5 Ways to Rise Above Self-Affirming Nonsense
It’s pointless to get things done and lose yourself along the way.
Who you are, while you get things done, is the most important thing about you.
Pressures cause leaders to neglect their best selves. The favorite advice of Jim Parker, former CEO of Southwest Airlines, is, “Be yourself.” But…
“I’m being myself,” is self-affirming nonsense, unless you have some idea of what your best self looks like.
Half the battle:
Go beyond describing your best self with negative language.
- I didn’t yell.
- I held my tongue.
- I’m not afraid.
- I didn’t quit.
- I’m not holding a grudge.
“Not doing” is half the battle. The other half is positive.
5 ways to rise above self-affirming nonsense:
- Expand yourself. Look someone in the eye and tell them you appreciate their hard work.
- Feed your spirit. Reconnect with purpose. Write a few sentences that describe the reason you came to work today. Circle the most important one.
- Define outcomes. What do you want to accomplish today?
- Imagine your best self. What are you doing when you’re being your best self. One reader said, “I’m my best self when I’m smiling and laughing.”
- Describe one key behavior that expresses your aspirational self. Who do you aspire to be in meetings, tough conversations, and while delegating or giving direction.
Stop thinking about challenges for a moment. Connect with yourself and the people around you.
3 questions:
- Imagine your best self, what does that look like in behavioral terms?
- Who do you admire? What one behavioral quality of theirs would you like to emulate today?
- What are you doing that makes you thankful to be you? Do more of that.
Stop making excuses for neglecting your best self.
Excuses are the reason mediocrity solidifies.
I’m my best self when _______.
How might leaders help others bring out their best selves?
See how Facebook fans and friends filled in, “I’m my best self when ______.”
Thanks for this timely message. It’s so easy to get buried and overwhelmed by the load and turn every disappointment into our own failing. We sometimes forget why we signed up for the job in the first place! Breathe in, breathe out.
Thanks Jo Ann. Your comment points out the danger of personalizing results, whether failure or success. If we don’t know who we are, we’ll define ourselves by others, results, or circumstances. (Things outside ourselves)
Simple as that, when you just stop and come up with one simple thing that you are going to do better than yesterday.
I learned that pausing my life a little brings a lot of clarity.
Thanks Dima. It seems that the enemy of excellence is trying to improve in too many areas at the same time.
That is exactly what I am still struggling with. Doing too many things at once. Reading too many things and not following any of them.
I am not sure if I just don’t read everything, but read one thing and try to follow or do and THEN go on to another thing.
I find the courage to trust ourselves to chose a focus is more than I have, sometimes. I wonder about using the feedback of others to help narrow the focus? What happens if we say to people who know us, “I’m choosing a leadership behavior to develop. These are the top three on my list. Which do you suggest I choose first? Why?
Dan, I love the spirit of this post and plan to share it with the team today.
Thanks Calvin. It’s a pleasure to serve.
Great post. I love the instruction to write down a few sentence on why I came to work this morning… a fantastic reminder and motivator for difficult days.
Thanks Michelle. It’s so easy to neglect and/or forget the important stuff.
Dan, We “know what you have to do” and make a point to get the tasks done, and leave time for “what you want to do” and just do it with family or friends! We often times tend to isolate ourselves and forget the rewards of comradeship too!
Thanks Tim. The message of connecting rather than isolating is important. One I personally believe in but find challenging, too.
Dear Dan,
It is not uncommon for many managers to get things done using all possible tact and tricks. While doing so, they feel pride and boast about their potential and power. They create environment of “might is right”. There are many people who also praise such managers and hence become close to managers. Such managers never create open culture. They want to hear what they feel is right.
I am my best self when I do things of my interest especially helping people. When I have to talk on leadership, I feel very different and empowered. Leaders might help others in reinvigorating others.
Many times people act like leaders but they are not aware. Leaders make them realize their potential. Leaders make others feel their real worth which may be hidden otherwise.
Oh my. I am at my best when I am helping my students for the sole purpose of helping my students. Thanks, as always