, however my strong will to be competitive always seems to out shine humility. Any other practical advice?
Thanks Anthony. I’m not sure we master it… best we can do is practice it. 🙂 Over the years, I’ve found it useful to quiet my spirit and lower my tone.
Thank you you!
Hi Anthony. I’ve constantly struggled with swinging from arrogant to self-conscious. This year, I discovered something that has been a game changer for me and may be helpful to you as well. You can check out my blog post on it: http://myleadersphere.com/2015/04/06/how-do-you-lead/ Good luck in your journey of self-discovery in this area of “confident humility”!
This post brought tears to my eyes just thinking about all the humble servant-hearted people I have had the joy of knowing & working with throughout my life. So True -Service Wins! as the Risen Christ says”Whoever will be greatest among you must be the servant of all”
Thanks Renita. Your transparency inspires.
Thank you. I’m posting this next to my office door so I can read a line or two when I walk out and on the wall at my desk so I can read it when I come back. My studies in leadership have focused on servanthood and your points will help me focus on it in my everyday life. Thank you again!
Thanks Keli. We all need daily reminders. It’s a pleasure to be on the journey with you.
“Grab an oar when decisions don’t go your way. Arrogance pouts.”
If ever I needed to hear something, this is it. Well said!
Thanks Jody. I can’t tell you how many times I shot myself in the foot because I pouted. Ugh!
Hi Dan,
I’m sorry for your loss and appreciate the legacy you describe. In our promotional, personal-brand world, your dad’s example is as important as ever.
Thanks for all you do and are,
David Dye Leadership & Employee Engagement Trailblaze, Inc. 303.898.7018 | http://www.trailblazeinc.com
“David is a knowledgeable, dynamic, and engaging speaker…relevant and helpful to leaders of every experience level. I strongly recommend David and his book, “The Seven Things Your Team Needs to Hear You Say.” -Laura Myers-Wagner, Senior Director, The Hain Celestial Group ___________________________
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Thanks David. I appreciate your kind words.
Ahhh, one of my favorite topics. I’m a big fan of make your own agenda meetings… my direct reports always did a better job than I would. We ran most of our meetings that way in my last role at Verizon and they were really productive.
Thanks Karin. I’m thankful for you.
Thank you.
Passed this on to my 15 year old son. Not that he’ll ever say this about me, but perhaps one day someone will say this about him.
You also got me thinking about my Dad today. Folks said many of these things about him, when he passed on.
Again, thank you.
Thanks Imb5. A heritage of humble leaders pays dividends in future generations. I had breakfast with a leader who mentioned his dad who held several patents, but went around in bib overhauls. He determined where he would go with the “bib rule.” “Can I wear my bibs?”
“Every adult needs a child to teach; it’s the way adults learn.” – Frank Clark
Thanx, Leanna; Very true. Even during their teen age years when we’re put on the shelf, then taken out of retirement an inch closer to friendship (I hope). Not enough to say, “I remember when…”, because their path is unique. Whoops… think I’m off topic here. ~Lou
Good morning Dan;
Although my Dad was a United Steelworker, our fathers sound strikingly similar. I lost my father in 1986. Dad worked hard, ‘very hard’, often putting in many hours of Overtime each and every week for years upon years. He did so that Mom could be home with the kid’s and because he wanted a better life for us. He raised us to be confident, inquisitive, and hard working. He taught me the role Loyalty would play in building our Integrity. But most importantly he taught me that nothing is as important, as satisfying, or as beneficial than building real relationships with others. Because of Dad I conscientiously look for opportunities to build new relationships with others, while responding to the needs of our fellow man. This instilled in me, an empathy for those less fortunate and a determination to do whatever I can to make the lives of others better.
Helping others because it’s (The right thing to do), a strong sense of ‘Volunteerism’ coupled with the humility of a wise man are only two of the many gift’s my father shared with me. Not a day goes by that I don’t find myself smiling when I reflect on the positive influence Dad’s ‘life-lessons’ still play in my life.
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
P.S. Follow-up to Surgery was ‘Extremely Positive’.
Dr Yingling say’s I am WAY ahead of schedule.
” P R A I S E G O D “
Thanks SGT. Glad things are going well and thanks for your comment. You learned a lot from your dad. I’m glad you shared.
Isn’t it amazing how much we learn from our parents? Your story reminded me of my father, who thankfully is thriving at age 86. He too is also an amazingly humble, smart, and wise man.
Thank God for good fathers Paul…
SGT Steve
Thanks Paul. Enjoy!
Dear Dan,
Humility is in interactions more than facial expressions. I agree. Humility is about how others feel about it. It is not about self claim. When people express humility, they hardly feel of it. It is others who express their feeling about it. When I see others talking with simplicity and authenticity I find humility there. Contents matter more in understanding humility. When people talk about tangible achievement and their power or position, I feel humility takes back seat. When people talk about concern, bigger goals that influence to do do, humility is visible. This is the way, I understand humility in others.
When people behavior does not change with different kind of people, it shows equality. Many people claim humility but they are seen differently.
The better way to practice humility is about asking question to self. Introspection is good practice. I also think, looking at successful people behavior and their concerns teach lot about humility.
Thanks Dr. Gupta. Your ideas about simplicity and authenticity are important to this conversation. Arrogance love complexity….it love to be profound. Humility doesn’t need to put on airs.
Thanks Ajay;
More often than not, the impact we have on others lives depend much more on THEIR ‘perception our words, actions, and deed’s. NOT OURS!
Humility is a tough one. It’s not easy, or necessarily popular during our youth. However, as we age, life’s circumstance has a way ‘tempering’ our attitudes, and toning us down a bit. Hence, once again, life teaches us a lesson that only time, “and life’s experiences”, can reveal. It’s called (H U M I L I T Y)…
Thanks again Ajay.
P.S. I like how you write…
SGT Steve
Another great post. I lost my father in 1976 to cancer – too young for sure. His example and our conversations are missed but the ones we had will never be lost. I often “feel” his presence.
Quoting: “Say, “Next time,” when projects fail.” Especially to the other team members. To be of value, projects must involve some stretches, some risks. Success is therefore far from routine. Of course, before the “next time,” we always need to self-assess and refine our approach.
Dan, you are very fortunate (blessed!) that your dear Father left you such a fine legacy. I, too, miss my Dad very much who was a shining example of dedicated service to family, community, and country (decorated soldier too). They live in our hearts!
This is one of the most important topics that can be discussed…thank you for bringing it along with your story. My dad is still with us and he remains one of my biggest inspirations. Even today, at 63, he’s “starting over” and overcoming things that have all but destroyed other lives. What he’s taught me is that true humility requires copious amounts of courage…arrogance is easy. But the results will speak for themselves regardless of which path you take.
“Honor your father and mother.” You do that well, Dan. What a mark of great humility. And those who have enjoyed that humbling experience of attributing some part–any part–of life to mom and dad–find themselves with “tears of happy.” That’s humility–when we are meek enough to be good enough to see how others have contributed to our wellness and goodness.
My source for humility is the stone-cold fact that I do NOT know everything, I CANNOT do everything and I succeed not despite others but BECAUSE I have good people around me (above, below and to the sides) who rely on me and I rely on. And THAT way WE do good stuff.
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Dali Lama
I am not sure how you found my email but I am grateful to receive your daily blog. I will be passing this on to my team today. We are currently going through “How Full is Your Bucket?”: (Tom Rath/Donald O. Clifton) to enhance teamwork and customer service by looking at what the other person needs and filling that need. Today’s blog falls right in line with this message. Humility takes daily practice and the payoff is the smile you get in return. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Thank you, I have always noticed the individuals with the greatest humility were the one’s I most respected and would follow. Again, thank you for sharing
Hi! I am a 22 yr old Restaurateur. Just like you to know that these tips really help me 🙂 Thank You for posting this blog.
Thanks iam… I appreciate you kind words!
Thanks for a really thoughtful and heart-felt post. Lots to think about!
Like you, I learned it from Daddy! He, too, was a farmer, a Kansas farmer. He LOVED his work, it wasn’t work to him. He loved the challenge, he loved the land, he loved the work. He was the most positive person I’ve ever known. He farmed until he was 90+. Once I introduced him to my superintendent and Daddy said to him, “Don’t tell her she can’t do something….she will prove you wrong!” My inspiration.