Solution Saturday: No Gratitude From Leaders
Dear Dan,
Do you have any thoughts on the work environment where there is no gratitude present from the hierarchy above? Besides modeling it yourself, how do you shift the people around you?
Sincerely,
Shift-Seeker
Dear Shift-Seeker,
Congratulations for understanding the importance of modeling behaviors. It’s the foundation of influence.
The desire for gratitude expresses our need to feel we matter.
Your desire to work in an environment where gratitude flows down hill is admirable. Sadly, the pressures leaders feel transform some into small-spirited ingrates. They may not mean to be negative, but focusing on problems turns any person dark.
Reflect on the challenges your leaders face:
- Anticipate their challenges and frustrations.
- Be a burden-lifter, not a burden-maker.
- Ask your leaders how they feel.
- Show respect to your leaders. Respect creates positive energy and often feels like gratitude.
- Avoid being viewed as a brown-noser.
- Ask their advice for building a positive work environment, without complaining.
Complaining isn’t the way to build positive work environments.
Express gratitude frequently:
- It takes three or four positive exchanges to balance out one negative.
- Be specific. Avoid simple thank yous. Always add “for” when expressing gratitude. “I’m thankful for (Insert behaviors).
- Be serious. Thoughtful gratitude means more than bubbly.
Build a “gratitude team”:
- Build strong relationships with teammates.
- Express your vision for a positive work environment after building relationships.
- Don’t expression your vision by complaining.
- Go with those who “get it.” Don’t worry about those who don’t.
- Identify behaviors and language that reflect the positive environment you envision.
- Challenge each other to practice gratitude, even when you don’t feel grateful.
- Monitor each others’ progress.
- Celebrate success.
- Gather more members for your gratitude team.
- Repeat.
General observations:
- When it’s never good enough, gratitude goes out the door.
- Express gratitude for progress, even though you haven’t arrived. Success is about progress – never arrival.
- Modeling is the foundation of influence, but words matter. Ask for what you want.
Building a positive work environment makes you a leader.
Best for the journey,
Dan
What suggestions do you have for Shift-Seeker?
Gratitude is POWERFUL. As an owner, I have good intentions of expressing my gratitude in writing but do not do it nearly often enough. A simple note of sincere gratitude has a greater impact than we can imagine. Now I just need to carry through and make it happen.
Thank you Rpope. I find intention is one part of the equation. Another is being so busy that I forget that it’s all about people.
Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup hand wrote 30,000 notes in 10 years.
I wonder what things we need to put in place to make it happen?
Thank you for being transparent.
A valuable thought starter… I recently started a business relationship in a very negative environment .. I believe that the participants would simply say “its just our culture” and feel that it was harmless, but like your question-submitter I find it difficult. Beyond your good suggestions I find being consistent a valuable step, remembering that we (you) will model these behaviors for what may feel like a long time. be aware the “old guard” may find your positive attitude a threat, it may get weird… keep the Compass of your Spirit pointed toward “Right Motivations”, not toward “others.” …last, find ways to recharge, maybe your encouraging Spouse, maybe coffee with a coach, perhaps Leadershipfreak to start the day, but you’ll need to recharge, so don’t ignore it!
Thanks Ken. You out did yourself today. …”keep the Compass of your Spirit pointed toward “Right Motivations”, not toward “others.”
I see so much wisdom in your comment.
Thanks for adding so much value.
I can relate to Shift-Seeker’s scenario. Once I accepted that I didn’t need anyone’s gratitude to bring my best self to the table, I was able to become the person who expressed gratitude from a genuine place consistently. A year or two later, people in my team are now using the same expressions of gratitude and have even shared that my words impacted them. But I couldnt have foreseen that a couple years ago. I love all the suggestions above and in the post as well.
Interesting: I believe you’re suggesting to build a meaningful ‘gratitude flow’ within the team to model it for the ungrateful leader. Whether or not the lightbulb comes on for the ‘leader’ (and, as always, in this area at least she/he is not a leader but a manager at best), it’s making the best of it within the group.
As I’ve typically noted, quite often something in your ‘thought Considering’ posts that grabs me; such as ‘Express gratitude for progress, even though you haven’t arrived. Success is about progress – never arrival.’ Since perfection is unattainable and our real goal is a useful approach, all efforts have no ‘arrival’ description – always ongoing or at least one returned to most likely. So gratitude for progress is important AND doable!!!
On the flip side, I found that it never hurt to express gratitude up-line as well. As a “middle manager,” letting my leaders know, with no other agenda, that I appreciated their sacrifice and dedication to the people and the mission, or their specific actions publicly demonstrating loyalty to our people and our work, was almost always reciprocated in kind. I enjoyed conveying their words of thanks and especially having them show up at my staff meetings to personally express gratitude to the team. Personally I never felt the need for constant affirmation, but it always felt good -especially in tough times- to receive sincere appreciation for our achievements.
Hi Jim,
I’m glad you brought up that gratitude could be shown both up and down the line. I am a line supervisor and while I try to show genuine gratitude to the people I supervise, I also show it to my supervisor and manager. My gratitude, I believe, comes from empathy.
Many seem to complain about our senior management, but I empathize with their position of to make decisions of greater consequence to the entire organization and give them the benefit of the doubt on most occasions that they are doing what is best for the organization, even if they are not popular in my department. I know from my own decision-making authority that decisions that adversely affect others are very tough to make.
Chris
Asking members of your team for something that went well this week gets them thinking about the positives. “Is there anyone that was particularly helpful to you in getting that project done? Anyone you would like to recognize?” If you ask that question consistently, it helps highlight the positives.
Thank you notes go a long way, and if you set a goal of writing one note a week, you may quickly find that one isn’t enough. The specific–thank you for _____– is so key, as it communicates to the recipient not just that they are being recognized by you, but that you know the good work that they do.
Thank you, Dan, for the work you are doing. You are a role model for me (although we have not yet met). I follow your blog and frequently share them on my company Facebook page or through Twitter and LinkedIn. I would appreciate your supporting my small publishing kickstarter project. Please go here https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1670097913/leadership-infused and back my project. Can I put you down for a $50 or $100 pledge? Thanks,Sandra ******************************************Sandra Abbey, SPHR, SHRM-SCPPresident/CEO – Principal ConsultantLangford Abbey Ventures, Inc. Doing Business As: Leader Discovery phone/fax: 520-505-5670mobile: 520-591-6260
From: Leadership Freak To: sandra@leadership-discovery.com Sent: Saturday, March 5, 2016 7:11 AM Subject: [New post] Solution Saturday: No Gratitude From Leaders #yiv0401289848 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0401289848 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0401289848 a.yiv0401289848primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0401289848 a.yiv0401289848primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0401289848 a.yiv0401289848primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0401289848 a.yiv0401289848primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0401289848 WordPress.com | Dan Rockwell posted: ” Dear Dan,Do you have any thoughts on the work environment where there is no gratitude present from the hierarchy above? Besides modeling it yourself, how do you shift the people around you?Sincerely,Shift-SeekerDear Shift-Seeker,Congratulatio” | |
Best post yet. So real, feeling it.
Thanks, Dan.
-g.
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Dan, I’ m a firm believer that gratitude needs to flow in both directions, management to workers and workers to management! Gratitude will build morality among all parties and help build a bond towards a successful company, project, etc. Often times I see a one way street and the workers go without an “at a boy” , a simple ” good job”with a personal smile attached does wonders! Just a ” like the way you did that”, or ” our clients like the way everyone conducted themselves during the project”, everyone went the extra mile! “Cudos to the staff who busted their guts to ” Gitter done”! Give credit and accolades when they are due will enhance the company!
I too am a Shift Seeker, working in a Hospital in Northern Ontario. With the introduction of Lean Project Management we are all on the look out for things that are going wrong. For Quality Improvement we need to identify what is wrong and fix it. But what if we were to focus on what is going right? Wouldn’t this shift happen right then?
The nurse who smiles through a hard day or the lady at switchboard who is still kind and receptive after an unhappy family member found himself at her window. The cleaner who makes sure our work environment is tidy and clean or the groundskeeper who cleared a path to the entrance at 7 am after 30 inches of snow fell. I can go on for hours about all the good I see during my shift that goes unrecognized but I think you all know what I mean.
I know in my own work when I feel appreciated I am more motivated to make change, to go that extra mile . Knowing that your team can see the effort you contribute helps in the development of good work relations.
I am a firm believer that I should ALWAYS bring something positive to every encounter in my day, leave people better then I found them ……this is not always easy but if more people did this we would smile more, be more invested in our work and that SHIF we all seek would be closer!
Tamara
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I’m curious as to how you would recommend approaching that as a leader with a staff/team/organization that has no desire to do any of the points you made towards leadership.
Anticipate their challenges and frustrations.
Be a burden-lifter, not a burden-maker.
Ask your leaders how they feel.
Show respect to your leaders. Respect creates positive energy and often feels like gratitude.
Avoid being viewed as a brown-noser.
Ask their advice for building a positive work environment, without complaining.
Complaining isn’t the way to build positive work environments.
In my case a very vocal minority of complainers who feel that management’s is responsible for happiness, and a senior management that feels complainers are unhappy people and that is a disaster greater than any other. Now other employees see the negativists getting rewarded for their bad behavior and they become disillusion or worse, disengaged. “Middle” management is a difficult spot with that dynamic going on.
I think that being able to express your gratitude to not only leaders but to people in your work environment is a strong reflection of your character and the values you hold as an individual.