How to Establish Connection with Anyone
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, works for roses, not people. People don’t like “any other name.” They like their own.
I’m terrible with names. It might be genetic.
I was the oldest of five children. When mom was upset, she went through my brothers’ names before she finally arrived at, “Danny!” For the record, the delay didn’t help.
Connection enhances influence. Remembering names enhances connection. Leadership is influence.
People you meet for a second time lower barriers when you remember their names.
7 tips for remembering names:
- Have name helpers. Ask someone who knows. I have several people I go to in my organization when I can’t remember a name. “Who is that?”
- Use the name. Once I’m reminded of someone’s name, I go to that person and greet them with their name.
- Ask your host or handler at engagements for help.
- Who should I meet?
- What is their name?
- Introduce yourself.
- Ask them to say their name if it’s unusual.
- Say their name back to them.
- Introduce new acquaintances to others. “Hi Bob, have you met Mary. She’s from Brazil.”
- Write down names at meetings. When the meeting leader asks people to introduce themselves, write down names in order. I’ve used this for years. It really helps.
- Exchange business cards. Take a moment to look at the card. Make a comment related to something on the card. “Oh, I see you’re from Wisconsin.”
- Use their name, but don’t overdo. “Mary, would you please pass the butter?” But, repeatedly using someone’s name is awkward.
The most important thing is pay attention when meeting new people. Focus on them. Relax. Don’t worry about what you’re going to say.
Others think you’re fascinating when you focus on them.
What tips for remembering names do you suggest?
I totally sympathize with your opening comment Dan! I was the oldest of four and not only did Mom go through both brother and sister names, she also through in the pet parakeet Tweetie before getting to Joe B :-).
Wow! You were in the same category as pets. 🙂 Thanks Joe.
To remember names, I think of a connection to something I already know and imagine it in my head. If they have the same name as my sister, I will visually imagine my sister standing next to them. It helps!
When I meet someone new, I always repeat their name back immediately. For example when someone says “Hi, my name is Christina.” I always try to find a way to playback the name, I’ll respond and say “It’s really nice to meet you, Christina.” This is also a really good opportunity to ensure you are pronouncing a name correctly and you can easily ask for clarification if you aren’t sure.
This is a huge downfall for me – I have a horrible memory for names. I think one reason is that people introduce themselves right away, before I have any way to put their into context with any information about them. Their names have blown by before I have a chance to really dial in. I try to make myself ask again, before the conversation gets too far along, to repeat their name so I can really listen and remember. I appreciate the tips in the article and the comments!
Great article full of lots of useful tips. But I have got to say, what compelled me to respond was the last sentence of the piece. That is a universal truth that fits just about anywhere.
Great post, Dan!
Remembering someone’s name makes people think you care about them (whether you do or not is another discussion) and people don’t care what you know until they know you care.
Great post Dan! I just finished Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and this post pushes the same logic. A person’s name sounds very sweet to them. Use it! If you aren’t good at it, work at it. You’ll get better.
Dan, your post on saying and remembering a person’s name is a key interpersonal skill and reminds me of Dale Carnegie’s fabulous book: How to Win Friends and Influence People. This book—authored and published in the 1930s—continues to sell millions of copies each year and today is a course taught in most MBA schools.
The first premise of Carnegie’s book is to address others by their name: “It’s the dearest thing to their heart.” To remember a person’s name is both an art and a science. The art is how and when we use the other person’s name to say hello and goodbye and in conversation. The science is how we learn to recall names.
One way is to associate other’s names with historic figures or famous persons. For example, if someone is named Albert, we can think of Albert Einstein; Dan, Daniel Boone; Carolyn, Carolyn Kennedy; Francis, Francis de Sales; and so on.
Personally, I contend we must BELIEVE we have a good memory for names, and then we find we really do. If we believe we do or we don’t, we’re usually right!
Good morning Books;
Next to the Holy Bible, Carnegies book ‘How to win freinds and influence people’ was, is, & probably will remain, histories No# 2 selling book after the Bible. It is one of the first books
on Leadership I read, and still my favorite, (and ‘I believe’ most applicable advice to living a happy, contented life).
SGT Steve
Connection enhances influence. Remembering names enhances connection. Leadership is influence. BOOM!!
I think paying attention while they are talking is my advantage. I meet a lot of people so I take the time to get in touch with them on social media just to say thank you for the networking. This also puts my name back in front of them.
If/when I do not remember a person’s name, I always introduce myself again, because maybe the other person doesn’t remember mine either. The other may not say his/her name back to me, but at least I reminded them of my name.
Yes, I am so concerned about making a good impression that I am not in the moment when the other says their name. Great ideas here to help. I like the idea of saying a sentence or small talk back to them. That would draw you back in the moment as well as begin a favorable connection. Yes Dale Carnegie said it best, “A person’s favorite sound is the sound of their name.”
Dan, I’m a little late to this conversation but this is a huge issue in my organization. There is a dangerous moment just after an introduction where the name could be lost before it sticks.
I was brought up to receive someone’s business card with care and respect. It is off-putting to just stick someone’s card in a pocket without a glance. And a missed opportunity to remember the person’s name and make a friendly comment about their city, position, or nickname.
So my tip is to seize the name when it is offered by recognizing the danger of it getting out of your grasp. Like a trout.
Cheers,
C