Seven Ways to Find Extra-Ordinary Connections
Your current relationships reflect your future.
Expand your current network of relationships with people who make you uncomfortable.
Don’t give a damn:
Connect with an outstanding person who doesn’t need you to like them and doesn’t care if you do.
Find a voice who doesn’t have a dog in the fight. The people who like you may shelter you.
Not like you:
Have situation-specific conversations with people who…
- Are successful, but you don’t like.
- Know more than you.
- Think differently from you.
- Have skills you don’t have.
- Work in industries where you don’t work.
Find reasons to listen to someone, rather than reject them.
Kicks vs. pats:
The input you most dislike may change you most. Explore it.
A kick in the pants often does more good than a pat on the back.
Temptation:
Ignorance justifies itself with the frailties of others. “They aren’t so hot, either.” But, exceptional people are often obsessive, unbalanced, or irritating.
Connect with someone who stands out in one area and falls down in others.
Ignorance finds “good” reason to reject insight.
- Yes, she’s a big success, but she walked on people to get there.
- Sure, he seems pretty sharp, but he hasn’t made much money.
- OK, she’s doing well, but she’s not like me.
Self-justification limits us.
7 ways to find extraordinary connections:
- Ask permission to follow-up with someone you just met at a conference. “Could I give you a call?”
- Elevate current acquaintances to situation-specific advisors. Where are they exceptional?
- Ask your current circle of friends for suggestions.
- Think of old classmates.
- Reach out to competitors.
- Email someone you admire.
- Say, “I wonder what you think about ______,” to a new acquaintance.
Bonus: Ask a stranger what they are really great at. What are they doing that makes them great?
Where might leaders find new voices that could speak into their lives?
Have you had a conversation with an unexpected person that changed you?
Download MS Word version: 7 WAYS TO FIND EXTRAORDINARY CONNECTIONS
Advertisement
I’m delighted to partner with Clarity Development Consulting to offer the proven “Coaching for Engagement” program. Drop me an email if you’d like to explore having Bob Hancox and me come to your organization to begin developing a coaching culture in your organization.
Another great reminder of all the ways we can challenge our comfort zone. Thanks!
Thanks Margaret. I find that I slip into the “steady as she goes” very easily.
This article really is getting my juices flowing for the day. I’ve already written down a couple ideas for people that would absolutely challenge my status quo and am excited to ask some of these questions… particularly the one about what someone else is great at.
The 2nd question you asked is easy (unexpected conversation with someone that changed you): when you (Dan) reached out to me out of the blue and suggested we connect and get to know each other a bit. Which you did purely on the basis of my prior silly (though thoughtful) comments on your blog. Keep being awesome.
Thanks James.
I’m reaching out to someone new this week as well. As you indicate, it’s part of my routine. I think both of our lives are richer from having connected. 🙂
Keep pressing forward.
I am such a believer in reaching out to different industries. I work in criminal justice, and my friend works in IT. We have the most amazing cross-inspirational conversations sometimes!
Thanks Emily. What a great connection. Enlightenment and inspiration come from the other side of the tracks. Enjoy!
Good morning Dan;
Today’s blog reminds me in a way of my approach to securring employment. I was discharged from the United States Marine Corps in 1980. At that time the edconomy was good. Then came (Regan-omic’s), and years of resession. While others were losing ‘Good Jobs’ only to find employment at substantially lower wages, I was hoping from one great job to another. How you ask, my philosophy is simple. “If you seek employment ‘ONLY WITH’ solid employers the only leads you’ll develope are with Solid Employers.”
Here’s where the simularities come into play. Each of us have goal’s and vision’s for our future. We can ‘Blaze a Trail’ on our own, or, we can do the smart thing and look to those who have been where you want to go. When you befriend those that have traveled pathes simular to yours, you tap into helpful experience that can otherwise leave you side-tracked, frsutrated, and at times cause us to give up our dream.
Your comment “input you most dislike can change you most”, is SO TRUE. I do however find that I personally receive that type of advice much better from a trusted friend, or an adviser, coach, or mentor that I trust.
Gota go, busy day…
Cheers Dan
SGT Steve
Thanks SGT Steve. The bitter pill of tough input is always hard for me to take. I continue to learn to hold my tongue. Smile. Say thank you. And, try to get past emotional or defensive responses.
Dan, when you say “situation-specific conversations”, do you like a discussion about something that’s going on that you need input on? I love the ideas, but I’m not sure I grasp the context. I’d say watch out if you “reach out to competitors” – people have been sacked for that sortof thing…
Thanks Mitch. Yes, when I say situation-specific I mean seeking input on something that’s going on right now. It’s one thing to have a general conversation to glean insights from someone. It’s quite another to have something in mind.
I do this all the time when I talk with people I respect. I almost always ask about things that I’m working on. Often, I don’t even say that I’m working on it. I might ask, “What are your thoughts on running great meetings,” because I’m trying to run them myself.
Good point on talking with competitors. Thanks again.
I love the concept of this post, but still find it’s application difficult – even though I KNOW getting out of my comfort zone is important. I know there is no growth in comfort, but still find myself not actively seeking out those things that make me uncomfortable.
In reference to your questions, some time ago, I experienced a situation and had a conversation that “opened some windows” in my often closed mind. It was with someone I didn’t like, who knew way more than I did about what was going on. The connection we made in our conversation still exists to this day. Not only do situations like this challenge us, develop us, and increase connection, they also teach humility… which might be the key to genuine connection.
Thanks Joel. I think they call it the comfort-zone for good reasons. 🙂 I wrote this post, like most, to myself!
Maybe we should start a group that holds people accountable to have a kick-in-the-pants conversation at least once a month. I bet folks would line up for that one.
Great insights! You never know how people can open your eyes until you converse with someone who challenges you. This can be so incredibly uncomfortable and easy to shy away from, but it is so important if you want to expand your thinking and ecology.
Thanks Mindset. I feel like saying, lean into the conversation you feel liking pulling away from.
This conversation has my stomach jumping because it hits home very directly. Like Joel, these conversations are usually challenging for me, yet my apprehension is gone once they are completed and I know I feel good. As you’ve often written about, Dan, it doesn’t matter how old we are, there is still so much to learn. Great topic and thank you for the challenge!
I have just come through a very uncomfortable patch in the last 12 months …….. a workplace cultural review directed at me (the person they originally targeted -my boss – resigned). I certainly have taken onboard the collective feelings of staff and made changes to how I manage my team. Was the cultural review conducted without a hidden agenda? No however it was a good kick in the pants for me and guess what? I am still here and it has made me stronger for it. The obscene amount of money spent was to my benefit at the end of the day.
It never ceases to amaze me that some of the greatest connections I am fortunate to have are ones I never expected to make. It happens by choosing to be available and choosing to reach out!!!
Networks are everywhere. They are a core feature of our organisations. Networks are the way that a system communicates with itself, shares stories, and the way through which it understands itself. Any system has a multitude of networks that intertwine and throughly tangle the organisation in complex webs – both within their own organisation and in the ways in which they connect to the outside world.
However, we have a tendency to only act, think and speak within our existing networks, with our strong ties. The people we know well, who we share similar spheres of interest with. And in this way we can quickly spread information through our networks and organisations. But it’s also limiting. It’s limiting because often the networks are limited. They have an outer edge of contact. We all know the same people. We all share the same interests. In fact, ‘small world network theory’ suggests that there are just six degrees of separation (or other people, or steps) between me and anyone else in the world.
The question is how can we spread information and involve people outside of these limiting spheres? Just as written here, that can be done through deliberately extending outside of the usual suspects. Making the effort to engage with the people you don’t know so well. Mark Granovetter explores this is his theory ‘the strength of weak ties’.
One thing is for certain there’s much to be gained if you reach out. Connect. Join with new people.
You’ll find new allies, reach more people and create new networks. Grow.
heartoftheart.uk