The First Habit of Highly Successful People
Stephen R. Covey forgot an essential habit of successful people.
Don’t misunderstand me. After scanning my copy of, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I resolved to read it again. It’s brilliant.
- Be Proactive. You are in charge of your responses.
- Begin with the end in mind. Rise above busyness to internal directedness.
- Put first things first. “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”
- Think win-win.
- Seek first to understand, then be understood. Always understand others before offering solutions.
- Synergize. Experience creativity by building trust and cooperation.
- Sharpen the saw. Renew yourself physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially.
There is, however, one habit that precedes the seven.
The first habit: Begin again in new ways.
The ability to try one more time – in new ways – propels you forward. If you can’t begin again in new ways, frustration and irrelevance await.
4 ways to begin again in new ways:
- Pursue excellence with self-compassion. The strength to begin again comes from compassion.
- Stop beating yourself up. Learn instead. How can you pursue excellence while kicking yourself in the gut?
- The ultimate pursuit of excellence is bringing your best self to the world. How might you bring out your best self?
- Think what’s next. Arrival is the end. Next time is better than last time. Ask how could we do better next time.
- Integrate – don’t escape your past. Your past along with your character and skills are what you bring to this moment.
- Practice purposeful abandonment. You can’t begin again in new ways until you let go of ineffective behaviors.
- Live with your aspirations, not your history, in mind. Focus on where you’re going. (Balance this with #2.)
What prevents leaders from beginning again in new ways?
How might leaders help others begin again in new ways?
Great stuff as always Dan! Grace and peace to you in abundance today and always.
Thanks so much Rick! Happy New Year.
Another great post! Friday’s Promise of The Self Empowerment Pledge says “I will face rejection and failure with courage, awareness and perseverance, making these experiences the platform for future acceptance and success.” I couldn’t agree more that this sort of personal grit and determination precedes every other habit when it comes to achieving one’s goals and becoming their authentic best selves. Happy New Year, Dan – and please keep writing so I can keep reading :-).
Thank Joe! You insights are both a gift and a challenge to me. It’s a pleasure to be on the journey with you. Happy New Year!
Thanks for this post!!! Our theme this year is “Change for Good” To do that we must start different. This post encouraged me to start different!!!
Thanks J. What a powerful theme. It has taken me a long time to see how compassion and courage are connected. I think I spent a lot of time being afraid of compassion because I thought it would lead to weakness. Today, I see it connected to courage to change.
Glad you stopped in. Happy New Year.
The greatest measure of one’s courage is their ability to be vulnerable. It is hard, hard, hard work to even sniff success. Most people sit quite comfortably in a world of safety and security. They do not dare to be great because they are afraid it isn’t in them. And that’s a sure-fire way to be right, isn’t it?
Thanks Alf. Thanks for bringing vulnerability to a conversation about success. Brene’ Brown’s work is so helpful on this topic. “Daring Greatly” is profound.
On another note, thank you for your positive influence and generosity in my life. You have my respect.
Dan, if you liked _Daring Greatly_, then you will LOVE _Rising Strong_! 😊
Yes Dr. Cheng. I listened to it and loved it. The idea of boundaries and compassion really hit me.
“Seven Habits” was the first self management book I read and said to myself “I need to do this!” and in that sense it was transformative.
Im from the generation that’s a little harder on ourselves than the tone of your post, I recall my wife saying “you manage your own goals much harsher than others”. Learning how to right size our failures a difficult skill (some failures have huge consequences, we need to recover in our spirit, but there may still be a real debris field) and some failures damage others deeply. It’s important we get these skills right… that we change behaviors which are destructive, whit purpose and a timeline. A SKILLED mentor/coach/accountability person can be a great help.
Thanks Ken. Once again, your insights are so helpful. I’m from a “Kick your own butt,” mindset. You mention several of the things that give compassion a bad name. For example, showing compassion isn’t ignoring the damage we cause others. I find self-indulgent compassion offensive.
I’m not particularly comfortable with the term self-compassion. However, I’m working toward understanding it’s importance in the pursuit of excellence.
I’m thankful for you.
As a Mainstream Church pastor, I try to help people see “repentance” as trying something new when we realize that what we’ve been doing is not working to build healthy lives and relationships. Chances are we won’t get it right the first time (or the second or third or ninety-ninth time). So we try something else new. Grace and compassion allow us to keep trying. They also move us to celebrate when those around us find the need and opportunity to try something new. They make it possible for us to connect the past with the present in meaningful ways and give us hope that our actions will carry us into a new future.
Thanks C. Your’s is the first forward-facing approach to repentance I have read. Love it.
It’s equivalent to own’s ten commandments of personal effectiveness
Thanks John. Happy New Year! I think I’ll have to whittle it down to 3 or 4. 10 is too many for me. 🙂
Thank you Dan! A great “first habit!” The ability to be gracious enough to ourselves to begin again in new ways is a gift in and and of itself–the gift to know that we are enough, that there is no shame in failure, and that, with the help of others, we can find new ways to begin again. My word for 2016 is “receive” and I receive this post from you with gratitude.
Thanks Ken. You added wonderful ideas. One of my favorites is “with the help of others.”
Enjoy your word for the year. It’s a great word. My word is “ask.”
Dan, Maybe your best post ever…at least for me. Seems as though you consistently read my mail…
Thanks Brian. Because I respect you as a person and leader, your observation is important and encouraging to me. I’m thankful to know you. Your passion for leadership fuels my fire.
Love this… Growth Mindset is a must! Happy New Year!
Thanks jcaru. I had forgotten that Covey included abundance thinking in his work. This was one of the reasons, among many, I decided to re-read the seven habits.
Thanks, Dan! Happy New Year! Your conciseness impresses me, the way you can distill such important concepts into so few and effective words! Leaders who practice the tenets of this post lead by example. They make it safe for those who follow them, be they colleagues, students, children, or employees, to practice self-compassion. They model resilience and contribute to a collaboration and collegial environment. Happy New Year!
Thanks Dr. Cheng. Happy New Year to you! Thanks for all the comments and support last year. I look forward to your insights in 2016.
Just the other day, I asked an emerging leader, if you weren’t being so hard on yourself, what would you say? I think a question like that helps us tap into energy.
Thanks, Dan. I Need these words for this year.
Thanks Lyn. Happy New Year! I need them too. 🙂
I’m not a big fan of traditional new years resolutions. But, I’m a fan of beginning again in new ways.
You have my best for the journey.
Thanks Dan, I found this very inspirational and insightful,
a great way to start the year 🙂
-Alexander
Thanks Alexander. I appreciate your first comment and hope to see you again soon. Happy New Year.
The focus on “beginning again” became for me, over time, part of “beginning with the end in mind.” Your post powerfully brings this component to the forefront. When we fall or fail, if we are indeed proactive people, the drive to begin again causes us to refocus on the goal, or even re-evaluate what our goal is. Your list of steps in “beginning again” includes lessons I had to gradually learn and apply as a “feedback loop” to Beginning with the End in Mind. I find some lingering tension always between #2 and #4. Valuable substance for contemplation here!
The Seven Habits were very enlightening for me, at a time when my career felt stagnated and what I had been doing was not working to my satisfaction.(Hard to believe that was over 25 years ago.) I too am a “Kick my own butt” kind of person, and the idea of self-compassion is one that I also struggle with while accepting full responsibility for the outcomes of my actions.
Thanks for detailing these behaviors as an important adjunct to Dr. Covey’s ideas.
Best to you and yours in the New Year!
Thanks Jim. I see the connection between, begin with the end in mind and begin again in new ways. It seems these ideas are connected to each other.
Regarding tensions between #2 and #4. I think the richest life is about integration. But, I think letting go of past techniques/strategies/methods is also important.
Happy New Year!
Great insights as usual. In his book ‘The 8th Habit’ Covey did talk about “the mindset and skill set to constantly look for the potential in people”. Some similarities there 🙂
Thanks Owen. I found the 8th habit to be an great addition to the seven. Perhaps on connection is helping others start again in new ways.
Dan, Great article! I read this one anxiously seeing what you noticed that Covey missed. The biggest hinderance to starting again in new ways is the lack of belief that you can be successful, finally. I have, and still battle this one. There is that little voice in the back of my head that brings up past failures and says that nothing will be different this time. However, if I can feed the voice that says “Yes you can!” then success is absolutely possible. I experienced this in a huge way three years ago when I was finally able to drop 40 pounds and keep it off. Every time I face the negative voice now, I remind myself that success is possible. Belief that success is possible is the first step.
Thanks Jay. It’s one thing to say, “Failure isn’t final.” It’s another thing to actually believe it. Your story helps me believe it. Everything seems to begin with belief. 🙂
You have my respect and appreciation for all your contributions and insights. Happy New Year.
Unbeknownst to me that becoming a follower of yours in 2015 I would also become privy to multitudes of exquisite leadership principles and strategies; which, in turn, became amplified by your extraordinary community of impactful leaders. I have gleaned much inspiration to cultivate the attributes of the ‘servant leader’, which you, Dan, inspire. Thank you for allowing me to reap what you have sown! Sincere best wishes to you for a New Year blessed by the very best health, family, friends and prosperity!
Wow. Thanks Linda. We’re all on a journey. It’s great to be part of yours. I’m with you. I’m so impressed with the insights from others that I read every day. Happy New Year
So many ideas on this powerful topic! I am great admirer of Steven Covey and has personally benefited from his books as well attending sessions. This one beats it and gives me another idea to try and excel.
Super, Dan! To answer your question posed, I would contend that leaders can help others to begin again in new ways by providing clarity and focus. Often times, leaders get so wrapped around the axle of daily drudgery that we tend to lose focus. It is the loss of focus that binds our motivation and direction. It is through helping others to regain a clear picture of their path that our focus enhances. After all, leadership is about influencing others.
Great article and excellent feedback. It makes me think of the phrase repeated several times in the Old Testament, ” Be strong (confident) and of good courage.” The ability to be self-aware, reflect and follow with intentional action are all needed by leaders in today’s society. To be strong and of courage takes that intentional grit, passion and compassion to forge forward. Deming said, “change is not required because survival is not mandatory.” I can either change or be changed by the change and your article provides that nice kick in the “reflection” senses to keep pushing forward with courage to influence positive change, first with myself, and then with others.
Thank you for these thoughts, Dan. I believe these habits can also be translated to struggling organizations. I will definitely be reviewing these habits throughout 2016 to see how I’m doing with them!
The habits we exhibit are an expression of the stuff we are made off…although sometimes, could be that we are undergoing a metamorphosis.
Thanks a lot for your thoughts Dan. It helps us to take it forward in our personal and professional lives. very fruitful and very apt especially the compassion component. cheers.