The Deadly Danger of Maybe
You don’t like to say no, so you say maybe. But saying maybe is more harmful than saying no.
You can’t execute on maybe.
You say maybe because you falsely believe it’s helpful. In reality, you need to be liked.
“Maybe” is unhelpful commitment:
- If I can.
- I’ll do my best.
- I’d like to, but I’m not sure…
- If I don’t show up, move forward without me.
What can teammates do with your maybe? Only one thing, wait! You can’t plan and move forward on a maybe.
You say maybe because you want to feel included and important without encumbering yourself.
“Maybe” is more selfish than no.
“Maybe” is harmful:
Every time you say maybe, you paralyze others. Should we find someone to do the job, or will you? Will you feel offended if you show up and someone else has filled your role?
Every time you say maybe, you limit yourself. Meaningful activities require commitment, focus, and energy.
Simplify:
“Maybe” distracts and drains energy like an unscratched itch.
Yes or no is simpler than maybe.
Keeping all your options open results in confusion and stagnation.
Getting to yes or no:
- Execute on compassion. What is the compassionate thing to do?
- Inconvenience yourself in order to do things that matter. The world isn’t changed from your couch.
- Connect with your purpose.
- Spend most of your time leveraging your talent.
- Follow your energy. Engage in meaningful activities that give you energy and make a difference for others..
- If you’re tempted to say maybe, just say no. If you need some time, tell others you’ll let them know at the end of the day, for example.
- Engage in yes-activities; don’t dally with maybe.
How has “maybe” hindered you or your organization?
How might leaders get past “maybe?”
Dan,
“Maybe” tends to leave the door open, not in a bad way, often times more research could be needed before the ultimate commitment to “no” or “yes”, circumstances often dictate the final response, unless it is a straight forward question and you know the answer! People like options from time to time, at the same point they like results! Fine line for the maybe’s of the world and the committed individuals who only see yes or no responses!
But, then your ‘maybe’ needs to have clear parameters, as Dan suggests:
‘Let me give it some thought/research/investigation and I’ll get back to you at the end of the day / tomorrow morning / next week’ whatever may be appropriate.
Good point too! Incredible how each and every comment makes sense and takes the one before to the next level. The very definition of team work 🙂
Good point!
Both Tim and Dan have good points. “Maybe” can be where the timid and lazy want to hide. It can also be what Tim suggested when the person needs time to think about it. Open, honest sharing of information in an environment of trust will help us get though this spot.
Dear Dan ,
MAY BE = EMOTIONAL INTELLECT COMMA.
means a big or bug question of leaders. I am requesting to you please ask this question to Mr Obama because he is in full state of May be. Now a days it’s very common and people are suffers and biggest reason of low performance or low skills.
Let’s enjoy this May be with EIC .
Vinay
Fantastic!
The companion to maybe is the yes… then no… then yes… then no… syndrome. The maybe and yes/no leadership styles end up destroying trust. No trust = limited employee engagement.
“Maybe” should never be the final answer but I think “Maybe” has a valid power all its own – It carries with it HOPE. It means the work is not yet done but the opportunity to reach the goal is still a real possibility.
In the workplace “maybe” is unprofessional and erodes integrity. If you feel compelled to say maybe, ask yourself what information is lacking. Then state what you need before making a decision. Some decisions can be made on the spot with the right info while others may need you or others to gather more information. In those cases set a commitment to follow up on the decision and then follow through with that commitment. My using this model you will also teach people how to come to you for yes/no decisions in the future. (This model works outside of work too.)
The only time I would vary from this model is for informational group meetings where invites are broad and individuals are not being asked for opinions or decisions during the meeting. Also, where there no printed materials or food ordering is taking place. While frustrating to not know how many people will actually attend, I believe the “maybe” here shows there is interest but perhaps inability to attend due to conflicts/workload. Here I like to let people know why I’m responding as maybe so they actually know what the situation is.
Dan I appreciate your inclusion in point #6 to time constrain your ‘maybe’… this allows the person ill informed, collecting or collating Data an appropriate window of response and those waiting, the authority to make decisions without fear of reprisal or recrimination as they proceed.
Opinions may vary but I think yes and no are perhaps easier a to get in the private sector than they are in the public sector. Maybe is often an indicator that 1) the person being asked does not have the power to render a decision or 2) the person being asked simply does not have adequate knowledge of the organizations rules, policies, processes or 3) the person being asked does not have confidence in the likely success of the venture or 4) there is no clear organizational culture and the person being asked fears possible retaliation from answering “wrong”.
In the public sector the organizational culture can shift overnight based on a single election. Another reality is that the factually correct or truthful answer is often not the “politically correct” answer. It is also true that sometimes rules are not as closely adhered to when certain politically connected individuals are associated with a proposal or situation. Finally it is a sad reality that many times the actors involved are just acting. Passionate advocates in the public sector often play a role and say things that they do not believe because their true agenda is quite different from their surface statements.
This is absolutely true in the private sector, as well (with analogous situations: instead of elections, we may have fluidity in a part or whole of the organization, for example).
I agree with Dianna. “Maybe” can often be useful when properly coupled with expectations much like “I think we can achieve that goal” or “maybe we can do it” and explore the options without lengthy delay before a final decision is made to proceed or not. It cannot be left lingering or hovering or slow us down – that’s the danger of it – it can be the prelude to action. After so much time, we must then go to the yes or no as discussed. Good post!
Good and helpful points especially for using maybe as a way to delay answering or making a decision. However, navigating one’s way through an ambiguous landscape, maybe is a valuable proposition, as Edwin Land would have it: “Keep your options open, baby. Don’t say yes; don’t say no; if you can, say maybe.” http://www.nap.edu/read/4779/chapter/28#133 He may have been using it in the context of a scientific experiment, the discovery of new knowledge. Of course the clause “if you can” may be quite telling and a big if. Thanks for an energizing discussion.
“Maybe” holds the team hostage. The only way I know of to counteract a MAYBE is to formulate an in-between step toward the goal that WILL require a YES or NO commitment.
I have successfully removed “try” from my vocabulary for the same reasons. Time for me to remove “maybe”, as well. Maybe I will do that over the holidays. No. I will do that starting now!
As a famous Jedi Knight said: ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’
🙂
“Try not, do or do not. There is no try. ”
Master Yoda
Instead of “maybe”, I prefer “may be”. As in “I may be open to that idea …” I’d then provide context or parameters as to what might cause that to move to a yes or a no (although ideally I’d coach someone through that to see if the person can reach their own conclusions as to why it might be a yes or no).
“Maybe” usually means no to an executive but yes to the staff person. That’s why, on its own, it is not a good word. Having been on the other end of that at times, I try to never use it without providing some context or a framework for how we might move to a definitive answer.
My best answer is it depends which might be Maybe’s 2nd cousin. But as an attorney, there are very often no yes or no answers because of the variables in the case and the fact that there are others making decisions that affect the outcome. Sometimes, maybe/it depends is the best answer.
I would hate to work for a leader who didn’t know the word “maybe.” That shows a lack of understanding of possibilities and nuance, betraying a black-white mentality that is rigid and simply wrong.
I think many of the points of this article are fair, but the phrasing and “don’t say maybe”, as well as pointless speculations as to why one might say “maybe”, are simply over the top.
“Maybe” as a delaying tactic, though often well intended, is usually counterproductive. I always think of the quote, “Delay is the deadliest form of denial.” (C. Northcote Parkinson)
Thanks Jim. I hadn’t read the Northcote quote. It’s insightful. Clarity about “maybe” as a delay tactic is very useful. I also begin thinking about people who dangle carrots but never deliver. Perhaps they are trying to motivate people. But in the end it’s demotivating.
Thanks Dan, I like Derek Sivers concept of “hell yes” or no for the time stretched person. If you are going to take on one more project or effort it should be hell yes or no. That allows you to only add things you are committed to. Thanks for the post!
The deadly danger of maybe is an excellent way to describe the detrimental use of this word in both personal and professional life. As a serial maybe user, the use of this term in the professional realm quickly became a slippery slope. When asked if a patient was going to recover, “Maybe?” is not an acceptable answer. People want statistics, or better yet, a definitive yes or no. Definitive answers are often not encouraged in the medical profession as there is always some degree of uncertainty with many treatment options and every case is different. However, there is not much training or preparation around ridding oneself of the perpetual use of maybe.
Leadership training should demonstrate the challenges that the chronic use of maybe places on their teams and the strain that it could place on personal relationships. For some individuals, saying no is easy and for others this may make them feel like they are letting down the team and not doing as much as others. This fear of missing out, better known casually as FOMO, can frustrate colleagues, friends, and family since saying maybe to too many things, ultimately leads to a lack of commitment and follow-through to hardly anything.
However, training needs to be two-fold and the acceptance of “No” also needs to be reinforced. Often when someone says “No, I can’t do that right now”, the response is “Are you sure?” or “Can’t you just squeeze it in?”. This pressure can then result in the semi-confident “No” turning into a potentially resented “Maybe”.
Leadership and training can aid in changing how individuals on a team communicate to encourage people to say yes or no versus maybe, while still allowing for people to change their answer later without appearing indecisive. When accepting “No” for an answer, the alternative to trying to change one’s mind could be giving them the opportunity to reach out later if they find that the time is available to participate. Communication around the use of maybe should be taught in school and professional environments.