10 Ways to be Wide for Those Who Feel Superior
Nothing limits leaders more than believing they can succeed without others.
Superiority, masquerading as self-confidence, makes leaders look down on others. Marginalizing people limits their potential and yours.
People expand your leadership, if you let them.
Feeling superior reduces leadership.
Superiority – expressed by indifference, distrust, and ignorant judgement – blocks leadership potential.
Ignorance allows you to think you know more than you know.
Judging limits:
- Judging is a weak narrow leader’s attempt at feeling superior.
- Judging allows you to close your heart and mind.
- Judging gives you permission to ignore others.
Informed judging is essential to leadership. Snap-judgments are made by leaders who feel superior.
Exponential success requires others.
10 ways to be wide:
Wideness – respecting and including others – expands leadership.
- Celebrate suggestions. “What else?” Suggestions irritate arrogance.
- Slow decision-making. Quick decisions exclude others. You may be right, but you end up alone, when you exclude others.
- Go with, not against, when exploring options. What if their insights add value? How might it work?
- Lean in, when you feel like pushing away.
- Honor candor. “Thanks for speaking your mind. What’s so important?”
- Invite people to challenge your ideas. Ideas are purified by challenge. What if you’re wrong?
- Don’t restrain those who share your values, vision, and mission. Release them.
- Talk much less. Two ears and one mouth isn’t enough. Imagine you have six or seven ears and one mouth. Feelings of superiority come out in lack of interest.
- Ask, “What am I missing?” Honor diversity by exploring it.
- Ask, “What matters to you right now?”
The next time you think a teammate doesn’t get it, ask yourself what you’re missing. Honor their perspective by paying attention to it.
You don’t have to agree with everyone to be wide, you just have to open up.
What are the subtle symptoms of feeling superior to others?
How might leaders address the subtleties of feeling superior to others?
**What is your evaluation of the opening statement of this post?**
Hi Dan,
I’m going to write out your 10 Ways and stick it on my wall – right above my monitor – “Rockwell Ways.” It’s so easy to knee jerk into my own thinking that I can exclude those I’m working with in a blink of an eye and not think anything of it. Hey – it feels good to be right…to me. I have to remember that the best idea or solution is found outside of me and that, yes, I don’t know everything. I want others to feel good too and contribute fully, without my holding them back by not seeking their knowledge and experience. Thanks for this list; it’s going to make a big difference. It already has, for that matter – I’m putting in play now.
best,
Laurie
Another great post Dan. I know too many leaders that think themselves superior to those they “lead”.
Dear Dan,
Liked the post. Can I put your contents in one sentence.
‘Take people along and work with collective wisdom.’
The superiority feeling comes with rapid success and faster recognition from the top. However, remember one success will lead to working on higher goals and responsibilities. As a good leader, you shall need the support of your team of followers and they shall respect you to honor your commitment with innovative ideas in organizing plans and cost-effective execution. The leader can’t exit without an efficient team. One needs to demonstrate all good things as required to be more acceptable and respected.
Self-confidence is important. Yes, it can lead to feelings of superiority as you note. Not only is that thinking wrong for the reasons you point out so well. But it destroys the self-confidence of your team as well, reducing them to dependency on your directives.
To truly optimize the team efforts, every member must feel comfortable that her / his input is valued. The leader’s self-confidence therefore must support, indeed encourage, full participation of each team member.
Thank you for this! The topic of humble leadership is so important. I love your suggestion of pretending to have more ears in order to concentrate on listening. I think body imagery is a fantastic tool for learning to change any behavior, leadership included. I’m definitely going to use that one in my daily life.
I recently wrote a blog post about leadership lessons we learn from Pixar movies, and this lesson about not feeling superior is exactly what I highlighted from the movie “Cars.” I’d love it if you might check it out and let me know what you think! http://bit.ly/1JbwTPk
As one who works for (notice I don’t say ‘with’) a boss who has that sense of ‘self-confidence’, which comes out to others as feeling superior, I appreciate your post and think your opening statement is right on. “Superiority, masquerading as self-confidence, makes leaders look down on others. Marginalizing people limits their potential and yours.” So many points are on point in your post, such as talking too much, writing too much (shorten your emails leaders!), and not listening. It is such a subtle difference that I’m sure it can be hard for many to even know they are doing this, or understand how to change. A sigh, a glance away at important moments, talking too much, not being available – all signs that YOU (leader) feel you are more important and “just don’t have time” for the “little guys.”
When most every person in an organization who is NOT management thinks a hard-working talented person is “an a**” and management thinks he/she is wonderful, kind, friendly, and a great leader, there are problems that, unfortunately, won’t be resolved.
When leaders are self-absorbed, power hungry and act superior, employees notice. You begin to see lack of collaboration,dissatisfaction and low morale resulting in high turnover.
On that note, here is my thought on your opening statement:
There will be no one left to lead if you think success is all about YOU. I’d say that’s pretty limiting!!
Great post, Dan. Thanks for your wise words.
Dan, in specific reference to your opening statement, here’s a quote by Dr. Peter Drucker from a March 1982 article in AR Journal: “Show me an organization that does not believe people are their greatest asset…and I’ll show you an organization with built-in limits its vitality, productivity, quest for excellence, and potential for success.”
Also, perhaps no other business leader has exemplified the use and success of your statement better than Lee Iacocca—famed as designer and product manager of the Ford Mustang in the 60’s, and Chairman of Chrysler Corp in 70’s—when Chrysler was on the brink of bankruptcy.
At the age of 31, Lee Iacocca was a Ford car salesman in Flint, Michigan. But when Ford had trouble distributing vehicles from Detroit, he sought the job as East Coast Distribution Manager. At age 36, he was the general manager of Ford’s largest division. Ultimately in December 1960, Henry Ford called for Iacocca to come to his office to take over the launch of Ford’s new sports cars. That’s when Iacocca went toe-to-toe with Ford over the changes and name of the Iacocca’s Mustang. In the kerfuffle with Henry Ford, Iacocca said: “I’d rather fight with you, Henry, than make love with anyone else.” Those words were apparently what got Ford to give in and change his mind. Iacocca won—even though Ford didn’t lose…and the rest is history.
It was in 1977 Lee Iacocca was brought in as Chairman to save Chrysler from almost certain bankruptcy. Iacocca immediately asked the government for a $1 billion dollar loan payable in 10 years at 5.6 percent interest—which would save some 17,000 jobs in Detroit, Michigan. His basic plan was to efficiently design and produce more fuel-efficient and less expensive vehicles–and compete worldwide.
However, Iacocca knew the only way out of Chrysler’s financial dilemma was to gain the overwhelming support of his people. Iacocca knew his greatest asset was his staff, and so they would be his greatest investment. His covenant was to instill self-respect in his employees and, respect for them among the public.
His leadership philosophy which he believed and advocated for all of his staff—from each worker to every manager—was that staff wanted to do a good job, they wanted to respect where they worked, they identified with the organization that helped them grow, they wanted to be part of something significant, and they were proud of telling others where they worked.
Iacocca’s management style was rather simple: Work should be fun, it should promote personal and professional growth and health, work should enhance the staff’s dignity, and the work people performed should be fulfilling.
I see this as downside-up leadership—which from quality leadership comes quality of employee attitudes and thus quality products and services. While many leaders think they sit at the top of the pyramid, Lee Iacocca actually proved the reverse to be true. Iacocca believed the best management sees the employee at the top of an inverted pyramid. Thus, in a downside-up organization, the best performers seek ways their management can help them achieve their goals. (The worst performers are being “managed” by management with attempts to improve performance.)
In his many public interviews Lee Iacocca always said he was not in the car business, rather in the PEOPLE business. He claimed his “people products” were loyalty, commitment, willingness to give that little extra, respect for others, things that money can’t buy. Only a downside-up leader can see the logic and purpose behind turning the focus of management inside out—taking the emphasis away from satisfying the organization and putting employees first.
I don’t think anyone saw Lee Iacocca as upside-down, so he was downside-up. And look what he achieved. He paid back the $1 billion loan to the government five years early, saved Chrysler from bankruptcy, saved 17,000 employees from losing their jobs, and made Chrysler the number one auto-maker in the world.
“Nothing limits leaders more than believing they can succeed without others”
Absolutely correct. In science and engineering, synergy and collaboration are essential. Luckily, most of us absorb this wisdom through the stories of how TEAMS achieved results. Nobody kids themselves that Salk created his vaccine by himself. Salk led a team, and he understood he succeeded because of them.
In Salk’s own words:
“Since whatever we do has to be part of a team, part of a community, we have to attempt to bring together those who have the same conviction, see the same things. Then it becomes a matter of time, when one or the other will prevail. Fortunately, there is all this diversity, and if not for that, problems would not be solved.”
Mitch, my dad always used to say: “When Peter talks about Paul, we can learn a lot about PETER.” It says a lot about YOU that you would choose Dr. Jonas Salk as example of his “noblesse oblige”…his great attention and value of his team. Because he came from rather humble beginnings, I always wondered if his parents merely hoped that their newborn infant would turn out to be normal–because we know he was afflicted with neonatal respiratory disease and on the verge of death in his first 20 days of life. Or, were his parents faithfully aware this fairly contented offspring would one day in the course of time going to make a discovery that would eradicate a crippling and fatal plague like polio?
Books, Salk had no interest in medicine as such when he was a child, and was considering going into law. He was interested in the science of human beings. From the time he went to med school he didn’t intend to practice medicine, but to be a medical researcher.
Salk has been a hero of mine since I was a kid, so he was the obvious example for me to use, but there are others great scientific leaps that were team efforts: Crick and Watson had a team, Fleming had a team, Waksman had a team.
The ultimate team, in many ways was the Manhattan Project. Oppenheimer, Born, Teller, Fermi, Hethe, Van Vleck, Seaborg – the list goes on and on of Nobel laureates and giants of physics, maths and chemistry. Could any one of them have done it? No. And they were clever enough to know it.
“People expand your leadership.” Yes, especially when you include them in decision-making that affects THEIR ability to do a great job for you, and affects YOUR ability to lead with honor, strength, transparency, honesty, and respect.
To both Mitch and Painting with Bob…thanks for wonderful sentiments, powerful thoughts, and “words fitly spoken.” Continued blessings be to you…teachers!
This is very true and legitimate. “Leaders” often try to win their “followers” by being the superior. I believe a leader serves rather than to be served. Great post.